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The OP already spoke his needs. He said for her to "get her shit together," and to "figure things out". Then he planted the seed of exclusivity.
He spoke his needs....and she dumped him.
Actually..... no...when he said these things
she left her bf and was planning her life with him. I'm not saying these quasi ultimatums were a good move, but she didnt dump him or become less available when he made them. She moved
closer to him.
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Early courtship with socially valuable women (IE, not obese women or aging cougars) requires a man (in most cases) to keep his cards tight to his chest, at least for a while. Forums like this are specifically designed to help needy, emotional men who spill their guts/communicate needs right away. It's why women do most of the dumping.
"Patience" is a cornerstone of early courtship.
Look Arch, I cant discuss an incorrect series of events with you. I'll clarify the series of events as OP has stated
He told chick months in to figure her shit out etc, she left bf and planned life with him.
Even at this point, he offered space, told her she should be single.
He continued to have her see there were other chicks in his life.
He left to go overseas, and STILL let her continue to be the initiator.
She STILL became less available, and AFTER this for a while, he asked her why she was being so formal.
Now, you can continue saying his ultimatums got him dumped but truth is, she became less available as he gave her more space.
Lol, this chick:
Was cheating on bf long distance
Had issues in her life and was in therapy
Was afraid of OP leaving
Was afraid OP wasnt long term potential
But nah...if OP leaves to go overseas and she decreases communication, its because he asked why are you being so formal AFTER she was being less available?! Lol, all those things going on, rebounding, cheating, fear....nah...it was the "formal" question that killed it. That sounds crazy.
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That's a great strategy for jerking off a lot.
Umm no...because there are multiple women. And I dont say this
ONE woman is hot and not obese so let me scheme a relationship at any cost. I date multiple woman I'm attracted to, and SCREEN for compatibility. Emotional compatibility and sexual compatibility. Some chicks like to play games, some chicks have ex baggage, some chicks are selfish...I dont date these women. Nor do I accept these things and try to change her into a different woman. I express honestly, and date chicks who express honestly. There are more than enough attractive non game playing women out there for me to not play games.
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Ah yes, "silently enduring", otherwise known as "a patient, valuable man who has options letting things play out organically."
You need to look at what you say and whether it makes sense. I agree, be a patient valuable man who has options letting things play out organically. Thats what I'm saying...be honest and true to your desires.
That's ORGANIC.
You use the word organic, when you have rules tied to it lol. "You cant do this," "you cant do that", "you'll get dumped"....youre basically saying let things be organic but you cant do xyz so dont, but its still organic? I'm advocating yes let things be organic ie natural, dont be afraid to do or say what you want and naturally gravitate to women on the same page as you. Gravitate to women who share your values, dont HIDE your values because "young socially valuable women allow few mistakes" and then still call all of this organic. As Ive said before Arch, you advocate alot of fear based dating strategies all to keep from getting dumped and continue having sex with a certain girl because nooo, you cant risk upsetting her or being real with her because she may fuck someone else. And tbh, thats not my issue with your advice, its that you try to redefine words and call this method dominant and organic, when its passive and fearful. All OP asked was why was she being so formal, and if months in you're afraid to ask a girl a question, AFTER she already is being distant then wow. Whats the point of all that working out, reading, sex god stuff, if you're afraid of girls dumping you over asking why so formal today?