Hi all,

I go to school with this girl, she is outgoing and naturally flirty with most people. Anyways, I was cautious when approaching because she is flirty with a lot of people and her IOIs may have meant nothing at all. Anyways, I end up at Denny's with her and a couple of other friends. She puts her leg up on mine underneath the table and says "thanks for the footrest". My hand naturally goes onto her leg just cause that's what usually happens when a girls leg is on me. Nothing more happens and nothing else was said. A few days later and I am driving her to an audition for a cover band I play with, she starts to get real deep, tells me her dark stories, and eventually starts asking me about everything I look for in a girl. She also tells me what she looks for in a guy, and well, surprise surprise I fit the bill. I decided to go for it and make a date with her, which she agreed to for Tuesday during the day (only time we both could). I suggested a couple of days, to which she couldn't (it is a very busy time for both of us). She ends up suggesting a time for Tuesday during the day, before we both have a rehearsal. However, as it was the only day her best friend was in town she would have to bring her. I didn't see any issues with this so I confirmed and off I went. Fast forward to four days later (the day before the date) and I sent her this message: "totally just met your evil twin...also practice starts at 7:30. Ready to get your butt kicked at Scrabble, let's say @ 2:30"

Four hours later (she is always a slow texter, so am I) she responds very uncharacteristically for her:
"Ha I want to meet them I can't my best friend is in town I'm hanging with her all day until rehearsal"
Pretty much every other text exchange with her has been loaded with smileys and !!!!!!!!! and all in all seemed very enthused.

So I think it seems from this that she isn't interested. I also go to school with her and up until this point was getting to know her steadily (whether as a friend or someone she might date), and don't want this to get weird.

Am I right in that she isn't into it? And if so how can we make this not weird?

so I replied with
"Okay. I wouldn't want my best friend to see me lose that bad either"

That's a fine reply. She reply to that?

She did just bump you, regardless, however - for her friend. Which normally I'd say - yes - that's a tell-tale sign she's not really into it, but didn't she say her friend was here that day to begin with, and you made the date anyway?

Strike two is that she didn't suggest another date when she flaked on you.

When you made the date originally, you should have just pushed it to next week or something, when you were both available - and then kept her warm until then with texts and what not.

In this instance I think it's OK to ask again - But if you get blown off or flaked on, that'd be it for me...

Thanks for the reply Charles. She did reply with "Girl please. Isabelle has seen everyone lose at everything. She's flawless which is why she's my soulmate."

I haven't replied yet, she sent it at 2 am last night and I was sleeping when it came in.

Something like "girl please" definitely suggests something along the friend zone line. This reminds me of one time when I was trying to figure out synth tones in an empty classroom. She came by and randomly decided to help me for a couple of hours. I started bugging her about her inviting me to see Fifty Shades of Grey with her and her friend. I made some threesome jokes and she said "buddies for life". So naturally I thought okay, she doesn't see me this way and we'll just be friends. However, she immediately turned around and said "I was 100% joking about that" and stressed that she was joking a few times.

I should also mention I said "ah well, maybe another time" as I didn't see it working out (she leaves to Mexico with her family for the holidays on the 20th) when she suggested we could still hang out but her friend would have to come.

Here's an update, she showed up to rehearsal with not one but three of her best friends that were all in town for this week. I recognize that that is something she couldn't bail on. I wish she would have suggested another day as I still have no idea what to think. At the end of rehearsal she made a point of recruiting all of her friends so they could help move all of my gear to my car. I would really like a chance to take this girl out. I literally had sex a couple of days ago and have two dates confirmed later for this week, but getting all of her friends without me asking to haul my kit (which never happens) got her major bonus points.

after HB's last text I replied with: "She sounds fantastic. Can you introduce me? "

HB: "SHE IS. No she's mine"

Me (quite a while later): "You need the address for tonight?"

HB: (I got it but thank you!!)

Actually you probably didn't need the last two messages, it was for the gig so I needed to be sure she knew where it was as I was the one who recommended her.

Anybody have any advice? She definitely sticks out to me, but it's not looking like she's all that interested. Tomorrow is the last day I'd have to set something up with her before she went to Mexico, but I'm sure trying to pull that off would seem needy. Also, quite a while ago I was starting to see pretty good success with this girl, but then she went to Mexico for spring break... we all know I never heard from her again.

Alright, I'm hoping one of you lads wouldn't mind posting your advice this time around. So this date never happened before she went to mexico with her family. Anyways, she gets back, we see each other at school. I got her a weekly working gig with a group I play with (this was done for professional reasons strictly, she's the best singer in the school). Anyways, she comes to hang out with me and my roommate for a couple of hours before she has to head out and meet her friend (same friends as before, she is seriously close with these ladies). Anyways, when her and I get to my place, she asks for a tour of the house, show her the whole nine yards, when she gets to my room, she makes fun of the blanket. I invited her in to test it out, she grabs the blanket and runs to the couch where we both use it while hanging out with my roomie. She has never voluntarily had sex and was unfortunately raped by a fling she had earlier in the spring. I get that she might be cautious with guys. Anyways, before she leaves I catch her by the door and ask her "Hey Trouble, are you actually interested in that date? Cause if not I can continue to just be your amazingly talented drummer." I know it might have been a little too nice, but in the case that she wasn't interested I can't risk any awkward or damaging social situations (it's a very small and fragile community at school haha). She confidently says "Yes. I would have told you if I wasn't... but only if we play board games (I always joked about kicking her ass at Scrabble)."

Anyways, there's the background. Whenever I text her, she takes ages to text back, even longer than I do (and I take half a day at best). She always texts my room-mate within a few hours, but they only text about project related things (my roomie plays drums in her original band, which is what keeps her very busy as she is working with a few people on her album) so I guess I could see how she would take time to text for time sensitive work reasons. She used to be quite a bit quicker than me to text back, right before she hinted she liked me, she was joking about how she is scared of dates and it is hard for her to get involved with a guy, but she wants to with the right guy... which lead directly into "so what do you like in a girl?"

So there's the story of the confusing girl who insists she wants to date, but is impossible to lock down a date with. I have only seen women who turn out to be somewhat similar to her as potential gf material before I got to know their situations. I have had healthy relationships that last up to a couple of years with initially commitment reluctant women. I can't date women who are eager to commit because they expect me to be readily available, and I can't do that with my career and schooling. Because she is in the same situation she understands. I don't want to get all needy and say "we need to lock down a date, or else it's off" Because well, A) women hate needy men who put pressure on them. B) I hate feeling needy, and C) it just sets the tone for the first date and it ends up being a total drag. It's only fun if both parties actually want to be there. Is there anything I can do? I am seeing/sleeping with other women outside of school, but there is no potential with them as no girls outside of the music industry understand the commitment it takes, that all the last minute bails are actually genuine, and how sparse I'll have to be.

At the beginning of the year I kind of had a player label simply from hooking up with a couple of singers who happened to be her friends (only within the first month). When she first started showing signs of warming up to me she told me she was wary of me because her friends told her I was a "womanizer". I laid off the girls at our school for a couple months and met people elsewhere.

Sorry for the wall of text How should I handle this?