I've been needing to update this, I cant be leaving this for 30 days again.. I need focus.. kinda hard updating this when I supposed to be cutting down on online activities.. but I actually need to prioritize this, this draws me back into dealing with my issues, anyways..here goes..
Well this 'cleaner way' of living is fucking difficult !!& I still haven't written up a proper plan yet.. ~I've tried sticking to the rules this is how it's gone:
1)Cut down Fap 100% fail
2) Meditate more 100% fail ,
3)eat well I’d say 50% success/fail,
4)no online dating fail 80% I've got pof.com open as I type this and let's just say
they ain't pretty..
5)go out 30% success..
6)less internet 80% success ..
7)no TV 8% fail...
8 )No gaming 98% success..
9)No chatlines 100% success
10)no web cam fappage.. 100% success
11)And increase my time in the gym.. 100% glory managed to go twice a week without fail for a month...that's 9 sessions in a row its a good base to build from
-Going to the gym so much brought positive and negative.. made me much hungrier and hornier and I also feel less lonely.. which effected other goals I've put on weight I'm6ft 182cm and 97kgs and 36 % fat according to the scales.. I find it hard to believe I'm 36% fat.. that's like saying I'm carrying around 32kgs of fat.. there really no point being that fat, not in this society anyway living in England I doubt there'll be a famine arriving anytime soon.. I wanna get down to 6% fat I want a proper jawline.lol
So anyways with all that said..
strange thing is.. when looking back with my minds eye I was thinking I haven’t done enough... but now... having written it all out.. I've done OK still not said hi to any women yet, not entered any bars..
What I've learnt from this.. feedback from the successes and failures-
Making lifestyle changes isn't easy and I think step by step is the probably the best way...I'm already thinking whether for the next month I should just try to make one small incremental steps or whether I should push myself hard.. like then I'm thinking I'm so frustrated
I've learnt I need at least some comfort in my life, porn, junk food, gaming, internet, shopping all this kinda stuff comforts me... I've learnt I still don't feel ready to go to bar pub clubs alone.. I'm still not feeling ready..<
I'm not ready but I'm
soo fucking lonely and horny.. that I'm just gonna push myself to do shit.. the only worry is that I'll burn myself out and sink... or burn myself out and quit
Man !!! if I could just get my arse in shape and play with a hot chick/s...or have friends and a social life... all that shit would be so fucking comforting, my life is sad... how did I let it get like this,.depression is a motherfucker!!
I'm isolated and I've isolated myself further by intentionally leaving my phone at my cousins house.. should help with cutting down on phone-sex.. I'll go get it if I do number close.. unlikely right now!
So many things I need to sort in my life.. but I cant concentrate... the chase is everything... I love women I love sex.. I'm thinking Of going gym 5 times a week and Going out roaming 4 days a week..
Roaming is not quite the same as Sarging. I haven't truly sarged in years.. Roaming It's just my way of saying getting out there, and getting used to getting out there, and sniffing around getting used to the areas.. I think I've found a good gaming area... anyways It's a step in the right direction
Like I say.. the chase is everything right now. The chase is the goal.. not the phone numbers not the sex.. just the pursuit of excellence .. failure is OK, I need to create a mindset where I can chase a dream, any dream without fear.
P.s I'm gonna update this at least once a week from now on..
I need to get back to you guys on some of the things you've said, advice, knowledge, opinions.. and thank you for the support