I've always had some form of confidence. The thing is, my family instilled beliefs in me that caused me to be a late bloomer in my life so far. This is not a bad thing. I remember making mud pies in like 1st/2nd grade with this cute girl I thought was adorable. I remember wanting to fuck a whole plethora of girls in junior high and high school. Things like this make me look back and smile...
Wussy. Pussy + Wuss = wussy
I don't think it's a bad thing to have a somewhat sensitive side. When I feel great pain and compassion for others, I cry sometimes. After a few painful times I've been dumped by girls I really cared for, I cried. When I wrecked on my cousins' little 50cc motorcycle and fucked up my hands so bad I couldn't jerk off for a couple weeks, my girlfriend at the time came over and jerked me off and I kissed her soooo deeply in appreciation, tears filled my eyes.
You know what, it's ok to feel emotions in this "game". Sometimes my eyes just need to leak. Nothing is wrong with me emotionally at the time, but it just feels good to be human. War, poverty, hunger, fear, anger, death, etc... These concepts perturb me at times. I've seen the good side of life and the bad side many many times.
"Some people always finish last, that's why I ended up a badass." - Some chick song lyric
That quote rings very true to me. When you get beaten and lose and just keep sucking at life, only to keep on trying to succeed, gain strength and confidence, to me, that is when you are a winner. One of the worst parts of my life is when I was arrested at age 22 or so towards the tail end of my higher education at Chico State. I ended up in county jail for 4 months. That really sucked, but it helped build my character. When I got out, I got the highest paying job I had worked up to that point in time and graduated college after being on the Dean's List two semesters in a row. I also worked on becoming a PUA by continuing to hone myself alongside this Community. Life has a funny thing of working out when you least expect it.
My first tattoo was Saint Patty's Day 2007. I walked into a tattoo shop and wanted a $20 four-leaf clover tat, so that I could be "badass and magically delicious". After that, I immersed myself in that culture. I wasn't afraid to be my silly, confident, talkative self around people of that genre. Since then, I have gotten a few more small/medium tattoos totaling 6 as of today.
I'll add more to this in a bit...
"Failure is not an option. Everyone has to succeed." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
My blog - http://pickupartistpua.blogspot.com/
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