You acted Needy like and controlling.

So she says she has things to do the next day and doesn't want to drink. So fecking what, you don't need to drink to have a good time. So big deal if she wasn't up for a lay that night, it's not the end of the world and acting like you did will push her away, and backed up by her response. At least she was direct with you.

As for the non response from the texts, go cold on her and wait for her to hit you up. If she likes you, she will reach out. If she doesn't, she won't. Enjoy your time away and be productive without worrying about texting eachother.

You need to chill out, as if you don't, she will cut off from you and find someone else who is chilled.

Have patience, chill out and chances are you will have pussy to come home to. If you bother her then you won't.

Did she say "we're exclusive now"?
Why get pissed about this? who gives a shit, really?


So after she turned down the dinner invite you insisted on seeing her?

"When it was going to happen?" It sounds like you two aren't exclusive yet. and you got too needy/controlling on the cancelled dinner invite, which freaked her out.

I talk a lot on here about "emotionally-centered" behavior. This is not that.

The entire evening is an example of a man not controlling his emotions. This will make women RUN from you if they haven't said "I love you" (or even after that if you do it enough).



Sooo many guys do this. It's so fucking boring. Text with something to say, or for a purpose to meet. Very mundane texting.
You're over-invested. She's not where you are. Back off, learn to control your emotions and be the fun, chill, guy who is good in bed.

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Yeah I agree, I became way too invested and I am not sure I even want that. Anyway she text me back earlier saying she had busy 2 days and how I was bla bla. Will chill and see.

Another update:

After everything things were still a bit weird so I asked what was going on. She said she wasn't sure how she felt about me being away, that it's not going to work and we were incompatible. This is 2 days after talking about a relationship and shit. After a very short conversation I left it at "do whatever makes you happy" and haven't contacted her in over a week.

Obviously can't get her out of my head. I keep an active and busy Instagram profile and she's been following me diligently, every story viewed etc. Today I posted something with girls and lo and behold - she unfollows me on Instagram but not on other platforms.

I am pretty sure it all would have been fine if I haven't gone away. Is there any point, and if there is, should I contact her in a few days and see where she's at? I should be home in about 2 weeks for several days so could see her then.

You are gone for a month, and travelling after that. Sorry man, this is not time for you to start a relationship or anything serious, simple as that.

It was probably only weird to you, because you were unable to handle the distance, and became emotionally-uncentered and had yet another "Debbie Downer" talk with her.
She dumped you. Sorry man, it stings. But you were given solid advice to lay off the "what's wrong" and relationship-type talks. You could not refrain, so she wanted nothing more to do with the negative emotions you were bringing.

Yes, probably two days after you brought up yet another relationship talk, or at least hinted at it.

You have to be patient with women.

Meaningless.

She didn't dump you because of the travel. She dumped you because you weren't emotionally-centered, and are on a constant neurotic what's wrong?" mindset, rather than living in the moment as the fun, chill guy.


you probably lost her well before you left, when she told you this:
Stop projecting your neurotic feelings onto relationships. It's caused by insecurities. When you get the ominous, "what's wrong?" vibe and feel the need to have a Debbie Downer talk, ignore it. Control your emotions.

As far as what to do next, see other women. And when you get back in town, hit this girl up in a chill way and see if she wants to hang out. Make it about sex and fun. NOTHING else, no "what could have been", NOTHING with negative emotions.

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I read that and I want to make several points. I appreciate the time you take to read and answer my post but a lot of the stuff you said isn't factually based - they're your assumptions of what happened.

First of all - I didn't contact her. It felt weird because it's not how I used to deal with her or why we got liking each other. I wasn't being myself but playing a "game". I am a straight forward person and when shit happens I point it out. If somebody doesn't like it - fuck them.

Secondly the "debbie downer" talks and being emotionally uncentered. It was a once off occurrence. It was resolved. I didn't mention relationship I just called her out on her bullshit. If she lied about it or can't handle it it's not a quality I am searching for anyway. I find it's very strange how the power to make a relationship work solely relies on the guy. If you do the right thing it's all good but when you slip up it's okay for the female to turn her back on you and blame the guy. Isn't that putting her on the pedestal and giving her all the power? Your behaviour determines whether it's going to work or not. I imagine it requires mutual effort and not just trying to fit a pattern to win her over. If that isn't being needy I don't know what is. I've dealt with her moments of emotional distress and didn't second guess that. If she can't get over a single incident - again not the person I want to be with.

I feel like your advice comes from a place where everything has to be controlled and can be controlled. We have good and bad moments. I think it's fine and it's about dealing with those as they occur. Understanding why you felt that particular way and learning from it rather than superficially controlling actions/emotions. I might be wrong but trying to be someone I am not for the sake of being with a girl is just too much effort and isn't worth it.

I was actually looking for advice on how to get her out of my head as I don't think she's the relationship material I am looking for. I am in position where over the next few years I will be travelling around the world, different country and city every week or two. How do I satisfy my needs? How do I adjust my mindset? I don't struggle when it comes to attracting women or chatting to them. I also don't enjoy just sleeping around if I don't like the girl. All I've ever wanted is a nice girl I can enjoy and have a fun relationship with. With current circumstances I struggle to put it all together in my head.

Treat the disease, not the symptoms.

Or...fuck your hand.

Life is short. Do you want to jerk off, or have a beautiful girlfriend to share your life with?

You "pointing shit out" all the time in an early relationship is the same thing as "having the talk" and it's a great way to get nexted by socially valuable women.

I'm not saying that to be a dick. It's just a common early courtship rule not to induce negative emotions on a consistent basis.


What bullshit? Women are all over the place early on. It's not bullshit, it's genuine feelings they have. the more centered you are, the faster they stop dithering.

When she said to "chill the fuck out, you're too intense" she was asking you to reign in your emotions. She was acting like the centered, dominant calming force.

Sadly, guys for the most part are socially and emotionally retarded. Women, by far, do most of the dumping. This is reality, unfortunately.




It's not putting her on a pedestal if a man needs to improve. It's about a man improving to the point he does the choosing of who is in his life, not the woman. Guys who are good with women, don't get dumped by women.

It's that simple.

Men who are emotionally-centered, chill, fun, playful, fit, good in bed and focused on their goals have an abundance mentality that approaches 9's and 10's, and they do the dumping.

Fair points. however, you, as a man, want to be with women you are attracted to. You can blow up at a 5, and she'll waddle back home to you most times. You do that early with a 9/10, and your ass is nexted.

Also, remember that a woman's effort to be in your life directly correlates with how you show up every day. If you are fit, fun, chill, patient, and good in bed, she is going to bend over backwards for you, and put in a ton of effort.

If you display emotional instability (controlling, blowing up her phone too much, too many "let's be exclusive" talks or hints when she's not ready, asking her "what's wrong"? too many times), and bring too many negative emotions into the early courtship, it's going to seem like she's "crazy" as she slowly pulls away from you.


Yes, YOU have to control YOURSELF. It's not about controlling a woman, ever.


The girl who dumped you, said the exact same fucking thing:

"You need to chill, this is too intense for me!"

That was her last ditch effort to help you, because she liked you.

Yes, everyone has good and bad moments. But early on, if the negative emotions outweigh the fun emotions, you are fucked. Pay attention to the fun/negative ratio in early courtship. If you don't, you will get dumped. Eventually, this becomes second nature.
Sorry, but a man is always improving, always evolving. If you think that having your girlfriend shout at you "chill out, this is too intense for me" is a healthy trait to carry through your life, than by all means, move forward.

But an intelligent man, who wants to keep the women in his life that he's attracted to would analyze why that happened, and take steps for self improvement so it doesn't happen again.

Do you want to succeed?

Well, she took that choice away from you. Sucks, but that's what happens to 95% of guys.

You get her out of your head by meeting as many women as you can, and setting up dates.


The disease is your inability to control your emotions with women in early courtship, which is why you can't get a girlfriend, but have no problem initially attracting women.

It's not about sleeping around. It's a numbers game until you find a good match (IE the nice girl to have a relationship with). And by the time you find her, you'll have more experience to be able to KEEP her.

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