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arthur
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 5
Location: NY
Reputation: 1  
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 Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:05 am Post subject: Perfectionism and approach anxiety. Someone slap me |
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OK guys, this is yet another problem with approach anxiety.. I'm mad and need to vent. Please feel free to just slap me and say STFU n00b, just go talk to the girls!!!. 
WHAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM:
I'm not worried that I'll be rejected, or that I'm ugly or not good enough, or that she won't like me, or I start sweating and unable to talk, or any of that that stuff. In fact, I rarely find women that I think are attractive enough for me to even go after. (I live in the suburbs so I don't see all that many hot women in a given week).
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
I can't freaking figure out what to say. I know, I know... there are 1000 canned openers available, but each time there is an opportunity I convince myself that they're not appropriate for the situation. For example, I'm at the gym and I see a hot girl walking from one machine to the other.. I'm not going to stop her and say, "who lies more, men or women?". No freaking way. Thats just lame. So I keep finding myself struggling to come up with the perfect situational opener, and of course, not finding it, and letting the opportunity pass.
It also doesn't help that I am a very polite, perceptive person, and I don't like making people feel uncomfortable or annoying them. I can be very aggressive in the right situation and I have no problem walking up to someone and interrupting, but only if I have something intelligent to say. Which creates even more pressure to come up not only the perfect openers but also a great followup conversation. I'm not willing to interrupt them and then babble about nonsense like and AFC, or run a lame canned routine on them which makes no sense in the current social situation.
Reading books like The Game has helped in many ways, but it also hurts because now I find myself trying to pre-plan the perfect game on women, and when I can't think of it, not talking to them at all.
UGH.. I need to stop reading, and start talking (to women) Like I said... someone smack me. |
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xxIcexx
PUA Forum Leader
Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Posts: 971
Location: New England
Reputation: 128.1
votes: 3
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:57 am Post subject: |
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if i could find you i'd be more than happy to
if i am not mistaken, thats just your mind making up another way to not get rejected, the other ways you said that you arent afraid of the approach are the more common ones, but personally i think you are trying to make it too perfect
now there is no such thing as perfect so now it cant be done for you
you need to roll with it, pre-planning every little thing is going to fuck you up, ever hear the phrase "go with the flow"?, of course everyone has, but thats what you need to do
if she was using a machine, i dont know what kind, but you could open up with "hey you are doing it wrong" even if she's doing it right, who gives a fuck, shes going to respond, then "go with the flow"
if she says "i am" or " oh hows its go" or w/e, tell her to skidattle and show her, but make up some bullshit of how she did it wrong and keep it rolling, ask her what other gym routines she does, see if shes keeping in shape for sports or something, endless possibilies here |
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LOCO
Member of PUA Forum
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Posts: 111
Reputation: 25.1
votes: 2
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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you tried having a lil drink beforehand? that helps
there's a cool vid of mystery on youtube, where he's at a white party and just walks up to a set and interrupts and just makes his statement...
"I never noticed, until this moment.. but why is everybody wearing fucking white?"
then he kind of wanders off, theyre thinking wtf is he talking to us, then he turns to the group again and you can see they think hes a cool guy and wanna involve him, all eyes are on him.
you just gotta believe in yourself man, if you think all the canned openers are lame surely you can come up with your own more relevant ones? nothing to lose man just go for it! |
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