Ok, so I've posted quite a few times lately here. And the advice has by far helped me more than anywhere else. I have posted a lot asking for advice on arguments we have had and such.. but here is the real deal.

I feel like I am getting more and more dependent on my girlfriend. That I am becoming clingy. (I know there is a difference between MISSING her and being visibly clingy).

I feel like I am letting her get away with taking me for granted at times (by treating me like shit for stupid things... we always butt heads but then she calls and apologizes for her behavior after a freeze out)

I feel like I am seeking her attention more than normal and it feels like I am letting it show - and letting her see my insecurity.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

- I dont know how to keep my inner alpha male frame while also being a loving and caring boyfriend. I want to improve my game and continue to be the guy she originally was attracted to (the confident and cocky and alpha male guy). But I feel as if I am letting all those qualities slip out of me the more I get closer to her and the more I get dependent on her. I want to improve our LTR - but want to get back on track with my game. Is there a way of doing this??

(ps.. things to know...)

She almost always calls me 10X to 1X that I do. I always let her txt me first. I only see her about 3 times a week because we are both busy. We argue a lot over stupid stuff but we always get over it and resolve it quick (been arguing more lately.. and thus why I think she is taking me for granted).

One major thing I have done lately.. is told her that I loved her. I thought she felt the same - and she admitted she feels the same.. but only after I told her that when she didn't say anything back to me after I told her it made me uncomfortable. She felt bad... and told me not to feel uncomfortable and that it was ok. But I feel like that was really being needy by seeking her assurance and such. =/

I dont want to be afraid of losing her - I dont want to lose her - but dont want to have the frame of mind where I am afraid to lose her. lol.

Any help you can offer me on how to maintain a good LTR while also keeping and building my inner alpha male frame??

In a LTR you play a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT GAME!

You do not need to be the alpha male as much. you dont need to freeze girls out or neg her.

Learn some relationship game. being attracted to her differently is totally normal.

How can I better learn my relationship game? Is there material on this (from a PUA level?)

I'd love to know - because I hate the feeling of not being able to just relax and enjoy my relationship - I am always working to make sure my insecurities (needyness and such) dont show.. and I am always trying to not DLV.. and I can never just relax in the relationship or enjoy it for what it is and who she is.

Is there any suggested material I can read for relationship game? Or any advice for relationship game?

Thanks for the reply!

There is alot of material... From PUA and normal Therapists.
They either help you or they destroy you because every relationship is different and the rules presented in the book could be way of your perspective or reality.
it's how you perceive information : you could turn information from the source to your reality and therefore it isn't going to help you. Some guys would recommend to see your girl 1 time a week but this doesn't always work - advice could help on short term but could be devastating on long term and vice versa.

Before i was into any ''PUA'' ( i hate that defenition lol ) material and before i had a girlfriend i used to read doctor phil and rico and all that stuff on realtionships because i had the wrong view ; understanding relationship would get me woman ( LOL HEADBUTTING WALL NOW I REMEMBER)
After a while i sarged and so forth and learned my ''PUA'' skills and committed into a relationship - And all those books i've read COULDN't be applied into the relationship.

1. i had way more understanding about relationships therefore we weren't on the same level.
2. i was getting to serious about relationships in a short period of time
3. all those books i've read disorted my reality, if your partner doesn't apply the same principles then it's useless.
4. My reality was so different ... after my girl dumped me all those values exploded out of the window, i was like : '' wtf is this shit, i read this and this and i still got mistreaten + dumped''

Conclusion about books and information sources: mostly it's garbage.... it's all adapted to social conditioning, and when you apply these rules you give up who you are because you give in to social conditioning. Doctor Phil never got sumped by a coke hyped bitch who cheated 5 times on him and that PUA guy never had a loving relationships..... Stereotypes are created out of this social conditioning and those stereotpyes are applied TO YOU ONLY If you believe them.
im going to give you 4 opinions and you should really think about it :
I. what do i reflect in my partner ? what does my partner reflect into me
2. What do i contribute to this relationship ( being needy isn't good or bad but most of the times it isn't helping you.
3. how do i deal with it or how will i change so i will remain unaffected from negative issues from myself and in my relationship.

1 is very important because when you are talking with someone you sometimes get a awkward feeling, like the conversation isn't comfortable at all and it makes you insecure. But are you responsible for it ? or is the other person responsible for creating this awkwardness ?
Now we break it down in 2 questions only otherwise it will become a science ; is this needy behaviour really from my inner game or does it origineinfrom the person i deal with and somehow it affects me ?
1. how does she create all these emotions which affect me ? ( needy atc )
2. why do i allow it into my reality ? why do i respond to these emotions / WHY do i get conditioned by these external factors ( not inner game but outside)

realistic if you didn't had this GF you weren't needy or clingy or whatever , you won't be as chode. She is somehow is creating certain behaviours which affect you.

now about the interaction between you 2 : first of all ... you are giving us too many details like calling and texting so lets keep it simple. you let her get away with treating you like shit, you allow her to use this behaviour over and over because YOU don't stop it ! don't take shit if you don't want to take shit and sorry is not always the real sorry... sorry isn't always fixing things. if your really sorry you learn from your mistakes and you don't treat me like shit ever again.
1. you allow her to treat you like shit
2. you don't stand up for yourself which degrades your inner game, this will be noticable trough all social interactions.
next time don't accept her sorry or tell her the truth, or tell her to stop doing this otherwise you will move on.
because you are getting conditioned into a chode .... not by her but by yourself by allowing this behaviour. you are conditioned to take sorry for granted or take every behaviour for granted as long people apologize. the stupid stuff isn't the problem dude.... it's all that bullshit bable talk you are holding - you are repeating the same problem-pattern in a different context. Same problem but only a different conversational subject.
Bro ... it's not ok.... no... it's NOT ok.... Chill out- she tells you it's ok BUT it's not ok otherwise you wouldn't be posting right here. you take her reassurance for granted dude - she doesn't decide whats ok for you god damnit YOU DECIDE.
Everybody is uncomfortable when people don't reply BUT THIS MAKES YOU uncomfortable. She is putting up retarded behaviour by not not responding and you are taking accepting that retarded behaviour....

yes you disagree with her and you told her it makes you comfortable, and that is fine - communication is important in relationships and it isn't chode or AFC.
HOWEVER you agree with her by allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable - you allow/let yourself be affected by her retarded behaviour. dude it's not the verbal aspect which is important, what you feel and what you allow yourself to think is what is important. yeah but you are losing yourself in the proces ... wake the fuck up. do you want a LTR or a better alpha inner frame ? don't try to do both because every guy knows one will go on the expense of the other.

you first need to stop being afraid of losing her otherwise your relationship will grow into this fear. if your a chode on 20 you will be a bigger chode when you're 50 because behaviour is allowed and will mutiply. take a break.... call her and tell her your not seeing her for 2 weeks or something like that.
You need to face your fears and accept them - don't fight with your fears, if you know how ''to let go'' of things you won't be affected by anyone in a negative way.

i know you will go like: '' but if i don't see her for 2 weeks that will be bad and she could be hooking up with new guys !!'
Dude if you are thinking like this you should lock yourself up in your room with a microwave- oh wait you will be afraid the microwave will explode - don't let your life be run by fears.
you can't game in a serious relationship, You don't have the right defenition of a relationship and you are stuck on negative thoughts.
1. What is your personal defenition of a relationship ?
2. Why don't you like your Gf for who she is ?
3. What keeps you from enjoying a relationship ?

if you don't enjoy it you will cast this emotion into your relationship over your GF, this will be noticable through sub-concious/unconcious signals in/or social interaction.
after you've read this you should stop taking it seriously... go with the flow and don't make a science out of it.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

After doing some serious thinking about what you said - I think I have reasonable answers to the questions you asked me to ask myself. I need some advice on them though - seeing as how I dont know how to handle this girl apparently - honestly lol.
Because of her change of way of acting recently and because of our butting heads more (and her treating me like shit) - it makes me insecure in our relationship even though I know everything is alright.

Because i had a previous girlfriend that I let run all over me and I treated her like a god.. she ruined my outlook on relationships and I get a sour mouth every time I think of something happening like that again (when my girlfriend acts up or over reacts to shit it brings back those memories of the same behavior).
I actually do usually stand up for myself and tell her to knock it off and to re-think herself because if she doesn't stop it I am going to leave her. I did once. I left her and she came running to me a few days later.
But she continues to treat me this way after I keep telling her I do not like the way she treats me. I don't want to flip out and become bitchy back
because I want to keep the calm, solid, in control frame to myself... and flipping out at her and yelling or whatever else (telling her to fuck off) is
letting her know she can get a rise out of me when she acts this way.
1: A relationship is both partners respecting each other and giving to each other. Not being selfish about things. It is appreciating the other person.

2: I do like my gf... she is (well is for the MOST part - besides the times where she acts bitchy).. she is the most easy going - enjoyable person to be around. But her attitude as of recent (even off and on) has made me feel insecure and wussy because I don't like being treated that way.

3: I can't enjoy it - because I feel as if she thinks I am willing to take her shit.. even though I have made it obvious I am not going to. I also feel like she thinks she can treat me that way and that I will come running to her every time (even though I don't... still just a figure of speech)

Ok, so here's where I stand after reading your posted reply. (which I appreciate a lot by the way. thank you).

I am pretty sure everything - all my emotions - and everything else is steming from her treating me this way. - How it is bringing up feelings of my past and how I dont like being treated like her ragdoll.

I have told her straight up "I am your boyfriend not some piece of shit - so I expect to be treated as your boyfriend and NOT a piece of shit." I have threatened her with breaking up - and I have actually done it once before (as mentioned above).

I guess I just feel like I am not in control of the relationship anymore and that somehow she got the idea that she can just treat me like shit. And I don't like the feeling of being treated like that. I have tried telling her off - putting her in her place - acting bitchy back at her and telling her to fuck off and not treat me that way.. I have tried it all. I don't know how to manage this. And THAT... like you said... is what is creating these feelings within me twords her and twords our relationship.

So now what?

ok you are quitte clear where you stand .. that's good !
you know where you stand and you have the confidence to handle her, the solution doesn't come within a day or 2 days sometimes it takes more time. You need to plant a seed and that seed wil germinate and grow like a tree. as long you know what's up with you, you are handling 50 % of the problem. like i said you have changed - concious or unconcious.... You know everything is allright that means she can't really get to you, she can't seriously piss you off. if she headbutts you just sidestep so she can hit the wall ( or thin air )
someone (in the past) fucked up some of your values, unconciously you are acting to this and this is quitte logical. you have to let go man ... don't resist but let go -just accept it and let it walk past by you.

conflicts happen out of ignorance and not out of anger, people who can't control their emotions and treat others like shit ARE ignorant of their own emotions. therefore you learned a lesson out of your past relationship(s) , but one of the lessosn is if you treat someone like a god OR just very good they can take advantage of it.
But this says alot about the other person, you just wish the best and give the best to someone else and someone took advantage of it. They took advantage of your feelings. Your reality got messed up at this point....in your previous relationship you were loyal, respectfull and so forth.

Meaning all the crap that has happened with your previous GF made you stronger in more ways than you can imagine, il come back to that later. ok you have tried that.... but she is coming back right ? that means she doesn't mean that shit seriously....there is someting else irrating her - it could come from her or from you. maybe from her past ... what are her parents like and what problems has she faced in the past, how did her parents treat her? agreed

values :im not here to fuck with your reality or opinions.. im only here to inspire.
this is true to some degree....here is my opinion:
A relationship is all about you.. the other person have almost nothing to do with it ( it sounds weird i know) it's experiencing yourself...your GF can test you in various ways, she can piss you off, she can cheat on you, she can lie to you.
But everything your GF does has nothing to do with you, her actions only define who she is.
if she pisses you off and you get angry then you are a very angry person, you have no self control and so forth, relationships let you observe certain traits you have which you never seen before.

you see.. it's not what your GF is doing IT'S about who you deal with it. The way you deal with it shows you who you really are.
So you are born on this planet and every relationship you get in is just a test to learn and to know yourself. What she does has nothing to do with you because she responds to her own reality, if she lies then she's not trustworthy and if she cheats she is low quality in person or a terrible person.
If you didn't cheat then you are very cool and you deserve better !
Right now you aren't mad at her and you aren't telling her to fuck of so you have a good amount of self control, never lower yourself to someones level.

The best thing you can do in a relationship isn't buying flowers for your GF and stuuf like that. The best thing you can do is Develop your inner game ... become master of your own life and share that with her. The more you work on yourself the more you can give to someone else. The best gift you can give to your GF is you on your best !
it's all appriciating yourself, if you are master of your own life, nobody even your GF can't piss you off or make you feel like shit.
you need to be master of your life... in PUA terms they call it lordship.
it's only recent ? how long is this going on ? her attitude is making you insecure and so forth..... actually im afraid she's insecure and she is drawing attention by using negative behaviour. it's always 2 persons that share a certain issue BUT you are quitte clear about your own situation , and im afraid she is reflecting her own problems ( insecurities) on you. (as this is recent)
ok talking has no use .... using the same behaviour has no use ... as im listening you have tried almost everything right ? let's switch back to you because she is not responding like we want to...
back to you: What if you don't see/feel her behaviour as negative ? what if you don't give a shit ? what if you stop resisting your reality ( you don't like her behaving like that so it's your reality). She is acting this way out of shortcomings, she has a few weak links in her inner game - meaning she is a victim like you.
Actually everyone is a victim of life... just stand above her and put your foot down, she is just acting weak and i think you shouldn't respond to that behaviour by getting irritated.

Realise: you have better values and so forth... you have remained your composture and you dind't lash out to her..... you are a cool guy.
il bet she isn't asking for help on forums, you are already acting in a mature way by seeking solutions and asking opinions - you are the leader of your relationship because you are the only one who is seriously working on it. Therefore you are not AFC or chode, the problem is very small but it's magnified by something else.
You could have a small problem and she can magnify it or vice versa.
you are in control ... you need to realise you have control. Now you have control you also have to let it go... don't force things.
Every negative behaviour we use ( like saying fuckoff etc) is only investing more negativity into the relationship.
Talking about her has no further use to us because she is who she is and nobody is perfect. you need also need to realise that ; - she isn't perfect -. What happened in your previous relationship ? what did that girl do to you ? ( you can Private message me if you want to )

advice i want to give you is taking it slow... don't be clingy and needy. if you have contact and she starting to treat you like shit DON'T COMPLY and act like it doesn't bother you at all. HOW HARD IT IS .. 'remain your composture and don't give in to the bullshit -- just ignore--.
she is treating you like this out of weakness... if you remain strong you will emerge victorious.
second advice : don't act like your married or something and don't be her therapist, when you have contact with her you stay cool and don't bring anything up- just have fun.... meanwhile we keep talking and you keep working on it,life is to short to get angry or feel shitty.

How is your relationship ? are you doing enough investing or is it getting boring?
Who is investing and in which way? you or she ?
just try to stay cool as long as you can, things will develop and problems will uncover so we can handel them.....
im gonna recommend you a book : http://www.amazon.com/Ruling-Your-World ... 733&sr=1-1

keep me updated.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Honestly - I never thought of it the way you have layed it out there. When you mentioned that I need to realize she isn't perfect... I realized that I was expecting her to be. I wanted her to always be that type of person to treat me like a king. I didn't want to accept any sub-par behavior. I suppose I am going in with the wrong mindset when it comes to expectations. Having expectations like that, is A LOT for her to live up to... too much for anyone to live up to. Sure, I can expect to not be treated that way, but when she does I can just act like "whatever" and move forward.
This seems very reasonable and I remember that in the beginning of the relationship when she would act bitchy - I didn't react at all..I would laugh it off and actually make a joke about her behavior so that she laughed at the way she was acting also. She told me she loved that about me. But somewhere along the line I let it get to me more.

So my question to that is this: If I just brush it off and dont put her in her place by telling her that i dont respect that or something (if I just ignore it as "whatever") do you think that she will accept that as her being able to treat me that way? It just seems like if I ignore her behavior and move on as if it doesn't bother me - that she will continue it more and more thinking she can just do it.
That is true. She does come back.. she always feels bad about what she said.. and she does always come back to me asking me to forgive her. So I suppose you are right - she doesn't mean it (and she has told me she doesn't mean what she says when she is angry). Doesn't mean I deserve it - but just means I need to not let it effect me in a way that makes me feel crushed and I need to not let it ruin my confidence.

Her past, parents: She has not had a solid boyfriend in over two years. She was cheated on on a couple occasions and she has had pretty generally OK relationships beside that. As far as her parents: they are verbally and emotionally abusive to her. They drag her down and make her feel like nothing. They crush her dreams and hopes and tell her she is worthless and will never have anyone ever love her and that she will never amount to anything. They are horrible people.
It has been like this only over the past month or so (maybe a tiny bit longer).

Actually you may have a very good point there. She may be just seeking attention from me... and because of my lack of confidence lately (due to all this) and because I have been letting my insecurities show through... maybe I haven't been giving her the attention she needs or wants (the positive attention she needs not negative attention she gets).

It's like a chain reaction. She acts that way - then I react and become all clammed up and defensive and break my confidence - then she doesn't get the POSITIVE attention she needs - and then she acts that way to get attention again (negative).

Maybe I need to re-think my situation and somehow build more confidence back somehow...

As for her reflecting her own problems (insecurities) on me)

As I mentioned it has only been going on solid like this for the past month or so - I was thinking that maybe it is just her getting comfortable and her REAL self showing through. I don't know. But one thing is for sure... she does have a lot of stress in her life. She is about to graduate college (becoming a Registered Dental Assistant). She has a huge loan to pay back and is concerned she wont be able to pay it back. She also wants to move out and get a job so she doesn't have to deal with her family anymore (as stated above- they are horrible people). She also doesn't have much money - and really nothing to show for herself.. and I know that she feels like everyone else is getting the better end of the deal in life.

Maybe those feelings she has are reflecting in her attitude as of recent and my behavior in reacting to them certainly isn't helping.
Our relationship (fighting aside and such obviously) is pretty healthy. I believe I am doing pretty good investing in the relationship. I am not sure...
We each invest in different ways. I do sweet things for her on MY terms (such as a backrub - telling her she looks great - telling her I am thinking about her and such). She invests in her own way (she tells me she cares, that she doesn't want to ever lose me, that she is so lucky she found me and such.) She does nice things for me too and always makes sure I am happy.. she goes out of her way to ensure I am happy.

ok... so here is what I think is needed

I need to:
1 re-look myself.
2 re-look My relationship,
3 the way I handle situations,
4 and the way I let things get to me.

1: I need to re-look myself and why I am letting these things get to me. Honestly... I am insecure in my life as well... I am 22 - have no direct direction in my life and am trying to be accepted into the Sheriff's Academy. The stress from not having my life together and the feeling of no self worth (career wise) may be a center-fall for my behavior. Also, she is younger than me and already has her career going, which makes me feel sub-par. When she treats me the way she does sometimes... I may just let it all come crashing down because I have a weak spot in my confidence. It's too easy to feel sorry for myself due to this - which is a bad thing.

2: I need to re-think the relationship... based off of what you said - and it is very true - I need to put myself FIRST in the relationship. This is the mindset I had when first entering the relationship "This is my reality... and she needs to work her way into it". That mindset was the RIGHT mindset. Somehow I lost it.

3: Maybe flipping out and such isn't the right thing to do... ignoring and laughing it off probably is the right thing to do. But I need to find a balance where I can not let it effect my confidence when she acts that way... because if I let it crush me and let it make me feel sorry for myself... then all that does is show her I am insecure and I let it ruin my mood.

4: Somehow - I need to not let it effect me that way. Even now - sitting here - she called me twice trying to contact me... but I didnt answer.. I hold a feeling of contempt for her and kinda dont even want to talk to her because I feel a crushed feeling inside. It's hard to explain. Like I'm afraid she will act this way.... or a feeling as if I have no confidence in our relationship. =/


Thank you for all your help. Do you have any suggestions on how I can better guard myself from letting this bother me - seeing as how now I have layed out weaknesses in both me and her individually and give some background on us both?

You have helped already more than you know and I appreciate the helpful advice you have given.

(adding onto my reply.. forgot to add this part)

p.s. it is questions such as these that make me wonder what she is thinking when she asks them.

She txted me while at work today (which is unusual because she never txts at work... but she said)

"Can I ask you something" - her
"No, I won't marry you. lol jk Wink What did ya need babe?" - me
"Can you see yourself with me in the future" - her
"Solid answer? Yes. You don't need to worry about those types of things... I wouldn't be with you right now if I didn't see myself with you in the future, babe. I wouldn't waste my time like that. heh. So your answer is "of course". Now same question reversed. Do you? And why do you ask, babe?" - me

I didn't get a reply so I txted "??" and that was it. I left it alone. She is at work anyways... so I think she just can't reply right now. But that question kinda weirded me out... is she asking because she doesn't see HERSELF with ME and is asking to see if I feel the same? Or is she asking because she thinks I don't want to be with her and she is just seeking assurance?

omg, I have the same problem as you!

gna post about it soon
best of luck tho mate!

legacy

(had to update my reply above. Saw you added a couple things. Thanks again)

_________________
You must first learn how to know before you can know how to learn.

she probably expects you to joke about it, it's a conductive learned pattern which she uses over and over. She loves that about you so she tries to re-live that moments by using the same behaviour.
You don't have to live up to her expectations of course... that's something for you to decide, people always change. You are also taking control by not complying with her negative behaviour, recently you have complying by acting irritated.
She is victim..... she has been tossed around like garbage for years - il bet she took over some negative behaviours from her parent. She has insecurties and other issues which she certainly reflect on you and it's your role to put your foot down. Because what she really does is testing you constantly. Her parents make her feel like nothing so she tries to find someone who makes her feel like She is something. Her reality consists out of abusive behaviours so she tries to test that reality on you only to look how you respond. If you respond like one of her parents she will put you in the same catagorie, Don't comply to her negative reality of limiting beliefs.

1. she seeks stability(comfort) by looking for someone who treats her like shit
2. she tries to confirm her wrong beliefs by testing her reality on you
3. at the same time she seeks someone who makes her feel better.

She wants you to be the parent that she never had, but at the same time she is testing you.
Solution : Brush it off.... she is ignorant and her parents are responsible for her bad behaviour.
this is part of her reality ( social conditioning by parents) and this is the reason why i believe you shouldn't be complying. brush it off. As long you aren't confirming her limting beliefs she will feel better.
you are both responsible but stress is increasing... Lack of confidence like her parents .... they treated her like shit out of their own insecurities / issues. The more you lack confidence the more she will seek attention in a negative way to test her perspective. She also gets pleasure out of this ... she doesn't mean it it is her way of showing love, it sounds weird. She wants to show her confidence by trying to make you less confident. Her parents made her unconfident.... So on the otherside she wants to show you she is confident by making you unconfident.
making you unconfident is a negative thing because you will invest insecure into the relationship. Brush it off...

Stress in her life this is the reason she becomes emotional, backward rationalize and tells you she's sorry. woman always backward rationalize but she is also stressed which magnifies the problem. This is also a test for your relationship... she is having a hard time like you - Show yourself and her you are the stabile guy.... people can count on you but you also know when to say''fuck it''
support her in what she's doing because her parents probably never did.
don't tell her '' i love you and you are the best thing in my life'' just tell her i admire what your doing and i think your doing fine....... when you say this you turn it around, you give her confidence. the one who gives will look like he owns that certain trait. ( this doesn't mean you should be always giving... you are the most important person in the relationship. tell her you 2 can work it out later, im not teliing you should pay her loan off, you should work it out together - let her feel like you are both in this because this will create an emotional band. ( don't promise her things you can't do)
She isn't the red wire into the realtionship, she is just another pillar who needs to be supported BUT ABOVE ALL you need to realize you are the cathedral. You are the one who decides where to put the weight of the roof.

so for all the negative behaviours she is displaying : brush it off and make humorous comments whenever you are calibrated.
Fist of all about you... i totally understand how you feel like you have no directions and so forth, everybody has these issues '' what is life about and what am i going to do with it ?''

You are not less than the dude who is a bank manager, to be honest alot of people on this forum are people who have careers, they have a careers but can't manage their relationship and they often say they feel like shit without any direction.
Feelings will make you feel like you have no direction BUT the truth is you can create direction whenever you want to - you have choice. When you fully understand your feelings you become master of your life because you can't be influenced in a bad way by other people or yourself.
You are socially conditioned to have a career, from the day you were born your parents and enviroment conditioned you to make you believe you need a career.

story: i once met a tibetan refugee ( yes i do protests because i want tibet to be free ) he had no work , he barely spoke any english (like i do LOL), he was seprated from his wife and kids. i gave him my compassion and told him it must feel bad.

he replied ( he was saying something like this) : yes i feel bad but these are merely emotions caused by other people and other sitautions, giving in to those bad feelings won't help anyone. As im not responsible for all these problems but other people are - i know im a good man , im just a victim out of the ingorant chinese policies - i don't hate them because the are short sighted and ignorant.
He just took it like a life lesson, he appreciated bad things as much as succes , he inspirated me totally.
i still have no work right now, im still at school andi got bad results , i got a huge debt - i don't have a career BUT i am very pleased with who i am and what i do. Im very happy , i control my own life and i don't let it be ruined by others. And by ruined by other i mean others trying to giving me bad emotions- trying to socially condition me because they are socially conditioned themselfs. im ruler of my own life.
He refused my compassion ... because my compassion was at that time based on false beliefs about society. If i really gave him my compassion right now i would told him somthing else. He was ruler of his own life and refused to feel vicitmized by society.
When you have a career you will still ask yourself '' what to do now '' ? a career isn't the meaning of life and once you realise this it can make you even more insecure. It's like a TV ... you buy one and one year later you want the new HD-TV model - how about stop seeking happines outside yourself. You don't even need a TV to make your life interesting.

All people i spoke to are insecure even the ones with huge careers because they want more and more, beleive me they won't be the solution to happiness. What you will ofeten see is people with careers will shoot you down just to confirm their own reality - from which they create artificial happiness. If your GF or anyone make jokes about you not having a career they are just unhappy with themselfs. NEVER never be intimidated by them - be the sun that shines, be the one that sees the truth because the truth is ; making other people unhappy won''t make you happy - it only feeds your ego ( i want more i want more etc. )

Your GF is doing this because she doesn't know what to do in life so she chooses something which she thinks applies to her reality.
agreed. agreed
4: Somehow - I need to not let it effect me that way.
agreed, also realise other people can't make you really happy ... just like careers won't complete your life. other people can't make you feel bad as well BUT only if you choose to feel bad. maybe you can't see it but i already see you're changing ( in a postive way) you know your issues and you know what to do. Because you are growing you will be more confident, you will be the confident person in the relationship. don't have expectations. these expectations are created by people around us AKA social conditioning, stick to your own reality. You will never know how she will react as you don't have tits.
expecations make things worse .. some guys worry their GF cheated while she didn't, thus sabotaging their own relationship.

You are already growing... you will grow further i think you will do fine
Don't try to find out what you think ... if you do you are already confirming her reality and giving up yourself in the process. there could be a zillion reasons and maybe she just broke her phone. don't worry and don't reverse stuff ... stick by what you've said.

i have a broken/injured hand and typing all this hurts like hell.. but this doesn't stop me from typing. Pain is weakness leaving the body

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Lode,

Thank you for all your help. I'm going to try and move forward with a new outlook now. I appreciate all your help. I know it will come in handy in the future dealings with her.

Thank you again for the awesome advice!

_________________
You must first learn how to know before you can know how to learn.

no problem

i think you will do fine

But don't change 100% ok, the goal is to find your best-self and to find your best- self we need to change our -way of thinking-.
Be yourself in the process

peace.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I have to say lode, this is mighty impressive. Props

Reading this discussion has been such a great inspiration and help. thanks lode!

Lode this is one of the best read/advice I've seen it's helping me in my relationship allot I'm yet still reading but I'm doing everything like you said and until I realised that the relationship is about me and learning who I am has helped me more than you know that never ever crossed my mind I'm getting out of the same problem as you David. Big thanks

_________________
The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.