This is how I text:

My text example 12/06/12
(Random girl in my phone, random text)
Me: Whats the difference between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?
Her: WTF ???
Me: Good you don’t know! Wanna do lunch tomorrow?
Her: Haha funny guy
Her: My sis is still in the hospital by you. (she lives two hrs away)
Me: Ohhh that’s right, you at home then or here?
Her: Home, my daughter has the flu (yes she’s a MILF)
Me: I fucking hate flu season, gonna come up when Daughter is better?
Her: Want to tires are getting bad need new (excuse)
Me: I know a large breasted hot tire sales chick (she is the counter girl)
Her: I don’t do sexual favors for tires.
Me: But you do free ones for hot bald guys!
Her: Hahahaha RIGHT!
Me: I’d say let me know when you’re her we could share a beverage, but I don’t know if I could trust you?
Her: TRUST ME?!?! Not to take advantage??
Me: Ya, two drinks in yo’d be a little Miss grabby hands.
Her: And you could’t handle that?
Me: Hey I’m not just a piece of meat…I have feelings too LOL
Her: I’d make you felt it! Where is the problem
Me: If you’re gentle
Her: I have a soft touch..
Me: Soft = HARD
Her;
Me: I gotta get some sleep
Her; Me too I need ZZZZzzzzs
Me: I give OOOooos
Her: Yes you yes you will, see you soon.


She text me Friday nightlight about 10. "I'm driving through, do you have any squirt"

Me: Two cans why?

Her: I have Tanqueray.

She was there 20 minutes later, left 5am

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I must give proper respect and admiration to the ladies out there that realize that they don't have to dress slutty and talk dirty in order to attract a man. Good for you! Live your life with style and class. The rest of you, come with me.

Tried this on two girls tonight as a "ping" opener.

Girl #1 who I have rapport with went along with it and thought it was funny.

Girl #2 who was a number close from thanksgiving weekend, was supposed to have a D2 last weekend but I bailed on her (with valid excuse of course ), didn't get it and thought i was actually creeping on underage girls lol.

Don't think she really thought this but didn't seem to understand...

At the end of a conversation...

"Kl, right I've gotta run, need to shower and change before I go out. Try not to think about me all wet and in the buff!"

Fucking hell these are so good, i have almost got a booty call from a girl who has a boyfriend.

Ok, this one is gold! and didn't want to share it but oh well..
Me: Hey I had a wet dream about you last night.
Her: Sexy! What happened?
Me: You got hit by a bus and I pissed myself laughing

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In this world, you don't get what you deserve but what you fight for!

/\ Brilliant!

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I must give proper respect and admiration to the ladies out there that realize that they don't have to dress slutty and talk dirty in order to attract a man. Good for you! Live your life with style and class. The rest of you, come with me.

I have a sort of interesting situation with this girl but I'm not sure if I screwed it up already.

*She wanted to go back with me same night, but then last minute flaked because I didn’t have own apartment and didn’t know how to get back to friends- should have forced it and took a taxi

Me: Hiya. Good move not coming with me, there was only a coach there and I hardly got any sleep myself haha (2:06 PM)
Me: Did you make it back to lonely Maine btw?
* We had conversation in bar about how it can be lonely with your own apparment
HB: Driving up now in the middle of snow storm :/ almst there… But yeah I guess I didn’t get to much sleep myself (3:06 PM)
Me: Don’t worry, if you car gets stuck you could probably just run home since your so athletic (3:31 PM)
HB: Omgosh such bad timing I’m with my cousin and she’s driving and we latterly almost got stuck! And I wasn’t running ! But you are a runner right? (4:04 PM)
Me: Oh no don’t get stuck! Yeah I run, but am taking a few weeks off for break thank god haha. What mountain do you teach at? (4:46 PM)
HB: Eaton, ME but yeah breaks are nice! I’m done with swimming so I’m officially on break (5:03 PM)
HB: But hope you enjoy your break ! (6:46 PM)
Me: Yeah it will be fun. Try to survive the storm way up in Maine! (7:39 PM)


Any advice/Do you think I still have a chance to salvage this? Texting is definitely a sticking point in my game...

me:xxxx is my second favourite thing about you
HB: What my first?
me: Now that would be telling
HB: Your such a tease i want to know blabla
me: I'll give you a small hint when i see you
HB: ok.... (set up meeting etc)

When you meet, don't give her the hint straight away. After it goes well for a while, randomly kiss her and say 'theres your hint'...Your first favourite thing about her will be her lips.

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I do know 1 thing though, bitches they come they go

Just go for the simple : " You Broke my bed , come round and fix it " as an opener

Opening Solved.

fucking awesome lol!

Ok so after she answers the

"congratulations"
"for what?" "what did i do?" "why?"
"i was just thinking of u. congratulations =)"

by saying what were you thinking of? how do I continue? How should I orient the conversation at least?

Used this Tuesday, Drink closed Wednesday (w/k-close)

Friday... F-Close

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I must give proper respect and admiration to the ladies out there that realize that they don't have to dress slutty and talk dirty in order to attract a man. Good for you! Live your life with style and class. The rest of you, come with me.

ok so i used this one one guys "You just popped into my head so Hi...now please stay out of there" all i got back was a hi what do i do now what's my next move ? imma just do what you guys tell me

update so after the hi

me
"you work today ?"
her
"yes"
me
"shit! i'd come visit you but i got banned from the zoo"
her
haha very funny
me

and i left it at that she saw the message but didn't respond should i wait for her to reply back or should i make a move

bump

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

This is all gold, but I'm all paranoid that this can easily googled by the girl.