Harlequin
New to PUA Forum
Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 11
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 Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 3:54 am Post subject: Letting a girl know it's only going to be physical. |
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I've had clients ask a few times now: "When we want to hook up just physically, what's the best way to go about it?"
I don't like the term Fuck Buddy, although I have no problem with these relationships when no one's getting hurt. Each to their own of course. When both people are emotionally strong they can be rewarding & electrifying relationships.
We are not mechanical beings though; we are spirit, flesh & consciousness. Some find it impossible to keep the emotions under control. There is no use denying our emotional attachments that come with sex & I keep seeing girls getting hurt by guys. Can we end this?
It's all perception, reception & if the condom breaks... conception. So invite me to the wedding reception & I'll have your cake & eat it... (why would you have cake & not eat it? Duh!)
As a preference we'd be idiots for avoiding the issue. We are complex & diverse people, & there are myriad situations pertinent to everyone. Some people want love as merely a verb. Some people are career driven & not so concerned with spiritual/emotional pursuits. Wellbeing, it seems, is something that some people think you can attain with purely external energies. Most of us know that the internal energies govern wellbeing.
So far as purely physical relations go I'd like to propose that honesty, awareness & responsibility be the prime directives of living in all situations.
Let's say the girl wants a relationship & the guy just wants sex. This is evident all over our society & there are just as many instances with the places switched. I also want to know what the Majestic girls feel about this. (sorry wrong forum)
In my experience when you state what you want, honestly & directly, few can get hurt & there should be no surprises.
"I'm only looking for a physical relationship..." that communicates it plainly. There’s other things you can say & different approaches.
And if it's true: "I just spent X years in a serious relationship: as much as I like you & we can have a great time together I'm still emotionally unavailable..." This is more of an allusion. Clarify if it goes over her head.
I used to give stark simple warnings, expressing how "It's not going to happen" because I was "nowhere near boyfriend material." Maybe this is still true, I'm not exactly the world's greatest catch, Columbine will testify to this I am sure (' *,)
"I can give my body, zero emotion & my mind is going to be elsewhere." I would say when I was not after a relationship. "You may as well date a mannequin.” Cold & dismissive... avoid anything like this unless you want an FB that you can treat like a spuzz receptacle...
And there's a step away from the uber-vague. “I'm not looking for a serious relationship; I’m not able to offer all that that entails... love is a verb in my bedroom..." you can add "& I don't think you want that."
Then there's Long Term Qualifying Hoops. These require a strong identity & self worth. When you use LTQH with absolute honesty you will find yourself with MLTRs however, these still draft the girl's emotions into your world & if she's even slightly emotionally weak then you can end up hurting people so use them with caution. Giving the idea that you haven't found the right girl yet & implying she could be the right girl. Remember Hope + Doubt = Passion. Don't string people along though, tell it like it is.
I say, just be honest & direct. Allow her the dignity of being able to refuse what you’re offering when you have all your cards on the table.
What say you? |
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