Calling all mPUA's, crisis in aisle 12.

So I did a search and found one article that deals with this subject to a certain degree but not completely. I'm taking what was said in that article in but I don't know if it's the right answer for my situation.

I've realized after a few nights in a row going out that I am most definitely try-hard. I don't know exactly how I'm portraying it but I can feel it in myself and I know my targets can feel it.

I think one of the reasons I'm successful in my job is that I've got an inability not to care. When a problem comes up, I work it until it's fixed. Doesn't matter if it's my responsibility or not but I do what it takes to take care of the shit.

I think this very thing hamstrings me in social settings, particularly in sarging.

I've read numerous times "DON'T BE TRY-HARD" but that's basically the same as saying "BE CONFIDENT". I'm not going to be confident until I see results. And I'm not going to see results until I'm confident. The more I fuck up the harder I'm gonna try. The harder I try, the more I'll fuck up.

The other option is to just give up. But that's not really an option. This is a HUGE sticking point for me.

I'm pretty crappy in general at "having a good time". I'm very focused and analytical most of the time. Occassionally I'll find that ZONE and then I'm the life of the party but this is not a switch I'm in control of right now.

Anyone out there have some process-oriented stuff to get out of the try-hard zone?

Thanks in advance.

I'd be interested to hear some replies to this as well.

I FUCKING LOVE LIFE.

Sometimes the answer just comes to you because you're willing to acknowledge a problem or weakness and admit that you're not the source of the answer.

I, of all people, came up with a legitimate answer to this very serious problem.

Last night I went out and was very obviously try-hard. I was very disappointed in myself because I couldn't get a single group to be interested in me.

Let me repeat that, because therein lies the root to my problem:

I couldn't GET as single group to BE INTERESTED in me.

Then I went out tonight. This time I was focused more on my mindset (thanks H-wood) than my outcome. And honestly, I didn't successfully open one set. Part of it, a big part of it, was that hotties were scarce. But another part of it was that I wasn't TRYING to open sets. I was TRYING to be an incredibly sexy man.

And BING! The lightbulb went on (at least for this part of the game). If I'm trying to get this girl interested in me, or get this set interested in me, I'm looking at the situation all wrong.

The destination is "becoming an incredibly attractive male", not opening that one set. In other words, I was getting all pissed because I couldn't find mile marker 5 on I-10 on my way to Los Angeles.

The goal I have to keep in mind is that I'm not trying to pick up THAT girl. I'm trying to pick up women en masse. To do that I've got to get to my destination of "becoming an incredibly sexy male".

Like I said, I didn't successfully open a single set, but I fucking knew I was sexy tonight. Part of that is not giving a fuck if the set you tried to open opens or not. I'm not looking for THAT girl. I'm looking for smoking hot women who are eager to do unspeakable things to me and who are eager for me to do the same to them.

In the future when I experience this "try-hard" emotion coming on, I've got to lean back, realize I'm in the drivers seat, and recognize that the destination isn't that 5'10" blonde in heels. She may be a road marker but she's not endgame.

I'd be pumped if this light-bulb moment ends up helping someone other than me.

I had more thoughts on this topic and, unfortunately for those of you looking for a short read, I'm writing this as much to re-emphasize it in my own mind as to share with the group. But I'm doing that too.

Being try-hard is all about an external frame of reference. It's about "am I getting a reaction? Am I drawing interest?" It's looking for approval.

There is a big difference between "portraying that you're a sexy man" and "being a sexy man". My goal is to be a sexy man. Or, rather, to continue being a sexy man and learn how to be sexier, more attractive, continue to evolve.

you got it, I was in the same boat and realized to not really care and to do whatever. However man after doing that I also realized that at parties and social settings that girls aren't just going to flock to you, they may be attracted but you have to go open sets and intiate things eventually by opening. And thats where I'm trying to figure out how I can maintain my composure in that confident mood without worrying about the outcome. I've done it before and just been cool and calm and just not cared and sometimes it works sometimes not so either way I can still not care and be confident and not worry about the outcomes but still not get results as has been happening you know. Any suggestions let me know.

[quote="HBhitman"]I've read numerous times "DON'T BE TRY-HARD" but that's basically the same as saying "BE CONFIDENT".quote]

The thing I've come to realize is that when you genuinely don't care it gives you far more power than you even realize. But it's not that easy. Just like telling yourself "Be confident" won't make you be confident. Telling yourself not to care won't really make you not care. The whole reason why it's easier to pick up more women once you already have some, is because you don't care whether you get another notch on your belt because you already have a good situation. Ever heard the saying "The hungry don't get fed"? It's so true.

That is a tricky balance and, at this point in my game it's a fine line. The thing is, I really have to focus on inside myself. I've got to ask myself, why am I talking to this chick? Because I truly want to or because she's hot? If it's because I truly want to I don't give a shit if she blows me off. If I'm doing it because she's hot, she's got the power. I won't let that happen. I have in the past (very recently mind you) but I think that's the big difference between last night and the night before. Last night I talked to a few different groups just because I felt like it. I got a laugh or two but no real success. Fuck it! I don't care. It'll come. And when it comes, the sledge hammer will be ready. In the meantime, I just keep focusing on my goal. Be that sexy man. Develop myself. Continue to develop my reality.

It is very tricky though (particularly for myself being new) approaching without feeling like I'm SPAM my social value. It's just got to be in that mindset that "I want to talk to you because I want to. So I don't really care what your response is."

I'll give two quick examples, neither were successful (in that I didn't get the girl) but I think they illustrate how my mindset led me directly to solid game technique.

First, I was at a salsa dance club. I'm not a dancer myself and I saw a couple try-hards who were excellent dancers. I still may consider learning just because it's a perfect way to see the push-pull & kino/comfort theories in action.

Anyways, there was this AMAZING asian girl dancing. Physically I'd say she was a 7-8, but the incredible thing about her was her energy. She stopped dancing for just about 10 seconds. I looked at her then said, "fuck it. It's been 3 seconds. I'm going in."

I didn't get to talk to her because by the time I got over there someone else had grabbed her to dance but the only thing I could think of on my was over was, "Hey, you look amazing out there. I had to come over and see if your personality was as exciting as your smile."

Notice the neg in that statement. Yeah, I didn't get to use it but just the fact that I thought of it on my way over illustrates the point that "If you're talking to her because you want to you'll execute the technique."

The statement says, "Yeah you're cute and I have no fear whatsoever telling you. But looks is not enough. You've got to have personality to interest me."

The exciting thing to me here isn't whether or not they worked that time. The exciting thing is that because my mindset was right my technique was right.

The second instance was at a strip club. I generally HATE going to strip clubs but I was with a buddy and I was being the team player. As my game escalates I may develop a taste for these joints but for now I'm not digging it.

Probably the hottest stripper in the joint kept flashing me a smile anytime she was near me. Initially I didn't feel any desire to talk to her so I didn't. Finally she walked by me and I said, "It's a crying shame." Again, the technique didn't work because I didn't finish it before she rolled outside. But the punchline WOULD have been, "Too bad you're so high maintenance. It might be interesting to get to know you if you weren't."

Now only I know whether or not I would have had the balls to say it had she stopped to hear the rest (she was walking outside to talk to another friend and my initial statement didn't get her to stop). But that would have been the right technique for that situation.

My skillset will improve. Two days ago I wouldn't have been able to think of these lines at all, let alone on the spur of the moment. I'm focusing on something I can control - my mindset, my frame of reference, my endgame focus. And I'm not sweating the myth that these two situations resulted in failure.