I want her to call me - but I don't know how
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Libertine Aim
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Joined: 18 Apr 2009
Posts: 15
Location: Denmark.
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 5:16 pm    Post subject: I want her to call me - but I don't know how Reply with quote
OK guys, here's the deal:
I've been in a LTR with this girl for 4 months now.
We are in love, bla. bla. bla..

Just some facts about my girl:
She's a HB9, very insecure and loving, very popular, and are a very safety-seeking person. She got loads of friends, but when we are together it's like what we have been waiting for the whole time. It's like being fulfilled.

So, I want to be together with her, but I have also lots of other things to get to, and many other people I also would like to see (and I do that - not making her my 1. prioritising before my friends and so on).

And here is the "problem":
She respects me and my outside-life so much that she don't wanna call me and ask me out, because she is afraid that she is interrupting me doing something else (we'd talked a bit about it, and that was what she was saying).

So it's always ending up me calling her and taking all the initatives, 'cause otherwise we won't see each other for a long time.
I want to see her very often, but I also want her to get on the field and call me, taking some initatives and so on.

I've tried with some freeze-outs, but thats just making her sad - and I don't want to make her sad either.

I'm on the edge ending up being AFC 'cause she's always getting me calling her.

Any advices?
In forward, thanks.

-LA
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TheGoldGeneral
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Joined: 15 Nov 2009
Posts: 11

Reputation: 7.8
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey guys, new to the forum, so take my advice with a pinch of salt.

I've been in a open relationship with my girlfriend for about 3 years now, and sometimes we go through periods where one of us does not call the other as much as we would like. Assuming that there is no ulterior motive for her calling, the way I would deal with the issue is simply by either praising her for when she does call you (reinforcing the behavior), or if she doesn't call you at all - asking her to. That might lead to discussing it a bit more in depth, but you can deal with that on your own as it occurs.

-The General
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spinstill
Guest
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
honestly its push pull, take a step back as much as it wont feel right not calling her, take a step back. she'll be clueless at first, but then she'll notice whats going on and probably even question why you haven't called her. Which is where you say something like "just got alot going on and got sidetracked, normal people call people when they want to talk to them instead of waiting by the phone, you should try it sometime" the trick is pulling that off in a cocky funny way, so shes not offended when you tell her shes not normal and insecure for waiting by the phone instead of calling you.

also make sure when she asked you don't act like you intentionally didn't call her, just act busy or something. She'll assume youre drifting away or busy with other girls
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Lodewijkp
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Joined: 12 Jul 2009
Posts: 586
Location: Netherlands
Reputation: 84.3
votes: 4
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
why play games ?

if she doesn't call you , .... fine..... you don't have to call her. don't feel obligated to call her ..

you want her to call you ..... you want her to invest

When she calls: reward her for it ... '' hey im glad you called etc''


Quote:
''And here is the "problem":
She respects me and my outside-life so much that she don't wanna call me and ask me out, because she is afraid that she is interrupting me doing something else (we'd talked a bit about it, and that was what she was saying).
''


uh lol did you also told her she can call you whenever she wants to ...?

yeah freeze outs always make people sad ! thats the whole point - so they remeber why and when !

Quote:
I'm on the edge ending up being AFC 'cause she's always getting me calling her.


be cocky ... '' you don't call me often ..... are you too shy Razz ?'' say whatever needed to get her comfortable with the idea of calling you.
it's not AFC ... it's only AFC when you confirm you don't got your own life.
if you are in love you can get away with alot of things....
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