How to Build Rapport

Have you ever met someone who made you feel like you’ve known each other forever? Well, you and that person had great rapport.

Would you like to make anyone you talk to feel that way about you? Well, you’re reading the right article, then!

Last night I was hanging out with a girl I had recently met.

She told me, “I feel like we’ve known each other forever!”

She also said, “Most guys are intimidated by me.” Why didn’t she get that same feeling from me?

Personally, I couldn’t find any legitimate reason for anyone to be intimidated by this friendly girl.

Then again, however, I am a seasoned artist of social domination and of connecting with people one-on-one. OF COURSE most guys, especially if they’re really attracted to this girl, would be intimidated by her confident eye contact, social forwardness, and free-spirited attitude, all combined in a powerful feminine presence wrapped behind a pretty face.

But why did she get the feeling that we had known each other for a lot longer than we had?

For one thing, talking to her was easy and conversations flowed really well. And that was something I controlled.

How To Build Rapport
How? It’s simple, really. The secret is curiosity.

If you’re curious about someone, you’ll never run out of things to talk about with them.

However, it’s not enough to just be curious. You have to be expressive about it, of course! You have to actively try to fulfill your curiosity by asking them to tell you their story. You have to really want to know what makes them tick, and you have to actively try to find out those things.

Then it’s time to empathize.

This part’s really simple, too. All you have to do here is relate to them.

“You feel that way about that thing? I get where you’re coming from because I had this experience which was similar to the experience you just told me about.” That’s pretty much the gist of it.

However, this girl told me that “I feel like we’ve known each other forever!” line even before we sat down to have one of those real, heart-to-heart conversations.

Learning how to build rapport clearly has more sides to it than just relating to each other through conversation.

On a deeper level, real rapport is about accepting and expressing yourself while accepting and withholding judgment toward the other person. Let me describe what I mean in a little more detail. Learning how to build rapport really isn’t that difficult; it comes down to these few fundamental principles.

Generally we all have issues that prevent us from fully accepting and expressing ourselves. In pickup, we would say that these are “inner game” issues.

A lot of us stop ourselves from saying what we want to say at times because we’re afraid that other people might catch a glimpse of that ugly side of us we’re ashamed of.

That “ugly side” can be different from person to person, but for guys trying to learn pickup it’s usually some sort of sexual shame.

We’re afraid of offending women with our sexual desires because we’ve deluded ourselves into believing that “good girls” don’t like sex, so we repress our sexual side like scared puppies with tucked tails.

Why not accept yourself for who you are, ugly side and all? If you’ve learned to accept yourself, expressing yourself authentically becomes easy. Then follows a level of deep, unspoken rapport with others.

When it comes to the other person you’re trying to build rapport with, accepting them becomes a lot easier if you’ve accepted yourself first. And it’s very important to make the other person feel accepted if you want to build some significant rapport with them.

So, the basic principles of how to build rapport are pretty much built on accepting yourself and others, being curious, and expressing yourself.

On a bit of a deeper level, though…

A universal truth that you need to learn is that you cannot judge others (religious people might say, “Only God can judge”) because you haven’t lived their life.

You cannot fully understand the circumstances and complications that made their journey in life challenging, and you have no right to say that you would have done better than they had if you were in their shoes. In the end, everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got.

Other people, especially women, can feel on a subcommunicative level if you understand this truth or not. And, if you understand and accept this truth, building that deep and unspoken rapport becomes virtually effortless.

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