Everything I’m covering here Is probably covered more thoroughly in this fantastic post: http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-bin/se ... 4210553038

Monogamy: Set up to fail

Be prepared for failure. Monogamy is a system that is set up to fail. Humans are not naturally monogamous (most animals aren’t). Biologically, our bodies produce strong endorphins when we first meet somebody we really like. These endorphins are like a drug and make us feel really fantastic whenever we are in the presence of that person. However, our bodies only produce these strong endorphins for 2-3 years after we become romantically involve with a person. You can prolong this by having children, but it still won’t last forever (think “seven year itch”). Biologically, we are rewarded for staying together long enough to have children and then to help raise them through infancy. Relationships that last longer than this period are sustained by shared life goals and friendly affection, not sexual passion. [Note: There are also good feelings produced after the endorphins wane, but I’ve heard it described as a sustained mellow high rather than the large spikes of pleasure that the endorphins provide.]

The facts I’ve stated above are the reason that the divorce rate is so high and also the reason that most relationships don’t get passed the 2 year mark. Monogamy is a cultural construct and “only approximately 17.8% (100) of 563 societies sampled in Murdock’s Atlas of World Cultures has any form of monogamy.” (per Wikipedia). It is not the norm for humans. However, women routinely push for monogamy in our culture as means to further the betaization process (GREAT POST HERE ON THE SUBJECT: http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-bin/se ... 3900599449 ). In other words, women subconsciously try to make men monogamous to lock them in as “providers” and to ensure more resources for their offspring.

As men, we have very little incentive to promise monogamy. However, our society generally tells us that the only way we are going to be happy is to settle down with one woman, get married, and have kids (and live happily ever after). This does not line up with how the world really works and leads to a lot of unrealistic expectations. I firmly believe that monogamy is a bad idea for most men (there are rare exceptions.. two mutually codependent people tend to do very well in monogamous relationships).

Alternative #1: Serial Monogamy

Some guys in the community practice serial monogamy: dating a girl until the endorphins run out and then dumping / divorcing her and dating new girl. It’s not my cup of tea but there are a few guys who swear by it. You get the deep emotional connections and infatuation, while also acknowledging that it won’t last. It’s probably also the best option for anybody with insurmountable jealousy issues.

Alternative #2: Open/Poly Relationships

For guys who have the fundamentals of relationship game down, open relationships are great. This is also my personal preference. I have my girlfriend (1 year, 4 months and going strong) and I have several other girls on rotation. I am completely honest with all the girls I see and it seems to be working pretty well for me (I’ve never been happier). I don’t ever see myself going back to a monogamous lifestyle.

The reason I find open relationships more appealing than serial monogamy is because I believe that my girlfriend and I will have more outlets for boosting our endorphins. In a monogamous relationship, a couple breaks up or cheats on each other when the endorphin high runs out. In an open relationship we can be honest about it and work through alternatives (we’ll turn into more frequent swingers, most likely).

MARRIAGE

Marriage is child insurance. That’s really the only reason to get married in this day and age. I will probably get married someday, but I will hedge my bets when I do. It will be with a “Good Girl”, it will be with a girl who is accepting of my non-monogamous lifestyle, and it will be after the 3 year mark in the relationship (preferably after the 4 year mark). If things are still going great after 3-4 years (i.e. after the strong endorphins have worn off), then I’ll be confident that I’ve made the right decision. However, I’ll still probably get a pre-nub (and put a parenting plan in place in the event that we have children and get divorced). If you feel the need to get married, then my general advice is hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Incidentally, most marriages don’t work. The divorce rate, which is already very high (50% nationwide, 62% if you live in a large city, and 91% if you are under 25 and live in a large city), does not take into account the couples that stay together but are either (1) miserable or (2) cheating on each other. Moreover, most divorces are initiated by women and end badly for men. Be aware.

IN CONCLUSION

Do not promise monogamy. Be up front about the fact that you aren’t interested in monogamous relationships. If a girl starts to pressure you to commit, then treat it like a shit test and change the subject, or ignore it, or soft next her. Furthermore, you should always be dating (or looking to date) more than one girl at the same time. If you aren’t monogamous, but you only see one girl, then, in that girl’s mind, you ARE monogamous. Actions speak louder than words.

I know this is a controversial topic and that some people will disagree with me. Go read the link I posted at the top. I know there are exceptions to every rule. I also know that there are other types of relationships that I did not list. I just listed some of the ones that are popular in the community. Furthermore, if you are younger and have never been in a real relationship before, then ignore this for now. Go have fun and then come back when you want to step up your game.

Please feel free to add comments and ask further questions. Oh, and thanks to all the people who have left me supportive comments on these posts.

-Wolf

I don't think marrige is only child insurance. There is an element of a very strong commitment to the relationship, which could still remain open after marriage...

But I do agree that there is definately a shit test going on in there... and changing the subject or ignoring really is the best way to handle it...

I am in a relationship almost a year... which has gotten very serious in the past 3 months... but I've realized that the things that attracted her to me are the things that she still wants... I have to keep working hard to hold on to her and she has been drawing away...

Finally I just decided to quit getting so emotionally involved and not play into the shit test and engage, or reward her immature behavior... I have expectations and am a great catch... She is the one who needs to work to keep me, not the other way around... don't you think..?

Lovecraft...

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How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. - Oscar Wilde

Lovecraft, your from Davenport? Nice! My brother works in Rock Island (and we both went to Augustana).
Okay, marriage is a legal contract that ensures shared health benefits and income. Therefore, I consider it child insurance. Any of the emotions and connections, and whatever you THINK comes from marriage, really just comes from long-term commitment with somebody you love. I'm all for life-long commitment, but I don't think the marriage contract is essential to that in any way.
It sounds like you are on the right track.

-Wolf

This post is why Inner-Game is sooooooo daaaaamn importaaaaaaant. FYI Corvette seriously lacks it too.

"women routinely push for monogamy in our culture as means to further the betaization process"

This is a great example of the NLP theory of filters. The way I see it is high quality women will push us and either we'll rise to the challenge and better ourselves or fall and become "beta". I use the term beta loosely because a real "alpha" recognizes when he makes mistakes and apologizes for them.

Look if you can like a women even after the newness or freshness factor has worn off then clearly she's worth keeping / being around with. Excepting new girls for your whole life sounds like a guy who is going to high school parties at 25 because he can't deal with change.

Awesome post Wolf, I'd like to point out another factor that drives people to monogamy. Fear of being alone in old age.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

I totally agree that marriage is child insurance. I think that the best way however to have a drama-free relationship or one that's close to it is to constantly create an aura of mysteriousness. Constantly do things out of the ordinary, always improve your image and your smarts, always be improving your income, always be taking on a new productive project, always be learning something new, spontaneously take her to new places and surprise her. It's definitely work.