Sup.

Recently, I was at a club and I was with a girl (that I wound up bedding) when a co-worker came in the club with her friends. My co-worker introduced herself while I was with the girl and went back to her friends. About a week later, I ran into the co-worker on the job and she asked me how often I hung around the place that she saw me and the other girl. I said pretty often. She said other co-workers hung around that area quite a bit, and that led to a brief conversation about where our co-workers hang out in general. She gave me her number and told me to get in touch with her if I ever wanted to hang out at the place where she saw me with that girl. I took her number.

The next day, I dropped by her office just to chat, and we did for thirty minutes or so. The day after that, (yesterday) I decided to text her with--

It's (Falyn) @ (Workplace)--I'm headed downtown tonight; let's do a bar crawl.

She texted back awhile later say that she'd let me know if she was headed down there tonight and to "have fun." As I thought, she didn't text later saying she was heading down there.

What's my next course of action, if there can even be one? And where did I f**k this up, if I did? I'm usually not one to game up co-workers because of certain risks involved, but I took a chance here because I was sensing interest.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

I don't think you did anything wrong. The right thing to do is to not make it a big deal, don't care at all in fact. Maybe she was occupied. Always assume the positive, and assume she is still interested. Next time you see her just drop a comment or question about it, like "you never showed up, what happened?". And as part of seductive tactics you should put the responsibility on HER shoulders now, to make contact if she goes out. Sure, you can still text her short texts like "heading there now if you're interested", but no more than that. Disinterest should be punished with disinterest. Only make sure to be fun to be with EVERY TIME you see her! Always in a good mood! That'll make her remember you in a positive way, and maybe even miss you, and hopefully starting to chase you.

^ Then I think you should consider yourself lucky that this didn't exactly workout

You didn't do anything wrong necessarily, but what you did do was take her words literary and followed them directly as she told you to. When she gave you her number she didn't necessarily mean " hit me up if you're going there" what she really meant was " I think you're attractive, we should hang out"

That was an invitation into her life and not exactly and invitation to hang out with her at the club.

I'd advise against the coworker thing; its never ever worth it, but you're free to casually hit her up again with something that has nothing to do with that place. Treat her like a regular girl and you're golden.

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It's been a little while since I wrote the first part of this post--I'd like some advice from whomever is willing to give it, but I also want to keep track of this situation so that if it ultimately doesn't work out, I can read back and learn something from it. I'm big on journals... (over-the-plateau-ongoing-fr-journal-vt188254.html)

Since the time I wrote this original post, me and the lady in question have gone on three dates, including one where we hung out by my pool. Each date has gone relatively well which is to say that we've made out quite a bit during each one. During the second date, she met my friends and I met hers...we met up for lunch by the pool the next day, but even she admitted she was more interested in getting to know me during that poolside lunch that she was about eating. Things got kinda pretty steamy during this date, but she sent me on my merry way. She said she wants to "take it slow with me," and I can believe that.

We hung out by the pool the next day and I told her a lot about myself, as in all the truth I could give her. Most importantly, I felt as though I had to let her know what I was really looking for--a long-term relationship, but given my dating age range (30's), I was also my experience that a lot of women had kids, divorces, and careers and often weren't looking for anything long-term. Because of that, I usually "played it by ear" vs. just moving on from person to person if they couldn't commit to anything long-term. She said that due to her situation, she'd probably want to play it by ear, too.

Things got steamy in the pool, too. With some reluctance on her part, we went up to my apartment and things eventually went from steamy to downright intense. When things started to get truly hot, she admitted she was getting very "flustered" and picked up her stuff. My emotions got the better of me in that moment and I told her "don't leave like this"; I was pretty flustered myself by that point. We kissed as she was leaving, and she did so in a bit of a hurry and said "I'll text you later."

Funny enough, my wing (who also frequents this forum) is tired of seeing me stress over one girl, but truth is that I like her a lot. Often what happens to me after situations akin to the one I just wrote about is that the woman becomes distant, ignores me when I attempt to contact, or later sends something out of the blue that terminates our relationship.

Is there anything I can do to prevent that and salvage this?

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

First and formost, you listen to your wing.

Second, you do the opposite of what you usually do since it hasn't worked. You show some f***ing self control and let her come back on her own time. If you do what you did in the past you will get what you got in the past. And you will continue to have to circle through these situations until you finally learn your lesson. Lets hope this is the time.

_________________
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