Convincing yourself you inner game is tight when its not....

Madals

So after talking to a very close friend the topic of me came up, needless to say she knows me incredibaly well (dont get this wrong, when i say a close friend i only consider 3 people i know close friends). Now we havent seen eachother for a while and she had been acting a little strange around me, not in a bad way, just different. Now you should know probably one of the reason she is a friend and nothing more even tho she is an HB8 is because I meet her b4 i knew about PU, and tbh she is just one of those girls that you just feel is a friend and nothing more. We share a lot and like me she works people out, notices things they do and generally has a very good idea about every1 in our social circles.
Now, the reason i came up is because she commented on how i was acting towards other people and herself, incrediibly confident and generally alpha. I was cool with this, hey its a compliment and my ego likes it Razz

but then she asked me about some previous things that she knew i had issues with (a much longer story i dont really want to go into) and how i managed to get over them.

What confused me tho is i dont actually know how i did, or if i did. The shit thing is tho, since she commented on them and almost reminded me of them, i have started to look back and realise that voice in the back of my head was there all along and actually I was never over it, or was I?
Thats my question, is it actually possible to act a part SO well that you convince yourself that you actually it?

The reason this is concerning me more atm than normal is because i have recently started gaming a girl i think i have become a little to attached to we havent even had a proper day 2 just IM talk and talking to a mutual friend about her. We hit it off, shes goregous and this will sound strange, but nearly identical to me in terms of beliefs and just gerenal personality. Point is, i have a day 2 with her soon and if i am honest, i am a little nervous since my friend brought these things up. Does any1 have any advice on what i can do to get my inner game back up and confident? Its not gone, its just i am questioning myself.... was it possible i triced myself into thinking i was ok with my previous issues? If so, any advice how to resolve them for all?

/madals

Beschatten · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:04 pm Post subject:

Have you heard the term 'reality' before?
You create your own reality quite honestly. If you want to accept the fact that you've had all these troubling issues that hurt your confidence and live in that reality-than you will be stuck in that frame.

Creating your own reality is kind of like building yourself up on what you want yourself to believe. Then it all becomes very true. I'm probably doing a terrible job at explaining it but IM TRYING DAMMIT.

Okay okay scratch all that shit. For example, my reality, I created it. I ignore the rejections and painful memories that ended up hurting my self-esteem and confidence (and kept the good one's ofcourse), thought positive, and I began on this chain in my PU of starting with one little though or self-belief that built up to the next. Pretty soon I was believing all the same thoughts that I tell them (in a PU) as well as the lies or thoughts I feed myself. I am alpha, I am solid enough to get the target into the emotional state I want them to be in, my occupation is a merry-maker, ect. It's like you live your thoughts for so long it becomes real to you. But think about it, AFCs their thoughts are constantly negative self-imagery thoughts that can only hurt them. Thus they end up in this sick little negative feedback staying hopeless with women. I, on the other hand, ended up feeding myself positive thoughts and thoughts that I want to be true, creating this awesome fucking reality where I feel like I'm a level 70 Undead Rogue in a battle arena and my job is to take down the opponent (the target) using a series of fucking skills that stun, disable, backstab, and posion. I was kidding about that last WoW part.

But yeah, I WILL GET SHAT ON FOR SAYING THIS, But the October Man Sequence Book by IN10SE actually has a really fucking good way of breaking down reality, frame, and inner-game booster.

Fin · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject:

This is one of the problems with inner-game, it can and will fluctuate, no matter what poeople tell you about, reality*, sometimes it's hard to build that desired super-reality*.

Why?

It's down to external factors most of which are outside your control. Example: no mindframe however solid will make you feel 100% after losing all your family members in a car crash.

Best thing to do is to reinforce your reality with "in head pep talks" and then take advantage of external factors you CAN control. Go out and do stuff which you are good at and get a buzz out of. Also over the next couple of days pay alot of attention to your grooming/clothes etc.

You'll be suprised how much the above can help your mood.

*with all respect to beschatten it is a valid theory but it is a bit overplayed.

Madals · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject:

Well atm it seems to have be that i am subconsiously seeking approval from ex targets (who i have now got bored with). The trouble is, its a hollow boost to self esteem cos no matter how many times i get them to tell me i am attractive charming or whatever else, i know that they think that because of how i interacted with them before.

Beschatten · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:17 pm Post subject:

I disagree. In-head pep-talks? I say go around to acquaintances or friends and tell them things you want to believe. Get them to believe it, and eventually you will believe it yourself. Try it.

Madals · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:24 pm Post subject:

The problem is, thats what i did do and therefore why i think i have the problem now. Although I build a reality where i was confident etc i am smart enough to know that i did actually build this reality and in my mind that makes it not true, no matter how well i imagine it.

Stetson · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject:

Fin · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:28 pm Post subject:

Madals · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject:

Well, i made a list of all the positive things about myself, and also all the things i precive to be negative. Now, the positives far outweigh the negative. Its the only real tric i know for re-calobrating how i precive myself. Hasnt worked that well tho lol.

Stetson · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject:

Madals · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:50 pm Post subject:

Stetson · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject:

Infamous110 · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject:

I had an in-depth conversation about this with a female friend yesterday with her own inner issues.

My argument, while very harsh, was paraphrased as "you don't just forget these things. they won't go away by pretending they aren't there. 'you face what you're afraid of, and then it goes away'. You need to accept that it's there, deal with WHY it's there, and work to an end where it hurts you the least."

There are things you can train your mind to not care about, or to interpret differently (AA), but I assume deeper issues if you don't want to post them and are already gaming her.

Beschatten · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject:

Your core is your greatest strength. You build your own reality around that core and everything becomes possible. Don't even give yourself the opportunity to write down the pros and cons about yourself. There should be no cons.

Cloak&Swagger · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:51 pm Post subject:

All you have to do is this. Close your eyes and think to yourself, "I'm going to count down from 3, and when I do any thoughts of inadequacy, doubt or anxiety are going to disappear. 3..2..1..let go." Now search for those thoughts and you'll see that you can no longer find them.

Did it work? Do you believe that it will work? There's no hocus pocus garbage going on here. That phrasing doesn't contain any magic NLP anchors or anything, it's something I thought up while writing this post. The point is that you are in control, that's what Beschatten means when he says that you create your own reality.

When you can't rid yourself of that negativity it's because you are slave to what others think of you. If I cared what others thought of me I'd be so paralyzed by fear and embarassment that I might never approach another girl again. You have to be able to realize when negative thoughts are entering your head and you have to be able to tune them out.

Some other tips: Don't use absolutes when you speak or when you think to yourself. That means don't say, "She'll never like me" or "This is impossible." Don't look back on past failures. Don't feel sorry for yourself or think that you're the victim.

It IS about making your own reality. Don't let what others think make your reality.

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