Common Frames with Online Dating
There are some various frames that I have noticed as a pattern through online dating that both women and men have. Many times there are combinations of these frames that come across via a girls profile on an online dating site.
Recognizing which one the girl is will help you know how to prepare to handle your interactions with her, must as you might screen, or cold read in the field before opening a girl. By no means is this a complete list of all the frames but these are some of the more common frames I’ve noticed since meeting women online.
Adventurous Frame- Life itself is an adventure for this person, and life is there to be LIVED! The girl prides herself on her ability to venture out and do things. Many of them enjoy being active and most of their activities are going to involve around that. You won’t find this person sitting at home a lot. The key to this frame is to show that you are like them, and just as adventurous.
When setting up dates with this person a coffee shop won't do, it should be something with an activity behind it. Demonstrating an active lifestyle is going to be at the essence of your messages showing you stay busy and like to be going out and doing new things. You can generally setup dates quickly with these people because they like going out!
I’m comfortable being me Frame- This is another very common frame. You’ll see this as being said,
“I can have just as much fun being dressed for a night on the town, or watching a movie at home in my pajamas.” This will be worded other ways too but you’ll see she is demonstrating she is comfortable being who she is. She's not afraid of what people thing of her, or so she says.
This is not a hard frame to match up to but the key here is to be a little bit goofy or quarky when you talk to her to show you are like her in that way and you don't care what others think. You can do this by telling a funny story about yourself.
My friends are so cool Frame- Another one that you will see a lot is when a girl talks about her social circle a bunch in her profile. She will mention hanging out with her friends usually not just once but twice in her profile. You’ll likely see a good amount of pictures of her out with these people.
Your profile is going to be your greatest asset here. Pictures of you out with your friends are going to be the key element. She has to see that you are comfortable and can handle yourself socially as her friends are a big deciding factor in her relationships. Talk about her friends since thats what she likes to talk about, and talk about your adventures out with your group of friends as well.
Tired of playing games Frame- This is becoming more and more common these days that you see people that say they are tired of the games. They will say in the profile that they are tired of the dating scene or the bar scene and that’s why they are online. In some cases this is done indirectly where they are telling how they are different then the vast majority of women. Most of these people are trying to get into a serious relationship without the major fuss of dating a bunch of people.
Again, not a hard frame to build rapport or comfort with. You can mention this in your profile if you like that you are tired of the bar scene but make sure its congruent with your pictures. For the most part I don't say this in my profile because I like going out. Easiest way to build rapport with these people are talking about how in general most guys and women are just out to get one thing, and how you are sooo tired of it!
I’m too cool for this…Frame- A lot of these will be short and sweet profiles. The girl doesn’t write much information at all. They assume they are just above filling out the profile and that you should know they are so awesome and cool.
These are tough to deal with because we don't have a lot to go on in their profile. Sometimes this is mixed with the other frames or can be a stand alone. This is where having a strong frame comes into play. When you write your messages you need to be direct and confident while leading her with what to do. Something like,
"Saw your profile today and it seems you have some good things going on for you. I tend to stay pretty busy but wanted to see what you're all about. Message me back and I promise I won't bite, but I may nibble a bit."
Something like this message gives you a strong frame that you are a busy person too and are too cool for this by showing your short on time. You are also directing the interaction and being a little playful too which generates the fun.
Quiet Type Frame- This is the girl who usually starts out with saying something like,
“I don’t know what to say or write…” Then she goes on to write the rest of her profile. This person is generally shy in person and will be when meeting you. They don’t know how to describe themselves very well because they don’t want to feel like they are bragging.
You are going to need to establish a good amount of comfort and rapport with these people before getting a date. A lot of times these take the longest because you have to go from email, to instant messenger, to texting, to talking on the phone, then to a date. You have to take babysteps most of the time with these people.
The key to all of these frames is recognizing which one you are talking to and to identify with it quickly! Especially in the case of someone like the Adventurous Frame, you want to demonstrate you live an active lifestyle throughout your messages to the girl. Then it is as easy as swapping some fun stories about trips you’ve taken and things you’ve done to gain enough rapport to get to a date.
You have all heard the old saying, “Opposites Attract.” Well that is true to a degree but online similarties are going to attract more girls. This is the main point to online dating amongst all the others is that they need to see you as someone like them that they can trust. In order to trust you they need to understand what you are like as a person and what your personality is like. By conveying in our messages we are adventurous like they are, or we’re tired of the games as well you quickly identify with your online target.
The other aspect of this outside of communicating it directly with your target is to setup your profile to catch the eye of the type of frame you are more interested in. In my case the profile I have on different dating sites are geared to attracting people who are adventurous and comfortable with themselves. I talk about how I’m comfortable in various situations and also how I like to stay outgoing and active. I give specific examples of things I like doing to identify with those adventurous women out there.
Next time you are online and about to message a girl read through her profile and figure out what type you are working with. What does she need to hear from you so that she knows what you are like? Can you escalate to a date fast or do you need to prepare for a long haul? What do you need to emphasize in your message to build some common ground with her quickly?
Best Wishes,
Jon 
CHAT
