I suppose most of people who start topics in this subforum are (to some extent) a bit desperate to recover their ex-girlfriends.

I have accepted we are no longer a couple, and I understand it's almost impossible to revert things. I have met other women, and I continue to do it, but the truth is that I miss my ex. I'm not obsessed and don't need her, I can have a happy life without her and I know it. I don't need tips to overcome a problem I don't have, but I would really appreciate any help you can provide (I don't know if this expressión is correct; english is not my main language, but I hope you will understand what I try to express) in order to recover the relationship I lost.

It was a LDR, and I was very happy with it. We fell in love pretty quickly and we used to met almost every month, but there were some problems; communication was mainly via texting and sometimes words were misunderstood, and that caused son discussions. She had and has serious problems surrounding her, and she mixed some problems with anothers and well, she decided to break up.

During the next months there was sexual tension and sometimes we were acting almost as if we were still a couple. I though we were going to start dating again, but one day she proposed cibersex, and when we were ''in front of each other'' se started to cry and said she didn't want no, that she tought she wanted, but it was all a confussion. I tried to convince her that she loved me, but well, you know, that was an error and we end up arguing.

There were more discussions -by different reasons- and one day she simply told me she didn't feel comfortable talking about us in a sexual context. Some weeks later I discovered she was starting to like another man, a man who she can see, heard and hug without one of two having to do the effort of travelling long distances. Something new who can give her the excitement of falling in love and know another person. Something who had'nt show a needy side.

Something who is interested in her and will end up doing all the funny things I use to did with her, and even more. Of course, she didn't told it that way, but I'm not stupid, I understood. Since she knows him, we no longer talk every day and things are much, much colder. She even told that, well, ''he doesn't see anything bad in calling me''; I live with my family and I don't have much time alone, so I didn't use to call her.

You can see now that what I want to do is almost impossible. I want to reconquer a girl that knows me and has seen my worst part, a girl who is far, far away and has little free time. A girl that started to like another man around two months ago. You may think that I'm cracy, and even more every time you notice my errors when I attempt to express myself in english. In my mothertongue I I'm even a brilliant writer, so that is not a problem. But my voice is high-pitched and rather weak, so texting has to be my main weapon.

I have read some guides about texting, and I have read a lot of texts about PNL, but I'm clueless about what should I do to overcome such a difficult situation. If I fail I fail, but I will have tried to do it and I will have learnt something.

Lately I have been trying to win the meta-frame, and I think I have done a good job at slowly give a not needy image of myself, but it's not enough. We talked a little today, but she didn't seem engaged, it was more like a ''Uh... well... so you are OK, aren't you? Me too. Oh, I'm very tired, I have to sleep, bye'' (exageration, but I think you understand what I mean) than a conversation within a man and his best (girl)friend.

And yes, I'm trying to recover her by beeing her best friend and then start to apply things like P&P. When she have problems she is more vulnerable, and I want to be (one time more) her autority, her man, the one with self-confidence and the right words for every moment. I know that all she loved about me two years ago is still present, I havent lost qualities. And I know -I have proved it to myself- that I can get almost any woman I want just by beeing myself.

And I want to try to recover the one I really like, the one I -still- love both like a person and like a woman. She is not perfect, nor I am, but I want to have her again. If I fail, life continues, obviusly. But I want to give it a big, eipc shot.

I will appreciate any help you can give me. Thank you for reading.

A short update. Yesterday I phoned her and managed to explain my uneasiness with the situation (she being distant and us talking very little) in a way she even reacted positively. Her voice softened, and when the conversation ended because of technical problems she send me a message being sorry in a ''cute'' way.

I knew today she had to give a speech and I also knew she would be nervous, so I send her a message this morning. Not in a ''cute'' way, but being supportive, more like an autority. 10 hours later she hasn't replied, and maybe she hasn't seen it.

The problem here is that two months ago she was chasing me -as a friend, probably, but she was chasing me and she was used to my virtual presence- and know I can't manage to get back to that situation. At the moment she admits it and even promises a change, but then we start again.

''No contact'' doesn't work, because she doesn't needs me know. So, what should I do?

Listen man you need to stop talking to her and move on. If she contact you and want to get back together then ok, but you chasing her around like a puppy dog is only going to push her away, and its no good for you emotionally.

You can't make or manipulate anyone into wanting to be with you, they either do or don't. Set her free and if she really does love you she will realize it and come to you! Maybe she is confused, maybe she needs space to think about things, maybe she needs to date a few douche bags before she realizes you were a great guy, or maybe you will both move on and meet other people.

I have been through a break up, lived with the girl for 3 years, was with her for 4 years, its not easy and the first week I promise you will feel like shit! but it gets better.

You know what I do with my time now? I work on my self, I got a new job making great money as a personal trainer, I started high school courses to go back to university, I work out, I meditate now (one of the best things I have ever started doing!), I have been on dates with other women, I hang out with the boys (something I stopped doing near the end of our relationship and now I realize how important it is!), I am planning a trip this spring to b.c (have always wanted to travel).

Look my point is with all the time you spend worrying about her you could be out living your life, meeting new women, having fun!

Yes I wish my ex and I worked out, I was planning on marrying her and spending my life with her, I still love the girl and she will always hold a place in my heart....but you know what I'm over it! Its her loss and there are plenty of fish in the sea!

You have to look at it like this, if your a high value man (I consider my self high value) then you are a rare breed! and its her loss because she will probably date a few low quality dudes and a light bulb will go off in her head saying "wow I messed up!" but by then you will probably have moved on and be with another women.

If your not high value then improve your life! go out and make your life exciting!

P.s I don't believe in the whole "no contact" thing in the classic sens. Some people use it to get their ex back, I used it to get over my ex...don't sit at home expecting her to call or text, if she does great but move on with your life!

If she wants to be with you she will make it happen, she will reach out to you, and when she does then MAYBE, maybe you can talk about being together but take it slow! act like its a new relationship, and protect you self!!

Thank you very much for answering, I was starting to think no one would do it.

I appreciate your advice and I know what do you mean. I suffered a lot during the first weeks and couldn't believe that it was real. I tried too hard and too bad and lost my early chances.

But know it's not only that I'm loosing her love, which I think (I'm realistic, after all) I lost months ago. The real problem here is that:

- There is someone who likes her and she likes him.

- I can't do anything to stop it because I'm loosing her as a friend. We are supposed to be best friends right now, but this friendship is fading away incredibly fast. So fast that I can't even try to replace her, because you don't find a new best friend that easy.

I'm meeting other women and I'm enjoying it. These last days I have been learning about conversational hypnosis, embbebed commands and things like that. It's fantastic and I'm very excited about all this, mainly because I know that once all these things become abilities I will be better. Not only with girls, but better in general.

I just can't have her attention enough time to glue her to me again (sorry for my bad english, I know I'm probably saying weird things), simply as a friend. It's not that I need her, I know I don't. But my life is better if she is in it, and I know hers too.

I know all this may seem confusing and even a bit dellusional, and I know my bad english can magnify that misconception. But trust me, I'm not a fool, nor a ''kind guy'', and I'm (not physically) a very attractive person. She may not be my woman any more, but she is my best friend, and I know she doesn't upset me intentionally. I want her in my life again, at the very least as the great friend I know she is. I won't give up.

How can I open her eyes?

I'm going to teach you a few things here that will help you out and probably make it much easier to move on.

1# Women deal with break ups much better than men in be beginning, usually women will have one or two "rebound" guys, the reason they do this is because they are use to having the love, affection, and sex that you gave them...they try to replace this with other men, but its only a quick fix and they will soon realize that the feelings they have for these "rebound guys" are just infatuations. Most women will go for the first decent guy who gives them attention because it feels good....but once the honeymoon and all the excitement wears off she will probably ditch the dude. She will realize that he is not the type of guy she would typically go for....I have seen it a million times! so don't feel so bad because women almost always have another guy to run to after a break up. Think about it do you really think its that easy to find a good guy?? its not, and deep down she probably knows this guy is not her soul mate but its exciting and new...the odd time it will last but usually it doesn't.

2# By being her "best friend" you are making it easy for her to move on from you. She knows she has you in her back pocket and so why would she care?? I don't talk to my ex, not because I'm trying to prove a point but because she made it clear she didn't want to be with me so I'm giving her what she wants....her loss, there are millions of women search for a guy like me so why should I stick around and be my ex's emotional tampon while she fucks other guys?? lol you see what I'm saying? Instead I'm going out and meeting women who think my gf is crazy for dumping me....lol women who understand i'm a rare breed. You need to get out and meet women! she's fucking other dudes and your sitting at home on your computer?

3# Lastly the relationship you had did not work for a reason. There were problems, mistakes you made and mistakes she made. This should be a time when you reflect on what mistakes you made, or what things in your life you can improve and then work on those things. You will be a better version of you day by day. Make a list of things you feel you need to work on and then work on them...it should be everything from your career, your health, things you did wrong in the relationship, and fix them! a month, 3 months, a year from now you will be a better version of who you are now. I was awesome before but after only 3 weeks of being single I have improved my life immensely! My social life is amazing! I am talking to multiple girls, my career is taking off, and I have figured out what went wrong in my past relationship and will make sure it does not happen with the next girl!! I'm excited about my future and my life!

Please take my advice and stop what you are doing, you are only making it more difficult for your self to move on, and you are in no way improving your life!

Again if she really want you and loves you she will realize it at some point down the road, it might not be today or tomorrow but she will, and unforchantly for her by that time you will have probably already moved on.

Just remember this. Its ok to talk to your ex but let her contact you! She has made it clear she doesn't want to be with you so give her what she wants, give her space, and if and when she contacts you then you can talk to her but until then give her the space she asked for! you both need space to think about what you want out of life.

Listen to dark one, that's the only advice you need. Don't make a fool of yourself, let it go! She asked YOU to split up and now she's dating someone else, while you sit at home and won't stop thinking about her. You are not moving on bro, which means you still NEED her.

At the very least, cut all contact for a month. Do NOT talk to her, even if she calls you... That way you give your brain the chance at least, to move on. Start thinking about what you want in life and go date other women. If you come back in a month after no contact what so ever and still feel the same about her, then we can talk.

Here's some song lyrics from one of the greatest bands, read this: http://www.metrolyrics.com/whipping-boy ... wagon.html

Thank you very much for your time. It have been six months since we broke up (well, let's be clear; since she left me despite me being to go on) and I realy understand what you say, and I know that I need to met more women, much more than now.

I'm reading some great material and I'm making some progress. The thing is that I don't want to let our friendship die, it makes things much harder and i simply can't find a friend as enjoyable as she has been (since our break up, I mean) in only two months. Sure these persons exists, and sure I'm trying to find some of them, but even if I find them soon... well, you know. You can have sex with something you have just met, but you need much, much more to be really great friends.

I would even gladly accept throwing almost all my chances of getting her back if that means I can recover her as a friend. You know, there are lots and lots of interesting women who I can be with in the inmediate future. But real friends, I must say, are a much more rare breed, and she is the best friend I have ever had. I want to recover and preserve that friendship, but don't know why.

And yes, my first messages seem... well, I admit it seems like ''I want her no matter what'', and you are correct to point that.

How can I recover the friendship?

friendship is a 2 way process. you can only recover it if she wants to be your friend, which she might not.
if she was anyone else you're friends with you wouldnt be thinking about it like this, you wouldnt be obsessing over it.
I wouldn't bother trying to be her friend personally, it isn't really worth it, but if you really have to then give it some time and space. be available but stop trying to talk to her, if she wants to talk to you and be your friend let her. otherwise stop it - friends who constantly try to ask if you're ok, what you're doing, where you are etc etc are incredibly annoying.

Well, I can't say that i doesn't make sense. Yes, I want her friendship, and you are probably right when you say that I wouldn't feel like that if she wasn't mi ex.

We use to talk Mondays when I return from university, so I phoned her, as usual. She didn't answered and some minutes later send me a message:

''I can't talk now''

Curious, i texted back:

''Why not?''

And now, some hours later, she has answered telling she was doing something and then went to class. She also says she has to study a lot for tomorrow and asks me ''How are you doing?''.

So now I'm wondering wether if I have to answer something kind and non reactive or simply ignore the message, which could seem reactive (since I almost always text back). I suppose the best thing right now would be, as you say, to give her more space. She already has a lot, but I know she is very busy and her perceptions can be very different. What would be the least reactive reaction to that message? Or the best one, if not the same.