There's this girl I fancy quite a bit, we seem to have many things in common but in our last outings she has showed no interest whatsoever; she was a bit tired but nonetheless, there were no cues of interest.

Tonight would have been the 4th time I've seen her, with no intimacy shown thus far. The first time I invited her out it was rather dull, the second time, months afterwards, she invited me out, to which it was a great day, she was disappointed at the end that I didn't hug her. I asked her out the 3rd time, which two days before the event she asked if she minded if she brought some friends along, nothing bonding happened. I asked her out again the 4th time, to which she didn't really seem to care for, she didn't seem bothered either way. She was with a friend again, was a incredibly casual hang out, she was already going to friends who happens to live near me. At one stage she mentioned something about her relationship to her friend in front of me, she didn't have me in the equation at all, mentioning something about her being lesbian would be easier or something like that(she has had a number of bad experiences with men in the past) She never really attempted to make much of a conservation with me, she done so more with her friend. Nor did she give much of a farewell, just a seeya.

I quite like the girl a lot. I don't think I was giving of needy/un-confident body language or anything. She has labeled me a "hippy", a stereotype she seems fond of and seems to have put me into a separate category of males, as if I'm different than the rest. Her and friend both mentioned that they find it difficult to imagine that I masturbate(randomly came up) Is this bad? She also said I was so innocent. I find it difficult being flirty with her because when I first asked her out, before I actually met her, she said she wasn't into dating, but we could go as friends. She's also labeled herself a man hater; when I raised a eyebrow at that when her friend mentioned it, saying something like, "So your a man hater huh?" To which she looked at me and replied, "Well, I don't hate all men"


I'm not sure if I should continue to pursue the girl because of 1) I'm not building up sexual tension, I'm making all the moves to meet with her, not really sure how to build it up in person as well, she's quite a quiet and somewhat shy girl, I'm always starting the conservations around her it seems and 2) By seeing her a bit and talking to her is making her be on my mind, making the amount of suffering I'll have to endure if I don't get with her greater, I tend to get attached quite easily. She doesn't seem interested so it made me best to simply forget her and move on



Any insight is much appreciated, will give me info if wanted

I don't have a definite yes or no, but if you are you got a LOT of work to do, it seems like it'd be easier to find someone else. She thinks your just a friend. You played it to safe and without her assuming you touch all the time it'll be super hard establishing thats what you do. That's for sure lol, you gave off the "lets just be friends" body language instead. Youd like to go out and do fun things that friends do with her. She already thinks of you as a friend, and its a uphill climb to get back

I am not very experienced with women in general, but you can hear out my idea if you want to. I say its not to late, and if you really like her, you should not give up. Have you started touching her yet? I mean, you totally should! If she brought a friend, touch her anyway. Just do it in a way so it looks like it's all natural to you. And what about her past "bad experiences with men?" and she said "Well not all men" Could this be a hint to you? I don't know.. I wasn't there. But who knows. Maybe it was. Maybe she is interested, but afraid, because her trust has been hurt in the past. Than show her you are one that can be trusted. In a not needy, and obviously manipulate way, but in a smooth and convising way. As if you are the kind of person that wouldn't reveal any secret, or personal information someone has trustfully given to you.

Be aware tho, I am just a guy with little to nothing experience with women,
but I read ALOT of PUA stuff xD

there are 3 billion women in the world. it ain't happening with this one. You both may be nice people and no harm has been done here but there isn't any chemistry here. My guess is if you never called her again you'd never hear from her and both of you would be OK with that.

No harm, no foul, nobody did anything wrong. You two are just not a match.

My suggestion is to keep looking and keep interacting with other girls and just simply do not invest anymore time or energy with this one. If she calls you up in the future (which I'd bet big money against) you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

This is just a nonevent.

You got shit tested to bits man. Unless you think you can pull off a miracle and change your whole approach to the situation, cut your losses and move on. Read up on some more PUA stuff.

She wants you to pass her tests, even if she doesn't know it. That's a fact it's not just a saying.

There will be a good chance of getting her in the future but you'll have to step up your game. Don't be afraid to be "dirty." And lastly, nice guys finish last, always.

The difference between hookup and friendzone is physical contact. Watch any guy who knows what they're doing, or read a field report from an experienced member, and there is a common demoninator in that they all try to establish physical contact quickly. You think any dude actually cares about palm reading? HELL NO, it's a reason to hold her hand.

You are crushin on this girl, hard, and it will end badly for you. You keep saying you ask her out but all you're really doing is meeting up to chill, you do nothing to escalate. That's nobody's fault but your own.

Being needy isn't hte only thing that kills game, staying in neutral does it, too. You gotta take risks in order to succeed, and that goes for just about anything in life. Kino is a risk, because it isn't always as welcome as we would like it to be. Problem is now she will be confused by anything you do because, in her mind, you two established the FRIEND relationship together. Get over her. Life is way too awesome to spend so much time focused on a single woman. And I'm not telling you to give her the cold shoulder. If she says hi, you can say hello back. BUT you are not her therapist, so don't spend an hour listening to her complaints. You are not her butler, dont do her any favors. You are not her camp counselor, so dont come up with silly little activities that you pretend are dates when they are jack squat.

Live your life, don't invest anywhere near the time, energy, and thought in this girl that you do now, and game. Hell, maybe as you grow some distance she'll come to you, but that's not the goal. The goal is to remember that life rocks even without Girl A

tyvm everyone for the advice. I'm going to stop seeing her for a few months and learn a bit more on how to interact with females; I'm going traveling soon so I may or may not make a move when I get back, I could act more flirtatious/physical and have the "different man" reason, but I may be over her by than anyway.

How should have I interacted with her given the dynamics? I think my main mistake is not being sexual enough, I come across as confident(I think, somewhat anyway) but not exciting.
What do you mean by "shit test"

Could you please teach this ignorant person why I shouldn't do that? What if I genuinely like helping people?

He's right dude, as the other guy said, nice guys always finish last. Always.

Don't be afraid to tell her to shut up, when shes getting all bitchy and negative.

You acted like a complete friend, nothing you did was seductive in any way, if you actually want to get laid you have to kno the laws of seduction. Being a chicks pinch cushion is in no way seductive.

Yeah, but where does one draw the line from being a friendly guy who is so because he likes to help people and a needy guy who's nice 'cause he is desperate for acceptance? Not trying to argue or anything, clearly you guys know much more about this stuff than I, just trying to figure it out from discussion, rather than blind acceptance of dogma which inevitably leads to un-congruency and confusion, so please explain!! Thinking about it some, I do tend to cross the needy nice guy line when with a girl I like a fair amount.

I don't mind when people are negative; if they're voicing it it's a cry for help imho, since they know it gives them a negative image, I won't stand for bitching though, I've never told someone to shut-up about it, but I do tend to either disagree and correct they're flawed perception(assuming I actually respect them) or distant myself from the person, typically in a disinterested fashion, guess I could be more assertive about it and tell them to shut-up but if I actually wanted to talk to them about something else I'd respect them and hence take first approach, perhaps if I want to get laid I tell them to shut-up?


To drift somewhat from OP, I met this really awesome girl today, she seemed quite interested in me, laughed at my not so funny jokes, even asked me twice if she could back to my place after I mentioned I was making enchiladas for dinner, after like 15 minutes of meeting, no idea how serious she was or if it was some sort of confidence test. Anyway, my friend ditched me for his bus and I was left with her, I walked her to her bus stop after she ate her food and was in a fairly fluent conversation, but I didn't give of any sexual interest, as in I didn't flirt or touch her at all, I'm not sure how I'd even do that considering we were talking about nerdy university stuff(Philosophy/Math) When her bus arrived I shook her hand, not sure if I should have just hugged her

As an extension to this post, please give advice:

She added me on facebook and turns out has a boy friend. What would be the best way to ask her out sometime and how should I interact with the whole her having a boy friend dynamic? I don't want to be sleazy about it but I suspect she's not that into him anyway, but would like to approach in a way that we could be friends if she's into her bf

Ok I guess I'm too much of a lose cause or whatever but I really want to learn; can people please recommend my some stuff to read or something?