Hi! Daniel Greetings,
I am an AFC like you.
Have been following your post since last month.
You have been doing amazing progress..
I will be also starting my journal and you inspire me to do so..


I am a bit fat( a bit ) SO i think i get rejected .. I am working on it though.
What do you think , does it really matter??

BTW, hope you can also give me some advice once i start my journal

DAY 34: still on conversations.
Spanish flavour.

Same exercise as yesterday but in a different mall.

Addressed issues:
- Inability to start and hold a conversation with strangers
- Linearity in conversations
Issues categories: 11-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=159
- LACK OF EXPERIENCE/SKILLS
- LACK OF CONSISTENCY
- LACK OF CONFIDENCE
Solution: approach.

Strategy:
After reflection, I'm not changing my toolbox. I'm keeping the "I'm looking for a scarf for my sister" opener. Yet, I thought about more elements to make the transition from the opener to a conversation:
- spontaneous remarks
- remarks on how she behaves (shy? smiling? laughing?...)
- introducing me
- new opener (use a new scripted conversation: "oh I also need a female opinion on something..."

Goals.
At the end of the day I want to have opened 3 sets (among which 1 non employee) with whom I switched the conversation topic from the opener. I also have to remember the color of her eyes (extra).

About approach anxiety.
I've read a great post from Rye Lee approach-anticipation-excitement-vt35880.html about approach anxiety. From now on, I won't speak about approach anxiety, but approach excitement. I do believe that naming this feeling in a more positive way will change the way I think about it and actually help me on appreciating it!

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I approached 11 sets today (with the scarf opener or not) at a mall and at the Galerie Lafayette.

Spanish cute girl.
Wow. She was the second set I opened. She worked at a clothes store and opened her with the scarf opener. She was an HB8,5 and she was HOT. I actually have some approach excitement since she was my age and went for it.
ME - Hi.
HER - Hi.(again, I always wait for her to answer to my "hi" before asking anything, so I get her attention and eye contact.)
ME - I'm looking for a scarf like this one (showing mine) for my little sister. Do you have any of those?
HER - Yes... bla bla (she showed me some and I noticed a cuuuute accent)
ME - bla bla (scarf talk)
HER - bla bla (taking me to other scarfs)
ME - I like this one, let me see the price... bla bla.
HER - bla bla
ME - Is that a Spanish accent? (looking at her)
HER - Yes (suprised and shy )
ME - Where do you come from? (in Spanish baby!)
HER - Hum Spain... hum I mean Seville (she was troubled by my eye contact and presence)
ME - You know what, I'm in looooove with Seville (looking at her beautiful eyes)
HER - ... sure, it's a wonderful city. (she was smiling as hell and still troubled by me)
We spoke about Spain and the place we've been to.
ME - What are you doing here?
She told me that she was studying engineering and worked at the store to enhance her French.
HER - What about you?
I told her that I was student and leaving for Brazil in one week. In the end, I thanked her and she replied a "It was nice to meet you". She was gorgeous.
=> That was a great 10 min interaction. Once again, I switched the conversation topic with a spontaneous remark (on her accent). Her eyes were light-green. I should have tried a #close, I thought about it. I have to work on my closing skills when I'll be good with conversation.

I opened several other sets with the same opener in other stores. I had a great body language, maintained eye-contact and smile. Even if I did not manage to switch the conversation topic, I was trying to be funnier and smiled a lot.

Pull and Bear's girl.
I went to a Pull and Bear store and did the same opener. A cute HB8,5 brunette helped me again. Again, I was really surprised by how she was willing to help me. She showed me the new collection they just received. I did not managed to switch the conversation topic but there was a little something clearly going on, but that was not verbal. I try to leave three times but she kept me on stage. I don't know if she was a really good seller (I told her I would check in other stores) or if she was interested in me. In the end, she asked me if I wanted her to save some scarfs for me, I told her it was not necessary since there were not on the shelfs (new collection) so noone would take them from me. She laughed.
=> I'm giving myself a half point for this interaction since we have a vibe going between us. Eye-color: brown.

Since I did almost all the girls stores, I took the train to the Galeries Lafayette (huge store with luxuray brands). I opened several HB9 (I think HB8,5 is the minimum to get hired :p) with the scarf opener. It was really harder to make them shy this time but I was really proud to look at them right in the eyes. Yet, the level was too high for me: HBs used to rich men wearing luxury brands... I was wearing Converse shoes.

Results.
1,5/3. I failed in approaching a non-employee HB.
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On the strategy.
- Empoyees are great to practice: there are a lot of them and I know where to find them but I need to open non-employees if I really want to learn!
- I have to overcome my hesitation on introducing myself! I should have befriended the Spanish cute girl!
- I need to have the reflex of making a comment on how she behaves to switch topic on her: "oh you're nice/funny/... have you been working here for long?"
- I need more openers in my toolbox.

In general.
- ALL ABOUT REPETITION: I was really comfortable at opening with this opener!
- ABUNDANCE: Two great opportunities in two days. I'm really starting to believe in the abundance thing!
- CONFIDENCE: I'm getting a load of confidence since I show to myself that I can go straight to a hot girl and speak to her in the eyes and actually make her shy!
- GETTING REFLEXES: I start to develop some reflexes: I let them break the weird silence, I wait for her to notice me when I say hi...

Next steps.
I still have to work on transition from the opener to conversation. In two days, I had two great opportunities to do a #close attempt. The next step will be to work on the closing skills. I'm wasting too many opportunities. I'm going out tomorrow.

Questions to move on.
- What openers work well on street sets?
- How can I introduce myself smoothly? (knowing that shaking hands is not that common in France)

I AM LOVING THE GAME.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Just a couple of thoughts:

1. Consider getting yourself a journalist pad small enough to fit in a pocket. This is the perfect medium to figure out your openers as suggested in the bolognese thread. Plus, anybody with a creative-entrepreneurial spirit should always carry something to record his thoughts. I've tried this using mobile electronic devices and personally, it's not as rewarding as feeling a pen and pad in my hands.

2. You mention 'reflex' but what you're probably referring to is something more like "trained involuntary action". No matter where I am in the World, if I get burned, I will jerk that body part away from the heat source without thinking about it.(This is reflex) Right about that time or very soon after, I will scream something: Here's the funny thing. If I am in America for a long time, I'll scream something in English. If I am in Korea for a long time, I will scream something in Korean. And if I am in China for a while, I will scream something in Chinese. ~~ But I won't be conscious of this act. I never trained myself to specifically scream in that language in case I got burned; why do you suppose this occurs? Think about that . . .

This is the reason why the 'opener exercise' works. Even though you are not specifically opening anybody during the exercise, you are training yourself to do it. Even if the next 'open situation' is unlike anything you experienced while doing the 'park bench exercise', you will still react quickly and appropriately to the new situation. A). Deliberately sit down and try the exercise. B). If you miss an opportunity to open a girl and think up a clever opener moments later, write it down.

3. ^This is the same with kino . . . don't just wait for that "pick up situation" to try out kino. Most guys I know who are naturally good at touching women usually enjoy stimulating their tactile senses EVERYWHERE. Do this when you shop for vegetables and fruit. Do this when you visit new places. Do this more with your current friends/associates. Do this with the Mona Lisa at the Louvre. LOL . . . probably not with Mona Lisa.

Also, I suggest you take a look at "Gambler's Youtube" series. . . and pay attention to what he says about 'levels of kino'. It's EASY to just high five a girl right? It's easier to hold hands once you high five a girl. It's easier to grab her elbow once you grab her hands, etc . . . It's a progression. All you need is a 'way in' to kino. Get that first one . . . and you're all set.

4. My thoughts on "Vibe": As men, we have one ON/OFF switch with a volume adjuster that's it. We see a hot girl and the switch turns on. Then the only thing left to do is turn that volume up or down. Our dicks rise and fall in accordance with this dial. Very simple. . .

On the other hand, it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that women have multiple switches and dials. . . the problem is that we can't always see these switches. And to make it even more confusing, every girl owns a different set of switches, organized in her personal way that are stimulated differently according to her menstrual cycle. (This last one is a wild guess but I think it's a good one. LOL . . .)

This is the reason why in your experience of 17 girls, 1 responded; you figured out her switch. And with other girls, you didn't 'explore' further to see what turns them on. This is also why you are hearing recommendations to 'switch topics'. What you're doing is looking for that switch which turns her on/sparks her interest. Once you discover HER switch, you turn up the "volume dial" for that switch. Makes sense?

5. Self intro: Anytime you're having a decent conversation, just stop yourself and go, "Oh, I'm sorry . . . I'm AFC DANIEL." and offer your hand - This makes you the polite one for introducing yourself first. She'll whip her hand out real quick and blurt out her name. - A mutual "Nice to meet you," and you're all set. After this point, refer to her by name.

*I'm noticing in your conversations that you are very, very sane. This is good for talking your way out of a speeding ticket, presenting a business plan, or discussing medical issues with your doctor, but when you're having a conversation with a girl for the first time, it's OK to try out the 'weird' and create some tense moments or crazy moments or start up fantasy-like chats that have nothing to do with anything.

Too many examples to list everything but it's OK to go:

Girl: Do you want a free Fidelity Card?
You: Oh, I knew it. All that smiling and flirting . . . OK, how much?
Girl: No it's free! . . lol . .
You: Well if you say so but I'd like a receipt please. And you better sign that . . . also, I think it's a good idea to put your number on there.
girl: ??
You: Well, I can call you up for a movie. . . or I can call you up in case I get charged later for that card. Mostly, I'd say the number is for the date. . . maybe 70 percent.
girl:?? LOL .. .
You: You've convinced me. Don't say more . . . I'll only call you for the date, OK?

^This is my 'stupid' that I just made up. Make some up for yourself. Don't be afraid of 'stupid'. It's not a disease.

I've got a small Moleskine notepad, I'll take it with me now.
Got you. And I can do the same with conversations. That's the REPLAY thing I've been doing recently after Hobbit posted one of your thread 10-vt81510.html?start=149.
Agree. Yet isn't it a little to early to speak about KINO escalation while approaching strangers? I guess shaking hands would be a first step. I've tested some KINO with friends and I have to admit it worked really well.
Interesting perspective. Everywhere I look, I see new things to learn... Sometimes I feel like I'm in front of Mount Everest. I'm willing to climb and I know that the journey is worth. But now that I have a clearer view on the path I have to take, it seems that it's becoming even longer and harder. Yet I know that I the first crucial checkpoints are right in front of me. I have to be patient.
As I wrote, offering your hand to introduce yourself is a bit weird in France, but I'll do it anyway. It's a great opportunity to start a KINO escalation and switch the conversation topic.
Actually, you're right. I'm being friendly but I should be flirty too. It will make her shy and I'll build a seduction friend (vs. friendly). Some elements:
- fake that I misunderstood her: "What?!" "?" "What have you just said?" "bla bla" "oh ok, I heard something else..." "what have you heard?"
- when noticing that she's trying to have more info on me (scarf opener): "are you trying to know if I have a gf?"
- "are you flirting with me?"
- ...
Being flirty... something else I have to work on!

Thanks Kasabi.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Yes...Yes...Yes.

Or to paraphrase 60YearsOfChallenge...

'Tensions already exists between a guy and a girl. As the guy you should work at simply NOT reducing the tension.'

AFCDaniel, Kasabi is right that at the moment all your conversations are sane... Or normal. I guess if you are comfortable with opening now you should try to introduce tension into the conversations you have with your targets.

What I tend to do if I'm talking to a cute cashier and I feel there is chemistry I lean over the counter and look directly into her eyes and smile... Then I risk being being creepy... I risk saying those things you're NOT supposed to say...

'You're kinda cute... I bet you've got loadsa guys chasing you...'
'Wow what a smile... Damnmm.'
Eyeing the girl up and down blatantly... 'Wow the paramedics are gonna have to help me get my jaw off the ground... because baby you're the bomb.'

And yeah, definitely try number closing ALL THE TIME.

Remember, at the moment you are just de-sensitising yourself to the approach. Something you THOUGHT would never happen...but hey it's happening.

All you have to do now is throw in that number close into the routine and same thing will happen here.

This is what I call 'systematic de-sensitisation.'

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Hi Daniel,

I've been reading this thread for a while and it's really amazing to see your progress. Just to remind you in case you've forgotten!

i. you used to have total AA and no clue what to say - now you are approaching people regularly and you're finding it easier and easier to naturally converse with people. That, in itself, is awesome. Most people just let all their opportunities walk on by without even thinking its possible to approach whoever they what, whenever they want! Way to go!

right now i think you still have some limiting beliefs about yourself. in my experience the reason i'm always able to number close is that once a conversation has been established there is not a shred of doubt in my mind that i will get her number. lo and behold, i get her number. our beliefs, to a large degree, determine our projections and our actions. some success will really help you acquire this confidence, but you'll never get the success if you don't try. i think you're ready to be a bit more direct, but maybe just get some facebook closes since you're moving to brazil soon and probably wont have the time to nurture a little relationship. i think a great direct line for you could be something like:

[after a few minutes conversation]:
Daniel: hey, so i'm leaving the country soon, but i won't be gone forever, i think you're really interesting, how can i keep in touch with you?
HB: lol i dont know do you have [a phone/facebook]?
Daniel: what's that? jk! of course, whats your [name/number]?
HB: it's -----------------

done.

great work man. you're well on your way!

you seem like a genuinely good person, don't worry about being a jerk or an asshole, you'll probably get less random hook ups, but you're the exact type of guy that girls want to date, so work that angle. just be direct (this is the Worst mistake that 'nice' guys make, they act like they don't want sex, or that it's bad to not want sex. you can be nice and horny at the same time, and girls will love you for it).

cheers bro!

Hi Tweeby, thanks for your help. I should try to be more ballsy and direct indeed... I'll do a direct session in Brazil, no doubt. You are also very right about the de-sensitisation... I have to practice more.

Thanks for following the thread.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Yeah I'm really happy about that. That's nice improvement. Of course, my goal is to be able to open anyone anytime, but I'll need more practice for that!
True, I still have some liminting beliefs about myself. My inner game still lacks constitency. But you're also right about something, I won't get the first crucial success without trying. Your transition from the conversation to the #close is smooth. I wish I've done that yesterday. On the other hand, I really want to master the conversation thing before thinking about closing...
Thanks for this insight. I do think I'm a good person but like Kasabi and Tweeby, you're right... I have to be more direct, more ballsy, more flirty.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 35: fighting tiredness.
The return of the old good AFC thoughts.

I wanted to go a little further today and tackle new issues.

Addressed issues:
- Linearity in conversations
- Inability to introduce myself
- Inability to engage conversation with total strangers (non-employees)
Issues categories:
- LACK OF EXPERIENCE/SKILLS
- LACK OF CONSISTENCY
- LACK OF CONFIDENCE
Solution: approach.

Strategy:
I'm changing the opener so it can better work on non-employees HB. I'll use the "gift" opener: I notice her shoes, scarf... and ask her where she bought it. This opener is based on my ability to make spontaneous remarks. From this starting point, I'll try to hold the conversation by:
- introducing myself: "hum... sorry, I'm asking all these questions, I did not even introduce myself"
- make a comment on how she behaves: "oh, you're cool..." "are you okay?" (if shy)

Goals:
Open 3 sets (among which 2 non-employees) and introduce myself or make a comment on how she behaves.

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I opened 6 sets at the mall today. I only managed to sleep 5 hours last night (reading material) and I was damn tired. I was unable to focus, unable to control my mind. I did two interesting interaction though.

H&M cutie.
She was the first set. I wanted to perform the scarf opener to warm-up a little. She was beautiful and had a wonderful ass. HB8,5. I opened, she took me to the accessories. I was unable to trigger a switch in the conversation topic. At one moment, she started to scratch her pants on her left thigh while speaking to me. I thought about saying something like: "wow, hold on, what are you doing?" but did not say anything. At the end, she told me "I'm sorry sir, maybe you should try in another store", I wanted to say "Sir? how old are you to call me sir?" or "why are you so sorry, you helped me a lot, most of the other employees would have...". Again, I did not say anything. I was not thinking clearly.
=> this is not a result...

After 2 other weak approach in other stores, I decided to come back home to clear my mind. When I came back, I was in a better state of mind... but again, I could not focus on my task and little by little, my inner game started to show its weaknesses. I started to think. Think about the past, think about the future. I felt like Marty McFly.

Me trying to calm down.
I knew what was happening. My mind was tired too. I saw myself having compulsive thinking, I kept fighting but it came again and again. I could not focus enough to stop all that. I even surprised myself thinking shit like "I just want to be love"... Come on. That was ridiculous but I was unable to pull myself together. I was too tired to fight it. And then... guess who comes back in my mind? with all the Valentine day ads around me? Yeah, you guessed it. I was a fucking scared kid this afternoon, but I was willing to fight.

Hot in here.
Opening total strangers appeared impossible to me with what was happening in my head. I was not even able to focus on the moment, how could I have made a spontaneous remark to open a set? So I went to another store and did the good old scarf opener. My game was weaker than ever... I did not let her break the weird silence... Anyway, she took me to the scarfs, I checked, I left: " Okay thanks anyway. Good luck! Especially since it's damn hot in here". She laughed: "thank you, that's nice of you"... I left.
=> not a result! I left although I had the damn transition to another topic: "how long have you been working here, I mean... did you get used to this heat?"

Results:
None.

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On the strategy.
I think the opener was good but since I did not try it on strangers... I can't say nothing here.

On the Game.
- Being tired is enough to f*ck me up since my inner game is "still in development"
- Inner game is crucial: the girls were clearly responding differently than yesterday.
- Meditation is the only exercise that can help me control my mind and effectively stop compulsive thinking.

Next steps.
I need to repeat this exercise until I achieve my goals. Yet, I'm leaving in 4 days... I think I won't have enough time unfortunately. I'll post something about Brazil soon: which strategy for day game? social game?...

Questions to move on.
None. I'm too tired. I'm going to sleep.

PS: Don't worry about me guys. That was just a little weak day, a good night and I'm back on the damn horse.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

The 'hand burn/different language response' was a metaphor(perhaps a poor one) for how habits gained from an aspect of your life can in fact become second nature to all areas of your life. Some guys who get into pu will force themselves, through a scripted act, to make physical contact during exchanges with women but this is not who they are.

My suggestion was to make a habit of 'feeling everything' more. Gain an interest in how things feel and begin to appreciate it. There are chefs who like to 'feel' their food more than others. There are physicians who are more interactive with their patients through 'touch' more than others. It's just a habit . . . and you know people who are this way. Girls who are comfortable with 'touch' tend to feel everything when they go shopping: Leather, cashmere, silk, etc . . . Just make 'touch' a part of your life.

Regarding the "multiple switches" . . . I only brought it up because of the advice you were getting to 'switch topics'. Basically, I start off with a pull-out-of-the-sky guess for the girl's character: Who is she? Why is she here? What does she want? What are her fears? Then I cater to that particular audience. As her story unfolds through conversation, I will shift gears to better match the 'developing character'. (This is pretty much what a low level Las Vegas astrologist will do with her clients) And it might seem confusing but any low level astrologist will tell you that there aren't too many desires or concerns in the World. . . A handful really: Love, sex, money, career, family, etc . . .

In terms of PU, this forum is filled with what people 'think' women desire: alpha, humor, sexual tension, etc . . . Many guys tend to grab 'one of these' things and use it as a ramrod in attempt to storm the castle. The idea is to introduce a few of these things to see what gets her to lower the draw bridge.

*Start off with one routine . . .anything, something that is beyond a casual chit chat and own it. For now, you can make this # close as platonic as you'd like, "I'll send you beach photos from Brazil". . . Just start making simple # closes and make friends. You'll need to figure out for yourself that this is just what people do. . . otherwise, there would be no reason for the telephone.

**There are people who suffer from anxieties but give one guy a violin, put him up on stage, and he looks incredibly comfortable. Some are shy in front of a camera but give some guy a football and a uniform and he's very comfortable. Figure out what makes you comfortable. And if possible, bring it with you. Whether this is a mindset or a prop, bring it with you. (A piano probably wouldn't work . . . but it can . . .)

Habits. That's the word I should have used instead of reflex in the other post. Once you have the right word, the solution goes without saying.

I understood for the touch habit.
That's the checkpoint I'm going to: #close. Unfortunately, I take the plane Wednesday, I won't have enough time to do that.
Really hard question here. I'll think about it.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Love that.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 36: keeping working.
A little game session and a little thought about cold approach.

Just a small post to tell you that I have work a little on my game today. Yesterday showed me how inconstant I was: being tired was enough to screw my the "good" game I was having recently. I slept well and decided to go out a little in the afternoon.

I've been out 1h30. I went to a mall and opened 5 employees to keep working in the conversation stuff. I stayed more than 10 minutes speaking with each of them. That was just a little practice and not an actual sarging session, so I set up no goal.

On cold approach.
I do need to become more sexual though: think about sex while approaching, hold the tension... I've just had a conversation with galaxy_pua in the chat. It seems like the conversation does not even really matters, it's just about having enough time to make her feel the "vibe" of your body language and eye-contact. I was missing that one thing: eye contact and body language are actually THE key elements.

Time for me to sleep. Last chance to do some game in France tomorrow.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Come on . . . this is simple! What about the camera you have in your photo? Looks like a fancy little toy to me. You bring that around, take photos . . . and even while you chat you go, "Wait a second . . ." - snap, snap. You know your camera don't you? The lens, the memory, speed, etc . . . Wouldn't you feel comfortable chatting and using your camera in front of others? Where would you like to travel to take photos? Where have you already been? A passport alone can spark a great conversation.
^Not that this is wrong but I believe most guys believe in 'sex, sex, sex' because this is the way THEY FUNCTION. They can't imagine that another person (a woman) cannot be turned on by crazy porn and highly sexual, extroverted chats about sex.

To me, creating a "CONNECTION" is more important than escalating sexuality. Even the freakiest chicks get turned on through some sort of emotional connection. Once you have that, everything becomes a green light.

Guess you're right!
I do think like you and I'm not in that state of mind either. What I'm saying, as you understood, is that I think that having a sexual tension in me while I approach is a good thing. In other word, being "turned on" will maybe prevent me from the most basic friendly conversations. Yet, for now, I really don't feel that "sexual tension" I may have experienced with pleasure on some of my first sarging sessions. I guess it will come back with Brazil.
Sure! I'm going a little fast here about the all "body language and eye contact is THE shit!". I was just wondering how to set up a sexual/seduction frame with a "target" (don't like that word). I understood how body language and eye contact were crucial for that. I thought it was just about showing that you're not affraid of talking to a girl, that you're a man... but it's more than that. I should use both of these "skills" on purpose.

In general, I realized I'm too RATIONAL. I should be crazier.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)