Practical Attainment of Inner Game. (Contributions Welcome!)


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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 4:33 pm 
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Posts that are not practical contributions or grounded in experience will be subject to removal.

I want to highlight, that I personally disagree with claims that PU will change your life for the better. The self help industry (and by that title PU included) is crammed with frauds looking to prey on losers with more money than sense.

There are alot of myths passed around about what will change you and what won't, so much so that even after studying the psychology of learning and attitude change, it's still unclear what exactly is "true" with regards to Self help.

My view is that the problem with pick up right now is that it has become far too self important and is concerning itself with matters that it doesn't understand. In my opinion PUA's should stick to their field of expertise (getting laid) rather than wander of into the worlds of councilling which PU does not cover of train PUA's for.

What this is, is an approach via methodical planning and consistency to get results in an area that you want to excell in.

------------------
LEARNING
------------------

1. 7 P's

Prior
Planning
and
Preperation
Prevents
Piss
Poor
Performance

Think through what you want to achieve, how you achieve this, when you will do this, how often you will practise and how you will know you have achieved your goal.

EXAMPLE
Time: Week 1
Goal: Have strong Eye Contact.
Method: Keep self aware and coinciosuly count 5 conversations every day of this week where you maintain Eye Contact for longer than the other person/s you are talking to.
Measure: E/C has become more instinctual and automatic.

2. Re-evaluate.

If your plan doesn't work out, (and at some point it will fail) then look over your plan and change it for next time. Was their enough time to complete objectives? Was your measuring system effective? Were you specefic enough about when you would practise and learn new skills?

3. Do Less Achieve More.

Focus on one thing at a time during your periods of "change" to keep your rate of progress effective.

For instance, the goals for Week one could be purely about Eye contact and good body language.

With your attention centred, not only will your thoughts be less clutered but you will be more aware about what you want to change.

4. Read, Apply, Observe Apply.

Read about and observe the themes you want to embody, the more you are exposed to the stimulus you want to mimic or assimilate, just thinking about Smiling when opening for instance, or training hard to improve your hockey game can go a long way in un-consciously motivating yourself to make difficult decisions.

5. Expressive Writing.

Whether this is lists of things that make you feel good, recounting bad expriences or examining your own thoughts about yourself and others. Expressive writing allows for something that in head or person to person talk doesn't.

It allows you to structure and observe your thoughts which has a plethora of benefits in reducing anxiety, motivating yourself, over-coming negative expreiences, generating new healthier beliefs about the world and just all round making you feel happier.

To sumarise.

1. Plan, in detail. A plan with details included is golden.
2. When things go wrong, assess your plan for changes.
3. Do less, achieve more. Focus on the important by ignoring the un-important.
4. Surround yourself with your virtues.
5. Use expressive writing to journal thoughts and make sense of your "internal chatter".


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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 5:05 pm 
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As I see it there are only 3 ways to develop strong inner game. & these three things are action, reading books, and therapy. Through action you develop confidence. Through books you develop understanding. Through therapy you also develop understanding but you also change up your belief systems. For me the best way to get into state before going out is through meditation. It quites down your mind and you instantly become more attractive because your more relaxed and chill. Your body movements are slower, your facial expressions are different, and your tone ov voice is more relaxed.

Therapy is a great way to develop strong inner game. Im not talking about some regular talk therapy but about EMDR. This therapy is strictly used to change our belief systems from the past. It also raises your self-esteem like no other. & the best thing is that the beliefs you go over in the session become installed permanently. No bullshit no nothing. But theres a price and that price is always money.

IT was also reccommended by Vin Dicarlo and I think Mystery went through the same therapy too.

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 5:34 pm 
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Before I ever try to build inner game in a person, I find it useful to first get them to be honest about how they view themselves and the person they'd like to be. One way I've found very effective at this is getting them to visualize the type of man they'd really like to be--how he'd speak, how he'd respond to certain situations, his walk, the way he dresses, his outlook on life, etc.

The reason this works is because it draws a bridge between a person's current beliefs--the way they see the world due to social conditioning, beliefs imposed by authority figures, etc.-- and their core values--what they actually believe on a subconscious level beneath all the shit that's been piled on top of it.

When a person's current beliefs become more closely aligned with their core values, confidence springs from that because they are behaving in a way that is congruent with their subconscious mind. In some cases, this has been all that's necessary to help a person.

Your boy,
870

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http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)


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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 2:06 am 
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There is a fundamental theory in psychology you need to grasp before approaching any inner game strategies. It's the ABC's: Affect, Behavior, Cognition. Each of these influence the other. The key to successful inner game exercises is to either use exercises that attempt to change all three or use a cluster of exercises that target them individually. I'm going to give you a brief introduction followed by concepts used and examples, so you can understand the processes at work.

Journaling
Journaling is a pretty powerful tool in attaining inner game. Field Reports/Lay Reports are part of this journaling, but journaling is much broader than that. One writes of any experience that is important, both in a positive or negative way. What you write about is really important in this. If it's positive, you want to outline how much you've improved from where you started at. If its negative, you always must point out ways to improve for next time.

You can also do a daily journal in addition to event journaling, where you list 5 positive aspects about yourself or things that happened that day. This constantly primes a person to more positive things that happened, that they may have taken for granted. If 5 is too easy, you do 10. The subject of these lists changes depending on what the person needs to improve on. It's been shown to work by doing Thankful Journals, Positive Traits, etc.

Quote about this:
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make our world.
-Buddha

Quote:
“Write continuously about the most upsetting or traumatic experience of your entire life. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or sentence structure. In your writing, I want you to discuss your deepest thoughts and feelings about the experience. You can write about anything you want. But whatever you choose, it should be something that has affected you very deeply. Ideally, it should be about something you have not talked about with others in detail. It is critical, however, that you let yourself go and touch those deepest emotions and thoughts that you have. In other words, write about what happened and how you felt about it, and how you feel about it now. Finally, you can write on different traumas during each session or the same one over the entire study. Your choice of trauma for each session is entirely up to you.”

Finding of Journaling About Negative Experiences:

• Coping through writing (Pennebaker, 1997)
– reduced anxiety
– 50% drop in visits to doctor
– immune system and overall health improved
– general emotional well-being increased
– became more social
– found gender differences
– replicated across cultures

Links to contribute to knowledge of effective journaling:
http://law.jrank.org/pages/1124/Excuse- ... shing.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_p ... d_optimism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy
http://michaelgr.com/2007/04/15/fixed-m ... e-are-you/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_

Self Concordant Goals
There has been a recent rise in the Field Report section of various “Learning Journals.” As a result, it made me remember research regarding goal setting that I skipped over when compiling this post about journaling. Research shows that the more meaningful a goal is, the greater potential it has for increasing our overall well being. Self concordant goals are long term goals which are intrinsically motivated. When one sets a goal that is both meaningful and congruent what they want – not what a PUA Forum or society expects, they not only are more likely to achieve their goals but also increase their levels of happiness/wellbeing, are more successful in future endeavors, and experience an increased motivation which lowers procrastination.

Sheldon and Houser-Marko wrote:
"those who began the semester with goals that matched their implicit values and interests were better able to attain those goals over the semester, which in turn led to increased adjustment. Goal attainment yielded an additional benefit in that high-achieving participants felt a greater sense of self-determination in their second-semester goals, which in turn predicted even higher levels of attainment during the second semester" (pp. 160-161)


It has been found the more meaningful the goal, the larger the possible impact. This was hinted at 870’s post of aligning yourself with who you want to be. Meaningful means the goals are pursued out of deep personal conviction and/or a strong self interest. These goals are free from the desire to impress others.

Tal Ben Sha-har in Happier wrote:
Many people in enlightened democracies spend much of their time feeling enslaved -- not by the regime but by extrinsic factors that are self-imposed, such as prestige, a desire to please, obligation, or fear. They experience life as more or less a series of chores that they have to carry out rather than activities that they want to engage in. "Have-tos"...are not self-concordant...


At the foundation of this all, it deals with our goals aligning with our needs, values, and our self concept of ours self. These kinds of goals, unlike extrinsically motivated ones, have been shown to increase levels of well being AND help become more successful at achieving goals. What this means is that internally you will benefit in a way other types of goals lack, while experiencing an increased motivation and success in future outer game pursuits.

Links for further information:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/don ... -happiness
http://lifetwo.com/production/node/2007 ... e-of-goals
http://academic.udayton.edu/jackbauer/P ... 20copy.pdf


Mindfulness Exercises and Exercise
A lot of inner game issues are depression and anxieties. Meditation and exercise have both been shown to change the physiology of the body, enabling the person to feel better. Exercise is actually shown to be the more effective treatment for depression. Meditation has been shown an effective treatment for social anxieties and other things that hinder the progression of PUAs. Meditation changes the structure of the brain, while exercise releases useful chemicals into the system. This make someone more confident, less easily aroused and stressed, and more calm in new situations. Meditation is the best example of mindfulness exercises, but it can be done with anything, including music, dance, exercise, etc.

Quote:
“In a way, exercise can be thought of as a psychiatrist’s dream treatment. It works on anxiety, on panic disorder, and on stress in general, which has a lot to do with depression. And it generates the release of neurotransmitters—norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine—that are very similar to our most important psychiatric medicines. Having a bout of exercise is like taking a little bit of Prozac and a little bit of Ritalin, right where it is supposed to go.”
John Ratey

Quote:
“Studies of short-term mood indicate that positive affect is more related to action than to thought, such that it is easier to induce a state of high positive affect through doing than through thinking... Two broad classes of activity are particularly conducive to elevated positive mood: (a) socializing and interpersonal behavior and (b) exercise and physical activity.”
David Watson



Links about meditation and exercise:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broaden-and-build
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_app ... meditation
http://stress.about.com/od/tensiontamer ... rcises.htm

Link on how to meditate
http://www.dharmaweb.org/index.php/The_ ... rahmavamso

Acting Confidently
This doesn't need explaining. This is the classic Mystery "Fake it till you make it" strategy. Notice the reason it's not really affective is it only focuses on Behavior. But when combined with exercises that target Affect and Cognition, it proves much more useful.

Links about fake it or make it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-perception_theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fake_it_till_you_make_it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_feedback

Reframing Thought Patterns
Force yourself to look at things from other perspectives. Example of thought patterns that need to be changed:
Quote:
The Ten Cognitive Distortions (David Burns)
1. All-or-nothing thinking
2. Over-generalization
3. Mental filter
4. Disqualifying the positive
5. Jumping to conclusions
-----Mind reading
-----Fortune telling
6. Magnifying or minimizing
7. Emotional reasoning
8. ‘Should’ or ‘must’ statements
9. Labeling
10. Personalization and blame


RockStar_dallas wrote:


Here is a list of common Cognitive Distortions, always challenge your own thoughts.

1. Filtering.

We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking).

In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

3. Overgeneralization.

In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

4. Jumping to Conclusions.

Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.

For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

5. Catastrophizing.

We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).

For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).

With practice, you can learn to answer each of these cognitive distortions.
6. Personalization.

Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

7. Control Fallacies.

If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

8. Fallacy of Fairness.

We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.

9. Blaming.

We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

10. Shoulds.

We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.

11. Emotional Reasoning.

We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

12. Fallacy of Change.

We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling.

We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.

For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”

14. Always Being Right.

We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy.

We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.


Link to cognitive distortions: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

Examples of other Cognitive Reframes:
• Challenge or threat (Tomaka et al., 1997)
• Arousal as euphoria or anger (Schachter & Singer, 1962)
• Cooperation or competition (Ross & Samuels, 1993)
• Volunteering as privilege or duty (Lareau, 2004)
• Relationships about being known or being validated (Schnarch, 1997)
• Failure as opportunity or disaster
• Work as exercise or chore

Links
approach-anticipation-excitement-vt35880.html?highlight=approach
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 125257.htm
http://michaelgr.com/2007/04/15/fixed-m ... e-are-you/
http://www.enotalone.com/article/5412.html
http://health.discovery.com/centers/men ... imism.html

Sleep
Sleep is critical in so many things. Basically it'll affect performance on skills and even which events you remember (Sleep deprivation makes people forget the positive occurrence but remember negative). This subject is too diverse for links, just trust me.

Quote:
“Effects of sleep deprivation on health and well-being have been documented by research. Cognitive skills and physical performance are impaired by sleep deprivation, but mood is affected even more. People who get less than a full night's sleep are prone to feel less happy, more stressed, more physically frail and more mentally and physically exhausted as a result. Sufficient sleep makes us feel better, happier, more vigorous and vital.”
William Dement


Self Efficacy
This is learning that one is able to achieve the goals they want to. The basic way to cultivate this is to go outside your comfort zone and try new things. Once you fail, you cope with the failure, try again and succeed. Ultimately what breeds the confidence isn't the successes, but rather the realization that one can cope with failure. That's when self efficacy is developed.

Links about Self Efficacy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-efficacy
http://www.des.emory.edu/mfp/BanEncy.html
http://projects.coe.uga.edu/epltt/index ... f-Efficacy


Buddhism
It's increasingly being found that a lot of Buddhist principles are very similar in restructuring thought patterns, by changing cognitions and behaviors. Not all are really useful in PUA, but several are.

Image

And the 10 grave precepts from the Zen tradition:
    Affirm life; Do not kill
    Be giving; Do not steal
    Honor the body; Do not misuse sexuality
    Manifest truth; Do not lie
    Proceed clearly; Do not cloud the mind
    See the perfection; Do not speak of others' errors and faults
    Realize self and other as one; Do not elevate the self and blame others
    Give generously; Do not be withholding
    Actualize harmony; Do not be angry

Links about Buddhism's Applications:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Prece ... n_Precepts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism_and_psychology

Positive Psychology
Really useful field filled with tons of inner game help. Be careful though, as psuedo scientists love to use the label to propagate their self help junk. Positive psych is what drew my attention to Buddhism.

Link to Powerpoints of the classes I watched on the internet:
http://isites.harvard.edu/icb/icb.do?ke ... .page69146

Cultivation of Self Esteem
These are the things that have been researched and shown to cultivate self esteem. They are located in the self esteem powerpoint from the Harvard Lectures.

    Exercise
    Sleep
    Touch
    Induce calm
    Slave to passions
    Finding flow
    Coping
    Humble behavior
    Taking time

Links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_

Goal Setting
This is breaking up the final goal into small, measurable goals that show the progress the person is doing. This can then be journaled about. Commitment and consistency is big here. If you say your going to do it, especially to a PUA coach, you'll feel obligated to do it. Goals and the pursuits of goals should have this:

• Clear sense of direction
• Immediate feedback
• Written plan (Claypool & Cangemi, 1983)
• Specific goals (Ajzen & Fishbein, 1982)
• Setting lifelines (Tami, 1999)
– goals in-spire
– goals are life-enhancing
• Go public (telling people so they hold you accountable)

Also, making sure goals are self concordant. This means basically if you had a vin diagram of the below three questions, your goals would fit into where the circles over lap. 870 mentioned this and correctly diagnosed why it work.

Three question process
• What is meaningful to me? What is important to me?
• What is pleasurable to me? What do I enjoy doing?
• What are my strengths? What am I good at?


Visualizations
870 mentioned this above. While from what I remember, it doesn't really work for the reasons 870 mentioned, it doesn't change it works. This is the only tool I don't use and as a result, I don't remember much about the research or ways of utilizing it. I do know that in one study, one group visualized getting an A on a test, while the other group visualized working hard and getting an A on a test. That simple intervention yielded significantly higher grades for the work group. It may have something to do with visualizations leads to beliefs, which creates cognitive dissonance. It's basically a more realistic version of "The Secret". Sorry I can't tell you more about this though.

I borrowed a lot from the Positive Psych lectures to keep my thoughts organized. I hope I remembered all of them, but this should give anyone tons of tools they can select from. I personally think mindfulness is one of the easiest yet effective ones, from both research and my life. I still do the mindfulness and journaling, but have done all these of varying degree and continue to do them. You can never have too stable of an inner game IMO :)

The below were added after the initial post, to keep information in one place.

Systematic Desensitization

The basic method in systematic desensitization is teaching a student a coping mechanism for their stress -- like relabeling that emotion or deep breathing -- coupled with gradual exposure to the stimulus which causes the anxiety, stress, worry, panic, etc. Instead of trying to do things like go to a club and sarge, an AFC may be much more able and willing to do an approach during the day just saying Hi. As the anxiety of those approaches decreases, then another goal is set that has higher level of anxiety. You use these escalating goals in the direction of the final goal (sarging in the club), so that your becoming desensitized to all the things leading up to that. By the time you achieve the final goal, you've improved drastically on your social anxiety. This can be applied to many things, but AA is the most common method.

Example:
Approach old men and women. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach ugly girls your age. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach attractive girls you are. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.

Links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization

Sarging
After reading this thread today, I realized I didn't discuss sarging! Many people like to try to get inner game first and outer game second, but this simply isn't how it works. Getting experiences that affirm your cognitions of "I am a cool guy" or "I am an attractive guy" is very important in this ABC model. Even if you think your the bomb, if you keep getting rejected you're going to get very uncomfortable psychologically. Even if you met your future wife, I'd advise you to stay single and keep sarging for a time period (it is your choice how far you go in those sarges).

The reason is you need the experiences to shape your world view and break your old one, which is going to require time and patience!


Last edited by Hobbit on Sun Jun 24, 2012 2:32 pm, edited 8 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:07 am 
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Great response Hobbit.

If someone were to ask me to tell them one thing that would improve their life it would be...

EXERCISE ! ( reiterating Hobbits' post )

If you do one thing every day to improve yourself, exercise. It improves EVERY aspect of your life. I seriously would put this top of the list.

Byron


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PostPosted: Thu May 27, 2010 12:40 am 
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The fastest, most time tested, low risk, high reward method for building self esteem (which obviously is a huge component of inner game) is hitting the gym.

The gains you make in the weight room are concrete, measurable, and definable. Knowing for a fact that you have made progress is the most effective way of ensuring that you continue on the path towards progress.

Not to mention, working out will make you healthier, and will without a doubt make you more attractive.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:50 pm 
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Systematic Desensitization

The basic method in systematic desensitization is teaching a student a coping mechanism for their stress -- like relabeling that emotion or deep breathing -- coupled with gradual exposure to the stimulus which causes the anxiety, stress, worry, panic, etc. Instead of trying to do things like go to a club and sarge, an AFC may be much more able and willing to do an approach during the day just saying Hi. As the anxiety of those approaches decreases, then another goal is set that has higher level of anxiety. You use these escalating goals in the direction of the final goal (sarging in the club), so that your becoming desensitized to all the things leading up to that. By the time you achieve the final goal, you've improved drastically on your social anxiety. This can be applied to many things, but AA is the most common method.

Example:
Approach old men and women. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach ugly girls your age. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.
Approach attractive girls you are. Get comfortable doing it, then move onto next step.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:22 am 
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The book Feeling Good by Dr. Burns to learn to talk balk to negative thoughts and get healthy self esteem. I use it, helped a lot.
http://books.google.com/books?id=UaEg_u ... ns&f=false


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 5:48 pm 
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poeticlyskuac wrote:
Write down every compliment you have ever heard. Read them every day. Every time you get a compliment write it down.

Handing other people compliments also helps, I recommend complimenting accessories, style, or character(not looks). It makes you more confident because you can endorse the strengths of others. Always remember if you make everyone around you feel good than it is easier for you to feel good and confident. Part of charisma is accepting your humiliation while making everyone feel good. Every insult I get I blow out of proportion while accepting them and laughing at it in front and at the person. Life is truly funny, remember don't take life so seriously you will never get out of it alive.

This is one of my favorites. Write down 100 things you love about your self, whether it is your hair, smile, laugh, eyes, knowledge, friends, family, intelligence, sense of humor, add more every day and read them every day. When you do these types of things like focus on how great you are rather than your negatives it will lift your confidence tremendously. While I agree with Hobbit's post, I would say that it is very simple just find out what you like/love about yourself and expand it. You may not realize how great a person you are until you expect yourself to be great through what you love of yourself.

These things can make you confident in a hurry because when you read all the compliments you have been given it gives you validation. When you read all the things you love about yourself it will become ingrained in your mind. You are this guy other people have said it about and you are this guy who loves a lot about yourself.

I actually wrote it across my mirror, every time I see me, I see a guy who has compliments written all over him. Things I love about me, things said about me.

Confidence is about nothing more than self love. Comfortable with who you are and love who you are. I have also been on this kick lately where I have been saying to myself I am the man. Visualizing exercises are very good, every day when you wake up see who you want to be. Every time you go to sleep doze off thinking of this guy you want to be. Through out the day think of yourself as that guy, you are that guy. Soon enough you will be him. There are some good NLP tactics to helping change your mind about yourself.



poeticlyskuac wrote:
I think this one of the greatest ways to build confidence. There is a lot to come to terms with about yourself, the majority of us focus on our flaws, we don't realize how much we have going for us. Every person is unique and has something interesting about them. Every person has lots of great qualities. It doesn't mean that you aren't as good as someone with what ever advantage. A lot of time we focus on our flaws, most of us focus on our physical attributes, in reality people(men and women) would rather have a fun ugly person than a obnoxious good looking person. Our physical attributes mean very little to our company after thirty seconds, it is our character that will make the moment, the things that makes us interesting that make us fun. Don't take this to mean you shouldn't dress well or groom yourself, both of those things will give you even more confidence, your presentation of yourself is very important.

I give away a lot of compliments every day(to men and women) and working in grocery I see a lot of people, I receive just as many or more compliments. Just make sure you don't compliment their physical attributes like everyone else does, their shirt, skirt, bracelet, glasses(this one is huge), necklace, dress, shoes, hair, things that are choices that they make, parts of their personality and presentation. I'd recommend finding ways to compliment others so it sounds witty and less generic. I like, that is cool, sweet, etc. I love works more often than any of the generalities.

Those are smooth ground grippers(kicks, floor lovers, etc. rather than shoes).
That is a slick necklace.
Quality decision on selecting those earrings.
Your threads are nasty smooth.
That was a good moment when you selected those glasses.

I give a lot of compliments that are stunning but will make them turn red rather than blow you off. A lot of people talk about negs, but I don't neg as hard, I am rather playful. It is the way I say my compliments that make me different it also helps you do back handed compliments easier. It is always good when everyone feels good around you, you also naturally become the Alphas, your comfortable and everyone is comfortable. Complimenting Alphas works very well in disarming them, they like you now, you endorse their strengths and play cool while at the same time show it doesn't mean much, your not scared of their best feature.

When you compliment someone it shouldn't be a big deal, there is a lot to be said about a great compliment. I have never been shut down for saying your earrings are smooth. Those are some smooth ground grippers. Look at you little mama togged out to the bricks. They just need to realize you give everyone compliments it is not a big deal.

Remember the more compliments you will send out the more you will receive. I compliment a necklace half the time I get a compliment back on mine, I wear an Aztec calendar medallion every where I go.

To me this is the biggest part of getting confidence is giving compliments, because you receive so many in return. It is important however to be able to just say thank you, that is very nice of you, remember you will be getting compliments all the time. Receiving compliments should make you happy but as a confident human you know that about your self, they just gave you some validation. Just because someone gives you a compliment doesn't mean you owe them one. A confident person knows how to receive a compliment

I have got some ridiculous compliments ones that have literally scared the hell out of me. One lady told me(more than one has said something similar) when ever I am having a bad day if your here and I come in you make me feel better automatically. That to me was almost like pressure to be that guy, who I didn't try to be. Another one said everyone in the store can be happier when you are here. I get compliments every day, some of them are so tremendous both of those struck me as the best I have ever received. Compliments on other things are awesome but I mean that is to me the best compliment you can ever receive, that is saying you are a tremendous human being, and what person shouldn't enjoy your company? What girl wouldn't be lucky to date a guy that is like that? How could that not boost your confidence? All because I consistently hand out compliments, what you give is what you will receive.

Someone who has charisma makes people around them feel good, show they are human just like them. A charismatic person is always on level with the person/people they are talking to, they are never better.

Sorry but to me handing compliments out is more important than the rest of the things I said because you receive validation from everyone around you. The fact that you did the other things helps reinforce all of those things. You inscribed all those compliments, you inscribed everything you like/love about yourself, you reconfirm all of this when you read it. You aren't lying to yourself that is the best thing about it all. LONG POST I APOLOGIZE!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:28 pm 
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Posting to find be able to find this thread later.

Thanks to all for posting I need a lil inner/self confidence building and this seems it could be helpfull.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 10:53 pm 
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Has anyone tried Approaching Confidence bye PUA training?

Ive used it and got big results fast. No more approach anxiety for me.

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Sticksies PUA Blog http://sticksiespuablog.com


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 6:50 pm 
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best forum on the subject I have ever seen in my life, thank you friends!

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the possibility of victory, is on the attack. Who defends himself shows that his strength is inadequate; who attacks shows that it is abundant


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 Post subject: Thanks OP!
PostPosted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:49 pm 
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Thanks OP! This stuff is gold. Definitely empowering through knowledge.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:18 pm 
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From everything I have read, both here and else where, about success, happiness, spirituality, confidence, ect all boils down to one thing....

Worthiness.

This is what everyone refers to here as inner game.


If you truly believe you are worthy of something, there is no stopping you getting what you desire. Women, money, happiness, success.

what is worthiness?
Worthiness is the removal of doubt.
If you have no doubts about yourself, you free yourself from fear.
Once you are free you will become empowered to do anything you choose, and succeed at it without limit.

How do you remove doubt?
This is very tricky, but it can be achieved by removing negativity from your life.
Every time you think or say something negative you re-enforce your doubt. A technique I have been learning is to remove the words NO, CANT, and DONT from everything I say and think. Its a tricky thing to do, but now after a month of actively trying, things are getting much easier and my whole outlook and attitude towards life is changing.

My positivity is starting to help me manifest the world I want to in. For once in my life I know that I have some control about the direction of my life and the things happening within it.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:03 pm 
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I feel as if this thread has steered away from it's intended goals and I'm hoping I can steer it back there.

I'm currently on a search for much more defined method of blasting through inner game problems people have. While there is a vast amount of information on the subject I have yet to find anything that outlines a clear method of addressing the major issues.

I believe that this issue of inner game is actually less debilitating in men than it is in women. In my experience I've found men are much easier to move forward through change despite having issues such as low self esteem (in my opinion the biggest problem that plagues people seeking help from anything - such as pua). Men will push through low self esteem and go to the gym, or change the way they look, knowing that self esteem will follow these actions.

Women on the other hand are entirely different, I've found that if a woman has low self esteem it is virtually impossible to get her to make positive steps towards improving herself. For example, I take the philosophy of "there are no ugly people, only lazy people", the vast majority of women can look good if they put the effort in, good hair, doing their make up well, etc etc, these changes can almost instantly make a woman attractive. Yet, the problem I find is the women with low self esteem, despite being told and shown this, will not make this effort because of their low self esteem, it completely destroys their motivation, they feel as if it's all pointless.


So, back to my original point, I think that it would be highly useful if we can create a clear and concise method for blasting these issues entirely. While it is less useful to men as they can usually work through it, I find that teaching women with these issues is almost impossible.

In order to try and create such a method, I think the best place to start would be to take all of the major inner game issues and order them. Two lists are appropriate here, most common, and most debilitating.

From this we can start addressing every issue in specifics and create a clear and concise method overall.


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