I am sorry if, as a female, it's inappropriate for me to be asking advice here (if so can you please direct me to another site I can go to for help?!), but I can't find any active female PUA communities, and I am really frustrated because I just want to get laid FFS!

I am a 26 year old single woman with no desire to have children. I am obsessed with sex, not because of an abnormality in my libido, but because I enjoy it so much that it often becomes a psychological fixation for me.

I have a problem with men losing interest in having sex with me, despite having been told numerous times by different men that I am good in bed. I have discussed this with my psychologist and a like minded friend who suffers the same problem, and we have come up with the following possibilities:

- I scare them off because I like sex more than they do
- I'm too easy and they've got me wrapped around their little finger so they get bored really quickly because they don't have to earn it / work for it / it's not a challenge / there's no thrill of the chase and then they feel like "okay, been there, done that"
- Men aren't actually as obsessed with sex as they like everyone to think they are, so they're mostly all talk and no action
- They find my love of sex / confidence / sexual liberation emasculating somehow
- They feel like they can't seduce me, because I'm already seduced, so then they don't feel like they've achieved anything that panders their ego
- They find my upfront attitude unusual and don't know what to make of it
- Instinctually and / or from the traditional Christian culture, the attitude of "women shouldn't enjoy sex" hasn't quite dissipated yet, despite it no longer being relevant
- When push comes to shove, they're really just a bunch of backward misogynists
- They are too insecure to handle a sexually confident woman

A lot of overgeneralising there, but I think you get the idea.

I find the vast majority of men to be very unattractive and I live in an isolated city with a fairly small population, so I cannot afford to scare them off like this!

Perhaps I shouldn't be so forward, but I tend to find that men are absolutely hopeless at picking up on hints, so it's very difficult to strike the right balance, especially because every guy and situation is different.

I also do find the concept of playing games to be very grating to my person and already feel that I take that as far as I can bear by being careful to act more casual than I really want to, as I am well aware that being too keen / clingy / available is never attractive. Not to mention the fact that I find controlling myself intensely frustrating!

Also, I know it's been said that if seeking a romantic relationship, one should not sleep with the guy on a first date, and that one should be in tune with how to please oneself in order to show such restraint. While I don't particularly mind either way whether or not I get a relationship, as long as I get to have sex, perhaps given my situation a relationship would be the best way to guarantee that my sexual needs are met.

My problem is that although I have plenty of sex toys and enjoy watching pornography, I find masturbation in general to be quite boring, and usually after orgasming I end up feeling more frustrated because I haven't had intercourse with a real person.

Also, I am not sure I understand exactly why it is so important to abstain from sex at the beginning of a relationship, aside from when it comes to a man's attitude towards female sexual liberation. In that case, I would just like to say that where I am fussy when it comes to who I choose to have sex with, I am even more discerning when it comes to having a relationship with a man, and I would definitely consider him sharing similar sexual values to mine as being fairly non-negotiable. And such a man would not view me in a negative light or rule me out as relationship material just for sleeping with him on a first date.

I would be extremely grateful if any of you could provide a male perspective, as well as any advice or suggestions in relation to the matters I have raised. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

personally, i think you are jumping to too many conclusions about men. First off, i think your problem is with where you live more so than it is with men. You mentioned you live in a small town. I think you need to move to a bigger city, that way you will be more likely to find a guy, or perhaps a few guys who are down with straight sex. I would also suggest you date younger men, because they tend to already be focused on sex primarily.

Your problem is that there seems to be een internal paradox in what you are saying:
all you want is casual sex (am I correct?) but you expect men to like you for more after the sex (again not certain if correctly interpreted?)
You get what you give.

To me there's nothing wrong with a woman with strong sexual desire, I think it's cool actually, but I can understand that many men bend under the pressure. I've had many women bending under the pressure too. It's simply not socially acceptable to be a nympho or a manwhore. (with the second being far more accepted)

And finally: when you're the one who wants it, you're the one who's gaming so the male ego boost thing is doesn't make sense.

Best of luck

Firstly, I would like to welcome you to the forum and it's perfectly appropriate to be asking advice here. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say that female presence is appreciated on the forum.

Now, to the query at hand...
If you don't mind I'd like to address the viability of your "possibilities" one by one..
Men are never scared away by a woman liking sex more than they do. In fact, it's a very big turn-on, because then, we don't have to come up with excuses to initiate the act or plant the idea in her mind.

This is a very common misunderstanding amongst women. Men don't want to chase all the time. In fact, most men get "bored" not because they miss the chase but because their current attachments becoming devoid of any form of thrill or variety and hence, they seek other options. The fact that the guys you were with got bored is directly related to your ability or lack there of, to keep things unpredictable and spicy in the bedroom. No one wants to eat the same food every day, same way no one wants to indulge in the same act the same way every day. I hope you understand.
How much does "everyone" think we are obsessed with sex, anyway?

That aside, men have a lot of things on their mind, given sex is a very recurrent thought, but there's also work, money, sports, cars etc. A man can be "obsessed" with any one of them as likely as he could be with sex. It's not a general judgement, as you've made it out to be.
Rest assured you, the "real" men actually find it very attractive. I cannot speak for the others as I cannot see things their way.
What do you mean that you're "already seduced"?

That positively makes no sense. Seduction is fun, agreed. But, we all appreciate the simple things in life, be it pick-ups or adding two and two.

Maybe, you might have a point about lack of ego gratification, but then it just means that he cares more about his ego, than you which makes one wonder why you choose to be with such a guy in the first place.
Again that is directly related to how comfortable a man is in his beliefs regarding the female expression of sexuality. Some men revel in it, others do not.

and again, it is not a general judgement of the whole kind.
I am not a Christian and I won't answer this from that aspect.

But, as far as "women shouldn't enjoy sex" goes, that idea was completely decimated by the rise of the pornographic industry which basically had the motto that "Women enjoy sex as much if not more than Men." plus a man's satisfaction is often directly related to how much his woman enjoys sex with him.
This is a damning judgement and again, you're just shooting words off to justify stuff. This is by no means the collective answer to the question that is Man.
Maybe some are. But, the names of those who aren't run well into the millions too. Why the hate?
Now, this is the interesting part.

You call the majority of them "very unattractive", which implies that you're very strict in your choosing standards, yet you said "I'm too easy and they've got me wrapped around their little finger" which completely blows away that analysis. If you are indeed this choosy, you should have no problem in finding the kind of "attractive" men with the qualities you desire. Being picky means that you are very careful in choosing the kind of items that have the traits you are looking for, and if your as picky as you would like us to believe than shouldn't you already pick men who'd enjoy your voracious sexual appetite? Think about it.

Well, I will agree with you that the majority of guys are hopeless at picking up hints from women, but that is why Pick Up Artistry was founded in the first place. To help guys understand the female kind better.
It's refreshing to hear that you do not believe in playing games and being coy about things. Also, you shouldn't control yourself when it comes to the things which do mean something to you.
A relationship can be fulfilling in a lot of ways, but it should be with the right person. Otherwise you're just stuck in a rut where some of your needs are met but the ones which aren't greatly outrank the once which are and that is never a good thing. For both the parties involved in it.
If you pay close attention than you've answered your question yourself.

Well, I have tried my level best to give you some of the answers, from my perspective, but of course, I am not the final authority. You should come by regularly to see if more people have replied to this topic, which I am sure they will.

Good luck to you, in all your endeavors.

I should probably just stipulate that I've only had one relationship that lasted a bit over two years, and had no problem getting him to have sex with me. So my complaints are really about guys that I'm not in an actual relationship with.
Yeah, you're right... Unfortunately moving is not an option for me at the moment.
Well when I've had sex with guys who I hardly know, I really view them as just a piece of meat... So in that case I wouldn't expect anything from them except more sex, which I don't see why that would be asking too much, since guys are apparently so into sex... Is it unreasonable to expect that I can just continue to have no strings attached sex with them if we've both had a good time?
Wow, what a relief! I signed up at a different forum and they promptly deleted my account and post with no explanation or notification!
I do understand, and I totally agree... Variety is the spice of life! But so say I hooked up with a guy one time and he appeared to enjoy himself and even said he did and then he just ignores me after? I mean, I don't think I have made it clear from my post how much I desperately want sex all the time and fucking worship sex... Maybe he got scared?
I would have thought so... Perhaps I have just been unlucky.
Like, when I decide I am attracted to a guy it means that I want to fuck him and he doesn't have to seduce me because I've already decided... He doesn't have to do anything except go along with it.
Well if we were just hooking up and didn't have any other form of relationship than just sex then of course he would care more about his ego than me, and I would care more about my ego than I would about him.
Porn is soooo awesome. And those stupid sex negative feminists can fuck off. If only most women weren't so retarded and realised how awesome porn is, I think they'd be so much less inclined to worry about if their butt is too big. *rolls eyes*
Ugh, I know. Just sooo frustrated! Need cock!
When I said "I'm too easy and they've got me wrapped around their little finger", I was referring to the guys that I do find attractive... I come on pretty strong with them. I'm always let them know just how fussy I am so that they know I'm not just your average slut that will hook up with just anyone. (Now there'd be the answer to my problems, but I tried that and found sex to be really pointless when I'm not attracted to the person.)
Well it can be difficult to know whether they'll enjoy my appetite until after the fact! And it's not like I can ask them, because they'll just say that's awesome or whatever and then ignore me afterwards like the others have!
Yes, it is soooo awesome! And from what I have read, I really do think those techniques would work on me! I always wondered why some people are sooo charming and others are just not at all!
Great, so I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life, having a ONS every six months on average...
Thank you very much!

The unfortunate thing is these are all correct, The simple fact is guy want to work for something at least a little, doesn't always have to be much but studies have shown that guy are 1 more attracted to girls that put up a little fight and 2 are generally happier in relationships that have started with "traditional" courting (not 50's traditional, today traditional)

there is a lot to cover to really put this problem to rest (much like an AFC saying I cant get girls, help me) but I would start by looking into escalation, holding back and allowing a "moment" to happen as apposed to just jumping a guy, basic body language and calibration and in the end your going to need to learn some relationship management to set apart the guys you want for SNL's FWB and LTR's.


First break down what goals you have in relationships low commitment, no commitment and high commitment. Identify what your sticking points are (where things fall apart) and do your best to form more exact or defined questions around these goals and sticking points.

If you need any help with where to start just ask

_________________
"J, I guess yer so amazing in bed you send the girls into a transcendent state where they realize their own mortality and are shaken by the realization that their presence bears little impact on the universe, or they just realized they hate you"
-DJ_Z

I just added you to the female forum, at the main screen scroll down to the bottom and you'll see a new link called "Zip's students" click on that and your in the girls only section.


Good luck

Vitamin-J

_________________
"J, I guess yer so amazing in bed you send the girls into a transcendent state where they realize their own mortality and are shaken by the realization that their presence bears little impact on the universe, or they just realized they hate you"
-DJ_Z

Okay, so the answer is really what I had been hoping it wasn't: If I want to get regular sex without lowering my standards, I need to exercise self-control and not be so focused on instant gratification. Ugh, I just don't even know if it's possible! It hurts me... Sometimes I need cock so bad it feels like I'm dying! I guess there's no magic panacea though.
Wow, that's awesome - thanks!

Here, we go again.

I hope you don't mind. I am just in a mood today.

Anyway...
Well, here's the thing. Guys want one night stands too. Maybe, he got what he wanted from you and was satisfied with it? Did you think of that possibility?

Not every man out there is going to be all over you after a night of crazy, hot sex. Some men just get satisfied by it and move on, because that is ALL they were looking for. No need to beat yourself about it, it's just how it is. Accept it, and move on to the next chance.

I wouldn't use "unlucky". I'd rather say that perhaps you weren't looking in the right places.
Again, that's not a smart complaint at all considering how you already "know that most men cannot pick up on a woman's hints". If you like him and you're seeking a specific outcome regarding your situation with him, let him know about as subtly as writing it on your forehead, jokes aside, if he cannot get your hints OR feels he is behind the process than he is OR you're just getting bored of the games, take his hand and walk out of the place. He'll get the idea, very quickly.
That way you really should not be complaining at all. 'Cause then this whole discussion is just reduced to "My ego is wounded." and that's something only you can find ways to get over. If you're seeking affirmation here, then that's another thing altogether. In general, you need to care less about your ego and care more about the act you're indulging in with the man, if you want to feel more satisfied about your situation. If a man realizes that the woman is "not fully into it", it's game over. Well, unless he's a sucker for punishment, it is. Forget your ego, and aim for the good time you will share with him.

High-Five?
I see. Well, that could be an explanation for your guy problems. It seems to me that your "being fussy" is just an extended "I am not a slut and don't you dare think of me as one!" rant and honestly, we are not thinking of you that way. When you are giving a ten-minute justification and then behaving like a deviant in the bed, it just gives confusing signals, if you see what I'm going at. Accept your sexuality.

Anyway "slut" is a term coined by guys who feel jealous of a woman who gets with all the guys other than them, without realising that they don't have what it takes to attract the said women in the first place. But, oh no, it becomes her fault. Stupid thought process and labeling, don't think too much of it. I don't.
If you're looking for a fail proof method to determine if "He's Just Not That Into You", well I'm sorry I don't think you can find it here. Even pregnancy tests aren't fool-proof, never mind your guys's intentions.
Wrong. You need to find a guy with whom "sharing similar sexual values to mine as being fairly non-negotiable. And such a man would not view me in a negative light or rule me out as relationship material just for sleeping with him on a first date."

And if you'd rather have a ONS every six months, then take chances and find someone like your ideal man. Good luck to you.
You're quite welcome.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

You want cock . . . and in exchange you're willing to offer vagina. This is a fair deal. The problem lies when you desire to repeat this exchange with one person more than just a several times.

You say you're indifferent about relationships. . . but two people having sex on a regular basis = relationship. Now, there are plenty people on this site who'll tell you that they're into friends with benefits or poly-a-mungo or whatever but all it amounts to is a variation of this theme: SEX + (x)time + (y)money + (z)thought = RELATIONSHIP. Some kids are simply dirtball assholes or cheap bastards. Some are man-whores or misogynists. We ALL come up with some cute word for what ever the hell we're into. Regardless, the common theme is repetitive sex. When you ask for sex more than a few times, YOU ARE ASKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

Here is the problem with the "relationship" you propose. You'd like to continue to offer vagina for penis and that's it. Think about this carefully: Can you think of ANYTHING that is alive and dynamic that does not suffer death without growth? Plants, animals, culture, society, bacteria, economy, etc . . . Without growth, EVERYTHING dies.

Here's why your relationships die rather quickly. Not only is there no potential for growth, your relationships are built upon a readily available commodity, vagina. Hey, I know you think highly of your vagina but believe me, if the person standing next to you doesn't have a penis, you can bet she's got a vagina. And even though this is all subjective, let's just play the numbers game and say that whatever vagina you're standing next to has a 50% chance of being sweeter than yours.

Now let's add the 'new vagina excitement factor' into the equation. Every guy gets it up for new vagina. All things being the same, the average guy is going to want to sniff some new vagina as opposed to the one he's already tasted. So you're pretty much fucked (not proper fucked as you'd like but fucked masturbating at home with a porn flick lonely like a 50 year old lady with 20 cats for companionship type of fucked) If you're standing next to vagina that any guy you've already fucked has NOT seen yet, he's going to choose the vagina standing next to you. I'd take chances on the 50/50 better pussy gamble + the new pussy factor every time myself.

So here's the deal: Reading this thread, I'm imagining you must look like a giant vagina caricature with wiry arms holding a huge cock for a cigar. There's got to be more to you than your vagina. There's got to be more you want out of life than cock. Why not write some of these things down? I get it . . . some girls dream about becoming professionals, musicians, scientists . . . you dream about cock. Hey, so that's your priority one. How about priority #2? How about #3? How about taking a few steps to achieve your other priorities? How about sharing some of those passions with others? Would some of these other things add value to other people's lives?

Read the oneitis posts in this forum and you'll see that guys typically start off with what amounts to "She was a hot piece of ass . . ." and end off with "And she's really smart too. Professional . . . really has it together." - Whether these guys feel the need to justify their crazy ass shit or they are truly in love with these girls BECAUSE these girls are truly 'good catches', there is something to be learned here. Sex on its own as a reward rarely makes the cut for 'repetitive sex'. It would be nice for you to discover, build, and share some other qualities with others.
None of this matters to the girl who's got a stack of qualities. She's got lots of cards to play. She could have sex within the first minute. She could have sex after marriage. None of this matters. Guys WILL stick around. On the other hand, girls who ONLY have the vagina card to play often advise other vaginas to withhold the vagina card. Hey, it's the only card they have and they know if they put it out on the table, there's nothing left in their stack. The problem is, when they play the vagina card 3 dates later or 30 dates later, they still have NO CARDS to play. They just get dumped later instead of sooner.

I know that you're focused on 'sex' because this is your topic matter. . . but seriously, take a look at your initial post: Sex now, sex later, sex again, sexual liberation? LOL . . . fear of sexual liberation, fussy for sex, choosy for sex, sexual values, sexual confidence, sexual hints, etc, etc . . .

My God, if you were running for president, and you were as focused about the economy as you are about sex, you'd have my vote.

Not at all, that's the reason I posted!
I guess I just don't really get it... Like, if something is fun, wouldn't one want to do it again?

I don't expect or even want him to be "all over" me... If I have a good time with him, I just want to be able to call on him in future to satisfy my needs (and vice versa of course!)
Where are these right places of which you speak?!
I didn't mean that I have ego issues, I just mean that if it were just a hook up, I wouldn't have any specific attachment to HIM, as a person (and also wouldn't expect him to have any attachment to me). In that sense, I feel my ego is more important in my life than he is, even though sex itself is always more important to me than my ego. Maybe that's it... I worship sex, not the guy, but the guy gets confused and thinks I'm worshipping HIM, not his cock, and then he gets scared...

I am never "not fully into it", in fact, I would go so far as to say that excluding times when it's been over before it began, or he's been wayyy too "efficient", I have never had bad sex. I know how to have fun. For such a long time I thought I was no good at sex because of this problem I have with guys, until a couple of years ago when I was told by a few different guys that I am actually really awesome. I thought that made a lot more sense, given that guys always appear to have a great time with me, and I think for a woman to be good in bed, one of the most important things is for her to love it.
The reason I'm fussy is because it doesn't feel right when I hook up with someone I'm not attracted to, and unfortunately it just so happens that I'm not attracted to most people. The reason I point that out to guys is because I want them to feel good and appreciate the fact that I picked them, rather than thinking that because I'm sex obsessed I'll hook up with anyone. I think if he thought the latter it would make the whole thing less exciting for both of us, because he'd feel less elite and would be less likely to feel like he'd "won" and in the end those feelings would translate to him being less inclined to think that I'm awesome, and we can't have that now!

I don't like the word "slut" because of its negative judgement connotations, but I do consider myself to be a promiscuous person.
Yep, destined to be alone with the very very occasional sexual encounter

But what if there's no money or thought involved and the only time is sexy time?
I totally understand all that... Of course there's a novelty factor! The thing is though, I've never given any indication that I'd ever try to prevent them from tasting other vaginas. In fact, quite the contrary!

But so what you're saying is that they just don't believe that my intentions are what I say they are and that I will try to get a relationship happening?
Don't worry, I've got other passions more than covered... Just haven't mentioned them here because they haven't been relevant
It would be nice indeed. I am a good catch, but I am very different and feel very misunderstood by everyone. Unfortunately, it seems that the only people who recognise my awesomeness are people that I'm not attracted to
I hope you're right, because I have pretty much no chance of being able to wait 3 dates, let alone 30!
Hehe, you're funny!

Following this threat... I have about the same experiences. I don't know whether otherwise they are scared or whatever's the problem. What helps at least a little bit is being less forward/direct. Give all the hints but let the man take all the initiative.

There's always money and thought involved. Belittling this fact and pretending that it doesn't exist is disrespectful of the other person involved. This is like a trust fund baby who invites you for a weekend brunch/shopping trip to Paris, "What? 5k? That's not money."
There's a difference between thoughtlessness and open mindedness. There's a difference between "not preventing them" (Because you had your turn with their meat, now they can do what ever the hell they want to do . . . ) vs. "talking and sharing" (about your open mindedness for mutual happiness)
Not relevant to who? You? The guys? Your situation?
Now this is the interesting part. If you are 'misunderstood' by EVERYONE, what do you think is more likely? A. You really are a pain in the ass nobody wants to be around (OR) B. EVERYBODY has trouble MISUNDERSTANDING "REALLY GOOD PEOPLE".

I don't know you so I can't really pass judgement here. Judging by your writing, you don't seem like a dummy. You don't seem boring either. Perhaps you're a bit arrogant and cocky but this isn't a big deal. So I agree with you that you could be a 'catch', but . . . there's this thing called 'reality' and it doesn't seem to agree with us.

What you're telling us is that you're a fast runner but you lose every race. You're a good boxer, but you get knocked out at every fight. These things can happen of course but not every time. If you really are a 'good catch', you'd already be 'caught', many times over. If you really had lots of passions, people would converge around you. If you really had lots of passions, it would have already 'snuck out' into this thread without effort. "Interest" is a choice. "Passion" is unavoidable.

I have a feeling you know all of ^this. Perhaps this is a good time in your life to explore it as opposed to avoiding it . . .

"Oh yeah, I have passion. Not relevant here." - is avoidance.
"I get misunderstood." - is avoidance.
^We get it. You like sex. . . But just imagine if you had this level of passion for ANYTHING else.Think about that. . . If you were a cancer researcher, we'd have found a cure. If you were a chef, you'd win "Hell's Kitchen". If you were an ambassador to a hostile country, that country would become our ally. If you were a muffin baker, you'd be on Oprah's holiday show.

I've known a few girls who were infatuated with sex. Could be just a coincidence but for some reason, they were some of the loneliest people I've known.

lol i had to post on this shit .. i can completely identify with female AFC .. haha .. i don't even have tits lol...i read your shit and i instantly felt a connection lol...

woman .. you are .. completely ''fucking '' healthy ;P .. all woman should think and like sex like you do and not feel bad about it... i have to say it .. i would be glad to fuck your brains out anytime and for numerous hours.... but your here to talk so

i know how woman feel .. all those men playing games and running all these circles impressing you .. you just want to get laid directly with mature guys. men are just more into logic .. on day 1 they want sex and on day 3 they rationalize it into a ''relationship''. some guys like us can see instantly if a woman is attracted/ sex or not... 95 % of the guys cannot read those signals lol...

let me summarize kasabi ..

every investment in a person is a invesmtent in a relationship.. it can be a few seconds , minutes or days... in the end we are all human. All interactions are relationships .. friend and love relationships are the same only the friend relationship has some barriers which prevents sex at certain times.you are responsible for your own experience...if people do not understand you then it's your problem - try to be open and make them understand... expecting shit is just a self fulfilling prophecy.. it's just placing the blame on someone else.

The reason you avoid people is because you want to be misunderstood...this way you don't get emotionally attached and you can have alot of sex...lol .. i did this alot of times... it's a self defense mechanism...

in psychology sexual energy = energy which you can invest into anything..
lol count me in, i can identify with that ! ...im actually quitte interested in your background because i see a similar way of thinking and writing ( like me )... if you tell something about yourself like your passions and family situation ( like you are the youngest in the family etc blablabla )i might recognize something and comment on it. .. can you also tell the month in you were born.. im curious

im going to list some shit here that i sense and that i see in myself...lol let me know if it's true or false jsut for fun:

1.you are somekind of enigmatic character, you have alot of self confidence and you trust yourself - this intimidates other people. You have the right or you use to say that it's their problem you unconciously seek something to make you more humble ( forum ). most of the times you act like ''you don't need me to tell you what you can do or learn''

2.you constantly need to be the center of attention even tho you don't admit it , deep in yourself you have the feeling that everything (r)evolves around you.. you don't get power and strength out of dominating other people...you rather make people ''try'' to dominate you. you get strenght out of discovering yoursef.. that is were your real genius is. lol funny how woman instincts and psychology are at work here.. giving hints and shit but let the man lead is just your unconcious brain talking..if you would walk up to a man and ask him to fuck you .. do you really think he would refuse ? lol ....develop some awareness...

i fucking love talking to woman .. there should be more woman on this forum..adding some emotions on the board !

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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