Quote:
Also called “impotence,” erectile dysfunction (ED) is a condition in which a man is unable to achieve or sustain an erection during sexual performance. Symptoms may also include reduced sexual desire or libido.
I am in very good physical health. I cycle everyday and do martial arts two times a week. I try to have a balanced diet and buy organic. I don't drink very much and I don't smoke, although I used to smoke weed. Nowadays I will take just a couple of hits when someone offers it to me but that's very rare, like once every 3 months or so. I haven't smoked weed regularly in two and a half years. I do not have any problems with nighttime erections.
These facts have led me to believe that the problem is all in my head. It must be related to depression and/or anxiety. I don't know if I am depressed or not. I know I have been and I know that sometimes I do feel very sad but other times I feel very good! Especially when I am with a woman I am really attracted to and yet... I get ED. And I guess the more ED I experience the more anxiety I feel when a new opportunity for sex presents itself. Read the quote again:
Also called “impotence,” erectile dysfunction (ED) is a condition in which a man is unable to achieve or sustain an erection during sexual performance. Symptoms may also include reduced sexual desire or libido.
I experience the symptons of reduced sexual desire or libido as well, but I am wondering if they really are "symptons" and not causes. In other words, do I experience reduced desire/libido because of ED or do I have ED because of reduced desire/libido? But I guess these symptons or causes or whatever go hand-in-hand with anxiety/depression, so it's all part of a vicious cycle. ED -> anxiety/depression/reduced desire -> ED -> anxiety/depression/reduced desire and so on.
It's not like I have NO desire. I am only going for HB7s and up. I want to have great sex, I want to make them orgasm... I enjoy every part of getting physical with them. But maybe not enough? The animal in me will not come out. A strong possibility is that it cannot until I am very comfortable with the other person. Otherwise I just cannot be in the moment enough. But I do not feel like I can just pass up sex to try and get more comfortable with someone. It just won't work in 99% of cases. Why do I need this comfort anyway? Could I be lacking in testosterone? If that is so, how can I build this up? I was also thinking of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Anyone have experience with this?
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Some history:
I used to be really shy and awkward, and I guess depressed as well. Because of this I didn't have sex until I was 22 years old (with my then-girlfriend). I had no sexual problems at all. Even so, like all my previous relationships, this one didn't last more than two months before she broke up with me. I did the whole self-pity thing because that's how I was back then.
A year or two later I was having a fling with another girl and after passing up a few opportunities I decided to infiltrate her woman hole. This was the first time I experience ED. We were unable to have sex and that really frustrated me.
Four or five years passed before I had an opportunity for sex again (I might have passed a couple opportunities up myself). The same thing happened again. No sex. At this point I was really frustrated as you can imagine. I was scared of failing again and that was part of the reason I passed up various other opportunities until I got a girlfriend about 4 years later.
By this time I was 30. The first time we had sex it was amazing! I was really good in bed. She told me I made her cum several times. As you can imagine I was very, very happy! I thought I had overcome my "curse" and indeed I never really had any sexual problems during our two-year relationship. She eventually cheated on me. I won't go into details but the way it happened and the circumstances around it was very tragic. Other unfortunate things happened at the same time, mostly logistical problems related to our breakup. I got very depressed and knew I had to make some changes in myself. This is what led me to pickup artistry.
I am 32 now and have been working on my game for about 6 months. If anyone had told me that one day I would be where I am now I would have told them to shut the fuck up for being a liar. I have got tons of phone numbers, lost track of how many dates I have been on and already had sex with four different girls in this time period. And yet sex is still a sticking point for me.
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I had pretty good sex a couple of times with a girl back in January until I experienced ED one morning (no problems fucking her the previous night). Didn't see her again, not sure how much that had to do with the ED. In April I had really, really good sex with another girl. No ED!!! But didn't see her again because she was a bit bonkers. In June I got ahold of the hottest girl yet, we were both crazy about each other but the sex ended up being shit. She gave me a nice blow job and then I fucked her for about 5 minutes, then... ED. Didn't see her again and pretty sure it was because of ED. I liked her a lot too so I was really sad about it for a couple of weeks.
Now it's July and I just got back from vacation. Met an HB8 and spent a couple days with her. Sex on our first night... but too much ED again. As we were making out I wasn't getting too hard and as she started giving me a blow job I went completely limp. She did manage to get me aroused again. I got really hard and she gave me the best blow job I've experienced. I had to hold back from cumming in her mouth because I still wanted to go in her pussy. So I did but after about 5 minutes I started going limp again. Tried to get in the mood again the next morning but could not get hard. It was very frustrating for me and I imaged for her too. I was happy that she didn't abandon me or change her nice attitude after that. We spent a lot more time together, made out, and I started getting more confident but in the end I couldn't get her in bed again due to logistics. So on our last day together I tried to initiate something in the park. She was all for it but I was not comfortable and could not get hard (note that I had public sex many times with my ex).
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So here I am sitting with a few potential phone numbers and unsure about what will happen next. There has been too much ED in my life but I am not planning on becoming celibate. I will use my opportunities and if I have to keep being embarassed and frustrated so be it. But I think the more this happens to me the more anxiety I have when it's time for sex. More anxiety -> more ED -> more anxiety -> more ED and so on in a vicious cycle.
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Please, please, please! This is a horrible sticking point and I appreciate any help you can give me. I guess it all comes down to inner game and that seems to be the most difficult thing to master.
How often do u watch porn?