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Do I threaten her boyfriend?
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Author:  Century100 [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 1:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Do I threaten her boyfriend?
So I've become pretty close with this girl at uni. Probably going to end up in the friendzone, but there has been a lot of touching and flirting both ways.

The reason I think I'm going to be friendzoned (if im not already) is because shes taken, and I wont take it further because of that.

I met her boyfriend, and was friendly with him, and being alpha by dominating conversation throughout the entire night in a way which the others could interact with. It was pretty perfect. I was also flirting a bit with her, dancing close etc (not too aggressive, but enough to see the boyfriends reaction)
He kinda ignored it.

The next week, the girl tells me that its hilarious that, although the boyfriend likes me a lot, he thinks I'm gay.
I replied "I don't believe you, why would he think that?".
Then, she showed me the text message....ill get to that in a second

The two of them and a few other friends of his planned on going out for drinks, and she asked if she could bring me.
His response in the text message was something along the lines of "Look bring him at your own risk. My friends will think hes gay and wont like him. I think hes cool. Dont tell him I said this btw"

So, hes told her that he thinks I'm gay (more than once. Seems like he has every time I've been brought up) and hes also tried to stop me from going out with them because his "friends will think" I'm gay...haha, the whole thing sounds very suspicious and ridiculous. And no, I don't act overly flamboyant. In other words, he shouldn't really have any reason to label me as gay due to my behavior.

At first I was slightly offended when I heard that. I have nothing against gay people, but being labeled for no apparent reason by a stranger does prove a certain lack of respect.
Then I thought about how bizarre the whole thing was, and figured that I would hear some other opinions. I have a theory that he feels threatened by me, so this is his attempt to neutralize the threat...sound plausible?


Lastly, shes been talking about breaking up with him for the past week, and often brings it up in conversation. Ill keep you guys posted on whether I end up "winning", because now I actually do want to step on this individuals toes more than ever.

Thanks in advance :) Let me know what your thoughts are.
Author:  mpuapua [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
you sound possessive of this girl. you are not even her boy friend yet and you are already jealous and want to threaten another guy. it's not only afc, it also shows you are a dangerous insecure person.
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Threaten her boyfriend? Woah! Back up there.

If you really haven't given any signals or anything that you're gay, it's more likely he sees the two of you spending time together, and wants to make you look bad in front of her, so she doesn't jump to you. Don't worry about it. Just let it roll off. Who cares what he thinks. Don't retaliate or bring it up. Just wait it out and see if she breaks up with her boyfriend. Don't push it. Game other women in the mean time.
Author:  H!j!nx [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
you sound possessive of this girl. you are not even her boy friend yet and you are already jealous and want to threaten another guy. it's not only afc, it also shows you are a dangerous insecure person.
Whoa nellie, mpua. . .maybe u should re-read the original post, but I don't think he said anything to suggest he was an unstable person. I also don't think he said anything to suggest that he's jealous of the boyfriend.

Century, if she's talking to you about breaking up with her boyfriend, that means she's thinking about taking you on. Or, at the least, including you in her life.

Hope you get what you want,

-H!j!nx
Author:  DJ_Z [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 4:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
I feel like some of you may have skimmed the original post. When he says threaten, he doesn't mean he wants to threaten the boyfriend. He means the boyfriend seems threatened by him. And I'm not really inclined to agree. If a guy started hitting on my girlfriend, right in front of me, I would assume he was either an ass trying to steal my girl, or completely uninterested in her. Furthermore, I think you are letting your feelings for this girl skew your perspective. This guy says his FRIENDS will think you're gay, and THEY would have a problem with it. But, you want the girl, so you assume he's just lying because he knows you already have an in for his girl. I think you have to take that statement he made at face value, especially when its a text that lacks tone or body language that could change the context.

I am firmly against gaming girls with boyfriends. That isn't some big moral thing, it is just that it usually takes more effort than I view as being worth it for a female. There is also a lot of drama involved, because a ton of people will put you on their shitlist, assuming nobody tries to pick a fight with you over it.

I really think you are in the friendzone, dude. Mainly because you are having these indepth conversations with her. I always see that more as a guy becoming a chick's therapist than a potential hookup. You're getting a little too wrapped up in what is looking to be an overly dramatic situation. Game other women, and if they do end up breaking up THEN you can make a return appearance.
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I feel like some of you may have skimmed the original post. When he says threaten, he doesn't mean he wants to threaten the boyfriend. He means the boyfriend seems threatened by him.
Duh! Oh my goodness. Good call, DJ_Z. I had just woke up when I read this post, so definitely not firing on all cylinders. :wink:

But the baseline advice remains the same: Game other women, and come back to his one if she breaks up with her boyfriend.
Author:  here2play [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Of course he's threatened by you, you are trying to bang his girlfriend. And she is going along with it and trying to invite you into her world.

The whole gay thing is a boyfriend destroyer he is using on you.

This whole thing is going to blow up shortly. If she is telling you she is thinking of breaking up with him it means she wants to fuck you whether she actually wants to break off with him or not.

Here is how this whole thing is going to go down. she is going to "confide" in you that he isn't treating her the way he should and that she is thinking of dumping him.

This is a shit test for you to see what you do. If you play it right, you get laid. If you bumble it, he brings her flowers and they make up.

If you play your cards right she will break it to him that she thinks they should, "take a break." It's a shit test for both of you. She is going to see how he handles it as well as try you on for size to see if you are a good fit or not.

Which ever one of you wins, wins the prize of a cheating, manipulative ho but that's a whole other topic.

If you want a shot at this chick, just don't fuck it up, you are already on track. Just stay they course and keep doing what you are doing.

Continue to flirt when noone is looking, but act like just a friend when the gang is around.

Don't lay all your cards on the table and don't profess your love for her or encourage her to leave him. Just continue to be flirty and teasing. Make her sweat this out and squirm, it's stimulating her. She's playing her game. Keep playing yours.

They are going to break up soon. If you don't fuck her, someone else will at that time.
Author:  Century100 [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks DJ_Z
No, I did not mean that I want to physically threaten him, I was asking whether you thought that he was threatened by me haha (as has now been figured out).
Thats my error though, should have worded the question a bit better.

And no, I wont confess my undying love for her or any of that. Truth is, I'm not really targeting her, I just tend to flirt with a lot of girls. As I said above, I will probably (if I'm not already) end up in the friendzone, due to lack of continuous escalation. And the lack of escalation is BECAUSE she has a boyfriend. So don't get me wrong, there is/was no real intention of "stealing" her from him.

This post is more about her boyfriend being hostile towards me behind my back. Not only has he tried to change her perception of me, apparently he has told a bunch of the girls who were going out that night the exact same thing. I see HIM as insecure and jealous, because despite him already having a girlfriend, he is trying to sabotage any chances I have with the rest of the people who show up to this shindig, both boys and girls, by talking behind my back.

My question has been answered by the way. All I wanted was an opinion as to whether my assumption that he is behaving in this way was due to him feeling threatened.
But now I have a new question:
Is it bad that because of this, I now actually do want to bang his girlfriend (once they break up if by then its possible)? Thats not a revenge move, its more a "She is very attractive, I would want to bang her anyway. The reason why I would have held back is due to respect for her boyfriend, as its not right by my morals to bang a girl straight after a relationship has ended. However, due to the boyfriends lack of respect for me, said morals are no longer in the equation and I will bang her if the opportunity is created.".

Although it sounds like I've probably already made up my mind, some opinions on whether that would be too much of a douche move, or whether it would be (given circumstances) completely fair would be appreciated.

Thanks for any responses which were relevant guys
Author:  Don Draper [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, he's trying to dominate you guys' pseudo-competition over the girl.

Don't let it affect you, the whole "He's gay" is as common as a second grade insult these days. Next time he says that, look at him as if he's a stupid, poor, sick dog worth pitying. One look of amusement on your part and he'll keep his mouth shut. But, if you show that you're affected by it and insult him back, he'll probably get more confidence and call you more things.

The basic bullying logic is the same : Go after the kids who react, the kids who don't.. well, they just don't know what to do with them.

Right now, just become a bigger and bigger part of her life and well, continue your normal way. The boyfriend can crib and moan in his texts, but honestly, he is threatened by you. Build on that.
Author:  Century100 [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Sounds good man, thanks a lot. :)
Author:  Haakzter [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Lol she is talking to YOU about wanting to break up?
You could probably break those 2 apart easely if you wanted
too xD
Author:  Century100 [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:30 am ]
Post subject: 
I know! I don't know if its necessarily the correct thing to do though. I mean, he is a massive douche - but that's up to her to work out.....unfortunately.
Author:  biggus [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hmm. Standard stuffs been said, but I wonder what the chances are that he is projecting here.

Given that:

1) He thinks your gay
2) Doesnt mind the fact but his friends will
3) wouldnt have brought it up in the first place if the sexuality of any male was an issue
4) Relationship issues with a girl

how old are you guys?
You said he was a huge douche (isn't that so all boyfriends haha) in what way?
Author:  Century100 [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry Biggus, I didn't understand what you just said. Could you try rephrase it?
Author:  biggus [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 1:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
The boyfriend might also be a closet hershey highwayman.
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