PUA Forum :: How do I Frame this in my mind?

Could you say a little more about your relationship towards the girl; and maybe some more details about the events that went on?

You seem to have pretty honest intentions here. Are you sure you're in the right forum? =P

From what you've said; unless you're sparing some crucial details; you didn't really do anything to have her be cold to you; so you can't really say you screwed things up. For all you know; it could be entirely on the other guy.

If you want that friendship back; I'd say to confront her about it. (in a cocky/funny manner, preferably)

I've messed things up countless times in the past by being too timid or needy in this sort of situation; so I'd advise to steer clear of that. You need to be indifferent to her decisions to make a good impression.

EDIT: Also; are you positive that she wasn't interested?

Yeah you're right. My mind might be clouded because of job stress or other stuff. I keep feeling that I should have warned her against his douchiness or something. Probably never occurred to a normal person.

She does throw around "I love yous" jokingly, as I said, prob unintentionally.

As for my intentions, I think the methods in the community can be used for various situations, as long as the feelings are mutual (going to a club where they probably want to get picked up). Some guys can just use it to improve their social lives.

that sucks man you sound like a good guy,
work and romance should never go together

just noticed you were thinking of warning her, don't do this in future, the girlfriend that he has i would mention, but, if she has no interest, then it wont matter, and if she has interest and you negatively validate someone she is interested in, she will anchor negative emotions to you, she will compare what she thinks of him vs what you think of him then assume that you are saying she has bad taste in men, thus disqualifieing yourself

also i would like to know what you mean by your competition was not honest with his intentions, being aggressive and not being honest with intentions seems like a contradiction

Quote:

Yeah I wouldn't call him competition since I didn't actually want to 'compete'. But at that time he had a girlfriend and instead of asking her out directly, he used me and others to go out in groups. I guess the thing was that he never announced his intentions and made it look like a 'friend' thing.

Which might get her to hate guys who just want to be 'friends'. Guess he's not the only one doing that though.

Author:	Ordinarydude84 [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:41 am ]
Post subject:	How do I Frame this in my mind?
A few months ago, i joined a new company together with a classmate. We met another new hire, a girl. We hung out together a lot and I found her to be a good friend, i avoided getting too close and initiating an office romance. The other guy however had entirely different intentions, he was very aggressive, not very honest about his intentions though and ultimately got rejected. Now we no longer hang, but still have to work together. The guy is being passive aggressive and the girl is just cold towards me (not sure about the other guy). So some where I screwed up, got caught up in some thing that I'm not entirely sure what happened and feeling damn shitty about it. What can I do?

Author:	TheFloyd [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:46 am ]
Post subject:
Could you say a little more about your relationship towards the girl; and maybe some more details about the events that went on?

Author:	Ordinarydude84 [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 5:42 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Could you say a little more about your relationship towards the girl; and maybe some more details about the events that went on? We have similar interests, she says she has trust issues but is pretty much friendly towards everyone, maybe to a point where she unintentionally misleads people. We both don't want to date people from the office and even if we both liked each other, we wouldn't act on it. I do find it nice to have some female company without needing it to be something more. The guy I guess used the group thing as an excuse to get her out, he already has a girlfriend who he is breaking up with. He knows some game, using a lot of kino on the girl, not sure if she was uncomfortable with it or just thought it was normal. Not sure if they actually dated alone, but if it was, it was short lived.

Author:	TheFloyd [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:48 am ]
Post subject:
You seem to have pretty honest intentions here. Are you sure you're in the right forum? =P From what you've said; unless you're sparing some crucial details; you didn't really do anything to have her be cold to you; so you can't really say you screwed things up. For all you know; it could be entirely on the other guy. If you want that friendship back; I'd say to confront her about it. (in a cocky/funny manner, preferably) I've messed things up countless times in the past by being too timid or needy in this sort of situation; so I'd advise to steer clear of that. You need to be indifferent to her decisions to make a good impression. EDIT: Also; are you positive that she wasn't interested?

Author:	Ordinarydude84 [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:07 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: You seem to have pretty honest intentions here. Are you sure you're in the right forum? =P From what you've said; unless you're sparing some crucial details; you didn't really do anything to have her be cold to you; so you can't really say you screwed things up. For all you know; it could be entirely on the other guy. If you want that friendship back; I'd say to confront her about it. (in a cocky/funny manner, preferably) I've messed things up countless times in the past by being too timid or needy in this sort of situation; so I'd advise to steer clear of that. You need to be indifferent to her decisions to make a good impression. EDIT: Also; are you positive that she wasn't interested? Yeah you're right. My mind might be clouded because of job stress or other stuff. I keep feeling that I should have warned her against his douchiness or something. Probably never occurred to a normal person. She does throw around "I love yous" jokingly, as I said, prob unintentionally. As for my intentions, I think the methods in the community can be used for various situations, as long as the feelings are mutual (going to a club where they probably want to get picked up). Some guys can just use it to improve their social lives.

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Author:	TheFloyd [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:26 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Yeah you're right. My mind might be clouded because of job stress or other stuff. I keep feeling that I should have warned her against his douchiness or something. Probably never occurred to a normal person. She does throw around "I love yous" jokingly, as I said, prob unintentionally. As for my intentions, I think the methods in the community can be used for various situations, as long as the feelings are mutual (going to a club where they probably want to get picked up). Some guys can just use it to improve their social lives. Some things can't be helped. You've gotta roll with it. And I agree completely. There are plenty of benefits to be reaped from the right mindset. I'm actually hoping this will help me conquer my social anxiety more than help me get more action.

Author:	pumpington [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:51 pm ]
Post subject:
that sucks man you sound like a good guy, work and romance should never go together just noticed you were thinking of warning her, don't do this in future, the girlfriend that he has i would mention, but, if she has no interest, then it wont matter, and if she has interest and you negatively validate someone she is interested in, she will anchor negative emotions to you, she will compare what she thinks of him vs what you think of him then assume that you are saying she has bad taste in men, thus disqualifieing yourself also i would like to know what you mean by your competition was not honest with his intentions, being aggressive and not being honest with intentions seems like a contradiction

Author:	Ordinarydude84 [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:39 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: that sucks man you sound like a good guy, work and romance should never go together just noticed you were thinking of warning her, don't do this in future, the girlfriend that he has i would mention, but, if she has no interest, then it wont matter, and if she has interest and you negatively validate someone she is interested in, she will anchor negative emotions to you, she will compare what she thinks of him vs what you think of him then assume that you are saying she has bad taste in men, thus disqualifieing yourself also i would like to know what you mean by your competition was not honest with his intentions, being aggressive and not being honest with intentions seems like a contradiction Yeah I wouldn't call him competition since I didn't actually want to 'compete'. But at that time he had a girlfriend and instead of asking her out directly, he used me and others to go out in groups. I guess the thing was that he never announced his intentions and made it look like a 'friend' thing. Which might get her to hate guys who just want to be 'friends'. Guess he's not the only one doing that though.

Author:	pumpington [ Tue Aug 09, 2011 5:38 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: that sucks man you sound like a good guy, work and romance should never go together just noticed you were thinking of warning her, don't do this in future, the girlfriend that he has i would mention, but, if she has no interest, then it wont matter, and if she has interest and you negatively validate someone she is interested in, she will anchor negative emotions to you, she will compare what she thinks of him vs what you think of him then assume that you are saying she has bad taste in men, thus disqualifieing yourself also i would like to know what you mean by your competition was not honest with his intentions, being aggressive and not being honest with intentions seems like a contradiction Yeah I wouldn't call him competition since I didn't actually want to 'compete'. But at that time he had a girlfriend and instead of asking her out directly, he used me and others to go out in groups. I guess the thing was that he never announced his intentions and made it look like a 'friend' thing. Which might get her to hate guys who just want to be 'friends'. Guess he's not the only one doing that though. well you have no reason to worry then, just focus on the girl, he has blown himself out, you can just stay in contact and try later when she warms up, until then either keep busy with other girls, or if you have feelings for this girl, just do other hobbies just be indifferent and wait for her, she will come around and be your friend/interest again eventually just don't sever your ties good luck

Author:	Ordinarydude84 [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:36 pm ]
Post subject:
Well not sure if anyone is still reading this. After a few weeks of perspective, I've learnt something. I am actually pissed at their behaviour. a) He's still using other 'friends' so that she'll hang out. b) She's still using those 'friends' to be the buffer. Me? I'm just pissed that it happened that way and I hate being used like that. I can't tell if they were really friends with me or not, but I guess its no big loss to be if they get out of my life forever now. On the other hand, I could just be too harsh and they could just be 2 stupidly confused people who can't get their shit together but have no ill intentions. I'm guessing a wait and see attitude, go out and find an actual girlfriend to worry about. Also, if I do encounter another similar issue again in the future, what should I do?

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