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Help was this LMR or am I friendzoned?
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=97849		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  spoilers [ Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Help was this LMR or am I friendzoned?
Been steadily building attraction with a girl in my social circle . Shes 18 Im 24. I have gf and she has bf but we vibed straight away. At first had that flirty friends thing going on but it has got to the point where its obvious when were together that we are totally focused on each other even in a big group. My buddies have started to tease us about it and now my gf and her bf (both not really in our group) dont like us being around each other.

She always goes out of her way to tell me shes not that into the bf and gives tons of IOIs and we decided a couple of times to meet up in secret in the day. I didnt pull the trigger either time as we were just goofing around really and I guess I was happy to take it slow because of the drama that could happen in our group if it all got out in the open. She flaked on one meet in the middle saying she freaked out about it all but was cool after.

A month ago she was going to some cabin with her folks for a few days with no cell coverage. She text as she was leaving saying she was gonna miss me and then again an hour after getting back saying she wanted to meet me before I went on vacation. Last minute she started trying to mess with the times so I said we wouldnt meet. She sent loads of really apologetic texts saying how much she really wanted to see me and after a few days we agreed to try again.

This time was our first evening meet and she made it clear that bf wasnt expecting her home and she had blown him off to see me. The vibe between us when talking was clearly that this was gonna be the close. I admit that I started thinking about the drama aftermath in our group so I guess she must have done the same.

Alarm bell #1 rang when last minute she wanted to meet at a bar and not be picked up. Maybe planning an exit route?
In the bar the first thing she tells me is how crazy mad the bf would be if he knew she was with me and how nervous she is that he will find out.
Alarm bell #2 Shes real tense. Is she emtionally here?
We talk a little more and I try to lighten the mood but she can't get away from what shes worrying about.
POW! She says she hates herself for lying and this all feels wrong.
Now I know that Im supposed to take it all on me in this scenario to calm her down but Ive been burned before with the blame game and dont want to be the bad guy in the SC so I tell her that if it really feels wrong she should leave.

She goes to complaining about the bf and him being jealous and it aint fair that we cant see each other as we are only friends after all. She starts saying how other girls in the group can hang out with me fine and nobody comments and why is that (its obvious why).
Alarm bell #3 she starts asking me about my gf. She never talks about my gf so she is trying to make me think of her I guess.

She keeps saying how unfair it all is and I point out that clearly there is more between us in other peoples eyes and that we do have a great vibe but shes in danger of messing that up right now! We make a couple of lame attempts to change the subject but its not gonna work and I say we should call it a night but suggest that what happened is gonna ruin things. Normally she would be real scared by that but this she said if thats what I choose to do its a shame.

She then is talking in LJBF terms and how she wants it to be like that so its cool in the eyes of the group. I tell her I have enough friends and shes trashing something that could be cool and bf and gf are never gonna see us as just friends .
Then its that she doesnt want to be less close and doesnt weant to lose what we have (but this could have still meant friendship in her head I guess).
As we leave I tell her I get her worries but shes thinking too much and we should try and get back on track. She says she will contact me after my vacation but it wasnt warm when we left.
So Ive been away for 10 days and go back in 3. I was kinda glad to get away from it all and thought the time apart would maybe reset things.
So I’m wondering what Im likely to find on my return:

Was this LMR or a genuine LJBF?
Are they the same thing in this kind of scenario?
Is there any point continuing this one? If so do I need to build more comfort going forward?
I keep changing my view on it all. Sometimes I think its completely understandable that she panicked about what was gonna happen that night and I didn’t do enough to turn it around (LMR ). On the other hand part of me is annoyed that shes messed me around again (after being so apologetic before) and maybe the whole thing is a genuine LJBF. So how to play it with her, totally cool as if nothing happened or withdrawn as if she needs to work hard to get it back? Or just forget it?

Is there anything I coulda done different? I lost control out of the gate when she turned up stressed but was there a way to turn it round?

Thanks for reading and replying!
Author:  Don Draper [ Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Actually, I want to applaud you the way you handled it. You seemed to be always in control of the situation. Well done.

Now, I'd advise you to not contact this girl, so that she might come clean on her, "I'll call you after vacations" promise. If she was the one who is confused, she needs to get over it and make her choice.

You did the right things on all counts when it mattered. No point in progression with a woman who does not know what she want.

Good luck. Keep us updated on this situation.
Author:  charblad [ Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Don't thank me for reading thats too big for my attention.
Anyways most ppl write their own answers you just have to point it out to em.
Quote:
She then is talking in LJBF terms and how she wants it to be like that so its cool in the eyes of the group. I tell her I have enough friends and shes trashing something that could be cool and bf and gf are never gonna see us as just friends .
As we leave I tell her I get her worries but shes thinking too much and we should try and get back on track.
You put yourself up on the chopping block to far, never beg/be logical about dating and bf gf stuff. If she says "I want to be cool" and you go "i have friends! ill make more! see im good right!?" thats comin on strong and now she has you as a backup. All this is based on this paragraph so if im wayy outa context excuse me :oops:
and like don said
Quote:
Now, I'd advise you to not contact this girl, so that she might come clean on her, "I'll call you after vacations" promise. If she was the one who is confused, she needs to get over it and make her choice.
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