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Flaked on the 3rd date!
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=96821		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Rexus [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Flaked on the 3rd date!
Number closed this girl I met on the train a few weeks ago. She’s a really busy person with her job and her gran is ill so there hasn’t been much opportunity to meet.

Been on 2 dates with her already, first date for drinks went ok, no kiss at the end as we were standing fairly far apart (and it felt awkward going in for the kiss) but she then went into hug me and I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Second date she initially cancels because he gran got taken into hospital, which is fair enough. I maintain contact with her by asking how her day went and how her gran is etc, and eventually she sets up another date (after me hinting about drinks) for drinks in a bar last Friday night. This date does go well, conversation is flowing and we agree during the date to go to the cinema the following Saturday. At the end of the date just before we are about to go our separate ways, I go in for the kiss on the lips, though as I go in quite quickly I think she thinks I’m going in for a cursory kiss on the cheek, and turns her head. When she sees I’m actually going for a kiss on the lips she turns her head to kiss me on the lips and our lips just about touch. We then say good bye and go our separate ways.

I text her on Tuesday to sort out our plans for Saturday. She responds quite quickly, seems keen and we agree to meet up for the cinema, with the potential for a drink afterwards.

Then, on Friday morning she texts me:

HB: Hey ……. can’t do Sat I’m afraid. I got a few family commitments. I got a job for September in …… :) (she had told me she had an interview on the Tuesday)

Me: Cool, no worries. Looks like it’s gonna be a heavy one tonight then, my friend reckons she can drink me under the table, no chance lol. Hope ur gran is ok. Well done with ur job (she knows I sometimes going drinking after work on a Friday)

HB: Thanks. Gran looks better. Enjoy your evening. I got mates bday meal in ……, should be fun.

I leave it at that. By the way, she is actually unusually un-talkative in her texts which has always been the case with her.

I have 2 questions:

Was my response to her flaking ok? I wanted to come across as someone who isn’t too bothered/needy and also make her jealous by mentioning my female friend (which actually was bullshit lol!).

Apart from the re-scheduled second date, it’s always been me initiating the texting and inviting her for the date. Based on this and given the fact she has flaked on this latest date, I’m thinking I should just wait for her to contact me now and re-schedule the date. What do you think? I’d probably come across as needy and desparate if I was the one to re-schedule with her……
Author:  ProfessorX [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
2 dates with no kissing means you didn't create any sexual chemistry with this chick. The rest is just a blow off from her.

Leave it alone and work on creating sexual tension with the next one.
Author:  skills360 [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
profesor x is right, you need to escalate escalate escalate, first date, you should have done a lot more than making out...If that does not happen fast you become afc in the eyes of women(no game), wish push them away and they lose interest.
Author:  ItsAlwaysOn [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Flaked on the 3rd date!
Quote:
Was my response to her flaking ok? I wanted to come across as someone who isn’t too bothered/needy and also make her jealous by mentioning my female friend (which actually was bullshit lol!).
it seems a tad bit reactionary. maybe she caught onto that, maybe she didnt. it also depends when you responded. if you insta-responded that you had other plans itll seem more fake. if you responded 3 hours later, then it's certainly more believable that you made other plans in the meantime.

personally, i prefer a simple, less-reactionary response like "it's cool, some other time". just make it obvious that it doesnt bother you in the least.

Quote:
Apart from the re-scheduled second date, it’s always been me initiating the texting and inviting her for the date. Based on this and given the fact she has flaked on this latest date, I’m thinking I should just wait for her to contact me now and re-schedule the date. What do you think? I’d probably come across as needy and desparate if I was the one to re-schedule with her……

i think this is a good time for a freezeout. cut off the communications completely and wait for her to contact you. if she never does, then you probably were never going to get her anyway.

there is obviously a big risk here that you might lose a girl you otherwise could have had if you had put in more work. but really, just work on yourself and talk to other girls in the meantime. sometimes girls like this surprise you and come back. if not and you still miss her, then reopen in 3-4 weeks with something random and funny if you really feel the need.
Author:  Rexus [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 4:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Flaked on the 3rd date!
Quote:
it seems a tad bit reactionary. maybe she caught onto that, maybe she didnt. it also depends when you responded. if you insta-responded that you had other plans itll seem more fake. if you responded 3 hours later, then it's certainly more believable that you made other plans in the meantime.

personally, i prefer a simple, less-reactionary response like "it's cool, some other time". just make it obvious that it doesnt bother you in the least.
Thanks for your answer. Yeah I did leave it a good 4 hours later to respond. I have read on PUA that it’s good to make out you have other plans. However, as you pointed out, this can look reactionary. There’s a paradox here…..
Quote:
i think this is a good time for a freezeout. cut off the communications completely and wait for her to contact you. if she never does, then you probably were never going to get her anyway.

there is obviously a big risk here that you might lose a girl you otherwise could have had if you had put in more work. but really, just work on yourself and talk to other girls in the meantime. sometimes girls like this surprise you and come back. if not and you still miss her, then reopen in 3-4 weeks with something random and funny if you really feel the need.
That sounds like a good a good idea, I will definitely wait a while. Even if she did agree to the re-scheduled date, I don’t want to set a precedent where it’s always me initiating the contact and setting up the date, I think this could make her look like the prize (instead of me lol!).

My only concern is if, after a week/2 weeks she hasn’t got back to me, I risk losing this girl. Even though it’s pretty much always been me doing the initiating and setting up the dates, she has always (so far) responded well to this. I do think my relationship with this girl has potential to develop as it did get to a planned 3rd date lol. Therefore, I could have a dilemma here…
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