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I keep creeping girls out when I talk to them...why?!??
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Author:  Century100 [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 12:54 pm ]
Post subject:  I keep creeping girls out when I talk to them...why?!??
I dont know why, but ive realised that 60% of the time if I try talk to a girl at a party she will either be very neutral and uninterested, like
"Yeah, fair enough. Cool." and give me the impression she doesnt want to hang around and start to walk off or be like "Ill be back!" then ditch me

OR

the girl will be completely creeped out and have a very defensive stance and be looking around in a "I need to get out of here kind of way"

please try help me if you can, this has really screwed my confidence over I feel like a freak.

I dont get it, im shorter than most people at 5'7 and relatively small frame, so I cant possibly be physically intimidating.
I smile and be relaxed and friendly, cracking a few jokes here and there if appropriate.

Normally Ill just approach and say something like "hey :) I dont know many people here so im trying to make a few temporary friends to feel like I do haha, whats your name? Im _____ "

From my viewpoint, that approach should be completely reasonable and non sleazy or anything.
Maybe im terribly unattractive? Ive never been called ugly by a guy or girl as far as I know though, and think I look just normal. I look very young for my age (i look about 16 when im actually 18), but in terms of fitness and just in general I think I look fine as ive never had a serious thing with looks. (not saying I look awesome, but I thought good enough to be treated normally)

In best case scenario the girl will be kind and ask a few questions about myself and then find her own friends again. She wont ever look interested from the beginning it seems.

This happens moreso when I know noone at the party, like last night.
What do you think the problem is/could be?

I have a good amount of real friends, and a lot of people do say im quite sociable etc...like "you would be awesome to go clubbing with"...so im wondering why lately ive been treated as if im a social spastic hermit guy?
Author:  pumpington [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
OK FIRST OF ALL,

the lowest risk approaches are the highest risk, while the highest risk approaches are the lowest risk, I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU,

your opener sounds needy and low value, HEY IM LOW VALUE, I GOT NO FRIENDS, PLEASE BE MY FRIEND,


not sure what your age demagraphic is but if it is 16-24 yrs old try this one, HEY YOU LIKE RAINBOWS? *make sure you are in a ridiculously happy mood and over exagerate how happy you are with your verbals and be loud* when she returns her answer in the same emotional state you projected (happy and enthusiastic hopefully if you did it right) just say FUCK YEAH RAINBOWS!!, whats your name? then continue from there, or be a man and go direct as i said before the lowest risk is the highest risk and the highest risk is the lowest risk (seems counter intuative, but the higher the risk the worse the blow out is, but when it hooks the better the results, use your own calibration)


if she gets the same creeped out vibe then your not getting any attraction, so you need more social proof

;more physical fitness
;more money (just dress better, more style, if your inside your social circles don't all out peacock, judging by your post your gonna come off congruently like a reject if you peacock, just try to be dressed slightly better then the other guys but still congruent)
;wider social circles (more people talking to you in front of her, giving you props etc. more girls talking to you in front of her, you want to use your body language to convey that they are seeking report with you not the other way around)
Author:  Century100 [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 2:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
hey, thats actually super helpful, and I can actually imagine all that working really well :D
Thanks heaps!

Come to think of it, my luck was way better when I was random like that. I think my issue is I get conservative with what I say when I dont know anybody because I dont want to risk too much

Ie rather than be like "OMG, you guys totally look identicle!" (which ive used lots of times haha, it actually works well if you do it properly), id just be like "Whats your name?" because i dont know many people and ya know, already feel less confident as a result. In a "no back up" kind of way

thanks a bunch mate
Does your rainbow opener work most of the time?




And yeah, i think i getcha with lowest risk actually being highest risk.
Ie, a low risk opener like my "Whats your name?" has a higher failure rate than a high risk opener like "how FUCKING good are rainbows!!?"
Author:  pumpington [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 2:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
hey, thats actually super helpful, and I can actually imagine all that working really well :D
Thanks heaps!

Come to think of it, my luck was way better when I was random like that. I think my issue is I get conservative with what I say when I dont know anybody because I dont want to risk too much

Ie rather than be like "OMG, you guys totally look identicle!" (which ive used lots of times haha, it actually works well if you do it properly), id just be like "Whats your name?" because i dont know many people and ya know, already feel less confident as a result. In a "no back up" kind of way

thanks a bunch mate
Does your rainbow opener work most of the time?




And yeah, i think i getcha with lowest risk actually being highest risk.
Ie, a low risk opener like my "Whats your name?" has a higher failure rate than a high risk opener like "how FUCKING good are rainbows!!?"
what you say is not as important as how you say it, if you go up to a bunch of girls, and you have low social proof, and a depressed energydrained state, and you spout out an opener in a monotone low volume voice, DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE GOLD, those girls are not going to give you the time of day,

basicly i said before, your open rate will be affected mostly by social proof (how good looking you are/your style/how many people are allready trying to give you attention) and your emotional state (happy/enthusiastic is what you want to shoot for, to obtain a high open rate)

what i mean by low risk being the high risk and high risk being the low risk, is more along the lines of getting laid,

if you open with, WOW HOLY FUCK YOU ARE THE SEXIEST GIRL IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER, I WANT IN YOUR PANTS...... NOW!!

that seems really high risk, because the blow outs from it will be epic, but when it actually opens, your in and your laid,(make sense?)

the more risky your opener, the more chance you get attraction spikes off of it, the lower risk, the more chance the set opens but you end up with nothing to show for it

now here is another tip go to this thread,
patterns-i-have-noticed-vt96463.html
read the part about approach invites, you see one of those, just open that girl with HEY I THINK YOUR SO FUCKING (xquality that you actually think be genuine) I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU,
this is slightly higher risk opener (direct) but off approach invite it will have high opening rate, hell if a girl just gives me eye contact i would probably open direct
Author:  superunknown88 [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
You're probably not confident at the same time. You need to portray confidence and a higher status when talking to her. Project high energy, but don't act like you really care about her reactions.
Author:  d27sld [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would guess you're not showing the right body language.

Try walking like a man, shoulders back, talking slowly with a lower tone and when you sit, relax and take up space. Do not fidget!

These things have helped me immensely with a very similar problem I used to have.

One really useful thing - when you talk, NEVER lean in to people, make them lean over to you to hear what you say. Draw a woman into you, do not try to drag her over!
Author:  Herne [ Sat Jul 23, 2011 4:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
haircut---there is a particular type of haircut that just yells creep or nerd---its kinda flat pancake like and too long--now longish hair is ok if its what uve gone for or if it suits u--this one is kinda hard to describe but its kinda the nerdy special-i think most people know the one--and no matter how alpha or sporty or friendly or fun or whatever the guy is--nothing will compensate for that haircut--think about it ull know the one--think neill S mentioned it somewhere as well.

If u have dat hairstyle its gotta go fast
Author:  Century100 [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 12:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
alright, thanks guys
Yeah, my haircut is very bad SPAM because I was trying to hold out until summer to get it cut
I think I have good style other than that, but I do lean in to talk, which probably does exude low self assurance.
And yeah, i have been walking as if im bored, because I actually have been bored, so thats probably another thing.
Author:  pharmerjoe [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 10:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
haircut---there is a particular type of haircut that just yells creep or nerd---its kinda flat pancake like and too long--now longish hair is ok if its what uve gone for or if it suits u--this one is kinda hard to describe but its kinda the nerdy special-i think most people know the one--and no matter how alpha or sporty or friendly or fun or whatever the guy is--nothing will compensate for that haircut--think about it ull know the one--think neill S mentioned it somewhere as well.

If u have dat hairstyle its gotta go fast
anyone got a photo of what this haircut is?
Author:  mpuapua [ Mon Jul 25, 2011 3:48 am ]
Post subject: 
smile at her, make eye contact, and say "that's a cute shirt you are wearing." boom! you will have lots more positive replies.

smile, make eye contact, and say "how are you?"

don't go around chasing people and say how are you? to girls that you naturally pass by at the party or happen to be standing next to.

do lots of positive self talk in your head think "she feels comfortable around me. she wants me to talk to her. she might like it if i approached her."
Author:  Century100 [ Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:45 am ]
Post subject: 
isnt giving a compliment immediately though a dlv?
Author:  pumpington [ Mon Jul 25, 2011 7:02 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
isnt giving a compliment immediately though a dlv?
no, no it is not, NOT BEING COOL IS A DLV, if you continually supplicate with compliments and kiss her ass when she has not reciprocated that is a DLV, but opening with interest is just a direct opener
Author:  Century100 [ Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:28 am ]
Post subject: 
sounds good, thanks :)
Author:  Herne [ Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
haircut---there is a particular type of haircut that just yells creep or nerd---its kinda flat pancake like and too long--now longish hair is ok if its what uve gone for or if it suits u--this one is kinda hard to describe but its kinda the nerdy special-i think most people know the one--and no matter how alpha or sporty or friendly or fun or whatever the guy is--nothing will compensate for that haircut--think about it ull know the one--think neill S mentioned it somewhere as well.

If u have dat hairstyle its gotta go fast
anyone got a photo of what this haircut is?
leave it with me--ill try and dig one up
Author:  Kabi [ Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey dude
I think this might help you.
You're opener was not the best one i've heard. It was to direct wich makes it needy and sounds desperate.
It could be funny if you change it into a story that will actually make them laugh"
Have pauses too in some of your openers to make them answer with a yes or no or okay.

Example of a opener I do that succesfully work a couple of times
"Do you remember when you were a kid and went to kindergarden and how easy it was to make new friends"
"Yes I do"
"I want you to be my temporary friend , whats your name? :)"

I failed the first times with this opener until I found out that delivery is crucial.
So train on how to deliver your opener. Be serious, be flirty, be funny etc.
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