Wow, I cringed reading the replies (how bad I handles this but they were very helpful so I thank you all
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| Did I mess up? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=96104 |
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| Author: | Zix [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 7:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Did I mess up? |
Ok so today I was volunteering, and two girls also volunteer the same day. They are both best friends. We get on well and have lots of laughs etc. I've known them for about 4 months. They don't normally stay for the afternoon (and lunchtime) but they did today. It's for people with a mental condition so the room is filled with people like that and a few support workers. It was basically full apart from a seat next to the two girls. I took a deep breath (stept outside my comfort zone, aha) and sat there. I could have sat a few other places but I didn't really know the people so I sat there... I expected to chat tbh. But they didn't say anything to me apart from if i'd made my dinner and if I cooked.... The rest of the time they just chatted (was about boyfriends a lot as I think she had split up recently or something, but also future careers as they didn't know what to do when they finish uni next year.)One of them said she was stressed in the morning... The thing is It took a lot of confidence/guts for me to actually sit next to them as i'm breaking out of my shy shell so this has been a big knock to my confidence to me. I've tried doing things i'm scared of but obviously being "ignored" for about 45 minutes has knocked my confidence and never want me to do this again! It felt like such a long 45 minutes playing on my phone... I was expecting the conversation to flow like usual! However they were acting differently-like looked concerned and anxious unlike usual. They were talking about personal relationships and future after uni (after next year) which obviously is troubling them as they have pressuring parents... It didn't seem reasonable to but in and start talking as they were having a very serious conversation compared to normal! Normally they just chat and joke around etc but it was completely different! Do they just not like me? Were they just too into the boyfriend thing/concerned about their futures? AM I taking this too seriously? Do you think this was rude? What could I have done differently? I felt sort of awkward moving... Should I have sat somewhere else? Any other thoughts? Thanks for your help! |
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| Author: | Zix [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 10:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Ok thanks:one more question, if they bring this up or appologise or something what should I say without just saying it's ok (basically without being a pushover) hopefully something funny etc cheers |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 11:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
You are taking this too seriously-to an extent. But why would they apologize? Those girls owe you no apology. But this should've been your mindset:social! Always think to be social. And dont be afraid to offend. I get the feeling that you thought you would've been intrusive if you butted in or commented on their chat. |
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| Author: | LD [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hey mate! I agree with K-loc, saying you are taking this way to serious. You actually didnt do anything wrong here towards the girls. Except the overthinking, breaking your mind to figure out if they like you or not. They were in a conversation and you sat next to them. They were talking about future worries and such. There were two path to go with this: one was just silently sit there, and eat. You listen, you follow a bit, but you dont intervene. Perhaps because you couldnt (some people unconsciously force you out of their convo) or it was not the moment (a very personal subject, like a family member who is ill or something). On the the other way, you are a tiny bit more social. You could have listened, and at a point where you can share a feeling/thought/emotion, hooked in on it. This may even be a very personal thing. Suppose your grandfather died early because of some shitty disease, and she is talking about such a thing, you can hop on. this is instant rapport and it will not be perceived as intrusive. In either case, considering the location, its ok. Also, stop worrying if they like you or not. You cant deduct it from this situation. There are plenty of girls i really like, but if i want to talk to my buddy, i am not going to address her in the conversation. But it doesnt mean i dont like her. Also, dont always try to be funny as you end your last line with: hopefully something funny. Like you say it yourself, dont be a pushover. How to continue? Well, if they show up, have fun. When you see an opening (pun not intended) for conversation, make conversation. Get to know them. Lead the conversation. If it stays fun, say you want to do something else sometime. cheers! |
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| Author: | Don Draper [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:52 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Well, you basically made the first wrong move when you decided to play games on your cellphone instead of trying to engage them in a conversation. When they asked you something you replied and then kept shut. Mistake number 2. Now, the girls realised you weren't going to contribute anything hence, they went back to their own private conversation and you just sat there. I can't see this going anywhere but dead in the water. |
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| Author: | Zix [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Wow, I cringed reading the replies (how bad I handles this but they were very helpful so I thank you all
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