PUA Forum :: Monogamy

We are NOT monogamous in any way shape or form.

She's religious, and has already stated several times she wouldn't be into swinging (several of our friends are, which is why it came up.) And really, I'm not sure I should try to talk her into it anyway... I might want to sleep with other women, but I certainly wouldn't want her to sleep with other men.

Honesty is always key. It doesn't sound like you are willing to be honest with her about these feelings that you are having. That's understandable considering that it's a slippery slope. It can make her feel jealous for the duration of your relationship, over protective, vulnerable, and not good enough. You really have to ask yourself if sex with another woman (or multiple in your case) is worth the risk of hurting this one and your chance at a ltr with her.

What is it that you ultimately want to achieve with this line of thinking? More notches in the bed post or more experience? I would suggest talking to her about your lack of knowledge/experience and chances are, she will want to fill that void for you. You want to have sex in the janitor's closet at work? Chances are she would do it. Women love a little thrill, too. Give her the chance to fill the void before you do something you might regret.

One thing that all female swingers (and there are a lot of them) have in common is they all said they'd never do it.

Quote:

We are NOT monogamous in any way shape or form.

Hmm. I don't agree with you, for more than few reasons, but it did get me thinking so I decided that I will read this book. I am open minded and like to hear theories so why not.

Is it fun to read?

I figured it must be interesting, but is it fun?

Author:	Onoma [ Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Monogamy
Been dating this girl for just slightly less than a year now. We're moving in together. The thing is... well, I was pretty AFC even when I met her. Which is to say, she's only the second girl I've slept with. I'm literally packing my stuff now, and waiting for the mover to arrive. The thing is... I'm a little freaked out. I love the girl, but I can't help but think of all the tail I've missed out on. I wasted my 20's basically hiding from women (I'm 34 now) and I feel a little like I've missed the boat. I'm committed to this girl, but... well, I don't want things to fall apart because I'm so shallow I need to fuck other women. This all makes me wonder: How monogamous are we really, as a species. She's religious, and has already stated several times she wouldn't be into swinging (several of our friends are, which is why it came up.) And really, I'm not sure I should try to talk her into it anyway... I might want to sleep with other women, but I certainly wouldn't want her to sleep with other men. I guess, I'm not even sure if I'd want an open relationship myself. Maybe I'm just freaking out over moving in with a woman for the first time ever, but figured I'd see what everyone's thoughts are on monogamy vs. polygamy vs. uncommitted relationships. Ok, back to packing!

Author:	phangan [ Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:
How monogamous are we? We are NOT monogamous in any way shape or form. monogamy is a lie invented by Christianity to better spread itself as a religion (that's how it became so popular, until then the rich had 3-4 wives and the poor had none, Christianity promised a woman to every man) And before that (10,000 - 5,000 years ago) - everybody just had sex with each other freely. If you want to absolutely destroy your view of society and everything you know about "love" and "relationships" DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehisto ... 0061707805

Author:	pagan_goddess [ Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:
As a person that has been in quite a few different relationship dynamics, I have to say not all of them are for every person. Even if it has worked for you in the past with a different partner, it may not work for the next one. Monogamy is traditional and more people tend to lean this way. You have to know yourself, your partner and how to communicate with each other for any relationship to work, especially one outside of tradition. Honesty is always key. It doesn't sound like you are willing to be honest with her about these feelings that you are having. That's understandable considering that it's a slippery slope. It can make her feel jealous for the duration of your relationship, over protective, vulnerable, and not good enough. You really have to ask yourself if sex with another woman (or multiple in your case) is worth the risk of hurting this one and your chance at a ltr with her. What is it that you ultimately want to achieve with this line of thinking? More notches in the bed post or more experience? I would suggest talking to her about your lack of knowledge/experience and chances are, she will want to fill that void for you. You want to have sex in the janitor's closet at work? Chances are she would do it. Women love a little thrill, too. Give her the chance to fill the void before you do something you might regret. To answer the actual question, though, I do not disagree with any healthy relationship dynamic if it makes everyone involved happy. The only one I don't think I could do is polygamy, but I've never been presented with this option.

Author:	Thumb [ Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:09 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: We are NOT monogamous in any way shape or form. Hmm. I don't agree with you, for more than few reasons, but it did get me thinking so I decided that I will read this book. I am open minded and like to hear theories so why not. Is it fun to read? I figured it must be interesting, but is it fun?

Author:	here2play [ Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Monogamy
Quote: She's religious, and has already stated several times she wouldn't be into swinging (several of our friends are, which is why it came up.) And really, I'm not sure I should try to talk her into it anyway... I might want to sleep with other women, but I certainly wouldn't want her to sleep with other men. Your post brings up too many topics to address at one time so I'll address this one. My wife and I are swingers. One thing that all female swingers (and there are a lot of them) have in common is they all said they'd never do it. Most will even deny it to your face as they are sucking someone elses dick and taking it doggy style at the same time, they'll just say they are doing this to "....try it out but we aren't really swingers." It's part of their ASD and they are socially required to say it. It's also a shit test to see how serious you are and to see how you will react to them saying no. Once they feel safe that you aren't just trying to score extra chicks but restrict them to not having any extra dick, and once they feel safe and not being judged by you or others and not feeling slutty then the beast comes out and it is a firery, powerfull beast! There is an old saying in swinging that says, "the husband drags his wife to their first party and then has to drag her home again." That concept is even described in college level human sexuality textbooks in the chapter on swinging. It will NOT work if you go into it so you can bang other chicks but restrict her to not playing with other men. Even if she is very bisexual and likes other women and agrees to try an FMF 3some, it won't work if you are getting your cake and eating it too but she is only getting your leftover crumbs.

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Author:	phangan [ Fri Jul 01, 2011 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:
Yes, reading that book is fun, it's an easy read. To the OP - once a month book a room in the local Hilton and order a top escort for an hour. It's not cheating (as far as I'm concerned - no risk of emotional involvement - it's just SEX) . By the way, I'm not sure why 34 is "too late". Man can get married / settle down in their 40's and beyond. I actually now believe that men should NOT settle down before 40, there is no reason to and it makes a lot of sense (financial security / maturity / more life experience etc)

Author:	Thumb [ Fri Jul 01, 2011 10:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Whats OP? And... ofc banging an ..escort is a cheating wtf?!

Author:	Onoma [ Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Honesty is always key. It doesn't sound like you are willing to be honest with her about these feelings that you are having. That's understandable considering that it's a slippery slope. It can make her feel jealous for the duration of your relationship, over protective, vulnerable, and not good enough. You really have to ask yourself if sex with another woman (or multiple in your case) is worth the risk of hurting this one and your chance at a ltr with her. It's come up once or twice, and usually ends with me reassuring her that while I do feel like I missed out I want to be with her. Quote: What is it that you ultimately want to achieve with this line of thinking? More notches in the bed post or more experience? I would suggest talking to her about your lack of knowledge/experience and chances are, she will want to fill that void for you. You want to have sex in the janitor's closet at work? Chances are she would do it. Women love a little thrill, too. Give her the chance to fill the void before you do something you might regret. I'm sure I could get her to go with any fantasy like that... the problem is I feel like I've missed out on types of women. In particular Asian women... but sometimes it's even just different body times. Shorter, smaller boobs, taller... whatever. Quote: One thing that all female swingers (and there are a lot of them) have in common is they all said they'd never do it. This is part of the trick I think... she's _always_ the one who brings up swinging, or a "list" of actresses, or... well a couple weeks ago we were on a weekend trip and she offered to "let me be single" for a little while so I could get some more experience. (This seems a little impossible as we just moved in together... but hey.) So it's almost like she's baiting the hook or something... My answer to the offer of being single was that I wanted to be with her, but I "joked" that she should stay open to the idea of threesomes... she just laughed and dropped the subject.

Author:	ProfessorX [ Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Monogamy
The question isn't "how monogamous are we as a species", it's "how monogamous are you as a person". That's what matters and maybe you're beginning to figure that out. You're at a crossroads, time to make a decision. If you want to swing, you need to find a girlfriend who's into swinging. Don't take a religious girl and try to turn her just so you can cheat with a clear conscious. If you need to fuck other women you don't need a girlfriend. Personally I think moving in with a girl is rarely a good decision, but that's me.

Author:	Psych3r [ Wed Jul 06, 2011 6:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: We are NOT monogamous in any way shape or form. Hmm. I don't agree with you, for more than few reasons, but it did get me thinking so I decided that I will read this book. I am open minded and like to hear theories so why not. Is it fun to read? I figured it must be interesting, but is it fun? I agree with phangan, COMPLETELY. however Thumb, I will expand and say there are generally two types of guys. A) men who have emotionally matured enough to realize it's not MORE women they want, it's the RIGHT type of women they want. B) Men who haven't learned that yet and just want ass because their penis brain is saying "I want to put a kid in that" (to quote DD'A) Are humans monogomous? My answer is "Potentially" I don't think humans as a species were built for monogomy, because it is counter intuitive to our primal instincts to reproduce. However I do think that if a person has reached a point of self and relationship satisfaction they will be complacent on the topic and satisfied with the sole tail they have available. There really isn't anything wrong with either stance, I just feel its an indicator of where one stands on the evolutionary scale. Less education, less experience, less exposure = instincutally directed to want more ass. Education, experience, exposure = decisive over instinctual behaviors and higher standards = satisfied with aquisition of adequate mate. It's an ugly proposition, but that's the way our minds work.

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