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Second date... how accomodating should I be?
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Author:  bitstream [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Second date... how accomodating should I be?
Quick scenario... need your feedback...

First date went well and she seemed receptive to the idea of a second date the following weekend. She hasn't been timely calling me back, taking 2-3 days to return calls.

I called Sunday and didn't hear from her, so I called her again late Tuesday night and left a message saying we should go out on Friday night. She e-mails me back this morning saying she can't go out Friday though she asked if Saturday would work "if I was free".

Here's the conundrum: I have plans to go clubbing on Saturday night with some friends and that wouldn't be appropriate for a second date.

Do I ditch my friends and go out with her on Saturday?

Part of me wants to go, but I don't want to seem desperate or needy. On the flip side, I'd hate to pass up a good thing and miss an opportunity. It's clear she's dating other guys, so my window of opportunity could close.

What would you do?
Author:  Trivial [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 4:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just tell her that your busy sat and tell you don't THINK you are going to be busy such and such day.

You tell her when and where you are going to hang out.
Author:  bitstream [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Good point, though I just talked to my friends and we MAY be going clubbing Friday instead. Can you think of any reasons AGAINST getting together on Saturday if I happen to be free?
Author:  Trivial [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
I hate it so much when the girl plays games back about how shes busy and shit. Then it just mind games back and forth.

I would as long as you say I'm busy from this time to this time because me and my friends (make up a dhv story or something fun your doing that she cant be invited to). Then I would say but after that I'm free we should go to mall and you can help me pick out such and such item. Or could invite her to invite with friends but just as long as your not doing something special and stopping your schedule for her.
Author:  Arkitekt [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Man, if you don't want to do it Saturday... then don't.

Just say you have plans. Don't tell her what plans. How many times
has a girl just said "I have plans" without saying what they
were..."..."..."..."... I've run out of digits to count on. :)

If, and only if, she's proven herself to you, does she get to spend
time with you on the weekends. (BTW, my rule for that is 3+ dates)
Weekends are quality time for your friends and for yourself in my book.

[edit]

DO NOT put this girl up on a pedestal. She doesn't return your calls and
she only responds via email??? My answer to that is "No Ma'am!" Let her
date other guys. The only way your "window" is going to close is if you
start acting like a wuss.

[rant over]

My opinion? I wouldn't go out with her Sat. Bust her down to text or
email and plan something during the week.
Author:  saqchek [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Friday/Saturday are the happening nights for people. You agreeing to go out on one of those nights shows that you don't have shit going on in your life. My advice is to keep the plans (even if they do change) and hit her up on a Sunday-Thu for a Day2.
Author:  bitstream [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah. It makes me wonder if she's dating another guy (which is more than likely the case) and how you might stack up against Mr. Anonymous.

The issue here is that last week we kind of decided on the place but hadn't decided on a day because, well, we didn't know what our schedules would look like.

So, the venue is the same, though the day is different from my original invitation. Right now she doesn't know that I might have other plans, so I think I have some leeway here. I just don't want to seem like a chump who's bending over backwards to accommodate her schedule.
Author:  Trivial [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Man, if you don't want to do it Saturday... then don't.

Just say you have plans. Don't tell her what plans. How many times
has a girl just said "I have plans" without saying what they
were..."..."..."..."... I've run out of digits to count on. :)

If, and only if, she's proven herself to you, does she get to spend
time with you on the weekends. Weekends are a time for your friends
and for yourself in my book.
The difference is girls ask what our plans and we dont. So you have to be prepared with a story. Sure you can say dont worry about it or just say I have plans. But while shes going to ask why not dhv right there and make her see that your a cool guy.
Author:  Arkitekt [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Man, if you don't want to do it Saturday... then don't.

Just say you have plans. Don't tell her what plans. How many times
has a girl just said "I have plans" without saying what they
were..."..."..."..."... I've run out of digits to count on. :)

If, and only if, she's proven herself to you, does she get to spend
time with you on the weekends. Weekends are a time for your friends
and for yourself in my book.
The difference is girls ask what our plans and we dont. So you have to be prepared with a story. Sure you can say dont worry about it or just say I have plans. But while shes going to ask why not dhv right there and make her see that your a cool guy.
I see your point... but for me, I'm beginning to develop a low tolerance
for girl games. She doesn't return his calls in a timely manner and only
responds via email? A girl needs to work a little harder than that to get me, IMHO.
Does she deserve to know what his plans are? You don't have to show your hand.

Yes, I agree. If you want to DHV, then that is an awesome oportunity. Say
you have plans. If she asks, then tell why. 'Cause if she asks, then she's
interested. Hell, tell her you have a date if she asks.
Author:  Trivial [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

I see your point... but for me, I'm beginning to develop a low tolerance
for girl games. She doesn't return his calls in a timely manner and only
responds via email? A girl needs to work a little harder than that, IMHO.

And I don't think you have to always show your hand. If you want to DHV,
then that is an awesome oportunity. Say you have plans. If she asks, then
tell why. 'Cause if she asks, then she's interested.
Shit Im getting a low tolerance too. I just want to say bitch were hanging out this time at this place 2 days from now and I dont want your stupid fucking texts asking a million fucking questions. Sorry about that but that just how I feel. Yeah but pretty much every girl is going to ask because they are a naturally noisy species that wants to know about everyones life and gossip.

I should write a book on what I hate about woman but why I need them at same time.
Author:  bitstream [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's not that I don't WANT to go out Saturday. When I left her a voicemail I decided to TELL her that I wanted to go out on Friday while making it sound like an invitation.

If you call and say "do you want to go out this weekend?" I think that's too weak and open-ended. The response you'll get (unless she really likes you) is probably something along the lines of, "I can't. I have other plans".


As much as I would like to go out with her, perhaps it's best if I tell her I can't go out on Saturday. Period. I can suggest dinner/coffee on Sunday night or during the week.

BTW - If I tell her I ditched my friends to go out with her, does this look bad on my part since I put her before my friends? or can you play this up? I'm all about value here...
Author:  Arkitekt [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
BTW - If I tell her I ditched my friends to go out with her, does this look bad on my part since I put her before my friends? or can you play this up? I'm all about value here...
I think it looks really bad on you.

You've hung out with her once and already ditching your friends to see
her? Shows you're chasing her. Remember, she needs to earn time with
you. You are the prize.

Look back at her actions. Doesn't return calls fast enough. Emails to
respond to your phone call. This tells me she is keeping distance from
you.

You need to give her space... and give her the gift of missing you.

I would suggest not calling or responding to her email. Text, or maybe
call, her at the beginning of the week and set the next date on your
terms.
Author:  saqchek [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 8:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
BTW - If I tell her I ditched my friends to go out with her, does this look bad on my part since I put her before my friends? or can you play this up? I'm all about value here...
You might as well give her a trophy and a medal for winning the game if you do that. She'd then say...."ooooh...i can have him whenever i want."

Major DLV and AFC move.


I keep hearing this "we" shit about arranging plans. Shouldn't be no "we" to it. It should be I made plans for THIS day, if she can't make it. Tough and she misses out. If she suggests a day she's free (and you don't have plans that day already) then go with it. (make sure it isn't a friday/saturday)
Author:  bitstream [ Wed Oct 17, 2007 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
BTW - If I tell her I ditched my friends to go out with her, does this look bad on my part since I put her before my friends? or can you play this up? I'm all about value here...
You might as well give her a trophy and a medal for winning the game if you do that. She'd then say...."ooooh...i can have him whenever i want."

Major DLV and AFC move.


I keep hearing this "we" shit about arranging plans. Shouldn't be no "we" to it. It should be I made plans for THIS day, if she can't make it. Tough and she misses out. If she suggests a day she's free (and you don't have plans that day already) then go with it. (make sure it isn't a friday/saturday)

Point taken. That's what I figured, but I'm a n00b here wanted to be certain that was the case.

To clarify, last week *I* suggested getting together the following weekend, though I didn't specify which day. The Tuesday call specified the place AND the day.

I'm going with my original INSTINCT and telling her that I'm not available Saturday night. I'm not into games, so the best I might do is offer up Sunday evening.
Author:  DangerDave [ Fri Oct 19, 2007 12:11 am ]
Post subject: 
NEVER ditch your friends because a girl wants to do something with you.

If I was a girl I would NOT respect a man who did that. It's common sense and it'll keep you grounded as well.

The moment you start valuing your girl over your friends is the moment she goes off you and your friends like you less. Lose lose.
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