PUA Forum
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

want the ex back. or move on?
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=92038		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  thelost [ Sat May 21, 2011 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:  want the ex back. or move on?
Hey whats up everybody! this is a post about break ups and when you really think its worth getting back together with an EX. the way im going to format this post is give the brief story behind it and ask for your advice on two options( right now im in dead even conflict with both and would throughly enjoy your well thought out feed back:))

So where to begin...

been using the game and really divulging into social interactions via pua material, psychology books, business books, you name it. as a guy who is in business for himself and a full time amature athlete i know when to cut my losses and go for the bigger better deal. its a tough world out there but hey, its a fun exciting world to live in!

Right now im in conflict with a decision to get back with my ex (oneitis syndrom or at least really feels likes it) or not. and by get back, i mean really take the time to form a relationship (or relationshit) as some may describe this haha!

so we were together for quite a while. really made me realize what i wanted in a human being. never felt so good to be around someone in the years ive been in this game. so enough fluff lets get right to the main points!

we had to break it off because unfortunately. She is leaving the country for good, and we had to make a decision right then and there where it was going. unfortunately I was more invested emotionally then she was, even though i knew she really really cared and she expressed this multiple times. but its not the right timing.

all my education of the game, everything i knew what to do flew right out of my head and i started using the emotional side of my brain and said F&%* it im going to make it work. and of course i just drove her further away. \we still hooked up, were very intimate with another, really enjoyed being around one another.

however we talked about being friends and i thought it would go well (ya right) but we could not party with each other, she wanted a limited friendship because she knew we would hook up and she would regret it.

so the friend thing i could not handle and i told her i did not want anything to do with her that it just didnt fit nor did it feel right. and thus went dark and entered no contact.

what was to follow was the cold shoulder from her, and very bitter attitude from her friends. the way i saw it if she were to move on and see someone else while being friends it would tear me apart from the inside out. while weve all had longterm relationships, there comes a time when one realizes that this is different and that is where i am right now.

so after about a month of NC we saw each other and noticed each other, i myself chose to pretend not to see her while she made efforts to stick out. as we were passing one another through a crowd of people where we usually went to the gym she gave me a very hard look trying to get me to even notice her but i just choose not to. the same followed when wed party at the same bars where i live in SF.

so she calls one night and i choose to ignore it, but realize that the girls i have been dating since( a month and a halfe after i completely called it quits on her) just doesn't feel the same.

So i sent her a email something very platonic and friendly and recived a warm response. she left it very open ended even though my message was really just a |hey look at this funny thing a found" inside joke between myself and her. \i did not leave the msg open ended and honestly did not even expect a response.

So my question to all of you out there is. could you give me 2 responses. the first is to A: what to do to move on from this situation, get over her completely and move on

and B: if i decide to take the plunge and make this work how would i go about it, NC has been implemented and the needy emotional behavior eliminated, my shits in order to attack this clearly. but deep down i want to make this work!

Thanks guys for taking the time to read and offer advice!
Author:  Kabi [ Sat May 21, 2011 5:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
In my own experience, EX is an EX for a reason.
I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
A: Get back out there, maybe your ex is good in every human way, but you'll find someone just as good as her maybe even better. Block the negative thoughts. I've been in same position, but I just move forward, because it's up to faith if we will ever see each other again and if we don't it wasn't meant to be, and if we do i will be able to take her out on a date and see whats happen to her in the past years, nothing wrong with that.
B: If you decide to get back to her, remember that all old shitty stuff, all old arguments and fights will still be there. It will always be there. I dont know about you two, if u even fight about stuff or not. But think of all your problems you two had, and think if its really worth it. Its not wrong to try over and over again, but only at some limit. If it dont work after the second or third time, then forget it. Time is money!
But if you guys don't fight, dont argue and are perfect. Give it a shot, but remember have your limit of shots. And do it slow. I would never get back to an ex because it only remembers me of problems... but it also depends on the time between the break up and real time.
Author:  T-Bones [ Sat May 21, 2011 5:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
You've crossed that critical point where you cannot regain the full attraction of this girl again. There is a gray area where a woman will toy with you and give you false hope that there is a possibility you will get back together and live happily ever after. In her mind she only wants to see how far you will go to get her back. Even though you may temporarily get back together it will not last because you're fighting for her, and in her mind she has you right where she wants you. It sounds like you are in that kind of situation.

Once it's over it's over. You would have done better to walk right when the discussion was over that she wasn't staying in the country. I know it's hard, and it feels like instinct to try and fight for her, but you need to train yourself to be tough and walk away for good.

How were you going to keep this relationship together if she's leaving the country, because that game definitely never works?

My guess is there were very obvious clues that this was going to end, but you just didn't see them or you played your cards wrong from the beginning. Even worse you wussed out and lost your game. She knows this. This girl's interest level in you was lower than yours from the beginning, and that is never a good situation to be in unless you take the right steps to reverse it.
Author:  iceman3232 [ Sun May 22, 2011 12:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Wow, I am really happy you posted this here. It's crazy but I am actually going through the same problem as you. We broke up and then a few months later she decided she wanted to leave the country and move home to hers. The situation definitely does suck. She pretty much says that if it's meant to be we will be together some day. We still talk some and even hooked up a few times but in reality it just prolongs the pain. You know one day she will be gone. There is really nothing you can do but try and move on without her. Like you she wanted to remain in touch as friends but that really is impossible. I tell her it's going to kill me to know she is with another man or even seeing other guys. There comes a time when you just have to cut off all contact and try your best to stick to it. Losing someone you are so close to is a terrible pain. I guess my only advice is to try and move on. Find someone that makes you happy and don't worry about her. If she loved you as much as you love her why would she leave? Why wouldn't she invite you there to be with her? Why wouldn't you try and work things out? Good luck for both of us.
Author:  PSyKaD4LiC [ Sun May 22, 2011 2:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Your post was WAY TL;DR. But without reading any of it i know the best answer is to move on
Author:  sheps [ Fri May 27, 2011 7:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
you might find you get closure from going back out with her.

if you break up again you'll know it just wasnt meant to be and if it works out it works out you'll know you corrected a potential error or life-regret.
the worst thing that happens is you break up again and you're back where you are now but more likely IF you broke up you'd know you guys werent compatible for whatever reason and be able to move on.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/