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severe oneitis
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Author:  bgold1117 [ Tue May 17, 2011 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  severe oneitis
hey guys so theres this girl that ive had a huge crush on for a while that I met through mutual friends. Ive been around her at friends parties and on other occasions. I met her back about 6 months ago. Ive been out w her a couple times and shes dropped pretty obvi hints about being attracted to me (indirectly calling me hot, playing with hair, making a compliment about a physical feature of mine). Etc

However shit hit the fan like a month ago when she had told me she would go to a movie with me but was going to a friends bday party downtown, and later that night I see her coming back from somewhere when im outside my friends place walking back drunk with two dudes. So I flipped out on her, but apologized the next day and pretty much jsut had to straight up tell her how I felt. No response

I stopped talking to her. Then at a party a couple weeks later that we were both at I wasnt paying any attention to her just doing my thing and drunk texted her a dumb joke about watching out for her friends. She responded "no one ever said anything about you having to watch out for my friends". I couldnt tell if she was being serious or not so I cleared things up the next day and said I was joking around and didnt mean anything by it. No response

So I just decide to move on b/c it wasnt going anywhere and shes not being reciprocative. Fast forward a week later and she randomly ims me online and sends me a stupid ass video which I dont even really give a reply to bc it was so dumb.

Then the next thing I know she starts liking my fb statuses the next day and I playfully gave her shit about sending me the video on another friends status saying "o great dont tell me im gonna get another dumb video sent to me! yea im talking to you (girls name). She responds back by jokingly calling me an idiot, and I make some dumb joke back about her being a hater and she was like "ha wow very original".

Then she comments on one of my statuses later that night that had nothing to do with her.

So I dont know what to do with this girl my oneitis has gotten pretty bad and I need to figure out how to move on from it. The good thing is that shes moving back home for summer for 3 months, the bad news is this def isnt the last I see of her. Thats the thing that sucks when you hang out with the same circle of friends. And theres a possibility I may see her one more time before she leaves

So I dont know what her deal is? I thought I blew it with her but I dont know why she has come back around. Any suggestions on what I can do to get over this debilitating disease.

I thought Id mention this but a couple days after I made the joke about watching out for her friends. I posted a funny picture of me and her from that night and she made some jealous comment on her friends wall saying "wow youre in 2 peoples profiles pics, I wish I was as cool as you".

So yes help greatly needed :)
Author:  bgold1117 [ Tue May 17, 2011 9:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I forgot to mention this too but I get along well with her friends and I have done the whole cocky funny thing with them too and they respond well to it and get attention from them. I dont know if shes taking note of that and getting jealous
Author:  Serj [ Tue May 17, 2011 9:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sounds to me like she is nothing mere than a friend.

You need to come to terms and accept that nothing will happen with this girl any time soon, if at all.
Once you truly accept that and continue on with your life, you will slowly get over it.

Best of luck.
Author:  Blind Watchmaker [ Tue May 17, 2011 9:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
As I see it, oneitis is always a bad thing. Even if you are dating her for a long time. No woman should ever attain such status in man's life. Because if she finds out (and she usually does), her attraction for the man is gone.

Now for your particular case, I think she is probably just playing with you to get validation from your attention and your feelings.

The thing I'd do is to completely ignore her for at least 1/2 year. Don't even read her posts on FB or reply to text messages she sends you.
But from my experience the worst enemy are your own thoughts that keep getting back to her. You are most likely having long "conversations" with her inside your head. You have to learn to stop it. Break the pattern. You can slap yourself or pinch or whatever it takes to break it and to start to think about something completely unrelated to her.

It also helps to have good female friend who doesn't know your oneitis or doesn't like her. She can then introduce you to her other female friends and you can build a new social circle.
Author:  bgold1117 [ Tue May 17, 2011 9:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
She never gave me any signs I was in the friend zone, and why the hell would she makes those compliments. Anyways you think its best to just stop ttalking to her?
Author:  Serj [ Tue May 17, 2011 9:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
She never gave me any signs I was in the friend zone, and why the hell would she makes those compliments. Anyways you think its best to just stop ttalking to her?
Some girls are just naturally flirts, so you may be taking things the wrong way.
It seems best to take a break for a bit and get over her.
It will be much better when you come back and have to be around her again not being so attached rather than being around her still obsessed.
Author:  Rox [ Tue May 17, 2011 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Cat theory
I think this may be a good example of cat theory. When she has you by the balls she doesn't want you, but when you ignore her, her interest in you spikes. Basically, I would recommend moving on, because she only wants you when she doesn't have you. So GFTOG(Go find/fuck ten other girls) That is the one good oneitis cure.
Author:  Blind Watchmaker [ Tue May 17, 2011 10:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
She never gave me any signs I was in the friend zone, and why the hell would she makes those compliments.
Obviously I cannot tell for sure since I didn't see it, she might have been genuinely attracted to you at first..

But women also often do it for their validation. See, a woman MUST feel she is attractive to males, cos' from evolutionary point of view her survival would be compromised if she wasn't attractive for males (no male equals no protection). That is also why so many women out there have so called "Satelites" or "Orbiters". They give them IOIs to keep them around for protection and validation. And the males "hope" in vain that one day they will get her.
Quote:
Anyways you think its best to just stop ttalking to her?
Yes I think so. Because even if you did something to win her and start dating her, sooner or later she would probably leave you because of your too strong feelings for her (stronger then hers). It would cause you even more pain than you are now going through.
On the other hand if you now let her go from your life, you might have a chance with her after some time, when your feelings get weaker and you will become much less needy.
Or she may actually start chasing you if her feelings for you were actually genuine.
Author:  bgold1117 [ Tue May 17, 2011 10:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes I agree I need to let go of her, being that well still be around eachother in the future I should take this summer to go out and meet new girls and forget about her until the new school year startts. But what can I ultimately take and learn from this? Is my game good if im getting attention from her friends?
Author:  bgold1117 [ Wed May 18, 2011 2:12 am ]
Post subject: 
And as far as her friends go what do I do as far as remanining friends w them?
Author:  bgold1117 [ Wed May 18, 2011 4:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Trust me I hatte feeling like this. Its unhealthy
Author:  Rox [ Wed May 18, 2011 5:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Dude, I know how you feel. I have been in the same situation, one of my best friends became a girl I was very involved with, but you have to faze it out, realizing she doesn't like you and getting good at gaming better girls will get you out of it.
Author:  Blind Watchmaker [ Wed May 18, 2011 5:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
And as far as her friends go what do I do as far as remanining friends w them?
It really depends on how strong your feelings are for this oneitis of yours. I would keep gaming her friends but should that mean that you will keep hearing about your oneitis all the time and should it cause you even more pain, then I'd say just let them go as well. You don't need them. There are plenty of "fresh" girls to chose from!
Author:  bgold1117 [ Wed May 18, 2011 6:37 am ]
Post subject: 
yea so ive come to the conclusion im in the gray area between potential lover and friend zone and its best to move on and not let it make me feel this way. and what do you mean about hearing about my oneitis all the time?
Author:  Blind Watchmaker [ Wed May 18, 2011 6:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
what do you mean about hearing about my oneitis all the time?
I mean that if it's hard for you to stop thinking of her, it's better when no one talks about her. If her friends don't know she is your oneitis, chances are they will bring her up in conversations, especially if they are good friends.

But then again, it may not bother you at all. But when I personally went through my own oneitis, it was quite painful for me to even hear her name mentioned in a conversation..
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