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She wants to start over and "rebuild."
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Author:  soundboy96 [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:01 am ]
Post subject:  She wants to start over and "rebuild."
Me and my girlfriend started out amazing about 4 months ago. Last month we got in some bad fights and arguments.

At the verge of totally breaking up she decided that we should rebuild and start over. She said we started out way too fast. I slept with her the 2nd time we met. I have slept with her a total of 3 times. We spent over 4 hours a night on the phone the last few months. Now we speak not even an hour a day. She's definitely more guarded with me now and we lost a little bit of that "spark." There still is a "spark" though!

She said she doesn't know when we will be good again and that we need to take it day-by-day, with no drama. She said she still loves me and we are "together" but not boyfriend and girlfriend. She agreed that we will stay loyal/faithful to eachother through this, until we figure out when the time is right to be together or split ways.

I went and visited her this last weekend (temporarily, we are in a long-distance relationship) and the most action I got was hugging. We slept in the same bed. It is very hard going from having sex with someone to just hugging at the maximum. No kissing, no holding hands, nothing. It was just like we were friends and no more.

How long do you think I should wait before I should move on? I have a feeling this will take months. I love her and want this to work. I always go see her every 3 weeks. I can't afford to keep flying to see her to just hug. She recently bought a plane ticket to come and see me in July. I love her, though, and want this all to work out.

Does this whole plan of hers sound like a legit idea? I see her point and everything, but damn! long distance is not cheap and we don't see eachother enough to make up faster! Until the end of the year (when I move near her) I only see her one weekend a month. That makes it seem like it could take forever. If we were in the same city it would probably be faster.

We are starting to get a long much better now and both seem happier. I am going to see her in two weekends. I have another plane ticket purchased for 3 weeks after that. Then 1.5 months later she comes up here to see me. I feel like if nothing happens after my 2nd plane ticket (July 3rd, 2011) maybe I should call it quits.

What are your opinions?

P.S. I'm not greatly experienced in the relationship game! AFC!
Author:  quickquestion [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:08 am ]
Post subject: 
to be honest it seems to me she is just feeling insecure and scared of being alone so she keeps you on her leash .. and for some reason not giving you any.. i think it's because she only THINKS she is attracted to you but she doesnt FEEL it, get it? if she was attracted to you she would be all over you. there is really no reason for her to stay distant.

If you have a bottle of water and youre thirsty, you'll drink right?
But if you arent thirsty you'll leave it on the table and do other stuff, but you won't throw it out .. just in case you need it

I dont know if this is a good example but i think you get my point
Author:  soundboy96 [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:10 am ]
Post subject: 
I forgot to add that weekend I was with her and we didn't fuck, hold-hands, kiss, nothing. She was on her period for sure. I accidently looked down towards the garbage next to the toilet!
Author:  spandrel [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:23 am ]
Post subject: 
My gut feeling is that she is playing you. Move on.

Long distance relationships almost never work, for numerous reasons.
Author:  soundboy96 [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
My gut feeling is that she is playing you. Move on.

Long distance relationships almost never work, for numerous reasons.
I honestly have wondered if she was playing me...

She is a bartender...very flirty.

If I had to bet money, though, I don't think she is. Shes extremely active on FB and has over 800 friends. I had a little period where I became super-psycho-detective and searched everything on her and guys she talks to. No pictures, no nothing. I feel if she was playing me I would find some kind of dirt. I haven't found any dirt yet.

I kind of want to give her the benefit of the doubt and not assume she's playing me until I got evidence.

I got oneitis, super bad!
Author:  spandrel [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I got oneitis, super bad!
That in itself should tell you what you need to do.

I wouldn't even BOTHER with a woman who is a bartender.
Author:  soundboy96 [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I got oneitis, super bad!
That in itself should tell you what you need to do.

I wouldn't even BOTHER with a woman who is a bartender.
I see what you are saying. We have so much in common. We still talk everyday. I tried getting rid of her a few weeks back after all the fights and within a day we were talking again! She won't let me go but won't get back to the "roots" we once had. Either way...I still want to play it out and see what happens.

I don't plan on buying another plane ticket to see her. If nothing happens within these next 2 visits...I'll cut the cord.
Author:  spandrel [ Fri May 06, 2011 12:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Try pulling back from her and see how she reacts. She's used to you always being there-- will you not being there provoke negative feelings in her that will pull her toward you?

If not you don't want her around.
Author:  soundboy96 [ Fri May 06, 2011 1:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Try pulling back from her and see how she reacts. She's used to you always being there-- will you not being there provoke negative feelings in her that will pull her toward you?

If not you don't want her around.
I like that idea. I planned on doing that between my last plane ticket to see her...and when she comes up here. 1.5 month gap. If nothing goes down and it's just this friend bullshit I planned on slowly letting go and seeing how she reacts.

We went 2 day (max) without talking when I tried leaving her. She called literally over 30 times starting at 11PM all the way to 6AM. She sent over 30 text messages saying how she wants me and loves me, etc.

She got pretty crazy. I can only imagine what a week or more would do to her.

I got that feeling that I still love and care about her but it lowered down a step or two. Kind of like it would still be tough to lose her but not as bad as it would have been to lose her...say like 2 months ago.
Author:  spandrel [ Fri May 06, 2011 2:26 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I can only imagine what a week or more would do to her.
And if it doesn't, you don't want her. Make her come to you.

Explain the LDR situation.

Just based on that one thing, I would bet $100 that it will not work.

Then there is the fact that she is a bartender.

Do you REALLY think a female bartender who is in a long distance relationship is going to be able to be monogamous at all? The first time you piss her off she's going to hike up her skirt and bend over the bar.

If it were me I wouldn't even be involved with a female bartender at all, or anyone in a situation like that.
Author:  Beetle [ Fri May 06, 2011 1:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
I agree with spandrel. I went out with a girl who went to a school were she was the only girl and had an army of douchebags and losers worshipping her and it sucked going out with her, I was just too much of an AFC to realize it back then.

Do what the others said. Push her off. If she climbs back, allright. If not, you can be glad you pushed her off.
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