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Did I just get dissed? Help a newbie :(
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Author:  ergoproxy [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:38 am ]
Post subject:  Did I just get dissed? Help a newbie :(
Hi there everyone!
This is driving me crazy so I would really appreciate if anyone could help me out here.

I met this girl last friday.

We had good conversation, a bit of kino, a lot of IOI, she came up to my room and even left her piano notes (we played piano) as a reason to come back again, which she clearly indicated.

That night, she also wanted to meet up the next week (this week), and gave me her phone number as she left her bag at home before she came up to me (we live in the same student builiding). She tried to set a date directly, but I was unsure about my schedule so I told her I would come back to her when I found out more.

Since I just had exchanged a couple of words with her that night, and actually started a real conversation around 3AM, I didn't push for more than #-close since she gave a lot of IOI's anyway and said she was tired.

I texted her on saturday, but she ignored my last text, so I mini-freezed her for one day.
Today when I found out my schedule I proposed to meet up on wednesday, but she says she'll be busy the whole week and we should meet up next week instead.

I'm new to all of this, I've been flirting with girls however and I don't mind that much if I get dissed, but this time it is really irritating me. I suppose it is because it felt like we connected in a really good way.

How should I proceed? I replied:
"Ok busy girl! We'll see"

for now since I don't want to appear needy, which is my main weakness. But did I come off to uninterested, or should I just see her as the flaking type and just try to forget and spend my time on other fish in the sea?

PS.
I found out that this girl has a boyfriend back at her home country which she's about to break up with.

Advice is greatly greatly appreciated, I'm going a little bit nuts >_<

Edit:
I'm thinking of texting here something like this but I'm afraid it might appear a bit needy:

"Btw, I heard you have a boyfriend? I want to pick up where we left off last time, I had such a good time with you, but I don't want to be that kind of guy. Should I wait for next week?"

Do I ruin the 'exciting' mood also?
Author:  ergoproxy [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 2:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
So instead of appearing needy I found some advice in another thread that I'm gonna go with (if not anyone here manages to stop me before that).

Something in line with:

Me: "Sorry I was busy at the lab before. I thought you wanted to meet up this week? ;) Can I be straight forward and tell you something?"

She: "Yea I forgot about the other plans I had blabla. Sure tell."

Me: "You're a great girl, but I've got a no flake policy. I'm very busy at my research project so my time is important to me. If I'm misreading the situation, and the girl from friday still is there somewhere then let me know when you wanna hook up next week :)."


I'm just wondering if I'm coming out too strong too soon. Normally I wouldn't, but I can't help feel that she's being very cold while texting, and not really caring about replying, which makes me wonder if she's flaking.

By this I hope to show her that I'm fine without her, but still interested if there is any potential. Comments?
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm beginning to think that guys (us) read too much into "connecting" with a girl. Some girls are really charming and they come off as some sort of perfect woman when you first meet. Then the bullshit starts. Flaking, Gameplaying, Etc.

I know this is a little off topic, but your post reminded me of this fact. I think that guys and girls are fickle in our own ways. I think guys are fickle about flirting. Most of us can flirt with just about any girl and not have any intentions or have any goal (not always). Whereas girls are fickle about "connecting" on that deep, sort of, emotional level. When they do that to us, we take it as a sign that there is really REALLY something strong going on with great potential. Possibly, a long term relationship / soulmate (lol).

But I think girls are fickle with this "connecting". I'm pretty sure most of them can deeply "connect" with one guy one day and another guy the next day, and so on...ad infinitum.

Maybe I'm wrong, it just seems that most girls I've encountered are really quick to get really deep about stuff with you, only to disappear. Guys simply don't do that (for the most part). We will flirt and stuff, even nail chicks, but when we say "hey, there is a connection here" we generally call back, text back, and don't flake.

They are weird creatures. Good luck. Again, sorry if this was off topic too much.
Author:  ergoproxy [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for your reply and the insight.

I'm beginning to see this also. In this way girls can be even harsher than guys, they play at a deeper emotional level, whereas a guys intention could easily be seen by a girl.

If this is the case with this girl, then I don't think I have anything to loose by following through with the scenario I put up in the last post.

I sent the first text but no reply yet, I'm getting more and more sure about that she's not that into me as I thought (she appeared to be), so I'll give her the "my time is important"-ultimatum.

I guess I feel it's too bad because this doesn't happen to me so often (that a girl "connects" and then almost leads the "game" and takes my number etc.).

Also, I thought she wouldn't play games so much since she's 30 and I'm 23...
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
They get better at playing games as time goes on. I've dated chicks in their forties who played more and better games than highschoolers.
Author:  ergoproxy [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Clearly this chick gamed me instead of me gaming her.
The classic push & pull and now all I wanna do is bone her, however I will not break.

So I texted her:

- "Sorry was busy at the lab earlier. I thought you wanted to meet up this week? ;)"

No reply, so after a couple of hours.

- [Removed, simply that I won't be waiting for her]

(Sorry Mack, I stole alot from you there but you had some good points)

No reply to that either.
So now I'm thinking I should just ignore her, and if she gets her act together and sets a date it's fine, otherwise fk it..

However, she still has her piano notes here, so she'll be back for them eventually. No idea how to play when that happens..
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Apr 18, 2011 11:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
good for you for sending that text,

you ABSOLUTELY MUST FREEZE HER OUT NOW.

any attempt to recontact after you send that will result in your balls falling off and you growing a vagina.
Author:  ergoproxy [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 6:18 am ]
Post subject: 
I will not. She now has to earn my respect again which she lost by ignoring my texts and postponing the date she wanted.

Btw, I removed my detailed texts. I'm not quite comfortable about allowing google bots to index these pages, they are searchable through google! :O
Author:  phoenixil [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:28 am ]
Post subject: 
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE HER FOR A MONTH . Make her see you with ANOTHER PIANIST, A BETTER PIANIST.

Then when you have a concert ASK HER TO TURN PAGES FOR YOU.

Later, after she starts to IOI you again, start all over again, negs, etc... but this time kiss close.
Author:  EddieFews [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
A lot of iois at 3 am... Clear indication that she wants some cock.

And her saying she's sleepy should be interpreted by you as she wants to get in bed with you.

Women are sexual creatures bro and for the most part will talk themselves into your bed.

Play naive and ask the right questions and you'll score all the time
Author:  Suffa [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
one thing to learn from this, if they are giving you that much obvious interest and you find they have a bf, never ever mention the bf! Its not your problem its hers and she wouldnt be interested in another guy if theres wasnt problems already and these are not your problems. Try to help with the bf problems and you hit the friend zone.

Think about it, a girl starts hitting on you and things are going well then you find she has a bf and they going through problems. You bring this up with her and suddenly her time with you goes from being with someone new to being with someone that reminds her that shes in a relationship.

She might even be going through shit with her bf now and not contacting you. Id say just wait it out and see if she comes back, if not too bad.
Author:  ergoproxy [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
A lot of iois at 3 am... Clear indication that she wants some cock.

And her saying she's sleepy should be interpreted by you as she wants to get in bed with you.

Women are sexual creatures bro and for the most part will talk themselves into your bed.

Play naive and ask the right questions and you'll score all the time
I've had two other girls in my room the last 2 months, and I've K-closed the both the same night I met them. I was too pushy with one of them, which I understood directly, and the other gave me some LMR, but that doesn't really matter.
This girl however I didn't really spend any real time with, I exchanged maybe 3 minutes before going to club and then 5 minutes before taking her to my room, so refering to the first girl that I was too pushy with, I didn't want to make the same mistake again.

This together with the fact that she lives one floor below me, and that she basically was putting her shoes on while saying she's tired, made me afraid that I would push for a close too much, was I wrong? Could I have closed?

If so, how should I have proceeded, I obviously didn't want her to leave but I didn't know what else to do to make her stay beside pushing her to the wall and kiss her, which seemed a little bit desperate to me? I'm open to constructive criticism, that's why I'm here, so shoot please!
Quote:
one thing to learn from this, if they are giving you that much obvious interest and you find they have a bf, never ever mention the bf! Its not your problem its hers and she wouldnt be interested in another guy if theres wasnt problems already and these are not your problems. Try to help with the bf problems and you hit the friend zone.

Think about it, a girl starts hitting on you and things are going well then you find she has a bf and they going through problems. You bring this up with her and suddenly her time with you goes from being with someone new to being with someone that reminds her that shes in a relationship.

She might even be going through shit with her bf now and not contacting you. Id say just wait it out and see if she comes back, if not too bad.
That is very logic reasoning! And I agree, that's what I meant with me "ruining the mood" if I'd mention the bf, and so I didn't :) *Thank god*
Author:  Suffa [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Should have pushed her to the wall and kissed her. Be aggressive be a man!
In that situation if shes giggling and saying what are you doing? just keep going with it, it shes like woah woah no! and pushing you back just say sorry smile and tell her good night.
Author:  ergoproxy [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Should have pushed her to the wall and kissed her. Be aggressive be a man!
In that situation if shes giggling and saying what are you doing? just keep going with it, it shes like woah woah no! and pushing you back just say sorry smile and tell her good night.
Yeah maybe I should have. I guess I got too comfortable with the idea that she tried to set a new date with me already, that I already had her in my hands and next time she came (in a couple of days) I would close her.
Author:  Suffa [ Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
well i only kind of skim read what you said so seeing you had just met her, you prob went about things right. Just keep in mind that its a balance of escalation and seduction. Maybe her leaving was a sign for her wanting to do something, should have asked her to go somewhere with you, anywhere.

But anyway, escalation and seduction, its all you need.
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