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Will giving her space work?
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Author:  powerpsi [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:04 am ]
Post subject:  Will giving her space work?
Went on 3 dates with this girl, texted her trying to get her out for a fourth, she said she couldn't had prior plans a birthday or something. For the next weekend to make plans I call her on Tuesday and she doesn't respond, I leave a voicemail saying if she wanted to do something on the weekend, not specific. Doesn't get back to me, I text her detailed plans the day after, saying if she wants to join me at a festival I wanna go to, no response. Been 3 days, figure she doesn't wanna see me anymore.

Dates went well I thought, she confessed her ex cheated on her, so she had a wall up around her the whole time we were dating. Was hard to get her comfortable and open up to me, especially when it came down to physical stuff. Never got to kiss her, she never really looked me in the eye or gave me any openings, no matter how comfortable I tried making her. Thought it would come with time, and she just needed to get comfortable and trust me. Maybe I was wrong?

Her mom invited me over for dinner at their place a few days before she went missing on me, I agreed of course. So I thought things were heading in the right direction.

Whatever the reason she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.. I need to give her space right? Shouldn't stalk her or annoy her too much, especially after suggesting a date on the weekend and she never got back to me. In you all's experience, do girls eventually come around and contact you if you stop giving them attention? She never initiated contact ONCE when we were dating, so I find it hard to see her just texting me out of the blue anytime. I've basically given up on her, but is there any chance that leaving her alone and giving her space will get her to come to me? Or does that only happen if you actually get farther in a relationship, like kissing or sex, then they want to see you again? If we didn't even kiss maybe she'll forget about me easier. All we ever did was hold hands and cuddle, footsie middle school shit like that. It's all she was ever halfway comfortable doing anyway. But even then cuddling and stuff made her nervous, sweaty/cold/clammy palms, no eye contact she kept focusing straight ahead, dry mouth she always needed a sip of a drink, just not comfortable and open to my physical advances.

I'm usually good at building attraction and getting a girl to want to go out, I usually go with a bit of flirting mixed with disinterest and some teasing to show her I don't give a damn. I'm sure there's terminology for that in this community, but I'm new around here, and I'll admit maybe in my little scenario above I did some AFC stuff (am I using that right? lol). Feel free to point them out, I'll learn from my mistakes and use that to do better with the next girl.
Author:  here2play [ Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Will giving her space work?
Quote:
Went on 3 dates with this girl,

Was hard to get her comfortable and open up to me, especially when it came down to physical stuff. Never got to kiss her, she never really looked me in the eye or gave me any openings, no matter how comfortable I tried making her. Thought it would come with time, and she just needed to get comfortable and trust me. Maybe I was wrong?





I'm usually good at building attraction and getting a girl to want to go out,



.
You did build enough attraction to getting her to go out. She went out with you 3 times.

During that time she got to know you enough to know that she does not want to continue a relationship with you. that is what dating is. It is spending time with someone and getting to know them enough to determine if you want to continue being with them or not. She did that and her decision was not to continue.

From what you have written there was nothing to indicate that she was getting into you. You caught her eye, she went out with you a few times. It didn't work out for her and she no longer wants to date you.

Game over.

No harm and no foul here.

Move on to the next one.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
@Here2Play-Great point and insights on this.

@Powerpsi-You cannot freeze out a girl who isnt attracted nor into you.

She would love the space as it makes it easier to not reject you.

But on a side note,why the hell are you going on a 4th.date?

Why would she go with you?

You never kissed her,never laid her...

Why would she want to go on 4th.date?

You're lucky she went on a 2nd.date.

What's your intention here?

If you intention was to become her bf-then you should've laid her from day 1.

You cannot play a game of morals ,and thinking if you dont be aggressive that she'd recognize the great guy you are.

You are the classic example of nice guys finish last.
Author:  lukeyx [ Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Will giving her space work?
Quote:
she confessed her ex cheated on her
how do you know this? I'm not sure how you found that out, but if she brings up her ex you need to change the topic straight away, you don't need to put up with that shit.

If you went on three dates and from the first date there was barely any attraction through body language etc, i would not of went on from the second date at all. From what is see you were just a shoulder to cry on, she wanted to get away from him and used you to do this.

Also, never leave her voice-mail or text her after a phone call, this makes you look needy and is AFC. If she's interested, she'll get back to you and be curious of what the phone call was for.

Move on, she'll return if she was interested at all.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
@Lukeyx-Took the words out my mouth.

This chicc was looking for someones' shoulders to cry on.

Not that she was looking for that,but Powerpsi became that.

He made himself that.
Author:  powerpsi [ Sun Apr 17, 2011 12:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm taking everything said here into consideration and I'll just throw some things that were going through my mind that made me act the way I did around her, and why I thought it would work.

She never contacted me EVER. No initiating texts, phone calls, I was always the one pulling her out to do stuff. Couple reasons I thought she was like this - She's a bit shy around me, she doesn't want to appear needy or desperate, and you can agree that some girls are just naturally like this.

How exactly do you kiss a girl who isn't comfortable around you. Don't you run the risk of pushing her away by forcing too much on her? The fact that she brought her ex up really annoyed me, but it made me think that she would have a brick wall around her and be extra cautious about letting anyone in and about being taken advantage of. That's why I saw her never contacting me first and being nervous about physically closeness to be a sign of lets just take things slower.

I wanted to keep dating her to show her that I could wait for her, that once she was comfortable we could move forward together. But apparently that wasn't the case. Apparently she did want me to grab her face and just kiss her.

So say you're snuggling and cuddling with your date, whose nervous because her hands are cold, sweaty, clammy, she's constantly got a dry mouth because she's nervous, she doesn't look at you rather looks away or ahead of her because she gets nervous looking in your eyes. I joked around, held her tight and close and told her that she's a dork, things to make her feel relaxed, and they worked a little but she never got comfortable around me, she never looked at me and had that expression that said kiss me now.

Either way you all did point out something I was thinking of too, which is that I didn't see a relationship happening. Our conversations were fun and joking, but we never really connected and she always kept a distance, and I'll admit I kept my emotional distance too. She never got closer to me, even after 3 dates she wouldn't call or text me first. There was more stress and worry about her actions than just enjoying time with her, which is a very bad thing, especially since early on in a relationship things should be the best. So yea the thing I'm most upset about is I was never able to get her more comfortable around me to kiss/makeout/have sex.

What is some good ways go get comfort, like I said attraction I have no problem with, but maybe i DHV too much?
Author:  here2play [ Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
.

What is some good ways go get comfort, like I said attraction I have no problem with, but maybe i DHV too much?
Doesnt have a thing to do with DHV forget that.


Here is what you need to do. Move on and meet other girls.

This one is done. you are barking up the wrong tree. You tried. You gave it a good shot. It went as far as it is going to go. Period.

Anything else you do with this chick is going to waste your time and frustrate you and annoy her. You will also DLV yourself in all the other women's eyes by pestering this one.

LET IT GO!! LET IT GO!!! LET IT GO!!! LET IT GO!!!!!

I can't be any more clear or direct than that.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:21 am ]
Post subject: 
If she is THAT nervous around you, then she has issues.

Her having issues will lead to you having issues, when she does something completely whacked.

The way you are describing her behavior it sounds like some sort of intense anxiety/phobia disorder, and a person in that condition really has no place in the dating world, until they get that shit fixed.
Author:  powerpsi [ Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Trust me I'm over her, I actually don't even feel bad about not seeing her anymore, though every once in a while I get a nagging feeling in the back of my head as to why I couldn't even k-close her, and how to get a shy girl like that more comfortable.

But she wasn't really that shy around other people, obviously I made her uncomfortable for some reason, and any advice on getting a girl comfortable with you would be great. Joking around and teasing her only worked enough to let me get my arms around her, but then she wouldn't get comfortable after that.
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