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Dealing with my girlfriend's crush in person
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Author:  arandomdude6 [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:03 am ]
Post subject:  Dealing with my girlfriend's crush in person
Hey guys so I know in advance that I'm going to be meeting my girlfriend's "friend" that she has a crush on (which gives me a bit of an advantage to prepare). She's totally in love with me, but she still likes him. He likes her as well, so give me some pointers on how to remain Alpha and in control when the occasion comes around. I'm predicting that he will try to show off a bit in front of her and try to make her impressed. Amusingly, he's already asked my girlfriend my age, how tall I am, and if I'm fat or skinny lol. Also, if it helps generate more relevant ideas, I'm supposed to be meeting him on Easter when my girl is going to a family gathering (yeah, the guy is a friend of her family).
Author:  arandomdude6 [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Solid relationships aren't based around power struggles.
I'm not trying to "compete for power" with this guy. I only want a good way to deal with an annoyance that comes between me and my girl. For example, if he catches her interest the whole time, how do I respond? He needs to end up as the third wheel, not me.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:48 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm more interested in why your girlfriend has a crush on some other guy, than in how you should act when you meet him.

What the fuck is up with that?

Did she tell you that? Did she say "Oh hey, by the way, I have a crush on another guy"?

Give us some background here on this situation, Amigo, so we know what the fuck is going on, because the situation as you've described it sounds absolutely bizarre.

How does she know him?
How long has she known him?
Did they used to date?
Did she SAY she has a crush on him or are you guessing that?
Why is he going to be at Easter?
Who's friend is he to get an invite to a typically family holiday?

Details, details.......

I gotta tell ya though, just from what you've provided, I'd dump her ass. But I'm a dick.
Author:  arandomdude6 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm more interested in why your girlfriend has a crush on some other guy, than in how you should act when you meet him.

What the fuck is up with that?

Did she tell you that? Did she say "Oh hey, by the way, I have a crush on another guy"?

Give us some background here on this situation, Amigo, so we know what the fuck is going on, because the situation as you've described it sounds absolutely bizarre.

How does she know him?
How long has she known him?
Did they used to date?
Did she SAY she has a crush on him or are you guessing that?
Why is he going to be at Easter?
Who's friend is he to get an invite to a typically family holiday?

Details, details.......

I gotta tell ya though, just from what you've provided, I'd dump her ass. But I'm a dick.
We were having a conversation about if we had any crushes. I told her I don't have any, but she said she has one (the guy we're talking about). I acted nonchalant and cool about it (cuz getting mad only promotes secret-keeping). Her attraction for him has kinda declined though at least, since she tells me they have boring short conversations now lol.

She knows him from a past family gathering, because his parents are friends of my girl's aunt. She's known him for about 3 months, but they don't talk much. And they've only seen each other 3 times at family gatherings in those 3 months. They never dated. And he's going to Easter because he always shows up for the family events. Now what's your analysis? :P
Author:  chupa.chuppps [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:04 am ]
Post subject: 
I totally agree with mark 2.0...

For how long have you been with her ? (from what you say I guess
Author:  arandomdude6 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I totally agree with mark 2.0...

For how long have you been with her ? (from what you say I guess
Been with her for 5 months now.
Author:  chupa.chuppps [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Been with her for 5 months now.
Sorry the end of my last post has been cut... I was saying if you're with her since less than 3 month, no big deal, if more, dump her but I'm quite uncompromising regarding to this kind of topics...

So if you've been with her for 5 month, she met this guy and she got a crush on him while you were already together and in a brand new relationship... It smells quite bad to my mind and I cannot figure how she can even see that other guys exist if she’s really in love with you...
You say they never dated... I hope you wouldn't even ask what to do if they did unless you told her at first that you wanted an open relationship...
Quote:
For example, if he catches her interest the whole time, how do I respond? He needs to end up as the third wheel, not me.
To my mind, it’s her job not to put you in such a situation. She should easily understand how you can feel uncomfortable about this and even if the guy tries to amog you, she should handle the stuff.
If not she doesn't... asks you the good questions (as says mark 2.0 why your girlfriend has a crush on some other guy more than how you should act when you meet him)
Author:  Horatio20 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT UPON HONESTY!

you should be glad she told you mate. but Its strange she wants to introduce you to him. The girl im seing always tells me if she finds a guy attractive etc. Dont worry its better she told you. be cool about it and dont care. She wants a reaction. Dont give it to her. Maybe counter balance it and tell her who you are attracted to but tell her she is the only girl for you!

honesty is KEY to any relationship. and communication is the number one reason for a relationship failing.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Um, it's not cool.

It's ok to find other people attractive, potentially even "very" attractive.

It is not, however, cool to actively indulge in a crush and fawn over it and entertain the notion.

It's just not cool.
Author:  arandomdude6 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Been with her for 5 months now.
Sorry the end of my last post has been cut... I was saying if you're with her since less than 3 month, no big deal, if more, dump her but I'm quite uncompromising regarding to this kind of topics...

So if you've been with her for 5 month, she met this guy and she got a crush on him while you were already together and in a brand new relationship... It smells quite bad to my mind and I cannot figure how she can even see that other guys exist if she’s really in love with you...
You say they never dated... I hope you wouldn't even ask what to do if they did unless you told her at first that you wanted an open relationship...
Quote:
For example, if he catches her interest the whole time, how do I respond? He needs to end up as the third wheel, not me.
To my mind, it’s her job not to put you in such a situation. She should easily understand how you can feel uncomfortable about this and even if the guy tries to amog you, she should handle the stuff.
If not she doesn't... asks you the good questions (as says mark 2.0 why your girlfriend has a crush on some other guy more than how you should act when you meet him)
She's had her heart broken before. Her crush is just like a "backup" because she keeps her guard up (but she's slowly letting it down for me).

And she's a very social person, so she will talk to ANYONE. That's why I'm predicting that the crush might catch her interest in a conversation, and I'll be left out as 3rd wheel. I want to effectively show this guy that she is MINE and that he needs to back off, without being an ass hole. Maybe kiss her? What do you think?
Author:  arandomdude6 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT UPON HONESTY!

you should be glad she told you mate. but Its strange she wants to introduce you to him. The girl im seing always tells me if she finds a guy attractive etc. Dont worry its better she told you. be cool about it and dont care. She wants a reaction. Dont give it to her. Maybe counter balance it and tell her who you are attracted to but tell her she is the only girl for you!

honesty is KEY to any relationship. and communication is the number one reason for a relationship failing.
Thanks man. I kind of had the same thought in my head. At least she told me.
Author:  arandomdude6 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Um, it's not cool.

It's ok to find other people attractive, potentially even "very" attractive.

It is not, however, cool to actively indulge in a crush and fawn over it and entertain the notion.

It's just not cool.
It's because she keeps her guard up, like I just wrote to chupa.chuppps. Her attraction for him is not what I'm concerned about (it'll die eventually). I'm only concerned with how I can mark what's mine. Something that tells him "hands off" without being a jerk.
Author:  Glaive [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Um, it's not cool.

It's ok to find other people attractive, potentially even "very" attractive.

It is not, however, cool to actively indulge in a crush and fawn over it and entertain the notion.

It's just not cool.
It's because she keeps her guard up, like I just wrote to chupa.chuppps. Her attraction for him is not what I'm concerned about (it'll die eventually). I'm only concerned with how I can mark what's mine. Something that tells him "hands off" without being a jerk.
You sound like a good guy mate. Just act cool, AMOG him whenever you can but don't stress over it. That way SHE will show him you're her man through her actions - she'll probably go to kiss you or go "I know my boyfriend arandomdude6 is awesome at...." etc.

I'm no pickup artist, in fact I'm a total beginner. But that's my advice - let the PUAs tear it up if it deserves it!
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