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Give up or keep on trying with her?
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Author:  Ratlor [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 1:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Give up or keep on trying with her?
First of all, hello to everyone, this is my first post on this forum. I joined 10 minutes ago.

So, the situation is like that: I'm 19, I go to a secondary school, and there is woman, 17, to which I am somehow attracted. Nothing special, she just got my attention. And, I started watching her on the hallways, I added her on facebook and she started looking me back. She noticed me.

So I decided to make a step. I liked her picture on facebook and I wrote her. She was very communicative. I opened a conversation and she was asking, we joked, etc. Well, she wasn't trying to stop the conversation like I'm just some freaky stranger texting her, was more of an opposite, she was trying to keep it alive. So, we talked for half an hour or so. The next day I text here again. We talked again. Then I decided to make a pause. I didn't text her 1 week, I thought that would be good cause otherwise I would be annoying... After a week we talked again for like an hour. The converstaions were really nice, we laughed, joked, I think we both felt comfortable.

Then, during the weekend, I went out to some club with friends, and there she was. I thought "great, gonna invite her on a drink later". I look away, and in 5 minutes, she wasn't there on the same place. I look around and I see her sitting on someone else's legs. I know him and I heared she was with him before. They were talking and gave some kisses. I couldn't watch anymore and went home before 1am.

The question is... is this a lost fight? Should I keep on trying? And if yes, how?


Appriciate any advice. Thanks.
Author:  MrMatt [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
So you never talked to her in person?

If not, you we're never in the race for her..
Author:  Ratlor [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
We just said hi on the hallways while passing by.

I see the facebook chat more as an opener. Wondering if its even worth getting in the race for her. I know facebook chat is not much, but it's something. She was chatting more in a way like she likes it, not like she doesn't want to chat with me.

Hell, I don't know...
Author:  Hamelech [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Don't trip...
I would say if she was kissing him right in front of you, it seriuosly diminishes your chances...especially if you showed any indication that you were watching her or felt disappointed and left because of her...The only way I could see it working is if you were there interacting with a lot of other females so that she saw your value in a way where you seemed pretty much oblivious to her. Other than that you have to really play it cool and if she contacts you need to be kind of cocky and bust on her a little bit. I don't know if its a good idea or not to mention the boyfriend. I think your biggest problem is that you played it too cool in the beginning and may have already been put in the friend zone.
Author:  Memnoch [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Honestly facebook/myspace is a crutch... in order to truly obtain a girl's interest get her phone number and talk to her face to face.
Author:  Ratlor [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
She didn't know I saw watching them and she didn't see me leaving. He's not her boyfriend, just a guy she's been with him before. My friend who is a friend of this guy told me, that he hasn't been with her for a while and was with her only phsyical. No emotions.

It's a very early phase of a relationship, so I don't think she will contact me or something. She knows me, sees me, afterall, it was her who said hi and smiled on the hallway (she kinda got me by surprise when I turned around, so I couldn't say first).

I know facebook is not a way to build a relation, but it's good for a start I think.

But I'm kinda stuck, don't know what to do next, if anything at all. Write her again and drop some negs? Invite her on a drink?
Author:  Memnoch [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah just invite her out for a drink...then do your thing. You can never fail if you try...not trying is giving up though :p
Author:  Ratlor [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Should I wait till I meet here again on a party, just click her on FB, ask her on the hallway?

I talked alot about it with my schoolmate, and she suggested that I write her once, then wait 7-10 days, then again, and again with smaller breaks, and finally after a month or so should invite her for a drink. That was my original plan, but that guy confused me... was she just being nice to me or she actually likes me? Should I continue writing her with some push-pull? I feel like its too early to ask her on a drink.

Thanks a million for all comments!
Author:  Porcho [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Actually the exact same situation happened to me last night at a club. This girl who was giving me tons of IOIs was gaining my interest. She generally seemed interested in me for a couple of weeks before we went out to the club, but then she ended up making out with another guy I know of, pretty much right in front of me, on the dance floor.

I just acted like I didn't care, and just kept dancing, slowly moving away from them. And they would just end up in front of me again...kinda annoying, lol. Now they were all drinking, but I really don't know what to do. Kinda like the OPs situation, she always initiated convos with me, and we talked in person. I guess its time to forget about her? I really don't know cause shes one of the only chicks who actually had to guts to open and kino escalate me..which was suprising.
Author:  MrMatt [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Porcho... Approximatly the same thing happened to me this weekend! Damn it sucks! I went to the club with this girl, and I left alone, without even telling her.

And for the advices, you should try to talk to her in person and stop writing her, its kind of the pussy way to get things done.

Remember that facebook can't get you laid..
Author:  Wal [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Instead of pussy-footing around this issue and trying to figure out whether she likes you from interpreting her Facebook wall, DO THIS--

Within ten minutes of reading this post:

1. Call her.
2. Invite her to do something with you tomorrow.

(she will either agree, have something else to do in which case you suggest an alternative, or she will flat out say no)

If she agrees:
3. Go do your activity.
4. Physically escalate... that means giver her a hug when you first see her, touch her elbow when you tell a joke, go in to whisper something to her and grab her shoulder, etc.
5. Go for the close.

Do not listen to your school mate. You really want to wait a month? WHY NOT NOW? This will allow you to get out of your cyclical thinking about this girl (she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not...) and actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If she rejects you, brush it off and try to go on a date with another girl.
Author:  Draconobilus [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:05 am ]
Post subject: 
nothing is a lost cause, remember, everyone has a chance, it's just how you go about it, make her notice you more, just don't rush in, you rush in you look desperate, it requires confidence to ask her out for a drink and it takes time to build a rappor, get into her good books and find out what she likes and show an interest in it as well, learn about it and use it to your advantage, no women is taken until they are engaged or married and even then some of them are not?
Author:  Ratlor [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Instead of pussy-footing around this issue and trying to figure out whether she likes you from interpreting her Facebook wall, DO THIS--

Within ten minutes of reading this post:

1. Call her.
2. Invite her to do something with you tomorrow.

(she will either agree, have something else to do in which case you suggest an alternative, or she will flat out say no)

If she agrees:
3. Go do your activity.
4. Physically escalate... that means giver her a hug when you first see her, touch her elbow when you tell a joke, go in to whisper something to her and grab her shoulder, etc.
5. Go for the close.

Do not listen to your school mate. You really want to wait a month? WHY NOT NOW? This will allow you to get out of your cyclical thinking about this girl (she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not...) and actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If she rejects you, brush it off and try to go on a date with another girl.
Thats a very good advice, thanks. Kinda reminds me I don't have anything to lose. Just about physical escalating... I'm not sure it's really appropriate to hug her first time you see her? Would be kinda wierd if she didn't like it. It's no problem on a party, but at 3 pm... And I can't really close it in a bar... We'd have to be on a party or something. Remember, she's only 17.

I came up with an idea to do like this:

Click her today on FB, talk about something, whatever, and then say: "I really enjoy talking to you, would you care to go for a drink tomorrow?"

And then escalte on some party?

And the reason why I listened to my schoolmate is just cause she's a girl...I though she should know what she likes :D

And thanks again to everyone!
Author:  Wal [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
That's funny--a lot of guys will listen to their female friends for dating tips, and struggle, because most girls don't know what works for them. That, or the girl describes a gf/bf scenario, not the process of picking her up in the first place. In fact, I see my buddies who are rather shy asking women for advice a lot, and I usually have to grin and bear it, and then pull the guy aside and explain what actually works.

Anyway, MrMatt and Memnoch both suggested staying away from Facebook, and I agree. Please, if you have her phone number, call her and talk to her directly. It shows more confidence, and you'll get better results.
Author:  Ratlor [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
I don't have her phone number, so I guess I'll just have to ask her for a drink on FB... Thanks guys. Will tell what happened later.
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