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| Behavior from a woman I already sort of know... quite weird. https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=84778 |
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| Author: | buzdovan [ Fri Feb 04, 2011 8:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Behavior from a woman I already sort of know... quite weird. |
So I've been single for four months. I'm a 3rd-year college student. This girl, let's call her Jane, I met her at the dorms when we were both freshmen. She's a dancer. I never made any moves at all towards her but in the back of my mind I always really fancied her. We talked a bit over the years and know the basics about each other but we aren't exactly close at all and I understand that. Anyways back in the day we exchanged numbers and they've remained the same, luckily. Whenever one of us would see the other we'd never fail to exchange a wave and/or a smile... some kind of greeting/acknowledgment in any event. This is more than I can say about a lot of people who I met at the same time in exactly the same circumstances. I'm not a real "player"... I am a first-time poster here, I have no "position to keep up", I'm saying honestly that we kept our fundamental and basic friendship alive since the day we met, and it goes both ways. She'd sometimes come to Panda Express where I work and was always friendly and just really pleasant. i'd flirt innocently and she'd respond positively, even if one of the two of us at the time was already in a relationship. so anyways I became single at the end of October 2010, she mid-way through November I believe. I deliberately let some time pass before I sent anything at all that could possibly be interpreted as a indication of interest. (the girlfriend who I has just broken up with leading up to this point was an emotional mess and told me the best thing I could have done was waiting a month or two before making an approach on her after she had concluded a 2.5 year relationship). christmas came along this year, then new years, each time I'd send this Jane a happy wish, and each time she would respond with similar wishes. it was engaging, it was positive, and it just felt unhindered and natural. *i'm sorry if this is already way too long.* so we return from christmas break, about 3rd week of school I go over to the Arts part of campus where they have a café. i meet with a friend of mine, who is the accompanist for the voice majors; she gets off work and is done for the day at 5PM and we chill until my last Tuesday class begins at 7PM. this friend is named Addy. So I tell Addy that I am here basically to hope to find Jane, and Addy as a closer friend is here to serve as my reason for being at this arts café in the first place (I'm an engineer, our part of campus is literally the exact opposite side.) Addy was to serve as my "wingman", or in this case "wingwoman". So as I'm chatting with Addy, Jane walks in and I am elated. Jane herself was meeting with some friends, so as she goes to greet them and leave her stuff down before she goes up to order something, Addy gives me some last minute pointers before I talk with Jane. Jane sees me, I go hey! and we hug and chat and what not. I ask her about how her Christmas break was, how her new academic semester is looking and the like. I then ask her if she'd like to stop and get a cup of coffee sometime, even right here at the arts café. She says "definitely"; she is "always available" and it "sounds like a good idea". I tell her "see you later, take care" and she says looks right at me and says"you too!" here's the important part, and the main reason why I had Addy come over: she investigates Jane's reaction as she returned to her friends. Jane gave her friends an excited look, the kind of "ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!!!!" look girls give to their girly friends when some desirable guy shows certain interest in them. with their palms up, fingers bent towards the face, sorta fanning as if they're trying not to faint. whatever, it was a girl's gesture recognized by a girl as an excellent reaction. Addy actually sent me this info in the form of a text message, as I genuinely had wanted to buy something... so Jane wouldn't think I had gotten up like a dork just to talk to her. so that all seemingly went very very well. i was happy and very satisfied. the next day i see Jane around again, both times in passing, so both times were brief but she was super nice again. she was walking both times with her own friends, and in the opposite direction to where i was going, so I figured I couldn't very practically lengthen the chatting at all... I was just [so] happy to see her again. later that day I post on her facebook that we should definitely meet up, reaffirming what I had already suggested to her and what she already said she would be down for. THIS is where the story changes... she never replied to the facebook post. then again, she doesn't reply most of the time on her wall to anyone... plus she is taking a monstrous amount of units and might have totally conceivably not seen the need to take time out of her highly hectic day to say something I could already presume the answer to... at this point i was 0% worried. 6 days later i'm at the café again. I'm there to see her, yes, but not at this precise moment: I went over to the public computers simply to check an email because my friend left a worrying-sounding message telling me to check... it wound up rather innocuous. anyways I hit the send button and i'm gazing off into the distance. as i turn back to look at the screen, from the far entrance, Jane comes into the café. She's shifitng her gaze from backwards-to-forwards, so am i, but from different starting points. our gazes meet unplanned and we continue to look towards where we initially wanted, only later realizing we had seen each other! You know the feeling? super awkward!!! now not only have I basically made re-acknowledging her an issue, i'm on the opposite side of the café. she was in a hurry for rehearsal (overhead from chatting with her friends) and left before I could do anything. a whole lot of nothing then goes on for a week. so 7 days later (two weeks since the encounter where she reacted elatedly to her friends after I talked with her) I send her a simple text message, saying I'd be at the café at a time I know she's off of class. I sent it at 4:30PM hoping to meet around 6. She doesn't answer until 8, she sends a text saying she was unable to access her phone until then. this is 100% plausible, since as a dancer, on the night of rehearsals, she is likely in a leotard with no way of having her phone, likely in a separate bag perhaps in another room entirely, notify her of communications. i text her back that it's no big deal, and I ask her what's up. nice little tee-ball question. never a response. so today, two days later, it's her birthday! i send her a happy birthday text, and offer her the following: since she confessed before how much she loves Panda Express, i told her to come by during my shift tonight and I'll get her a meal on the house. quote from the text "the only thing better than Panda is FREE Panda :D" again, she never replied. I was out front at Panda Express all night, hoping she'd drop by for me to serve her and chat. nothing. not a text, nothing on facebook, nothing. then again, it's her birthday, it's completely plausible she had better things to do than eat at Panda Express on her birthday. but not even a reply? two texts and an earlier facebook post? To a guy wishing you happy birthday nonetheless? After that same guy talking to you made you go nuts to your girly friends? *YES OK IT'S TOO LONG. Please be nice.* Ok folks, what is going on with this scenario? Please advise PLEASE. I don't at all expect every woman to just be dying to go out with me. But when she has such a raw, happy reaction to me chatting with her, when we're friends now for the better part of three years, when I'm not overdoing the communication at all (always at least a few days between attempts), and when you both are single... i mean why not simply reply to a text message? could a girl really be THAT busy??? i think by my style that you can tell that I'm a person who will be very thankful for any advice or reply you guys provide. so thanks a lot. cheers buz |
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| Author: | mgk [ Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I think you're over analyzing, which is supported by the fact that you wrote a longer post about a few conversations with a girl than I've done for some college papers. Secondly, I noticed the majority of times you contacted her are around holidays or her birthday. You know when you go home from break and it's great seeing all your old friends, telling them about yourself? But then like in a week or two it starts to be god damnit, I've told this story 50 million times I'm ready to go back to my real home. So many people send out mass holiday wishes, texts, facebook messages... You need to stand out of the crowd for this girl. You didn't really ever send her an interesting text, phonecall. Nothing to really hook her. And then your constant messaging about the meetups probably came off as needy. IF a girl likes you or is interested she will be texting you back. I'd say move on and start looking for some other girls. Or you'd need to start doing stuff that'd really rock this girls world. |
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| Author: | buzdovan [ Fri Feb 04, 2011 5:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
well i sent her two texts to meet up, both really open ended. i won't be sending any more for a while, rest assured. but I don't think two have overdone it. your point about coming across as needy is valid, however. don't get me wrong. but two hasn't gone too far IMHO. so do I keep making myself present at the café? or do i back off? valentine's day is just around the corner. anything to do regarding that? |
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| Author: | buzdovan [ Fri Feb 04, 2011 5:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
also yah, i probably am over analyzing. it's just something I do. and I don't think it has ever helped me... u mentioned phone calls. are those really OK to do at this point? i mean i prefer phone communication to texts but i'm afraid a lot of ppl of this generation find them too involved, too personal, they prefer texting because the "contact" is somehow more limited. should I call in, say, a week? |
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| Author: | buzdovan [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 2:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
BUMP please advise folks... thx |
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| Author: | bvanevery [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I hope you've heard the expression "you snooze, you lose." You've been totally taking a nap with this girl. More than 2 weeks have gone by. She could be fucking someone else by now for all you know. WTF is this Facebook and texting and "maybe you can come by Pandas" bullshit? Ask her the fuck out! Call her on the phone and straight out ask her. Don't say, "what do you want to do?" Don't say, "Maybe you could come by." Tell her a concrete plan, Charlies Clamshell Factory at 8 pm on Saturday or some such. And don't make it a sucky plan like hanging out at your fast food joint after work. You think that sounds like a tempting offer? On her birthday no less!!! Regarding phones vs. text. You're an idiot if you think it's a good idea to encourage women to have impersonal contact with you. You just laid out exactly the reason why you don't want to keep doing the lame-o texting thing. My God your generation is so stunted, you spend all your time avoiding real communication, then you wonder why nobody cares and you get blown off. |
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