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Anyone else bloody insecure? how do i get over this?
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Author:  Century100 [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Anyone else bloody insecure? how do i get over this?
Hey guys
Im just wondering if its NORMAL to be insecure...

I have a girlfriend. Yet, although i have her, she is mine, im still ridiculously insecure about her cheating on me/not liking me as much as I like her/have doubts that we will last.

That in itself is detrimental to our little relationship.
SO - Are you insecure? Were you?
How did you get over it if you used to be?

And as a general question to which you should all try and respond to for the benefit of any others reading this post: What is the best way to tackle and "delete" insecurity?

Thanks all who reply to this, any input at all is immensely appreciated.
Later
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
i'm not insecure.

however, i'm also jaded and don't believe in the possibility of happily ever after.

expectation is the root of all heartache.

if i don't "expect" a woman to be my everything forever, when it doesn't happen, it won't matter all that much.
Author:  carson hill [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:54 am ]
Post subject: 
working though insecureness but been way more insecure past years. I think experience, throwing yourself in the fire repeatedly and developing personal success attributes help insecurity.

my plan... make some more money, constantly have as many girls to interact w/ and girl experiences as possible, go to gym, work on pua programs and refine skills to precision, do music which I love..

to me, all that helps with insecure to secure.. just brainstorming.
Author:  andd95 [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:01 am ]
Post subject: 
I would have to have it is perfectly normal to be insecure.. to a point. If you feel that you are being completely dominated by said insecurities thats when it's gone too far.

I was insecure about my weight (used to weight 270ish), though I still had the ability to talk to women it was my lack of knowledge that always got me into the friend zone. One day I put my foot down and said i'm going to the gym. Didn't do any specific routine just did my thing, couldn't really go on a healthy diet so I just cut back all the sweets/fast food/etc. Over time I dropped down to 224lbs still big but not AS big and my confidence grew.

In particular was a moment when I finished getting out of the university gym one day and saw one of my classmates on her way in. Though I was a sweaty mess her jaw just dropped and said wow... she was at a lack of words and couldn't help but smile and blush as she tried to talk to me. Of course i played it cool and eventually worked out in my favor later on :)

I also learned a very important lesson, looks do help but they really aren't everything in the game. As long as you can keep a girl engaged and laughing say a couple of keywords here and there girls will prefer your company. On many occasions my better looking friends tried to talk to girls but all they did was use their looks they never actually engaged the girls so they would just walk away awkwardly.

About your girlfriend problem you definitely do not want to seem too needy, I would even say throw in a small neg here and there and keep her on her toes. Make her grasp on you seem tenuous even if you are devoted to her, because it is always a game. You have to make it seem that if she left you RIGHT now that you would be outside and have another girl within a few hours.

The more she sees that you are wanted by other women the more she will crave you and do everything in her power to keep you. Obviously you do not want to over do it but i hope you get a general idea of what i am aiming for.
Author:  JMA [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, it's normal to FEEL insecure. Question is, do OTHERS see you as insecure?

If you act confident, people will start to SEE you as confident, which will in turn make you feel less insecure. Control the frame.
Author:  Jav [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Yeah, it's normal to FEEL insecure. Question is, do OTHERS see you as insecure?

If you act confident, people will start to SEE you as confident, which will in turn make you feel less insecure. Control the frame.
LOL


So next time he'll try to control his girlfriend more CONFIDENTLY.


yeah, great work there, detective dipshit.


OP shouldn't be so possessive, if you catch a butterfly and keep it locked in your fist. What does it do? It dies. Same thing with your relationship. Try to keep a tight grip around it and it dies.

You freak yourself out with things that could POSSIBLY happen. And by acting like they could happen any moment, you're acting weird around her and push/scare her away, Right into the arms of some other dude. And you'll go: I KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

And you'll be an even bigger chode than before thinking: "all women are cheating sluts" and you go boohoo for the rest of your life.

That's just the worst case scenario. But note. this whole thing started because you saw some kind of imaginary threat. IMAGINATION=/=REALITY.

Reality is that, yes, she might cheat on you. But you don't know if she will.
All you can do is threat her right and enjoy the time you spend together.

Life is full with those kinds of insecurities (will she cheat on me? will she leave me?), it's when you start trying to control those insecurities they'll start to freak you out. Because you've got no control over it. The only thing you've got control over is the way you look at it and your way of thinking.

So change that, instead of her.
Author:  $uave [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Yeah, it's normal to FEEL insecure. Question is, do OTHERS see you as insecure?

If you act confident, people will start to SEE you as confident, which will in turn make you feel less insecure. Control the frame.
LOL


So next time he'll try to control his girlfriend more CONFIDENTLY.


yeah, great work there, detective dipshit.


OP shouldn't be so possessive, if you catch a butterfly and keep it locked in your fist. What does it do? It dies. Same thing with your relationship. Try to keep a tight grip around it and it dies.

You freak yourself out with things that could POSSIBLY happen. And by acting like they could happen any moment, you're acting weird around her and push/scare her away, Right into the arms of some other dude. And you'll go: I KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

And you'll be an even bigger chode than before thinking: "all women are cheating sluts" and you go boohoo for the rest of your life.

That's just the worst case scenario. But note. this whole thing started because you saw some kind of imaginary threat. IMAGINATION=/=REALITY.

Reality is that, yes, she might cheat on you. But you don't know if she will.
All you can do is threat her right and enjoy the time you spend together.

Life is full with those kinds of insecurities (will she cheat on me? will she leave me?), it's when you start trying to control those insecurities they'll start to freak you out. Because you've got no control over it. The only thing you've got control over is the way you look at it and your way of thinking.

So change that, instead of her.
100% correct...and also...giving your gf multiple orgasms and having her turned on by you, and actually want you will decrease chances that she'll cheat on you big time. If you offer nothing to her except for sex, then she might break-up. So make sure she loves having sex with you and doesn't hate your personality.
Author:  Puaking [ Thu Feb 03, 2011 2:58 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Yeah, it's normal to FEEL insecure. Question is, do OTHERS see you as insecure?

If you act confident, people will start to SEE you as confident, which will in turn make you feel less insecure. Control the frame.
LOL


So next time he'll try to control his girlfriend more CONFIDENTLY.


yeah, great work there, detective dipshit.


OP shouldn't be so possessive, if you catch a butterfly and keep it locked in your fist. What does it do? It dies. Same thing with your relationship. Try to keep a tight grip around it and it dies.

You freak yourself out with things that could POSSIBLY happen. And by acting like they could happen any moment, you're acting weird around her and push/scare her away, Right into the arms of some other dude. And you'll go: I KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

And you'll be an even bigger chode than before thinking: "all women are cheating sluts" and you go boohoo for the rest of your life.

That's just the worst case scenario. But note. this whole thing started because you saw some kind of imaginary threat. IMAGINATION=/=REALITY.

Reality is that, yes, she might cheat on you. But you don't know if she will.
All you can do is threat her right and enjoy the time you spend together.

Life is full with those kinds of insecurities (will she cheat on me? will she leave me?), it's when you start trying to control those insecurities they'll start to freak you out. Because you've got no control over it. The only thing you've got control over is the way you look at it and your way of thinking.

So change that, instead of her.
Lmao!
Author:  Chief [ Thu Feb 03, 2011 11:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Taken from the story of the Fool's journey in Tarot:
Quote:
Having created a solid foundation on which to build his future, the Fool is struck with a sudden fear. What if everything he's worked for is taken away? Is stolen, or lost, or destroyed or vanishes? Or what if it is just not good enough? In a panic, he heads into a holy place where he finds the Hierophant, a wise teacher and holy man. Acolytes kneel before the man, ready to hear and pass on his teachings. The Fool tells the Hierophant his fears, and asks how he can be free of them.

"There are only two ways," says the Hierophant sagely, "Either give up that which you fear to lose so it no longer holds any power over you, or consider what you will still have if your fear comes to pass. After all," the Hierophant continues, "if you did lose all you'd built, you would still keep the experience and knowledge that you've gained up to this point, wouldn't you?"

This surprisingly pragmatic advice releases the Fool from his fear, and he is able exit out of the sanctuary and face the world's challenges once again.
source: http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/learn/me ... hant.shtml
Author:  MrLe [ Thu Feb 03, 2011 2:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

Reality is that, yes, she might cheat on you. But you don't know if she will.
All you can do is threat her right and enjoy the time you spend together.

Life is full with those kinds of insecurities (will she cheat on me? will she leave me?), it's when you start trying to control those insecurities they'll start to freak you out. Because you've got no control over it. The only thing you've got control over is the way you look at it and your way of thinking.
Vaj got the best answer. You have to realize that you are not a unque snowflake, she might cheat on you, like you might loose your job, or get hit by a car. Would you stay lock home because you are scare to be hit by a car ? This is life, with it's excitements and risks. Let the chips fall where they may. And get over your past fears, or you'll never have a healthy relationship.
Keep her excited, do interesting things and fuck her well. Even with that, she might leave for another one. And then ? That just means she wasn't the one right for you...

Men, as soon as she doesn't leave you pregnant and asking for child support, consider yourself lucky ^^
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