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confused. Have I totally fucked this one?
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Author:  scroader [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:27 am ]
Post subject:  confused. Have I totally fucked this one?
well basically theres this amazin girl who i talked to for about a month and a half. We seemed basically made for eachother as we had so much in common, lots of flirtin etc... then one day I asked her how she felt about me as I had feelings for her and she said she felt the same.. that "there were not many guys like me" and "if we were a couple, we'd be in it for the long haul" but she said she had had 2 serious long term relationships over the space of 6 years and she wanted to just do her own thing for a while and do some travelling etc..... but MAYBE we could get together in the future...

but since then shes kinda just stopped talking to me. She went from texting me everyday to completely ignoring me. I basically confronted her about this and sort of had an argument with her as I didnt understand what I did wrong. Her excuse is shes "just been busy" However im pretty skeptical about this....

I think Im just gonna move on, but I was just wondering if theres any chance I could fix this in the later future? Like if i just stepped back for a bit or whatever? Because to be honest I did really like this one...
Author:  GKS [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Here's some lesson for you:

1. Never ask a girl how she feels about you ---> show that you insecured
2. ALWAYS let the girl bring up the "being exclusive" topic first
3. NEVER let her make the rule: "maybe we could get together in future" - you were giving her all power
4. Don't confront a girl about why she's ignoring you ---> this makes her feel that you're clingy and needy

Best way to do this is freeze out for one or two month then regame her if you absolutely HAVE TO f-close her.
Otherwise just move on, it saves time and energy. It's hard to change a girl opinion about you when it's already established, that's why the first 8 hrs with any girl is the most important. :)
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Here's some lesson for you:

1. Never ask a girl how she feels about you ---> shows that you're insecure
2. ALWAYS let the girl bring up the "being exclusive" topic first
3. NEVER let her make the rule: "maybe we could get together in future" - you were giving her all power
4. Don't confront a girl about why she's ignoring you ---> this makes her feel that you're clingy and needy

Best way to do this is freeze out for one or two month then regame her if you absolutely HAVE TO f-close her.
Otherwise just move on, it saves time and energy. It's hard to change a girl opinion about you when it's already established, that's why the first 8 hrs with any girl is the most important. :)
Absolutely spot on.

You shouldn't have to say "do you have feelings for me" or "I have feelings for you" because that should be CLEAR from how you guys interact. It shows the girl you lack social and emotional intelligence. Ever heard a girl complain "I shouldn't have to TELL him, he should just KNOW!"

Also, if you guys are just hanging out, or even if you've just had sex a couple of times, bringing up all these feelings can be a lot of pressure so early on. It's better to just keep seeing each other, having fun, and then over time the feelings you have for each other will develop and the expectation of commitment (or otherwise) will become apparent.

Calling people out for shit NEVER helps. Think about it, if you were purposely avoiding someone and they called you out on it, would that make you want to see them any more, or even less? If you were actually busy and someone criticised you about not seeing them enough, would you want to see them more, or less? Either way it doesn't help your cause. Unless you want her to see you solely out of pity or guilt.

The correct response is freeze out. When you re-engage in a week or so, make a fun, low-pressure plan (i.e. partying with friends, NOT dinner date for 2) and make sure to CLOSE that night. Ideally you should be interacting with other women and being flirty, fun and sexual all night.
Author:  Carmo [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
agreed, great advise here. Only thing i would add would be 99% of the time never tell a girl you have feelings for her until you are deep into a relationship. It sounds like you told her how you felt. Even if a girl makes it seem like they want to know, deep down they dont want to know as it destroys the tension that makes it fun for her.

Even if you are dying to know how she feels and want to tell her how you feel just plow through those feelings and keep your mouth shut. If you really feel the need then show her how you feel but dont verbalize it.
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
show her how you feel but dont verbalize it.
Right on.

One of the things I try to do is, after the 3rd or 4th time we fucked and I'd like to keep her on as a MLTR, I give her a tiny gift totally randomly when I see her the next time.

It's been as little as a tiny piece of glitter in the shape of a purple heart (because her favourite colour was purple), but they really care about the thought if you do something like that out of the blue, especially if it's related to something about them that you know/like/share.
Author:  Carmo [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 4:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
because her favourite colour was purple
EXACTLY! Always ask their favorite color early on, that way when you do something like blondguy suggests then it shows you were paying attention/care/etc without actually having to say anything and all it cost you was a few bucks for some inexpensive trinket.
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