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My Grand Dilemma
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Author:  Alexeivladmirovich [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 6:11 am ]
Post subject:  My Grand Dilemma
I live in New York City, and despite what it's cracked up to be, I have had a hard time finding girls that fit my (perhaps unnecessarily) stringent standards. I am a bad PUA in the sense where I am looking for girls who are not the ones who can be found at parties and are not the ones who are too open about sex, the problem with this is I don't get much practice as I often get discouraged by my dislike of looking for girls who fit my preferences in a place where I have not had much luck.
I do however meet girls at out of state student programs, on vacation and the like. Sometimes I find girls who I really do take a liking to, but often times I do not pull the trigger and do not kiss close or make it beyond a fun acquaintance (though not necessarily friend zoned). Since these girls sometimes live beyond where it is practical for me to visit them, I resort to text and phone game (I generally just text because I fear being thought of as a creep).
This presents a problem. I never can text game that effectively as I often run out of things to say that are interesting (a problem I never have in person), and one can only get so far via text game. I know one girl in particular who I think I could at least kiss close if I were with her in person. The alternative is visiting the girl. The problem with this is that after text gaming fairly poorly, I feel it would be at least marginally creepy to travel more than 50 miles to see this girl. Other than giving up and pulling the trigger in the future, is there a solution to this dilemma that you guys can come up with?
Any help is appreciated :)
Author:  Keksman [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 6:54 am ]
Post subject: 
You have one problem and one problem only: you are insecure and you are fooling yourself, making excuses for your insecurity. Okay, maybe that's 2 problems. But that's hardly the point.

I think you are inventing strange standards as an excuse for your insecurity, which you seem to be able to drop in certain environments (vacation, out of state student programs, etc.). Similarly, you are afraid to talk on the phone, so you make the "don't wanna be a creep" excuse. Not being able to keep text game shows that you're overthinking, which you don't seem to be doing in person where you don't have as much time to overthink. Lastly, you tell yourself that you can't visit her because that'd be weird. Well, actually you are correct on that one.

Good news, there's an easy remedy. Stop believing your own excuses and learn to be honest with yourself. I refuse to believe that you can't find the right type of girl in NYC. I've lived there and know it has anything one could conceivably look for. Calling doesn't make you look like a creep, it allows you to actually build an interpersonal connection.

I also suspect that your inability to "find the right type of girl" in your regular environment is a function of who you've become in it. Break out of that persona. Think about how the people around you perceive you, think about who you are on vacation, and then switch from the former to the latter. Sounds like a lot of psychoanalysis, and I could be wrong, but it's not that unique a problem.
Author:  LD [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 6:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: My Grand Dilemma
Quote:
I live in New York City, and despite what it's cracked up to be, I have had a hard time finding girls that fit my (perhaps unnecessarily) stringent standards. I am a bad PUA in the sense where I am looking for girls who are not the ones who can be found at parties and are not the ones who are too open about sex, the problem with this is I don't get much practice as I often get discouraged by my dislike of looking for girls who fit my preferences in a place where I have not had much luck.
I do however meet girls at out of state student programs, on vacation and the like. Sometimes I find girls who I really do take a liking to, but often times I do not pull the trigger and do not kiss close or make it beyond a fun acquaintance (though not necessarily friend zoned). Since these girls sometimes live beyond where it is practical for me to visit them, I resort to text and phone game (I generally just text because I fear being thought of as a creep).
This presents a problem. I never can text game that effectively as I often run out of things to say that are interesting (a problem I never have in person), and one can only get so far via text game. I know one girl in particular who I think I could at least kiss close if I were with her in person. The alternative is visiting the girl. The problem with this is that after text gaming fairly poorly, I feel it would be at least marginally creepy to travel more than 50 miles to see this girl. Other than giving up and pulling the trigger in the future, is there a solution to this dilemma that you guys can come up with?
Any help is appreciated :)
Hi man!

with all respect to your beliefs and standards, i do wonder why a girl shouldnt be open about sex. No, even more, i also wonder what exactly you mean by that. Because what you are trying to do is kind of contradicting you standards and norms.

I also wonder what it is you want to do: you want to be a PUA? or do you want a girlfriend in a LTR?

If you want a girlfriend in a LTR, you can go about without a sexual vibe. And now i am fantasizing a bit, but i guess that you are looking for something you are yourself: not very open about sex (perhaps out of fear, perhaps because of a religious context, perhaps both, i dunno). But i strongly advise you to open up. Sex is important in a relationship, and you need to be able to talk about it with your girlfriend. yeah, it is this kind of openess i mean. Not spitting around the worlds how hard you fucked her anal. Just being able to talk about it and be open about it. You need a girl who can do the same.

If you want to do PU, then you will find it to be hard without a sexual frame/context. You will perhaps even get kiss closes, but due to the goal of pu, you will not get laid, or hardly. But its hard to tell if we dont know what it is you mean: not so open sexually, as i might completely have misunderstood you.

as for text game: yeah, you are right, dont do it. text game is an illusion, just like online facebook game and sorts. send in a text your message, dont try to be the Cocky and funny messenger.

well, as a solution: find girls closeby. I find it hard to believe that there arent any 'good girls' at all in New York. Giving up is not an option btw. pulling the trigger and just go for the kiss might also be a good solution. Perhaps for you it seems more fitting then to travel the 50 miles. but gives us a bit more info, like what you want and what you mean with the sexually too open girls.

ciao
Author:  Alexeivladmirovich [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 8:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
@LD
I incorrectly phrased what I meant to say, what I mean about not liking girls who are too open about sex is since I am looking for a girlfriend in LTR, I'd like to have an experience with a girl who hasn't done much. What I mean by this is I want to have a girl who doesn't really party, have sex with many guys. The reason for this is that the idea of having a "good girl" has kinda grown on me, I also don't really like wild and rowdy girls (that and my previous girlfriends have been total bitches matching the wild description).

@Keksman
Wait, so are you saying (among other things) that it wouldn't be weird for me to call girls who I've had only sporadic contact with over the past 3-5 months?

and BTW guys I really appreciate the advice!
Author:  Keksman [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:43 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
@Keksman
Wait, so are you saying (among other things) that it wouldn't be weird for me to call girls who I've had only sporadic contact with over the past 3-5 months?
Who cares? What do you have to lose, aside from a text buddy? You definitely should never again go this long without talking in person or at least on the phone! If you forget everything else, remember this: Always try to go as far as possible without worrying about what might happen. Here's why: If you worry about rejection, you won't talk to women; if you do talk to them, however, you get rejected and laid/a LTR/whatever you're after.
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