PUA Forum
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

I need a pep talk
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=79704		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  The Sandman [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:49 am ]
Post subject:  I need a pep talk
I am still very new to the forum and have been busy with work, but I feel I need some help here. In everything I do, the goal is to the best job possible while also being smart about it. This has succeeded during my years in school. This has succeeded during my internships and jobs. However, I am not successful with women (the reason I am at this forum). It's not for a lack of trying. I am far from perfect, but feel I am a little bit unlucky. Sure, some of my failed attempts come from my game not being really sharp, but consider this stretch over the past 18 months (in no order):
-At a Senior dance in college, a HB8 was all over me and was following me around. Kino and flirting on both sides. It was going to work. However, I turn to talk to my friend for a mere moment, when I turn back around, she is hooking up and eventually goes home with another guy.
-I went on three dates during my final semester of college. The first girl didn't think our two dates were "actual dates, even though it was just us." The second girl went on a date with me to try and somehow win over my buddy, who is in a LTR and doesn't cheat.
-At the start of my final semester, I made out with two girls at a party. Good, right? I later learned my friends paid each girl $10 to do it. Based on IOI's, I would have assumed they were actually into it, but I guess not.
-Junior year, I am assigned to work with a girl for the semester on a couple projects. She isn't a HB, but has friends who are. Most of the class also got along well, so I figured this could work out well. Unfortunately, this girl had some crazy, and has held a grudge that the reason she didn't get an A in the class was solely my fault (definitely not true). I never met her HB friends.
-In consecutive weeks, I got stood up by two girls. The first week, the girl staged being very ill to get out of a date - yes, she did fake coughs and changed her voice. I know it was fake because I have friends in one of her classes, who said she was fine. A week later, a girl who had set up date plans with me stood me up at a coffee shop. Five hours later, she gave me an excuse/story that made no sense - basically, she picked a time when she had both a class and a meeting.
-A girl who said "I like you" two days before chose to reject me on Valentine's Day. I figured her consistently calling me and wanting to spend time together leading up to this was a good sign. I was wrong.
-A few weeks ago, one of my friend's gf brought some cute friends to go out with us. Of course, my car got wrongly towed while I was at work. By the time I got the car back, it was too late to go out. And yes, my friends had a "good time." That opportunity hasn't come up since.
-Another friend of mine tried to set me up with a girl friend of his, suggesting we would be a great match. For whatever reason, this girl never gave me a chance and just wanted to play games. We spoke on AIM twice. She asked me out and wanted to make plans, but refused to give me her number. She also got frustrated when I explained that I don't like girls who play too many games or have poor communication skills (she asked about me pet peeves) and became very defensive out of the blue. Oh yeah, my friend here also said that this girl "usually gets back to people right away and will give any guy a shot." I guess I'm the exception.
-Two girls within weeks after my college graduation suggested we "hang out." When it came time to actually set that up, they vanished. Not only that, they will not speak to me and have deleted any "hey what's up, etc." facebook post I have sent.
-Two days before graduation, a girl I was supposed to meet up with on our class cruise got sick earlier in the day and couldn't go. We were never able to meet up afterward.
-The only cute/cool girls I see lately are at work. The bad news is, I will not risk anything at work for the sake of my job. If my boss saw anything going down at work - flirting, games, etc. - it's grounds for being punished.It goes towards my career and work > a girl.
-I'm no expert, but some of my friends, who are definitely not smooth with girls, are getting lucky now. My ex-roommate, who is not a looker, went AFC on a girl in Europe with a bf (he followed her around and talked a lot). Of course, she decides to cheat on her bf with him. Another friend who rarely speaks with girls just went on 2 dates with one. How did he get the dates? She said she was bored and decided to "give him a shot" because they had "a nice talk online."
-It's gotten to the point that even my parents have noticed. They suggest I try JDate or another online dating site, though I am really skeptical about it.

That was a lot longer than I intended. While my not-DJ esque skills certainly have a role, I feel I have fallen into some bad luck too. My question is, after so many heartbreaks without any real success and which feature girls doing games, leading-ons and some head-scratching behavior, and also seeing how my friends luck into some of their opportunities, how do I best motivate myself that something will work? This is similar to a football team that loses a string of games at the last second and has a paranoid fear something will always happen to derail them. I already work out consistently and keep in good physical shape. I take pride in my work and my future. If only the girls part would fall into place, I'd be all set.
Author:  taylormade [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I don't like girls who play too many games or have poor communication skills
Sounds like you're being too needy and clingy. Everyone plays these games, girls use them as a shit test to make sure you have enough value for them. However, you should never acknowledge to a girl that you know about these games but you must beat her at the games or she will never respect or date you.
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
You know what, some of that stuff does suck. But you know what else? Shit happens.

I've been in literally hundreds of situations where I know I've hooked the set, I have attraction, I'm isolating, things are going well, and then fuck, the HB's friend is too drunk and she needs to take her home, or one of them falls on the dancefloor and hurts herself, or a bunch of their friends show up and cockblock the shit out of me, or she runs into her old flame out of the blue and he steals her right from under me. It's all happened. What can you do? Laugh at the randomness of the world, try and at least number close so you can give yourself another shot, and then open another set!

What I see when I read your post is a guy who gets up enough courage to do something, and when one thing doesn't go his way, he starts railing about how shitty the situation is, how unlucky he is, how everybody's out to get him, and gets in a bad mood. The world is not against you. The world has much bigger fish to fry than making your life awkward.

The only failure is not trying. You're out there trying. You will get better, and you will see results. The important thing is not to invest too much in any one situation or any one girl. You seem to think that because you have a bit of attraction (or maybe just polite interest) then you've royally fucked up if you don't f-close within an hour. Well, sorry to say, but it's a numbers game and you have to be able to stay more aloof and just give less of a shit about the outcome of any one particular set. Even for the best guys around, I'd say you're able to open and generate attraction in maybe 50-75 out of 100 sets. Of those, you'll maybe get 25-35 through the hook point and into a good conversation without something getting in your way, of those 15-20 will get to isolation, and of those 5-10 will have all the logistics right to be able to extract and close. So we're talking a 5-10% close rate from approach to bedroom.

If you allow yourself to get pissy when you get blown out of one set, you'll lose your state and then you'll find it a lot harder to open any more.

Finally, I'd do a search and start looking around for social circle game tips for high school and college, as they'll make your life a lot easier.
Author:  The Sandman [ Mon Nov 29, 2010 12:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I don't like girls who play too many games or have poor communication skills
Sounds like you're being too needy and clingy. Everyone plays these games, girls use them as a shit test to make sure you have enough value for them. However, you should never acknowledge to a girl that you know about these games but you must beat her at the games or she will never respect or date you.
I know what you are referring to, and in a lot of cases you are right...but in the highlighted example here, I disagree. I have not met this girl in person yet. We've spoken online twice. I don't feel it's a time for over-the-top game playing. Personally, I'm more of a straight-shooter, especially if I don't know a girl really well yet. Making my intentions clear + being confident = how I would like to go about getting this done.

Blondguy - Thanks for the reply. You are correct; with girls, if I struggle, it will get to me at least somewhat. That doesn't mean every single time it doesn't work, but if a few unsuccessful attempts take place back-to-back-to-back, etc. and a couple of them leave my burned, yes that will get to me. I feel the reason that is is because I don't have any real success to put my hat on. All I seem to hear from friends is how great their gf's are, or how they got lucky one night and don't know how. or a date they magically snagged...and I have nothing. Everybody loses at something - but sometimes, it's the way you lose that sticks with you more. It's something I plan on improving.

As you said, I am out there trying. There aren't as many opportunities right now since I am out of college and have had a busy work schedule recently, but I do give it a shot when I'm out.
Author:  Cherry37 [ Mon Nov 29, 2010 12:14 am ]
Post subject: 
I like the posts the other guys have made. One suggestion I think they have missed is this. Find some hobbies outside of work outside of women that improve you. Get to the gym and make long term goals, or take up yoga, take self defense classes, join a book club or something. Anything that reminds you of how awesome you are, and takes your mind off of failure. You need to remember failure is a learning opp. Insanity is doing things the same way hoping for different results. You will go crazy if there is something you dont change.
Author:  The Sandman [ Mon Nov 29, 2010 4:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I like the posts the other guys have made. One suggestion I think they have missed is this. Find some hobbies outside of work outside of women that improve you. Get to the gym and make long term goals, or take up yoga, take self defense classes, join a book club or something. Anything that reminds you of how awesome you are, and takes your mind off of failure. You need to remember failure is a learning opp. Insanity is doing things the same way hoping for different results. You will go crazy if there is something you dont change.
Good point. I go to the gym regularly and keep myself in very solid physical shape. However, as you said, I may look into other things that add a dimension to my life since it's at a standstill right now. I work as well, but there's some time off too.
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Mon Nov 29, 2010 2:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Making my intentions clear + being confident = how I would like to go about getting this done.
This is exactly correct.

You say you're busy with work? You got 30 minutes at lunchtime right?

How about going up to a girl you like in the street, saying "hi!" with a SMILE and getting in front of her so she stops, and then saying "don't take this the wrong way, but I saw you from over there and I think you're really cute so I just wanted to come over and introduce myself."

Then introduce yourself, hold the handshake a little too long, keep seductive eye contact, and then transition into questions-as-statements, a DHV story, or a cold read, and let the conversation flow!
Author:  The Sandman [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Making my intentions clear + being confident = how I would like to go about getting this done.
This is exactly correct.

You say you're busy with work? You got 30 minutes at lunchtime right?

How about going up to a girl you like in the street, saying "hi!" with a SMILE and getting in front of her so she stops, and then saying "don't take this the wrong way, but I saw you from over there and I think you're really cute so I just wanted to come over and introduce myself."

Then introduce yourself, hold the handshake a little too long, keep seductive eye contact, and then transition into questions-as-statements, a DHV story, or a cold read, and let the conversation flow!
Nope. No real lunch break where I work (we have "working lunches"). The facility I work at is big enough that I don't even leave during the day - nor could I (if I wanted to). I like your advice, but it's not doable during my work day.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/