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Oneitis is F*&%ing me over
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Author:  fox_theone [ Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Oneitis is F*&%ing me over
This is a oneitis post so I'm asking you guys first and foremost to be brutal with me. Tell me how to move on...curse, rant, rave, tell me to be a man, whatever it is I just gotta hear it from someone else because I'm having a tough time.

This is my second oneitis since I've entered PUA life. And fuck it's eating me alive. Most of you have had these experiences so I know you can help. I'm guessing something is wrong with my game if I'm still getting oneitis. Fuck. It sucks.

Here's the story:

Met this girl 3 years ago. Face is a 9 body is a 10 and fun personality. Fuck. Sad thing is her personality is that's got me. Fuck.

So for 2 years I didn't game her because a buddy of mine told me she was a slut and I draw the line at slut. We got talking a couple months ago and found out that her friends were trying to destroy her rep by spreading rumors about her. Changed my entire view of her and she was on the verge of tears. Fuck...yeah I'm a sucker when tears start to flow. All of my AFC past just started cropping up and I wanted to make things better :| Fuck. I deserve some harsh words for that. I dropped my game and told her that she shouldn't stop trusting people because of her asshole friends and that there were people who'll be her true friends...Signed my oneitis card there :|
Anyway she's been on my mind all fucking day for weeks. I tried controlling it and gaming her but I don't think I can do it. She's consuming my mind and I'm fucked if I don't control it. I need to get over this oneitis or conquer her lol. Help me guys. There's a bunch more details I can include. I just gave a quick overview. Help me please. I'm so fucked.
Author:  Sean E. Sexton [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:25 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm going through this right now!

Imagine your emotions are a bull.

Oneitis is a phase, you can't control it, so ride it like a bull, and see where it goes. Good chance you'll lose her, but that's life.

I decided to exaggerate it for fun, when I feel for her, I act like super-wuss extremely falling in love with her, I'm gonna lose her anyways, but it's a fun learning experience. Lets hope she don't call the cops.
Author:  fox_theone [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Haha funny you should say that because we went out last night with some friends and I chickened out of riding the mechanical bull.
I see what you're saying. It's horrible but venting it helps and remembering that there are tons of guys going through this sucks cuz it's just our AFC sides creeping up on us.
Author:  new2game [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Just got over a LTR mate, I was in your shoes, I guess I still am to a small extent.

1st of all CUT all contact. Block her FB, dont call her, dont talk to her on MSN etc etc. Don't be friends with her if you cant cope with it. Just say that your not interested in a friendship because your moving on.

Understand what you both did wrong/well and acknowledge that, learn from your mistakes.

Trust me, in about a months time, you will back to your normal self.
Author:  Sean E. Sexton [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Haha funny you should say that because we went out last night with some friends and I chickened out of riding the mechanical bull.
I see what you're saying. It's horrible but venting it helps and remembering that there are tons of guys going through this sucks cuz it's just our AFC sides creeping up on us.
I know what it's like buddy.

New2game got a good answer as well, I used to do that all the time, but I finds it always solves the problem with the women, but it doesn't cure wussiness, and how can you cure wusiness unless you learn to face it.

So seriously, either dump her and remove her from your life, or wuss the shit out of her.

Or do what you're doing, and be stuck in limbo, and you don't wanna be there.
Author:  Solteris [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:17 am ]
Post subject: 
"Attraction is not a choice" - David DeAngelo

That goes for guys too, bud. Oneitis is a perfectly human response to someone you have feelings for. It's more of an issue when you can never really have those feelings for a woman.

Guys that are successful with women are very open with these feelings but keep their options open and dont let it get to them. They dont repress them till they cant feel anything.

One of the greatest men I've ever known was respected and loved by almost everyone he knew, was physically and mentally strong, just such a complete person on the outside, but he literally cried himself to sleep at nights over certain girls he was truly interested in. He wasn't ashamed of it either.

He's pretty much the reason why I've changed my mind on this entire issue. Dont be afraid of oneitis like it was the plague or AIDS, but dont let it break you down where you turn into a chump.

Even the most hardcore guys in this world will have the little "pang" in their hearts when they hear the name of their old love or crush. Comes with the territory. If you can put aside the emotions and decide whats right and whats wrong for you, there's no reason to be afraid of it.

Honestly, accepting that you have these feelings instead of constantly fighting them is the quickest way to recovery, and you'll be a better person for it. If you were to get oneitis with a girl again, accepting that it's perfectly natural is so much better than starting the uphill battle all over again trying to forget about it.
Author:  Shyler [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey dude. I've read what solteris said and what he says is true. It's natural and accept that you have oneitis. Most people here on the forums see oneitis as sin, tabou, ... They call you a loser if you have oneitis. But hell, I've been there and it's one of the toughest things I had to deal with in my life. I had so many oneitises, I know the pain.
Quote:
Even the most hardcore guys in this world will have the little "pang" in their hearts when they hear the name of their old love or crush. Comes with the territory. If you can put aside the emotions and decide whats right and whats wrong for you, there's no reason to be afraid of it.
True. I moved to an other country for college and I have the time of my life there. But I had a girlfriend once in the old country who I realy loved so much but she broke up basicly because I was needy and insecure. She was my first love. A year and a half later, I've became a very flirtatious guy who likes to have fun. But whenever I get back in the country, there are many things that secretly remind me of her. Whenever I see on fb that she is having the time of her life, it still kind of hurts me or I too have that 'pang'. I's only how you deal with it. Just accept it.

I once made a "big topic about curing oneitis". I've been there so I made to help guys without having to write my story all over again all the time. See this link here: big-topic-about-curing-oneitis-vt74280.html?highlight= . I have put all my inner game ideas about oneitis in it and how to cure them. I would like to have some little feedback to know if it was helpfull for you.

Don't be ashamed of your oneitis. Currently, I'm liking a girl as well. I have great times with her but she is playing hard to get and that's why she is often on my mind. But it's still healthy. If you have a trong mentality you get through it. for example: me i like this girl but it won't never stop me from having fun with other girls. I keep my options open and even if I want her to like me, I don't act needy. It's ok to like and admire people, but don't let it become a worship.
Author:  lachose1 [ Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm definitely going through a oneitis right now. I am gonna read Shyler's guide and see how it helps. I don't understand this disease, I made out with 3 different girls friday night, but after the party's over I start thinking about her. And I know it will be the same this week, I'll go out have fun with other girls, but after that my mind will go back to her...
Author:  Sean E. Sexton [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:26 am ]
Post subject: 
I wont judge. Believe me, oneitis is fine, dude. I think fear of oneitis is a serious issue. (fear of anything in that matter)

I get oneitis sometimes, and when I do, I like to exaggerate it, I start behaving like Samual L Jackson from Pulp Fiction and start preaching my undying feelings for her in that fashion (as opposed to preaching some line in the bible from the movie). I don't have a gun, mind you!

Has it ever worked? Not a chance! But it sure leaves a lasting impression.

It really is just a new method I started up months ago, and I like it because something about this method is a paradox that seems to eliminate my oneitis every time.

Next time, I just may not have oneitis.
Author:  JasonDursing [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 1:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm definitely going through a oneitis right now. I am gonna read Shyler's guide and see how it helps. I don't understand this disease, I made out with 3 different girls friday night, but after the party's over I start thinking about her. And I know it will be the same this week, I'll go out have fun with other girls, but after that my mind will go back to her...
Thats the exact same as me mate.

Though, I think its more that I'm telling myself, I can still get her.
My oneitis girl has a boyfriend...-_-

I always fall for the ones that are hardest to get, its the fact that I feel they are the biggest challenges.

But the difference is that I keep hoping that one day I will eventually be with her, and I fall into the Hollywood Effect (Living happily ever after).

Some advice I can give you fox is to write a list of all the things that turn your off, and turn you on.

Take a week or two to come up with this list, since you won't think of everything in one hour or even one night.

Once you've completed this list, go through it, find all the things that turn you off and relate a few of them to the girl.

DO NOT LOOK AT THE "TURNS YOU ON"
Since you will just be a vagina and say she is all of those, DO NOT BASE YOUR LIST ON HER, whatever you do, your not helping yourself in any way.

Once you find all the things that relate to her in the Turns you off section, write them down on another page, in big letters, put it where you will see it most, and re-read everytime you can.

This should get you into the mind set that she really isn't that great.

Don't expect it to happen in a week, it will take a few months, since time is the healer of all things.

You will also get over her without this method, but I find it speeds it up.

It may or may not be the same with you.

Enjoy.
Author:  Maikuljay [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:09 am ]
Post subject: 
I've been plagued by the oneitis since feb.. Brutal motherfuccker of a disease.. I found really confronting it all head on helps a lot..

Acceptance.. and distance... DISTANCE! is the key I hate not being in control of my emotions and the girl who i get the oneitis for has to go... trying to get a girl you got the oneitis for is almost impossible.. you come off way to AFC.. best to walk away, learn and try someone else.
Author:  lachose1 [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:34 am ]
Post subject: 
The worst is that mine's only a HB8. As of today, I'll just cut off every communication with her and mind my own shit since this looks like the best solution. At least my oneitis doesn't stop me from frequenting other girls.
Author:  fox_theone [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks guys I'll look into what you all said.

Shyler I'll definitely check out your post and (by the way that's an epic name) I'll try what you said.

It's tough to completely cut her off from my life but I'll be distancing myself as much as I can. I'd have to quit university and get rid of half of my friends to cut her off completely. If I can't do it by distancing I'll make the change :|, i'll figure it out.
Author:  fox_theone [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:17 am ]
Post subject: 
And to all the other guys with oneitis. It's fucking tough but I'm trying to push her away by disqualifying her constantly. Hopefully this gets her out of my head and her out of the mindset that I'm a AFC so I can game her friends :D
Author:  JasonDursing [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks guys I'll look into what you all said.

Shyler I'll definitely check out your post and (by the way that's an epic name) I'll try what you said.

It's tough to completely cut her off from my life but I'll be distancing myself as much as I can. I'd have to quit university and get rid of half of my friends to cut her off completely. If I can't do it by distancing I'll make the change :|, i'll figure it out.
haha cheers mate :}

In my opinion, especially if she has a good personality, the goal would not be to cut her out of your life, but just get rid of the lust.

Without the attraction and lust you will just be friends, which is what we all want in the end, friendship.
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