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Author:  NeedsMoreFlow [ Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:  PUA on BFF

First off, before you tell me to get over it and move on or she isn't for you, I just want to say that this is not ONEITIS and I'm looking for some constructive advice on what to do.

I have become quite attracted to one of my best friends this past summer and I stopped thinking about it for 3-4 months but the thoughts just came back into my head when she broke up with her boyfriend of only 2 months. This girl is something else I tell you, almost everything I've been looking for in a long term relationship and then some. Yes, I am in love with her and would very much like her to reciprocate those feelings but this past month it's been too hard to tell. We have known each other since elementary school and started being friends in high school and seriously hanging out during college and onward.

This shit has been on my mind for the past month ever since we slept for the first time and I need resolution. (I will get more into detail about that)

First some background information on this girl:
She's the type of girl who always has to be in a relationship or dating a guy and cannot stay single for a few weeks. This is the biggest part of her personality that has been quite a challenge for me and I am looking for a way to attract her over my way. She isn't a strong communicator when it comes to issues dealing with her, talking to her directly will only push her away even more. Mainly all of her friends are guy friends and she doesn't see any of her exes anymore for one reason or another. She says she doesn't know what she wants but I know that I have everything that she really wants in a guy (otherwise I am being fed shit with a golden spoon).

Timeline:
About a month ago this girl broke up with her boyfriend. This is the time that we started hanging out after the 2-3 months that I haven't seen her in. The night before she breaks up with her boyfriend, we go out to a bar with another friend of mine and she wanted me to take her home with me - so I did. Later that week she called me up to see if she could come over and we ended up watching movies at my place and having sex again. She left after we did.

The next week I asked her if she wanted to go out with my friends to the same bar we went the week before. She was going somewhere else but invited me along to go with her. I offered to drive us which she seemed to greatly appreciate. After the night was over we had a good drive home. She took my hand and rested it up against her saying she hoped to see me again before the week was over. We had made plans to go out that Friday but she ended up canceling because she didn't feel like going out. Which I played off as whatever.

The next week is when the shit starts to happen -
So we go to the same bar again that we went to 2 weeks previous to that. We were sitting at our usual table with 4-5 other friends and she just gets up and sits at the next table and starts talking to a bunch of guys. This pissed me off for numerous reasons but I didn't show any sort of jealousy because I didn't want to seem like I was only after her for certain reasons.

On the drive home she said she might have a date for later that week which I then knew I was in trouble because my goal only got THAT harder to achieve. They go on a few dates, I don't see her until the next Tuesday at the same bar (I drive us all down). She immediately sits next to her new dating partner and he starts to stroke her shoulder ever so playfully.... I felt fucking sick at this point because he has something with her now that I want and I can't have it - to put it simply. Around midnight she gets up and tells me she's going home with the guy and that threw me overboard. I playfully told her to have fun and just got so frustrated and angry after that, that I lost it. I calmed down after a bit and danced with a few other women but it didn't make me feel any better.

That was this past week and last night her and I went to a movie together which ended like a normal night that friends would have together.

She keeps on sending me mixed signals and I am just at a loss of what to do. She told me that one of her exes wanted to hang out with her one night and that she hoped that I could come out and hang out with them. She also told me that she was going to a bunch of Halloween parties and she hoped I could come out as well.

So that's my story. What I am looking for is a way to attract her my way. I honestly believe that she does have feelings for me but doesn't want to try it out in fear of losing me as a friend. I told her she would never lose me as a friend and I just wanted to see where this would go. Go with the assumption that she does.

We're going to a wedding together in 2 weeks and will be spending pretty much the entire weekend together. I am hoping to make this a major turning point in our relationship whether we become closer friends or more.

So I suppose my main question here is how do you naturally pick up a best friend who's casually dating someone and make it stick?

As always, everything is greatly appreciated and I hope someone has the right thing to say.

Author:  Shinigaml [ Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: PUA on BFF

Quote:
First off, before you tell me to get over it and move on or she isn't for you, I just want to say that this is not ONEITIS and I'm looking for some constructive advice on what to do.

I have become quite attracted to one of my best friends this past summer and I stopped thinking about it for 3-4 months but the thoughts just came back into my head when she broke up with her boyfriend of only 2 months. This girl is something else I tell you, almost everything I've been looking for in a long term relationship and then some. Yes, I am in love with her and would very much like her to reciprocate those feelings but this past month it's been too hard to tell. We have known each other since elementary school and started being friends in high school and seriously hanging out during college and onward.

This shit has been on my mind for the past month ever since we slept for the first time and I need resolution. (I will get more into detail about that)

First some background information on this girl:
She's the type of girl who always has to be in a relationship or dating a guy and cannot stay single for a few weeks. This is the biggest part of her personality that has been quite a challenge for me and I am looking for a way to attract her over my way. She isn't a strong communicator when it comes to issues dealing with her, talking to her directly will only push her away even more. Mainly all of her friends are guy friends and she doesn't see any of her exes anymore for one reason or another. She says she doesn't know what she wants but I know that I have everything that she really wants in a guy (otherwise I am being fed shit with a golden spoon).

Timeline:
About a month ago this girl broke up with her boyfriend. This is the time that we started hanging out after the 2-3 months that I haven't seen her in. The night before she breaks up with her boyfriend, we go out to a bar with another friend of mine and she wanted me to take her home with me - so I did. Later that week she called me up to see if she could come over and we ended up watching movies at my place and having sex again. She left after we did.

The next week I asked her if she wanted to go out with my friends to the same bar we went the week before. She was going somewhere else but invited me along to go with her. I offered to drive us which she seemed to greatly appreciate. After the night was over we had a good drive home. She took my hand and rested it up against her saying she hoped to see me again before the week was over. We had made plans to go out that Friday but she ended up canceling because she didn't feel like going out. Which I played off as whatever.

The next week is when the shit starts to happen -
So we go to the same bar again that we went to 2 weeks previous to that. We were sitting at our usual table with 4-5 other friends and she just gets up and sits at the next table and starts talking to a bunch of guys. This pissed me off for numerous reasons but I didn't show any sort of jealousy because I didn't want to seem like I was only after her for certain reasons.

On the drive home she said she might have a date for later that week which I then knew I was in trouble because my goal only got THAT harder to achieve. They go on a few dates, I don't see her until the next Tuesday at the same bar (I drive us all down). She immediately sits next to her new dating partner and he starts to stroke her shoulder ever so playfully.... I felt fucking sick at this point because he has something with her now that I want and I can't have it - to put it simply. Around midnight she gets up and tells me she's going home with the guy and that threw me overboard. I playfully told her to have fun and just got so frustrated and angry after that, that I lost it. I calmed down after a bit and danced with a few other women but it didn't make me feel any better.

That was this past week and last night her and I went to a movie together which ended like a normal night that friends would have together.

She keeps on sending me mixed signals and I am just at a loss of what to do. She told me that one of her exes wanted to hang out with her one night and that she hoped that I could come out and hang out with them. She also told me that she was going to a bunch of Halloween parties and she hoped I could come out as well.

So that's my story. What I am looking for is a way to attract her my way. I honestly believe that she does have feelings for me but doesn't want to try it out in fear of losing me as a friend. I told her she would never lose me as a friend and I just wanted to see where this would go. Go with the assumption that she does.

We're going to a wedding together in 2 weeks and will be spending pretty much the entire weekend together. I am hoping to make this a major turning point in our relationship whether we become closer friends or more.

So I suppose my main question here is how do you naturally pick up a best friend who's casually dating someone and make it stick?

As always, everything is greatly appreciated and I hope someone has the right thing to say.
Well look.. I didn't want to be the one who spills the beans but.. I think you were only just an emotional spring for her. By that, I mean someone who she needs between relationships until she can get back onto her feet and find a new mate. Which is EXACTLY what she did to you. If you do not believe, read what you said and try to read the underlining messages.

She slept with you because you were her friend and someone she can "trust". She, in a way, used you for sex. Being emotionally unstable, she used you like an emotional doormat (or w/e it was callled) and nothing else. My guess for her inviting you to so many places was because she still wanted to be "friends" with you. And didn't want it to seem like she was delibrately using you and then throwing you away. In other words, she probably felt bad. There clearly was nothing more than sex between the time you and her spent time. She easily walked to another man infront of you at the bar, what girl would do that if she TRULY cared for you. I think she's complete garbage but that's just my opinion.

Also, you stated that after you guys had sex, she left. That right there shows me that she is not interested in you for anything other than sex. THINK ABOUT IT MAN. What do guys do to women that don't want to get into any serious relationship with? They fucking leave after banging the shit out of them. They dont STAY. She pulled that trick off on you.

And honestly, I do not know if you are a nice guy or a bad boy, but she might even hold hatred for you. Even disrespect. Why? Because if you are a nice guy(which girls hate), then she sees you as someone who won't take what they can get. Her going up to random guys and dating them might have been a test for you, to see if you are man enough to step up and tell her straight up. That might be another cause for her behavior.

Also, the FACT that she even tells you she has a date and all that? That strongly shows you are a friend that she can really trust. In otherwords, you are way in the friends-zone. You might even be one of her best guy-friends. Which girl tells a guy that she likes, that she is going on a date with another dude? NO ONE. She might want you to feel happy for her, now that she's finally gone from relationship to another one(using you as a rebound of course).

This is my first time I had to write such a negative post back to those I want to help but I don't want you getting any more hurt. She is a scum and probably has nothing good to offer. This IS oneitis man, get over it. There are TONS of girls just like her (not that that is a good thing), and millions better than her.

Don't go for her looks my friend. Read what I say well because I'm only trying to help.

Author:  NeedsMoreFlow [ Mon Oct 11, 2010 4:41 pm ]
Post subject: 

You are absolutely correct my friend and I definitely appreciate your words of wisdom.

Let me be more specific then - given a situation where a good friend is casually dating another guy and she DOES show interest in you. What would be the best way to attract her over to your side?

I don't want to have to run into this GENERAL situation without knowing what to do or how to handle it.

Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:48 pm ]
Post subject: 

Quote:
given a situation where a good friend is casually dating another guy and she DOES show interest in you. What would be the best way to attract her over to your side?
Be more awesome than he is and give less of a shit about winning or losing her than he does.

Author:  NeedsMoreFlow [ Mon Oct 11, 2010 11:27 pm ]
Post subject: 

All very good advice gents. Much appreciate :D

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