PUA Forum :: Totally confused...where am I failing?

No that helped a lot man thank you, good head you've got on your shoulders. So good in fact you quoted her a few times on things I did not even include in my post. And yeah, her sister is a dumb bitch it seems like. Shes the girl that's 5'10, kind of big weight wise and just extremely critical.

Anyway, Jordan visited me yesterday since I recently got my tonsils taken out and every thing is going well, however we are just friends we do fuck around with each other a lot. I could see it becoming something someday.

I totally agree that I shouldn't have given into sex so quick but holy hell she was the one pushing it SO hard! Anyway hopefully lesson learned.

I agree with not being the emotional doormat, I never want to be the guy the girl runs to and bitches about her deadbeat boyfriend that shes fucking instead of me, however Jordan isn't with anyone.

If that ever happens in the future though, what is the best way for me to handle it? Not being the doormat I mean?

Author:	ironaddict69 [ Sat Oct 09, 2010 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:	Totally confused...where am I failing?
My name is Matt, I am 21 years old. I live in orange County, CA, home of some of the snobbiest women I have ever seen/heard speak. I must say I do look a lot older just due to my build and face from what I hear, which is one of the "problems" I am dealing with currently with women. I am very into power lifting and working out, that's definitely one of my biggest hobbies. I want to potentially apologize in advance, I feel that this post will be longer than most but trust me, your help is greatly appreciated. The reason I am here is I have had some continuous failed "relationships" in which the most recent has my utmost attention. Here is the kicker, and I am only saying all this because honestly, I am confused as to why things are playing out the way they are. I am a pretty humble guy if anything I probably need more true and deep confidence, but I am told by a good number of people I am attractive. I am 6 foot, 250lbs but very solid, not in a fat sort of way due to my years of lifting experience, brown hair blue eyes yada yada. I sometimes wonder if that is too much for some girls to handle though...as I have heard twice now being called "too big" and here I thought there wasn't such a thing, me growing up watching Arnold movies since a kid, I always wanted to walk that path. Getting to the girl scenario. I have three examples that spring to mind, but the thing that I commonly seem to be doing is falling too fast. I do not know why either because I have been with a lot of girls sexually, that isn't hard for me to do. But when I truly romantically want to date them, maybe I get a little too "nice" about things? I truly only care about the recent one, her name was Jordan. She is 20, one year younger than myself. She moved out here from Boston. The first impression I got of this girl was she knew what she wanted, seemed very sweet, and cute too, basically everything I go for. We met on Okcupid, she messaged me. I want to copy and paste her post so we can all get the general feel for things. HER: "hello matt Smile my name is jordan, i enjoyed your profile! honestly i never really know what o comment about, cuz really what can you learn from a few chosen selling points right? honestly i really like that ur upfront about what kind of girls u like and dont like (ie: overweight girls) honestly physical attraction is just as important in my opinion as emotional and mental attraction. its really endearing to come across someone whos upfront about what they want Smile anyways u seem like a really sweet guy, id love to hear back from you Smile " ME:"Hey Jordan how are you doing? I just read your profile, and I too like yours. Sega Genesis is killer, and watchmen was amazing. I agree that profiles cannot tell you a whole lot about the person, but I would like to talk to you most definitely. And it's nice to also find a girl who is upfront with what she wants." HER:"im doing well thanks Smile made the mistake of taking a nap earlier today so im wide awake... haha i know, the worst part about moving out here was when i realized id packed all my sega games and left the consol at home... haha kind of wicked disheartening! yea i loved watchmen, among my friends, its pretty common knowledge that my taste in movies is... sub par at best... but in reality that just means that most of the general populace has no idea what a good movie is! so u work out ALOT it appears, good for u! i was crazy into athletics, soccer and swimming specifically till i had surgery on both knees... not the most fun but at least i can function like a normal human being now! i go to the gym but i prefer outdoor activities.. i love hiking, which is nice cuz california is amazing for that. what else do u like to do with urself? " Basically after that, we started IMing, and then soon to AIM, then the next day we were hanging out already on our first date. Things went so smooth it was unbelievable. I will admit the first stop off was a sex toy store (I KNOW) But I already told her I was dropping off an application ( yes I applied there, thought it would be an awesome job!) and she seemed very open to the idea and actually wanted to come in. After that, it was appropriate, we walked down by the beach, we got smoothies (she offered to pay but I covered hers, she then bought us lunch after) Far from the stuck up girls I was used to. We were hitting it off so well that by the end of lunch, she was sort of staring at me so i went in for the kiss, she accepted and returned it. She wanted to stay with me all day so she kept throwing out ideas for us to do. We hungout a lot for the next 1.5 weeks, I mean almost everyday. I still went to work, worked out, saw my friends, got all my stuff done, but it was like we were so attached/attracted to each other, things escalated very quickly. The sexual chemistry was insane. I was actually trying to wait with this girl, but by our 3rd date we were going bonkers and I caved in. We had sex three times that day, all of which she had multiple orgasms (girl came fairly easy compared to some others) and she seemed very pleased with everything. This is where it goes south. Her older sister finds out. Jordan tells me we need to slow down on things, aka wait for sex because she is worried she is going to get hurt. Few days later, she says that she cant be in a relationship at all and we need to just be friends. Normally I would be like "okay whatever" but for some reason this girl really grabbed my attention. I haven't had physical or emotional attraction like this since my first girlfriend when I was 18, which lasted 2 years. I am still hung up over it. Here was her explanation: "I cannot be with anyone right now. I am scared about what colleges I am applying to, my friends going to war (her friends are marines...not my first choice in friends for sure, I honor our soldiers but fuck a lot of them are way too cocky/rowdy for my taste) I am sinking into depression and I am so stressed on what schools to apply to I do not even know what to do with myself" My whole thing is...how the hell did this happen so fast? She straight up told me that it wasn't my fault, its her (but we all know that's never true, right?) How does it go from crazy passion/sex to this shit? Even though we are not dating anymore, she still drove an hour to see me today (I had my tonsils removed and she brought me food and everything, including movies) I just messed up by talking to her more about this shit, but she started the convo. So I am really looking to find out where I go wrong here guys, to those of you who read this, thank you so much. I am actually very stressed and dumbfounded about this. I had a good feeling about this girl. I am not into getting "laid" anymore, I wanted a great girl to have around as my significant other. _________________

Author:	ironaddict69 [ Mon Oct 11, 2010 3:44 am ]
Post subject:
Nobody at all has any ideas?

Author:	Shinigaml [ Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:25 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Nobody at all has any ideas? Well simly by reading what you posted, where you went wrong was having sex on ur 3rd date (3rd is correct right?). I don't know how much sex you guys had after that point but maybe she felt like you were using her. You guys DID meet through the internet right? So technically she is reasonable to not be that 'trustful' when it comes to dating men online. I think your mistake was giving into the sex too early. Therefore she thought you were using her and feared that she will sooner or later.. get hurt in the future. Maybe you might be thinking "no I am different, i'm not in it for the sex". But to women, they know some men will do ANYTHING to get into their pants. Not saying you are that type of person, because I don't think you are. Then the fact that her sister finds out, there was probably A LOT of talking between them and convincing going on. AKA not good news for you. She doesn't know you but only sees you as someone who is 250lb and 6+ feet. And we all know the typical sterotypes about those people. True or not, that's how women will judge you on simple basis. You might want to show the sister that you are different from what she would have thought you'd be. Also, Jordan stated that she was going through a lot in her life. Whether that is true or not, I believe it is something you don't really fuck around with and lie just to dump a guy. So in my opinion, it is true. The only advice I can give to you about this is... show her that you are there for her but at the same time, don't end up being the emotional doormat. Also, you stated that you guys spent also 2 weeks nonstop seeing each other. Whether that is a good thing or not, you didn't give her any space away from you. It may be a possibility that she slowly lost her attraction for you and saw you as an "incredible sex toy." My 2 cents on what to do next? 1. You can beg her to give you another chance. She will never talk to you again, probably. 2. Take it slow and slow with her. She might have thought that everything was goin way too fast. Take the time to respect her wishes and give her some space as well. Hope this helped.

Author:	ironaddict69 [ Wed Oct 13, 2010 12:32 am ]
Post subject:
No that helped a lot man thank you, good head you've got on your shoulders. So good in fact you quoted her a few times on things I did not even include in my post. And yeah, her sister is a dumb bitch it seems like. Shes the girl that's 5'10, kind of big weight wise and just extremely critical. Anyway, Jordan visited me yesterday since I recently got my tonsils taken out and every thing is going well, however we are just friends we do fuck around with each other a lot. I could see it becoming something someday. I totally agree that I shouldn't have given into sex so quick but holy hell she was the one pushing it SO hard! Anyway hopefully lesson learned. I agree with not being the emotional doormat, I never want to be the guy the girl runs to and bitches about her deadbeat boyfriend that shes fucking instead of me, however Jordan isn't with anyone. If that ever happens in the future though, what is the best way for me to handle it? Not being the doormat I mean?

Author:	Shinigaml [ Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:19 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: No that helped a lot man thank you, good head you've got on your shoulders. So good in fact you quoted her a few times on things I did not even include in my post. And yeah, her sister is a dumb bitch it seems like. Shes the girl that's 5'10, kind of big weight wise and just extremely critical. Anyway, Jordan visited me yesterday since I recently got my tonsils taken out and every thing is going well, however we are just friends we do fuck around with each other a lot. I could see it becoming something someday. I totally agree that I shouldn't have given into sex so quick but holy hell she was the one pushing it SO hard! Anyway hopefully lesson learned. I agree with not being the emotional doormat, I never want to be the guy the girl runs to and bitches about her deadbeat boyfriend that shes fucking instead of me, however Jordan isn't with anyone. If that ever happens in the future though, what is the best way for me to handle it? Not being the doormat I mean? You can show her that you are always there for her. I think the fundamental difference between showing you are there for her and being the emotional doormat is this... Someone who overly agrees and concurs to every whim the girl spills out. The guy is also releasing emotions onto her to make her feel better. Instead, if she wants to talk, be more of the role model type and don't give in to the puppy behavior of girls when they whine and cry and go all emotional. Emotional Doormat: Her: "He just left me there you know? Didn't even say a word, just left me out on the street." Him: "Well he doesn't deserve you girl. You deserve someone who can treat you better. Just forget about losers like him" Showing her you are there for her: Her: "He just left me there you know? Didn't even say a word, just left me out on the street." Him: "Look, there will always be arrogant pricks like him in this world. And it is your job to weed those people out and invite people who make your life more exciting and enjoyable" Well you get the idea. GL Edit: Also, I think that the fact she's still visiting you is an OBVIOUS clue that the breakup between you two was an external factor. By that, I mean probably her sister, her life stress, or anything else. She obviously still "likes" you if she's visitng you after the breakup. You are still fine imo and can still fix this issue up. Yea, you should just take it slow. Sometimes it's good to take a step forward and 2 steps back. If she's visiting YOU, she probably misses you and wants to see you. Play your cards right from here.

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Author:	ironaddict69 [ Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:20 am ]
Post subject:
I will definitely keep that in mind. I am assuming this is a good time to also not be available all the time for her though right? AKA have it look like I'm busy and not necessarily at her beckon call if she does want to hangout. And why are sisters and girls best friends always fucking with our shit?

Author:	vibe112 [ Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:59 am ]
Post subject:
Looks like no one has said it so i will......'welcome to the oc bytch'

Author:	ironaddict69 [ Fri Oct 15, 2010 7:54 am ]
Post subject:
Do you mean by that post that a lot of the women here are pathetic?

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