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Girls don't hold eye contact with me..
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Author:  Fireball [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 12:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Girls don't hold eye contact with me..
So I went out and practiced and practiced until I'm not afraid to look in a girl's eyes anymore.

For the last 2-3 weeks, I've been out in the streets in London, trying to use every opportunity I get to try to make eye contact with girls, anywhere (in the streets, in parks, train stations, in the tube, etc.)

But none of them ever look back. Most of them ignore me completely, while some of them just take a quick glance and then look away.

I don't get it, is there something I'm doing wrong, or is it possible that none of these girls are in any way attracted to me?
Author:  N R KEE [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 12:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Are you looking nice? It's not enough to just look 'respectable' imho.

Keep at it though
Author:  Acolyte [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 12:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
How quick are the glances? I read somewhere that it only needs to be 2-3 seconds to count as an approach indicator. If u expect them to stare... They won't.
Author:  MickCoffee [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 12:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Why do you care if they look back?
You're able to look women in the eye without becoming insecure, that's an alpha quality. Becoming outcome dependant (always expecting an outcome and then feeling down when that outcome doesn't occur) is not.

Coffee.
Author:  Fireball [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 1:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Are you looking nice? It's not enough to just look 'respectable' imho.
I'm not tall, and maybe not what most people would call handsome, but I work out, have a very athletic body, and take care of myself. I'm dressed in a sporty/casual way: Nice jeans, and either a short-sleeved collared shirt or a T-shirt under an open shirt or a jacket. I've tried clean-shaven, and a clean goatee.
Quote:
Why do you care if they look back?
You're able to look women in the eye without becoming insecure, that's an alpha quality. Becoming outcome dependant (always expecting an outcome and then feeling down when that outcome doesn't occur) is not.

Coffee.
It's not about caring if one individual looks back, but if I do something 100 times and fail every single time, then maybe it's because I'm doing it wrong. It's no use being confident and not caring about the outcome if you never ever get any positive outcomes, I don't want to be an alpha male in my own world which includes only myself!

The way I understand, some people look a woman in the eye and build some sort of attraction, or they get girls to smile at them. I'm just trying to learn this.
Author:  Archetype [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 2:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
on the street eye contact is very difficult to initiate and maintain. Even for the most attractive guy, people on the street just want to keep to themselves. You'll still get the odd few who'll join in so just keep trying.
Author:  ZeroValley [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
1. Are you smiling? Now I'm not talking an "oh shit I just won 10 million Euro"-smile, but when a girl does make eye-contact with you, do you convey that you're in a good and open mood?


2. "It's not about caring if one individual looks back, but if I do something 100 times and fail every single time, then maybe it's because I'm doing it wrong. It's no use being confident and not caring about the outcome if you never ever get any positive outcomes, I don't want to be an alpha male in my own world which includes only myself!"

Exactly, I think it was Mystery who first said something along the lines of: while confidence is important, competence is what game is all about.


3. (I think) Whether you're good looking or not doesn't matter too much, eye contact creates tension no matter what (If I were to stand in front of you and we'd make eye-contact, there'd be tension, we're both guys, we're not gay, yet the tension is still there.), and that tension alone should create enough interest for the small amount of time you'll spend having eye contact.


4. Maybe you should stand in the mirror and do your 'look', that might lead to the necessary improvements, as this eye-contact thing isn't really that complicated nor hard to do, I'm guessing it's something basic like you not looking happy. Let me know.


EDIT: Btw, keep in mind that eye-contact's a two way street, if you need to be confident enough to have 2 straight seconds of eye-contact with a stranger, so does she. On that we can base that girls that consider themselves a 9 or 10, are easier to get eye-contact with. (In comparison to lets say a 6 or 7.)

-Zero
Author:  Solteris [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dont over think it. You've gotten better at staring at girls but dont expect them to gawk at you all the time. And dont gauge their stares as the only invitation to approach.

Approach any woman you want regardless if she stared at you for 10 seconds or not at all. Now THATS confidence :) Work on that.
Author:  Snake Doctor [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Always smile and open over the shoulder.
Author:  Sarph [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just one comment, I've only been in London once and the people there seem a lot more shy than where I live. Walking into a store talking normally with my family, the store-owners thought they got robbed. People on the street looked down and tended to take good measure to walk around others.

You have to consider the fact that Londoners perhaps aren't the most greet-able people on the streets.
Author:  Fireball [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 11:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
1. Are you smiling? Now I'm not talking an "oh shit I just won 10 million Euro"-smile, but when a girl does make eye-contact with you, do you convey that you're in a good and open mood?
Thanks ZeroValley, those were some good tips.

About smiling, I still haven't figured out how to work that in with eye contact, to be honest. How exactly does smiling work? Here's how I've broken it down:

1. If I smile all the time, don't I come across as an idiot? How many people do you see sitting in a train smiling to themselves?
2. If I smile when start looking at a girl, won't she think I'm laughing at her? Or otherwise, won't that ruin the subtlety of the whole eye-contact game?
3. If I wait until after she looks at me to smile, won't I come across as trying too hard? Or otherwise, I might not smile fast enough before she looks away!

(Sorry for the trivial questions, I missed both high school and college..)
Author:  Sarph [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 11:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Smiling all the time will most likely make you look like a weirdo. Smiling before you make eye contact will make you look like you were smiling before you looked at the person, which again might stir some strange thoughts in their heads. Basically have the smile ready on your lips, light up the second the person looks at you, but make sure that they see that you smile at them, not at something you were thinking about. It's also very natural to turn your lips into a smile after saying "Hi" or "Hey", but you have to say it in a casual matter so that people don't think you're trying to sell them something.
Author:  Fireball [ Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Okay, thanks, I'll try that.
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