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Going from dating to BF/GF? Help.
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Author:  Steel654 [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:47 am ]
Post subject:  Going from dating to BF/GF? Help.
This has always been a sticking point of mine - at which point is it OK to start behaving like an item?

Now this is going to sound stupid - we've only been dating for 2 weeks or so, had sex a few times. She told me I lit a spark inside her and that its turning into a fire. I feel the same way but haven't told her.

At this point I don't bother calling her, we just talk on MSN & via txts when we're not actually together. We talk on MSN pretty much every night and I'm being very careful not to turn into a wussbag. We've had some fairly deep conversations and such. This is definitely something more than a casual sex. I really really like her but I'm not delusional, I'm not IN love with her yet. But I'd definitely like to be exclusive.

We have seem to have the most amazing, passionate sex. She's 24 & I'm 20, she said she's never been the 'casual' type of girl.

I'd really like to just ask but I don't want to blow things if she's not ready yet. How the hell can I figure it out?
Author:  Turbo [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 12:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Start talking to her about the whole bf/gf thing. Eventually you two will figure it out. Then if you know she wants that type of relationship (which sounds like she does), take her on a special date and then ask her to be your gf.
Author:  MickCoffee [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 1:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Spark turning into a fire? Now that is some quality qualification right there. Personally (if I wanted her to be my GF) I would not think twice about not escalating to a relationship. However, this msn talking every night does concern me a little, try cutting down on that a little bit because from my own experience msn isn't an effective way of communication.

Also, if a relationship does happen, your constant msn talks at night could create an inductive interpersonal norm which means that you feel the need to be on msn every night to talk. Sooner or later, you may find that you fail to find things to talk about. Try phoning once in every 2 days for a small chat but leave the majority of your communications to when your face to face.

Other than that advice my friend, talk about taking it higher in a slightly controlled way and I think you'd be in for a happy relationship. I wish you good luck, you're doing well.

AFCCoffee :twisted:
Author:  Steel654 [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 2:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks a lot for the advice guys. Much appreciated! As I said, we usually txt/IM once every night, but I shall cut down on that.

and the next time I see her, I'll ease into the relationship thing!

mmm my bed still smells like her sweet scent :P the first time we went out a few weeks ago, it was a SNL. According to her the sex is "very very good & amazing". lol

She's a really intelligent, classy cutie. Always keeping me on my toes with the banter, which she says she really enjoys lol.
Author:  Braddock715 [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
You should NEVER feel like that. its bad
Author:  MickCoffee [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:35 am ]
Post subject: 
^ above is trolling mate, don't respond to it.

AFCCoffee :twisted:
Author:  Steel654 [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Well here's an update.

It was less than an idea way to go about it, but she was txting my earlier and I said "I think it's time we made sense of that fire".

Prior she was replying to txts pretty quick. It's been almost an hour and she hasn't said anything since I sent that one.

I think I've screwed things up. Although, when she says something back, provided its negative, I could just say "umm I was referring to going on a proper date?" or something to that effect.

Urgh.
Author:  Steel654 [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:18 am ]
Post subject: 
Well we had the talk today!

We both came to the conclusion that it's best to keep dating for the time being, because both of have been in and out of relationships over the last few years.

She said she likes me a lot, so I didn't take this as a "LJBF". We are very compatible in bed and she never gives me any LMR.

I'm happy with this outcome. What do you guys think?
Author:  Turbo [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hah. you're letting her lead man. She has control of the whole relationship
Author:  dw3llz [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
We both came to the conclusion that it's best to keep dating for the time being, because both of have been in and out of relationships over the last few years.
Both?! In your previous post you were ready to ask her to be your gf now you guys are still just casual. She might say "I've never been the casual type of girl." but how many times have you said something close to that to a girl? She sounds like a player and you sound like you're about to get some one-itis and she's gonna flake on you brother. Proceed With Caution
Author:  870 [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Jesus H. Christ, unless you're in third grade you should never ASK a woman to be your girlfriend or DISCUSS being exclusive. This isn't a fucking contract, it's a relationship.

What is it about liking a girl that makes guys want to throw everything they've learned out the window? You are supposed to be communicating through subtext and body language, remember?

People who are going to become exclusive do so naturally. If you wanted this girl to be your girlfriend, you should have acted accordingly and started treating her like your girlfriend. Then, if that's what she wanted (and in some cases, even if it's not what she originally wanted), she would start treating you like a boyfriend, and then one day you'd call each other that because there'd be no terms left to describe the two of you.

Stop being so damn pushy and just relax. What will happen, will happen.

Your boy,
870
Author:  Steel654 [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes I know that now.

I wasn't pushy with her, I just basically asked about her perspective on things. I didn't say "lets be a exclusive".

As I said, this is a sticking point for me and I'm working on it.
Quote:
Hah. you're letting her lead man. She has control of the whole relationship
She doesn't know that though - I didn't give her that vibe. Secretly, yeah I guess she is in control. But I'm not going to let myself get walked on, if this doesn't go anywhere soon, I'll end it. If I sense it, it's over. I'll realise I messed it up and move on.
Quote:
Quote:
We both came to the conclusion that it's best to keep dating for the time being, because both of have been in and out of relationships over the last few years.
Both?! In your previous post you were ready to ask her to be your gf now you guys are still just casual. She might say "I've never been the casual type of girl." but how many times have you said something close to that to a girl? She sounds like a player and you sound like you're about to get some one-itis and she's gonna flake on you brother. Proceed With Caution
Yes, thats a possibility. Thus I have already arranged 2 dates with 2 different women. I already have a new perspective on me & her. I'm going to just basically ignore her and let her come to me.

I'm not going to continue on as things were before (i.e talking to her every night). I'll just get her to come out with me every now and then.

I genuinely think she is scared of getting hurt. I can recognise a player when I see one, she's far from it. Her behaviour definitely says she's interested in me, I firmly believe we just need to get to know each other better. It was too soon to think about a relationship - I got a bit derailed.

I get the "we need to relax and let it go where it's meant to go" vibe. I got carried away and honestly, I felt like I was in limbo. I think not knowing is what made me feel stronger about her, now I don't care anywhere near as much.

again, she HAS said to me she feels quite strongly. She opened up. She also said she's never felt this strongly so soon, so I can see how its weird for her.

On the plus side, at least I fucked her brains out on more than one occasion.
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