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How do I respond?
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Author:  Paperbag_Hobo [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 6:17 am ]
Post subject:  How do I respond?
I was just at a party and there was an HB being chatted up by every guy and his mother all night. I came into contact with her about 3 times and threw a couple of negs during these conversations. On the third neg, she says "what's with all these backhanded comments?", in front of a large group of people. I fumbled and said "what backhanded comments?" which was pretty unimpressive.

She's a law student so not a complete idiot, and she clearly saw what I was doing and called me out on my negs. How should I have responded to her? I'm at a loss for any good lines in this scenario (keeping in mind I'm incredibly new to this).
Author:  Hakuna [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:00 am ]
Post subject: 
If she responded like that, you were probably to consistent with the negs. More and more girls nowadays are aware when guys are trying to neg them or try some opener so you'll have to be more careful, girls love to call out guys on stuff like this, especially in front of other people to make you fumble or look stupid.

If you're ever really at a loss for words, just smile or slightly laugh then turn away or go talk to someone else. Don't try and defend yourself or apologize, that's only giving her behavior attention (you don't want to endorse girls calling you out), making you look less witty than you are, and may put a hamper on your confidence for the rest of the night.

Lastly, if you ever get called out and look completely stupid, take it as an opportunity. It's a good chance for you to be learn to move past your failures and not let it affect your mindset. When you can get rejected and look stupid 20 times in a row and then be just as confident in your 21st approach, you've reached a zen level.
Author:  ~Finesse [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 3:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do I respond?
Quote:
I'm at a loss for any good lines in this scenario (keeping in mind I'm incredibly new to this).
Problem 1 - 'Negging'.

Don't do it. Especially if you're new. It's better you stick to teasing. Can work to a similar effect, but is more safer.
Most guys don't understand/use negging appropriately and end up insulting chicks.

Seriously, don't do this. It's not nice.

Make tongue in cheek teasing comments instead.


Problem 2 - Needing 'lines'.

Even though I don't do 'pick up' I would be lying if I said there wern't things that I tend to end up repeating in different interactions... however...

If you have 'lines' to kind of, get you out of situations, or to have a certain result. You're going to trap yourself, and become 'stuck', because you are relying on a certain outcome... what happens if you use your 'line' and don't get your expected outcome? Panic! :o

Actually, here's a great peice of advice I can give you right now...

DO NOT EXPECT A CERTAIN OUTCOME

This took me a while to realise, but sometimes I would say something real smooth/clever/whatever, and be fully expecting it to go a certain way... When the reaction wasn't the one I desired, I suddenly felt like I had failed, or had done shit, or any kind of negative thought.

This happened when it came to any stage of the interaction. And usually when you're trying to improve/escalate things.

Seriously, from this point onwards, my brother... STOP DESIRING SPECIFIC OUTCOMES.

Just say things, because it's an expression of yourself. Any response is a good response.

In the sense that it's something for you to work off, it's a guide, it's something of substance you can use.

But yeah, don't want to confuse you.

Let me know if this has been of help at all. (:

love

~Finesse
Author:  ~Finesse [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 4:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
p.s: Your name is pretty cool!
Author:  Paperbag_Hobo [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 5:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the responses guys, I figured I overnegged based on her answer. Fortunately it didn't totally screw me up, the HB in question ended up coming up to me later and asking if I wanted to share her cigarette, so I don't think I actually offended her.

But yes, being outcome dependent is definitely something I have to work on (Although I couldn't believe how much interest I generated with the C/U smile routine, which I originally thought was a bit of a dud).

Oh and thanks for the compliment Finesse - been using this name for over 10 years, from back in my Everquest days :P
Author:  reptar43 [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 6:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
you didnt react badly, hey you did good man.
just brush it off 'huh? what backhanded compliments?'

but exagerationg helps with those situations too.
ex: my father use to beat me on a daily basis with a 2x4, he also used to always insult me, im sorry, i guess im just used to that... * looking away mysteriously until she says omgg im so sorry i didn tmean to call you out like that then be like ahh hahah im just playing girl idk (maybe add: 'im just used to busting peoples balls dont take it persoanlly (bud) or (hun)*

that last line can be used too next time someone calls u out on insults 'oh dont take it personally i didnt mean to offend u im used to busting friends balls' (put her in the same group as friend=false disqualifier)
Author:  cerebralassassin [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
there is such a thing as over-negging and i agree if you're new dont neg, build up a practice before negging, i rarely neg and i ve done this for 4 years i may only do 1 in the interaction even then im really playful with it anyways.
its not always needed either. negging is to basically bring her down a level if she thinks and is told shes fantastic or gorgeous all day giving her a neg or telling her that theres something slightly wrong with her knocks her down a bit and throws her off her game.
Author:  Octave [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
i was just reading this thread.... and ive got a question to build off this. I am new and i agree with the whole dont use negs, but you gotta try it out at some point to be able to effectively use them. My question is how would you go about negging without the girl seeing you as a complete asshole after?
Author:  cerebralassassin [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
its finding the boundaries when i neg, ill give her a compliment but ill say something like 'but it would look better if.....' like her hair' i do like your hair but it would look better if the fringe wasnt so short/so long(or play with her hair a little bit),' or 'you look like your make up's done professionally but it would look better if you had a blue eye shadow instead of green/if your lipstick wasnt so red'
i prefer to do the hair because it adds kino as well, i wouldnt open with it and opening with how she can improve herself is kinda frowned on girls wont let you touch her unless shes comfortable with you or play with her hair.
Author:  ~Finesse [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 8:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i was just reading this thread.... and ive got a question to build off this. I am new and i agree with the whole dont use negs, but you gotta try it out at some point to be able to effectively use them. My question is how would you go about negging without the girl seeing you as a complete asshole after?

Balance

Balance disinterest with interest. 1 'neg' 1 compliment. You get the idea.

Stop insulting girls

Really, there's no need. Teasing is all good and all fine. But it helps if you can be serious at times. Assholeness DOES build attraction, I find it's better to be able to balance it though. Tease&Appreciate.


Seriously, stop negging. It's not nice.

How would you feel if a girl just kept hitting you with backhanded compliments/insults. You probably wouldn't like her very much, would you?


Love & more love

~Finesse
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