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Attraction but no comfort, HB wants to come to my place...
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Author:  Mike1 [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 7:40 am ]
Post subject:  Attraction but no comfort, HB wants to come to my place...
I need some advice from you experts here, I am faced with a strange situation.

I met a girl recently, an HB9.5. There is mutual attraction, but I haven't had a chance to build comfort with her.

There is an event in my town and she really wants to come. She does not have a car at the moment, lives ~40 miles away.

The day before the event, we are going to a party hosted by common friends. She just called me and asked if she can come home with me from the party, because she really wants to go to the event and she does not have a car to drive herself.

Now, if I would have built comfort with her before, this would have been a no-brainer. But now, if she comes home with me and completely shuts me down on escalation, I am left to face the next awkward day with her at this whole day event. Not good.

I was thinking of taking the pains and driving to her place to get her in the morning of the event, bring her to the event and build comfort, then bounce her to my place if possible, then escalate. Is this the right move? Or should I bring her home the previous night with me and try to build comfort and escalate fast and see where it goes?

One concern is, that if I see her go home with someone else from the party, I will feel like a total chump going through all the effort and then entertaining her by taking her to the event.

If she comes with me the previous night, it will get late when we get home, ~1:30AM. Both of us will be tired, and next day we have to get up early for the event. I am guessing she'll mention sleeping on the couch, making it a really awkward, since the attraction is there but no comfort yet.

(I could also pick a different day for the event where I go get her and drop her back, but I am afraid to look over-eager because she is an HB9.5.)

Sorry about the long post. I'm a bit lost, any feedback is greatly appreciated.
What's your input? Thanks for the help.
Author:  Riott [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 7:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey man,

Comfort comes before attraction. You need a certain level of comfort to even talk to someone, let alone sleep at someone's house. She's obviously comfortable around you enough to do that. If you feel you have enough attraction try to get her to qualify herself to you with hoops. If she jumps through your hoops then it's a safe bet to escalate physically.

I think you're really over thinking this.

Hope that helps
Author:  Mike1 [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hey man,

Comfort comes before attraction. You need a certain level of comfort to even talk to someone, let alone sleep at someone's house. She's obviously comfortable around you enough to do that. If you feel you have enough attraction try to get her to qualify herself to you with hoops. If she jumps through your hoops then it's a safe bet to escalate physically.

I think you're really over thinking this.

Hope that helps
Hey dude,

Excellent point regarding comfort. What you're saying here is that she trusts me enough to come by to my place without hesitation. That's a great point.

Regarding hoops, I see what you are saying. I have to mention though, that I was very surprised with how simple and straight-forward this girl is. I have no idea what kind of hoops I can run on her though, any ideas? I mean, she's not running any shit-tests on me and from what I can tell, communication so far has been very straight-forward. She's here only for a short time and wants to see/experience as much as possible.

She has already asked me out once but I couldn't make it (too far, inconvenient day). And now she wants to come by which is great, but if I try to escalate and get stopped, I'm afraid I'll make her and me really comfortable the following day.

The other thing that I feel bad about, is that she mentioned she wants to go see the event and because she cannot go there by herself, it will look like I am taking advantage of the situation and trying to escalate.
Author:  Riott [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 4:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Qualification is great and serves two really good purposes. It gives the girl reasons why you like her other than you wanting to bang her, and it acts as a map to see how far you are in the interaction. If a girl jumps through a large qualification hoops she is definitely attracted.

Small Hoops- are positive female stereotypes that any women would want to be seen as. Things like,
Are you adventurous- are you spontaneous, are you a good friend.
Low investment, chances are she will say yes and you can build momentum from there.

Medium Hoops- What do you wanna be when you grow up? What do you do for fun? What are you passionate about.
Questions that take a little more investment- a little more time to answer.

Large Hoop- Blatantly qualifying questions-
Why are you special? What do you have going on besides your looks? Why do I want to get to know you?

However, if you feel the girl is attracted to you, then it may not be necessary to try to build up from the small qualification hoops.

Once you get a girl to jump through that large hoop start to escalate. I've been using compliments mixed with statements of intents with releases as needed.

Example.,

"Compliment+ and I mean that even though I'm trying to get in your pants."
Release would be
"Too bad you're such a dork."

This is great because if the girl doesn't leave she is passively agreeing to sleeping with you eventually.

Hope that helps.
Author:  Little Panda [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
I will make this simple...

She wants to come over to your place... And you think you have no comfort?

Think about that one now.
Author:  Bormad [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Roll with it and act chill. Let things flow naturally and act as if this is a normal occurence for you. Dont overthnk too many lines just be naturally cocky and confident.

Good luck
Author:  Mike1 [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:54 am ]
Post subject: 
A big thank you to Riott, Bormad, Little Panda. Your posts have been of great help.

The event was on both days, I changed plans a little with event first and then to the party. The same principles you guys stated here to help out hold good, and in addition, one on one time would significantly increase with the event first.

This was the very first meet. The girl turned out to be way more conservative than I thought and wouldn't even hold my hand when cutting through a crowd. So, failed compliance test at first hour. I knew I had my work cut out for the day.

So, starting with no touching at all at the first hour, I carefully was able to escalate kino and eventually at ~2.5hrs, be able to k-close lips. (Need to work on improving this) and at 3hrs, kissed her neck.

Some more k-closes in the next hour, isolated, closed.

Great work guys, thank you.
Author:  ~Finesse [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 4:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hahahahhaa woahhhhhh woahhh, man. Too much over complicated advice here.

firstly...
Quote:
I will make this simple...

She wants to come over to your place... And you think you have no comfort?

Think about that one now.
This is the first thing that jumped out to me. She wants to stay at your house, yet you feel there's no comfort? Rofl.


secondly...
Quote:
I was thinking of taking the pains and driving to her place to get her in the morning of the event, bring her to the event and build comfort, then bounce her to my place if possible, then escalate. Is this the right move? Or should I bring her home the previous night with me and try to build comfort and escalate fast and see where it goes?
What do you mean 'and then escalate'? Bro, you should be always escalating in some way!

Think about it... would you rather...

She comes to your house, you're not sure of what's gonna happen, you're worried about what's going to happen if you escalate all of a sudden. etc

or

You escalate always, before all this, and build up sexual tension, she's coming back to your place, and you know there's a lot of sexual build up between the both of you.

?

Which one sounds good to you?

If the second... you best be always escalating and building sexual tension/anticipation.


Love

~Finesse
Author:  Mike1 [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 5:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Finesse,

Thank you for your input regarding this. My post right before yours actually has the rest of the story...

I was actually able to build enough sexual tension and anticipation before bringing her over. Led to full close.
Author:  ~Finesse [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hi Finesse,

Thank you for your input regarding this. My post right before yours actually has the rest of the story...

I was actually able to build enough sexual tension and anticipation before bringing her over. Led to full close.
Nice one, bro! Glad to hear it.
Author:  Mike1 [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks to you guys for readily helping out. Tips and advice on this board helps speed up the process of learning PU for sure.
Author:  Bormad [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Glad things went well for you Mike and this will help your confidence in future situations!
Author:  Mike1 [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Glad things went well for you Mike and this will help your confidence in future situations!
Bro you're right, that's a huge boost to my confidence! Lots to improve upon though, am working on it...
Author:  Gr4p3 [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:17 am ]
Post subject: 
:D Nice one bro. Imma re-read this thread to figure out where I went wrong.
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