Upon reading loads of different material - I decided I'd compiled what fit me the most into a short little method. I do realize alot of different things might also work - but I decided since this has been working the best for me, since it's in coherence with who I am - this is what I'd focus my time on
It might look a little confusing to look at since it's only a small note that is created for me to quickly refresh the most basic knowledge - I believe the rest is best learned in field.
Body-language
Relaxed
Look into the eyes of the person you're speaking to - eases conversation
Smile - low genetic, shows optimism
Any approach - if possible smile and look into eyes before opening
Cold approach
Always open with comfort (C)
Mixed sets - go in via the guys (not trying to come on to someone, they'll let you
in)
Opener
Depending on situation
Social setting:
Pre-open - statement qualifier - "hey, you seem really friendly!" - "hey you guys
seem really friendly" - ask situational question, who they know - about the venue
w/e - introduce yourself - handshake
- move on (BR)
Getting back to them - ask how they're doing - transition into conversation
During a non-setup/setup setting
Add value!
Opener:
Observational - for example on their own - "why are you alone" or something about
the surroundings
Functional - you ask them something for info - or you try to help someone out
Compliment opener - compliment something they have invested in - their clothing
for example
If they seem bored - "hey you seem really friendly"
- Then introduce yourself
Group:
Open one person or only a few as normal - then invite others into conversation
Dependes on the situation - social intelligence
Warm approach - hey, how are you doing
Not knowing them that well - hey I've seen you before - refer to situation (C)
Often - statement then asking them will get them into the conversation
Transition:
Social setting - can go directly into getting to know them
Non-social setting:
Observational - situational
Ex:
Haven't seen you before - are you from around here?
So are you actually from around here?
So why are you all on your own?
Where are you heading
Conversational tactics:
First of, to add value - talk about their dreams, joys, ambitions - it's all about
them and talking about something they're interested in talking about
Comment on commonalities and or say when you think something is cool - suggest
doing something based on their interest (justifies seeing them again)
Use mostly statements when talking - creates conversational flow
Listen fully to what they are saying - then respond
Don't be afraid to follow the flow of the conversation - it must transition
Easy ways to add fun to the conversation (to be used with social intelligence):
Be a character
examples:
the devil on her shoulder - or inner voice
high maintenance woman
overly confident playboy
the victim of her seduction
Play her
Characters in that kind of genre
Roleplaying:
You're in a situation - she is pursuing you, youre in a relationship,
you're on a trip, shes your employee - whatever
Disqualification and making it look like she is hitting on you is good
Games:
Spontaneusly take something - a conversation - and turn it into a game.
Because it's fun - it opens up to a more interesting conversation
Also doing activities when possible is always good
Contact close:
You seem like a nice person - what would be the best way to get into contact with
you?
Text/phone game:
Same as usual - smileys are good
used to keep contact with people.
Text is less pressure than calling.
Less flaking:
Open ended interesting thing
ex: you wont believe what I've just seen
Day 2's:
Upon texting a little - making friends:
Something you have in common, suggest going to a low pressure place - removal of
dating frame
Best: invite them out with your friends (social proof) and suggest that they are
allowed to bring friends too - less pressure.
Then when they start being real close you can go for higher pressure options (one
of your places for example)
Social Proof - meet alot of girls - make friends, invite them out all together
Breaking rapport (BR)
Comfort has to be established
break some of the rapport, then re-establish it - to create comfort seeking
behaviour (investment)
Types:
Physical - ex: playfully push her away, make her do something
Teasing
Disqualification - ex: say you won't work out for X reason - say you like
something she hasn't got (hair color for example - something minor)
If you ever say something sexual - "your smile is sexy" - only do it in a small
manner - sex is such a taboo - will easily break
Teasing qualification statement - I bet you're the girl that: (somewhat dorky/fun
whatever personality trait)
Conversational silence -
When somewhat into conversation - stop the talk/if it stops - be comfortable with
it - and look at them, as if expecting them to say something (invest)
Qualification (Q)
Qualification statement:
Tell her something positive you like about her - chance is they will try to live
up to it
Hoops - they need to be somewhat invested already
Do they have X personality trait - sometimes a question, most of the time
statement - then follow of with medium - "oh really - why/why not?" - something
that requires them to think further about it.
Large qualification hoops - when fine with all the above
ask them about a certain choice - ask why they'd take that choice
Hoops works best on top of each other - so they don't seem that random
Sexual escalation
Kino -
Reflects the "phase" your in - also something that builds up
Comfort - small, quick touches on forearms shoulders - to prove a point -
non-sensitive low pressure
BR - playful touches, friend hugs
Q - reward - hugs, high-fives and so on - the more compliant, the more sexual they
can get
hugs around neck (if you can do this, kiss is pretty much possible)
When she is really compliant, physically close - sensitive places (alot of nerves,
blood flowing)
Talking about sex in general (low pressure)
Isolating:
When physically close, really compliant
Takes of pressure
Justify - I want to tell/show you something, let's go where it's more quiet -
something along those lines
Physically qualify into staying touch at neck - then triangular gazing (looking at
eyes and mouth - creates sexual tension) then kiss
S-close:
Escalate into
If staying over - setup two beds - just to take of pressure - say "nah, I'm not
going to sleep with you - I don't sleep with anyone on the first night - or
whatever - however I'm still going to tease you".
Physical push-pull
Dance floor game:
Compliment opener - let her show you moves
BR/Q - let her repeat your silly moves
Push-pull physically - escalate - use eyes and smile - it's all about body
language
Move accordingly between all these principles, guidelines
Beliefs:
Always seeking to help others out, adding value - thinking of everybody else
before yourself
Always reward compliant behaviour
Be someone who can lead, make decisions - but make sure everyone agrees
Have ambitions - always seek to improve upon yourself
If getting bad reaction - excuse - really bad: hope you have a good night/day
If someone acts in a rude way to you, in response to you acting in a nice way -
say you don't like it - and then continue to be friendly
Don't ever feel hate/anger - instead try to solve whatever problems there might be
in a friendly controlled manner
Don't be jealous - shows you haven't got enough - when you have more than enough
Don't lie - you're not trying to get something out of someone - better being
honest to everybody else and myself
Don't ever boast about yourself - keep it down - much better to over deliver
Not afraid of failure - take every situation as a lesson in learning - makes you
comfortable at any time, enables you to react in a rational manner
Only by meeting fear, getting out there - will you gain competence - that breeds
confidence
Incorporate flexibility - get out in the field and learn to be socially calibrated
- when alone think back on failures - what else could I have done
All this is in coherence with who I want to be and what I feel I can do while
staying true to myself
Move forwards quickly between principles - as soon as possible
Friendships and LTR - keep spiking attraction, being spontaneus - doing fun
activites
Read once a day to keep it fresh in mind - then get out there and do it!
The rest is best learned in-field
Wont ever try to prove myself - confident in who I am and seeking to become
Leadership - inviting and arraging social events, doing fun activities
spontaneusly - being charismatic - knowing your beliefs, staying true to what you
like and who you are
This is the most solid thing that also fits me - not everything can turn out as
you like it - and that is accepted
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Focus completely at task on your hands, and not at how you're coming of
Any comments, opinions and so on are welcome
Cheers, pnote
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